Our Battles
by ThroughTheTrapdoor
Summary: "Lily shuddered at the feel of James's warm breath against her skin. She wanted to yell and curse at him; to hit him, even. She knew he was doing this on purpose, trying to provoke some kind of reaction out of her. And, Merlin help her, it was working."
1. The Express

**Disclaimer**: Just in case you guys didn't know, I (sadly) am not JK Rowling, and therefore I do not own anything close to Harry Potter.

**Updated Disclaimer (30/10/11):** Also, please bear with me with this story. I just read back through the first few chapters (at this point, 7 months after I wrote them, in the first place), and they are definitely a bit rough- as this was my first ever work of fanfiction. It's a wonder, to me, that anyone's bothered reading past the second chapter, lol. I suppose I may be my own worst critic, but even so. If you can muddle through the first few chapters, then you'll see that it definitely gets better (about halfway through chapter 4, in my opinion). If not, then I understand that, too. Cheers! :)

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"Lily, dear, hurry! We need to leave soon if you want to get to the station with any time to spare!"

Lily scanned her room quickly to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything and then called down to her mum, "Coming!"

She went to her trunk and slid it off her bed, flinching slightly at the loud thud it made as it hit the floor. She grabbed a handle and dragged it over to her door, rolling her eyes in annoyance and frustration. She was 17, for Merlin's sake! She was finally allowed to do magic outside of school, but was prevented from doing so by her older sister Petunia. Tuney would have a conniption if her sister so much as lit her wand, much less if she were to levitate her trunk downstairs and out to the car. She'd call Lily a freak, and Lily didn't quite feel up to the challenge of handling her overbearing sister at the moment. Not today. She just wanted to get back to Hogwarts.

A slight smile spread on Lily's lips as she dragged her over-packed trunk down the stairs: she was finally going back. And then she remembered that it would be her last year, and her smile faltered for a moment before she reminded herself that she was also Head Girl (something she had aspired to be since she found out such a title existed). The smile grew on her face until she looked a bit goofy.

Lily made her way down to the entryway where her family was waiting to leave for Kings Cross. Her father saw that she was breathing a little heavily and looked down at her trunk.

He chuckled lightly and teased, "How do you expect to make it through the rest of this year if you can't even make it through the door?"

Lily rolled her eyes, but laughed as her mother slapped him playfully and said, "Hush, now, Robert! You're just jealous because you can't go along." Her mother winked at her.

"Aren't we all?" her father responded jokingly, but Lily noticed Petunia scoff at this comment. Lily suddenly felt awkward, and she was reminded why it was that Petunia seemed to hate her so much; she _was _jealous of Lily. She hadn't understood, when she was younger, why Petunia had always made fun of her and called her names. But over the years, it had become obvious to her. However, there was nothing Lily could do, no matter how much she might wish.

"Alright, then," her father said, breaking the slightly awkward silence, "ready to head out?"

"Let's go," said Lily, excitedly. She couldn't wait to be back on that train.

"I'm not coming," Petunia suddenly said, speaking for the first time that morning.

"What?" Lily said, thinking perhaps she'd heard her wrong. She couldn't not see her little sister off to school. It was the last time they'd see each other until the end of the year, since Lily had already decided to stay at school over Christmas to keep up with her schoolwork, which no doubt would be... mountainous.

Petunia stood up taller and raised her chin. "I said, I'm not coming." She crossed her arms over her chest defiantly, for emphasis.

"Oh, yes, you bloody well are!" her father exclaimed, giving Petunia a forceful look.

"Robert..." her mum trailed off, warning him about his language.

"No," Petunia said with even more force than her father, "I'm not. I don't want anything to do with that freak school of her's!"

"Petunia!" her mother exclaimed.

"Besides," Petunia continued, as if her mother hadn't said anything, "I'm going to see Vernon. We have a lunch date."

Lily couldn't believe it. Petunia was ditching her for _Vernon_? That... that _walrus _of a man she called her boyfriend?

"Tuney, you can't be serious!" Lily blurted. "He's vile!"

Lily realized her mistake instantly when she saw Petunia's eyes widen in rage.

"You will not speak about him like that, you little freak! He's the only **sane **person I have in my life, and you will not take that away from me!"

"Petunia!" her father broke in, now a bit red in the face. "I've heard enough! You will not speak to your sister like that. I've had enough of you calling Lily a freak, I've had enough of you talking back to me and your mother, and I've just about had enough of **you**!"

There was a brief moment of silence, as his words sank in.

"Robert..." their mother said again, only this time, there was a mixture of sadness and disappointment in her voice.

Lily looked over to her sister, whose eyes were now bright with unshed tears. "Tuney, please..." Lily now desperately wanted her to come with them to the station, if only to get a chance at a proper goodbye.

There was a small moment when Petunia's eyes seemed to soften, and when Lily hoped against reason that she would change her mind. And then the moment passed.

"I'm not coming," Petunia repeated, a bit quieter now, but no less defiant.

"Then you can go to your room," her father said simply. The anger had vanished from his voice, and only disappointment remained.

A single tear escaped Petunia's eyes and rolled down her cheek. She looked quickly over at her mother (who could not meet her eyes), and silently ran up the stairs and to her room, slamming her door.

Lily looked up after her, and tried to keep the tears from her own eyes. This was not how she wanted her last year at Hogwarts to start out. She didn't want to be so far away from her only sister for such a long time on such bad terms.

"I'm sorry, love," her mother said, seeing the tears in her younger daughter's eyes, and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Lily looked back at her mother, and then over to her father who gave her a sheepish look. She reminded herself that she had to be strong. She was of age in the wizarding world now. An adult. A witch.

She shook off her sadness as best she could, and gave her parents the best smile she could muster. "It's fine, Mum," she said. "Let's just go. We don't want to be late."

"That, we don't," her father agreed, and clapped her on the back before picking up her trunk (with some effort, Lily was amused to note) and heading out to the car.

The drive proved to be an excellent buffer between what had happened back at the house and what was about to happen- for the last time- at the train station. Lily managed to compose herself, and she once again began to feel the familiar mixture of excitement and nerves. This year would be the best yet, she had no doubt. All of her hard work over the years was finally paying off. She was Head Girl, which meant that she had the privilege of living in the Head Dorm, along with the Head Boy (who, she was almost certain, would be her friend Remus Lupin). This was also the last year of schooling she had before she went about her training to become an Auror, something she had been looking forward to since about her fifth year. This was her last year at Hogwarts, and she planned to make the most of it in every possible way. Not only would it be amazing; it **had **to be. She would make sure of it.

Thanks to Petunia, they arrived at the station with only minutes to spare. Lily only had time for the quickest of goodbyes with her parents before she had to cross the barrier to Platform 9 ¾, something she wasn't sure she could forgive Petunia for. So, with a quick hug and kiss for each of her parents, Lily gave the most heartfelt goodbye she could manage under the circumstances, and ran through the brick wall (something that never failed to amaze her) and onto the Platform.

"All aboard!" the conductor was calling out. All around her, students were hurrying onto the train, waving goodbye to their families through the windows. One of the few things that still bothered Lily about being a Muggle-born was that she couldn't do this with her family, seeing as they were unable to cross the barrier.

Lily mentally shook herself, and reminded herself that she only had a couple of minutes before the train would leave. She hurriedly handed her trunk off to one of the luggage valets, and jumped onto the train with moments to spare. She looked back at all of the parents and siblings of the students on the train and, though she wasn't entirely sure why, she waved back at all of them. She lingered by the window for a moment more before making her way to the large Prefects' compartment, as she had for the past two years.

Lily stepped into the room and was quickly greeted by the other Prefects.

"Hi, Lily!" said Amelia Bones, the seventh year Hufflepuff Prefect, seeming happy to see her.

"Hi, Amelia!" Lily greeted her, smiling and sitting down next to her. "How was your summer?"

"Oh, it was fantastic! We spent a month in Italy, and it was absolutely brilliant. How about you? Did you do anything exciting over break?"

"Oh, no. Not anything as exciting as Italy, at least," Lily laughed. The truth was, she had spent her summer doing practically nothing. She didn't really have any close friends that she could visit over holiday. And the only one she ever lived close enough to to see on a regular basis was Severus Snape, and she no longer had any desire to be near him. In fact, she stayed inside most of the summer on purpose, in order to _avoid _seeing him. She was sure he would be lurking about somewhere, eager to try and "mend their friendship" or some other such nonsense; she, herself, had no inclination to do so. She didn't think she could ever forgive him for calling her a Mudblood back in fifth year. After all, she had only been trying to help him out; to save him, really. But, she supposed, he had never wanted **anything **from someone like her.

"Lily," Amelia said, interrupting her unpleasant train of thought, "are you alright?"

"Oh!" Lily realized that she must have been frowning and hurried to put on a more pleasant expression. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired, you know."

Amelia didn't look as if she fully believed her, but didn't press the issue. Instead, she chose to change the subject: "Congratulations on getting Head Girl, by the way! It's not very surprising, though, is it? Everyone knew you would get it."

Lily couldn't help the huge smile that spread across her face. "Thanks!" she said, simply. She knew that if she said anything more, she would start gushing.

"It's crazy about Potter, though, isn't it? Yours wasn't a surprise, but no one, not even he, could've guessed that Dumbledore would pick him!"

Lily's bright smile dimmed a bit. "What?"

"Dumbledore made James Potter Head Boy. Didn't you hear? He's only been telling it to anyone who will listen."

"But..." Lily was dumbfounded. Had the old man finally lost his mind? "But Potter's... awful. He's the biggest rule-breaker in the entire school! And his grades can't be that good; all he cares about is quidditch."

"Oh, now, don't be so hard on me, Evans," a voice said, coming from the doorway.

"Speak of the devil," Lily said, not even trying to hide her distaste. For there he was, in all his so-called "glory": Merlin's gift to the wizarding world, James Potter. Lily couldn't stand the git.

He was the most annoying, arrogant, self-absorbed twit she'd ever had the misfortune to meet. It was even worse, though, that everyone- including, apparently, the Headmaster- was in love with him. They all thought he was so charming when, in reality, he was merely in love with himself and assumed that everyone else was, as well. Lily was the only person, as far as she knew, who openly disliked him. And he disliked her for it.

James simply laughed off her hostility. "Believe me, Evans," he said for all to hear, "I could care less about your feelings for me. But," he continued, "unless I'm mistaken, we have a job to do."

Lily simply glared at him, and he dramatically held out his hand to help her out of her seat. She ignored it and stood up by herself, saying grudgingly, "Fine, Potter. You're right. So, let's just get started then, shall we?"

Now that she was standing, James finally got a good look at her. She hadn't changed into her Hogwarts robes yet, so he got a decent look at her figure. He had to admit, the view wasn't bad. She'd really filled out over the summer, and only gotten more attractive. Her fiery hair fell past her shoulders in enticing waves, and she had a few new freckles sprinkled across her nose. His gaze fell briefly to her chest, admiring its fullness, before he let his eyes roam past the curve of her hips and down the long length of her legs. There was no denying that she was beautiful; in fact, James had always known she was, since he first saw her on their first day at Hogwarts.

His eyes made their way back to hers and he saw an unusual look of discomfort there (no doubt due to how he had just blatantly sized her up in front of everyone), as well as the familiar look of indignation and annoyance. The emotions combined in her eyes to make an expression that almost made James laugh out loud. But instead he just winked at her, and enjoyed how her bright green eyes flashed back at him.

"Yes," he said, as if nothing had just happened, "let's get this over with."

"Agreed," she shot back, defiantly.

James stood there and watched as Lily explained the rules to the new Prefects and refreshed the memories of the old ones. He wasn't listening, of course. He felt little need for rules, unlike Lily.

_Blimey, but she's uptight! _he thought. That's why he had finally given up on the idea of Evans. He had actually been rather... infatuated with her. Ever since he first saw her until about their fifth year. How embarrassing. He had used to ask her to be his girlfriend almost every day as a sort of joke, although there was always a bit of seriousness behind the offers. And she had always shot him down, putting little effort into being nice about it. She called him arrogant and self-centered; and she was probably right. But that didn't make it any less annoying. He didn't like being called those things, true or not; especially by the girl he'd had such a fixation with. Finally, in their fifth year, he'd had enough. She had always been friends with Snivellus, who he couldn't stand. He couldn't understand how she could be friends with such an arse. He would call her awful things behind her back to try and fit in with his sodding Slytherin friends, and when James finally managed to show Lily what kind of "friend" she really had, he got no thank you. If anything, she only seemed to hate him more.

So, after that, he gave up. He'd had enough of the snob. And _she _called _him _arrogant? Fat chance. He no longer saw in her what he had before. Sure she was fit, but that was about all there was. She was a know-it-all goody two-shoes, who had an iron poker permanently rammed up her arse. He needed a girl who was a bit more relaxed, and willing to have a bit of fun every now and then. Amelia Bones, for example, seemed like she'd be a good time. She was quite fit, as well, if not as much as Evans. But he didn't mind that. She made up for it in other areas. He looked right at her until she felt his gaze and looked back. He winked at her and, to his satisfaction, she turned bright red.

Lily faltered a bit in her monologue (that twit Potter probably didn't even _know _the rules) when she saw that Amelia's face was a bright red color. She thought perhaps something was wrong, until she followed Amelia's gaze right to where Potter was standing on her left and saw that stupid smirk on his face. Lily simply rolled her eyes and continued explaining everything to the new-comers.

When she was done, she went back to her seat, as well as James. Thankfully, she had brought along a Muggle book to read for the duration of the train ride. She didn't much feel like listening to Amelia gush over how good-looking Potter was. A few minutes passed, though, and suddenly Lily realized something. She would be sharing the Head Dorm with Potter.

_Bollocks! s_he thought.

She gasped out loud, taken aback that she had thought such a word. The conversations around her stopped momentarily while people looked over at her, and she could feel herself blushing as she stared determinedly down at her book.

What, with her non-goodbye to Petunia and her parents, and Potter being Head Boy, this year wasn't going at all how she'd hoped. Remus was supposed to be Head Boy, not Potter! Speaking of Remus... Lily looked around the compartment and realized for the first time that he wasn't in the Prefects' compartment at all. So, he wasn't even a Prefect? Was Dumbledore off his head?

Lily silently told herself to calm down. She tried thinking on the bright side. She would probably hardly see Potter, anyway. They would have to patrol together, of course, but other than that, she could avoid him easily. She would just stay in her room whenever they were in the dorm together. That solved that problem. And really, she couldn't have that many classes with him; she seriously doubted that he was interested in Arithmancy or Ancient Runes. Really, outside of Head duties, she would hardly see him at all.

The tight knot of anxiety that had formed in her chest loosened, and she was much more at ease as she delved back into her book.

The next thing she knew, she was being shaken awake by a pair of strong hands, and a deep voice was calling her name: "Lily."

She thought it was really a pleasant way to wake up. That is, until she opened her eyes and saw who it was.

"What's going on, Potter?" she asked, looking around the compartment to find that they were the only two occupying it. She jumped up and stepped away from him.

"Relax, Evans," James said, annoyed. _Does this girl ever take a break? _Just when he had been thinking how nice she looked when she was sleeping... That must be the _only _time she ever relaxed. "I just thought I should wake you up, since no one else did. We're back. And you'd better get changed, quick."

With that, he left the compartment. Lily panicked for a moment, before going to fetch her robes and change. She stepped off of the train and managed to catch the last carriage up to the castle with Potter and a couple of fourth years. Lily didn't speak to him the whole way up to the castle, and he didn't try to speak to her.

As the carriage pulled closer to the castle, though, all thoughts of Potter left her mind, to be replaced with familiar excitement. She was finally back. And as she stepped through the large doors of Hogwarts and into the Great Hall, she couldn't help but feel that she was finally _home_.

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**(Updated) A/N**: So, like I said, a bit rough. If you made it this far, though, I'm really grateful, and I appreciate it so much. In the A/Ns for the next few updates, you'll probably see me apologizing for the "long length" of the chapters. That's probably the funniest thing to me, now, looking back. I was so paranoid about trying to keep my chapters really short, because I thought that's what most readers preferred. I learned pretty quickly, though, that that's not the case. Hahah. ;)

Also, I feel compelled to warn you guys that Arthur and Molly (Weasley, of course) make a very AU appearance in the next chapter. However, it's just a small bit of the chapter, and it's more like a cameo appearance than anything else. They haven't even been mentioned since, lol. When I first started writing this fic, I had no idea what I was doing, and I wasn't nearly concerned enough about trying to keep things somewhat canon. Anyway, I hope you guys can forgive me, seeing as their part in the chapter is basically pointless and was, at the time, mostly for my own enjoyment.

Anyway, thanks again for reading. Lol, if I haven't talked you out of continuing the story, I'd just like to assure you that it gets better, I promise! :) As always, reviews are appreciated, and they've really helped motivate and shape this story into something so much better than it would have been otherwise.

**Cheers! :)**


	2. Hogwarts

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is not mine; I am forever alone. :P

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As Lily stepped into the Great Hall, the grandness of the room took her breath away. She gazed up at the ceiling as students passed by her, anxious to get their seats. It was a dark purple color, like the night sky, only more beautiful. The stars seemed to shimmer and dance, and every few seconds one of them would shoot across the length of the Hall. As she leveled her gaze back down to the tables and students around her, she couldn't help but feel nostalgic; this was her last first time entering the Hall, her last first night at Hogwarts. Her eyes began to sting and she shook herself.

Ducking her head a bit to hide the moisture in her eyes, she made her way to the Gryffindor table and took a seat across from Arthur Weasley and his girlfriend- or rather, his fiancée- Molly. Lily had always liked the two; Molly wasn't a vain or shallow type of girl, and Lily found her refreshing. With Arthur, on the other hand, she hadn't known quite what to think the first time she met him. He had seemed to take an instant liking to her, but Lily was pretty sure that was because she had grown up in the Muggle world (of which he had an unusual fascination).

"Lily!" Molly exclaimed when she sat down. She placed her hand on Lily's warmly and said, "It's so good to see you again! How was your break?"

"It's good to see you, too, Molly. Arthur," Lily said, turning to him and smiling; he gave her a warm smile in return. She focused back on Molly and continued, "And there's not a whole lot to say about my summer. Lots of reading and watching the telly; pretty boring, really."

Arthur perked up at this. "'The telly'? A bit odd-sounding, isn't it?" he said, looking over at Molly. "What exactly is a 'telly'?" he asked, turning back to Lily.

"Oh. Well..." She struggled to come up with a short explanation that wouldn't result in more questions. Knowing Arthur, though, there was probably no such thing.

"Calm down, Arthur," Molly said, giving him a teasing look. "Really! I'm pretty sure Lily doesn't want to talk about 'tellies,' or whatever it is they're called. This is our last welcome feast: show a bit of respect!"

Arthur made a ridiculous face at her, making her laugh and slap his arm. He looked over at Lily and said, very dramatically, "My humble regrets, dearest Lily. I sincerely apologize for any harm I may have caused you with my inquiries of Muggle things." His voice was dripping with sarcasm, but his eyes were filled with mirth as Molly hit him again.

Lily couldn't help but to laugh and admire the couple in front of her. She couldn't believe that they had gotten engaged at the end of last year. It wasn't altogether shocking, though. Lily thought that if any couple were to get married right after graduation, it ought to be Molly and Arthur. They were genuinely in love, unlike most of the couples at the school.

Lily looked toward the table where all of the professors sat watching the students. Just then, Professor Dumbledore stood up from his seat and raised his hands. Almost instantly, a hush fell over the students. She heard a group of students still talking at the Gryffindor table, though. She turned around, prepared to hush whoever it was, when she saw that it was Potter and his friends. They didn't seem to notice that no one else in the Hall was talking. Lily stared at them, hard, trying to get them to shut up without having to yell at them; finally, Remus caught her eye and realized what was going on. He signaled to the rest of them to be quiet, but not before Lily- and the rest of the students- heard Sirius Black, Potter's best friend, use the term "whomping." Lily's eyes widened in shock, and the sound of hushed laughter echoed throughout the Hall.

Sirius at least had the decency to look embarrassed, but Potter sat by him, laughing with the rest of the students.

James met Lily's gaze and he moved his eyes from her, then to Dumbledore and back as if to say, "Dumbledore's about to say something, you'd better pay attention." Her eyes flashed at him again, before she turned her back on him and looked resolutely up at Dumbledore. James did the same, to find that the Headmaster was looking at their group with an amused gleam in his eye. James smirked at the back of Evans's head, something he knew she would be able to feel.

Dumbledore turned his eyes to the whole of the student body and said simply, "Without wishing to delay the feast any further, let the Sorting begin."

The doors to the Great Hall opened then, and in walked Professor McGonagall leading a large group of first years to the front of the Hall. This was where James stopped paying attention. The Sorting was really only interesting if you were being sorted, or if you had a brother or sister who were in their first year; neither of which applied to him. The ceremony was the same as it had always been: The Sorting Hat gave its monologue, urging the Houses to work together because these were dark times they were living in, etc.; the students were sorted and the Houses all applauded, of course. Then Dumbledore passed along a couple of warnings from Mr. Filch (which, naturally, James ignored). And then, **finally** they got to the good part, the only part he really cared about at that moment: the feast.

He piled his plate high with everything within arms reach and dove into his meal. With his mouth slightly full, he nudged Remus on his left and joked, "By the way, Moony, I guess I should thank you. Your furry little problem _did_ make me Head Boy, after all."

Remus rolled his eyes and said, "Oh, did it really? I must have forgotten about that since the last time you told me, twenty minutes ago."

James laughed and said, "Oi! Don't be jealous, now. You gave it up, yourself." He then took a large bite of treacle tart, making his way on to the deserts.

"Yeah," said Sirius, "but I reckon Moony here didn't expect you to be his alternate, Prongs. That must have stung," he said, giving Remus a consoling pat on the back. "I was expecting to get the badge, myself, over break. I imagine old Dumbledore must have gotten our letters mixed up."

"Shove off, both of you," James said, reaching around to shove Sirius, and knocking him into the fifth year girl sitting next to him. "We all know I'm the man's favorite," he continued, studiously straightening his tie. "Isn't that right, Wormtail?"

"Right, Prongs!" Peter piped up, happy to be included.

James looked at the other two: "There you have it."

"What _I_ want to know," said Sirius, "is how Evans took the news."

"Yeah," Remus chimed in. "What _did_ Lily say?"

"Gentlemen," replied James, "if you have to ask that question, then you're even more dim-witted than I thought- and that's a pity."

"Oi!" Sirius said. "You can't talk about Moony here like that!" Sirius threw his arm over Remus's shoulders, and continued, "He was almost Head Boy."

"'Almost' being the operative word, there," James quipped.

Remus was the one to get the conversation back on topic: "Just answer the question, James. What did Lily say? I hope she wasn't too upset..."

"She didn't really mention it, honestly," James answered. "Well, I walked in and heard her say something about how I was 'the biggest rule-breaker in the school' and that all I cared about was quidditch-"

"An accurate assessment," Remus interjected, making Sirius and Peter snicker.

"But other than that," James continued as if nothing was said, "she just gave me the death glare. So, really, nothing out of the ordinary."

"The same old Lily, then," Remus concluded, smiling.

"I wouldn't say that," Sirius countered, looking up the table toward Lily herself. "She looks plenty changed to me."

James looked over toward Lily as well, where he saw that she was talking to Frank Longbottom. He watched as she listened to something he said. Suddenly her whole face lit up and she laughed, and the force of her beauty hit him so hard and so unexpectedly that it knocked the breath out of him. He felt a quick stab of jealousy toward Frank. For a moment, James wished that he could make her laugh like that. And then, Lily's green eyes found his and her smile turned distant and civil before she looked away and said something to her friend Molly.

All of the things James had been feeling instantly vanished, as he was reminded why he'd finally given up on Evans in the first place. He couldn't let himself slip up like that again. His friends continued to talk around him, but he didn't participate more than nodding and giving the occasional noncommittal grunt. He felt bitter and cold inside, and just wanted the feast to be over with so he could go to his room.

Thankfully, it didn't take long. It was only a few more minutes before Dumbledore stood up and said, "I know we all are reluctant to leave such a glorious feast, but now it is time to rest up for the big day we all have tomorrow. Pip pip!" And with that, all the students started making their way out of the Great Hall, the Prefects yelling over the crowd for the first years to follow them.

James and Lily both stayed in their seats, neither sure where they were supposed to go. A few minutes passed before Professor McGonagall walked up to Lily and said, "Miss Evans, you and Mr. Potter will follow me. I'll be showing you to the Gryffindor Head Dorm." She signaled down the table at James, who stood up from his seat and came over.

Professor McGonagall led the way out of the Great Hall, most of the students gone by now. They made their way up to the portrait of the Fat Lady, where McGonagall gave the password "draco dormiens" and entered. But instead of going straight through to the Gryffindor common room, McGonagall took a sharp left and lead them down a hallway that Lily had never noticed before.

At the end of the hallway, there was a large door. Professor McGonagall took out her wand and said, "Now, pay attention, please. Instead of having a spoken password, this dorm requires a wand pattern. So, it's even more important than usual that you have your wand with you at all times. I'm only going to tap this out once, so please be careful to memorize it now." She then tapped out a relatively simple rhythm onto the doorknob with her wand. The door opened immediately. "Now, just a few more words, and then it's off to bed for all of us. First of all, I would like to congratulate you both on making Head Boy and Girl." Here, she smiled at Lily and gave James a skeptical glance. "But," she continued, "I would like to remind you that this dorm comes to you two as a privilege, not a right. If you get into any trouble, that privilege can and will be revoked." There was a brief pause while she let that sink in. "As to the layout of the room, Mr. Potter, your room is on the South end, and yours, Miss Evans is on the North. There is a small common room for the two of you to share and one bathroom as well."

Lily frowned a bit at the thought of sharing a bathroom with Potter. She didn't even want to think of all the things she might find.

"One last thing," Professor McGonagall said. "Romantic... fraternization is strictly prohibited in all the dorms, as you know by now. It is no different in this one, am I understood?"

Lily refrained from rolling her eyes, and simply said, "Yes, Professor." McGonagall should know by now that Lily would never do such a thing, especially with Potter. She glanced over at him as he repeated what she had said, without making the effort not to roll his eyes.

"Okay, then," said Professor McGonagall, not looking entirely pleased with his response. "Well, if that is all, then I shall leave you two." And with that, she was gone.

Lily glanced over at James as they stood outside the door. He bowed low and said, "After you, my dear," with that stupid smirk of his.

She rolled her eyes and stepped through the door. As soon as she could take in what was in front of her, though, she stopped. All annoyance at Potter gone, she gazed around at the room she was in.

In front of her, there were two armchairs situated around a loveseat. Against the opposite wall, a small fire danced in an ornate fireplace, the designs of the carvings seeming to dance in the glow. On the far wall were two doors, and on the adjacent, there was another. Lily assumed these were the doors to their rooms and bathroom.

"Blimey," she heard Potter say from behind her. "Would you look at this place? No wonder you have to kiss so much arse to be a Head."

Lily turned to him and said, hotly, "I did not kiss anyone's arse to-!" She stopped abruptly and shut her mouth. She could feel herself turning red. What on earth had gotten into her? She _never_ cursed.

James smiled at her and raised his eyebrows. "I must say, Evans, I'm impressed. I wasn't sure you even knew what that word meant."

"Well, seeing as how you followed me around for five years, it's only natural that I picked up a few," Lily quipped. She was putting up a tough front for Potter, but she was actually deeply embarrassed. She knew she must have sounded ridiculous cursing like that, the word was so foreign to her.

James looked at her, astonished. The girl was actually being cheeky! She had him good with that last one, too. It had just the right combination of sting and wit.

"I'm deeply touched to know that I have such an effect on you, Evans. I had no idea," he joked.

Lily laughed genuinely at this, surprising them both. "Potter, the only effect you have on me is nausea."

_And there it is again_, he thought. An actual sense of humor; teasing, even. She had gotten him again. She was smiling at him, and he couldn't help but smile back. He had the sudden urge to grab her and snog her right there; or, more accurately, to take her in his room and snog her in his new bed.

James shook himself and looked away. _What the bloody hell was he thinking_? This was Lily Evans, for Merlin's sake! Stuck-up, snobbish, has-to-have-everything-her-way Evans. She was definitely **not** the type of girl he wanted to snog senseless. And besides, she'd had her chance with him, and she'd turned him down- countless times, in fact. No, he did not want to do _anything_ with her.

The smile faded from James's face as he looked back at her. "Well," he said, "this has been good fun, but I think I'll just be going to bed now. Good night."

Lily cocked her head to the side a bit and watched him, confused. One moment, they were actually sharing a sort of nice moment with each other, and the next he was acting distant and pretending to be tired. _But that's right, isn't it?_ she thought. Potter didn't like her, just as much as she didn't like him. The realization was unexpectedly saddening.

"Right," she said, briskly, trying to hide her disappointment. "Good night." And with that, she turned and went to her room, making sure to leave before he did.

Lily barely noticed the grandness of her room before she fell into her large new bed. She didn't know why she felt upset. Potter was an idiot, and full of himself to boot. Nothing new there. She sighed and got up from her bed, changing into her favorite baggy, holey t-shirt that she'd had since her fourth year. Feeling more comfortable at least, she sank back into her bed and, although it took a bit longer than usual, she finally fell asleep.

James lay in his own bed in the room next to Lily's. He'd been lying there for a while now, his arms crossed under his head, unable to sleep. The sound of Lily's laughter kept playing over in his head. Not the laugh she had used with Frank, but the one she had given him. He pictured her smile, as well: the first **real** smile she'd probably ever given him. He'd tried to block her out of his thoughts; he was usually pretty good about that. But for some reason, it just wasn't working tonight. He heaved a great sigh, frustrated with himself and Evans. The knowledge that she was no doubt sound asleep only a few feet away just made things harder on him.

Eventually, James managed to block her out a bit by thinking about quidditch. He tried thinking of who he thought would make good additions to the team, and tried coming up with a few new strategies. But he was getting more and more drowsy the longer he thought about it. Finally, after some time, he dropped off to sleep. And, though he'd never admit it, his dreams had very little to do with quidditch.

* * *

**A/N**: So, here it is. I'm surprised that I managed to get this chapter up so quickly, but it just kind of happened. I'm not complaining, though. ;) I know these first two chapters are starting out a little slow, but there's a reason. I need to lay all the groundwork for the bigger storyline. I promise, it will pick up soon! Also, just a couple of things I wanted to address for this chapter: I know that Dumbledore seems a bit insignificant right now. That's not my intention at all. But if you notice, in the books, during the welcoming feasts, he always keeps it nice and concise, so that's why he only has a couple of lines. The other thing is about Arthur/Molly. I realize that it's definitely not canon to have them in this story, but I just couldn't resist. :) If this bothers anyone too much, I wouldn't worry about it; at this point their role in the story is relatively small.

As always, _**REVIEW!**_ Please just take the extra two seconds and tell me your honest opinion. I would really appreciate it. :)


	3. Murder & Embarrassing Encounters

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter will never be mine. Only the occasional OC belongs to me, but they aren't nearly as cool. ;) **Anyway**, I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I did. :)

* * *

The next morning, Lily woke up early, ready for the first day of classes to begin. Excitement filled her stomach with butterflies. She always felt a bit different than most of the other students when it came to the first day of school. Unlike everyone else, Lily looked forward to all of her new classes; she enjoyed being challenged intellectually. She had no doubt that this year would be more difficult than all of her previous years of schooling combined. But, while the prospect was daunting, it didn't overwhelm her like she knew it did most other students. Not yet, at least.

Lily got out of bed and stood in the middle of her new dorm. She hadn't really gotten a chance to look at it last night, and she took a minute to admire it now. It was much nicer than she had expected. There was her large four-poster bed with a white feather blanket and pillows. Across from that was a mahogany dresser (which doubled as a writing desk), on top of which perched a large mirror in which you could see almost the entire room reflected. Next to her bed was a comfortable-looking armchair; Lily couldn't wait to spend a nice rainy afternoon in it. On the opposite wall next to her bed, there was a large window and window-seat facing the east. Lily made her way over to the window and sat down. From there she could see the quidditch pitch (which was surprisingly picturesque when not filled with hundreds of screaming spectators) and the Forbidden Forest a little ways beyond. Normally, she found the Forest a bit ominous, but that morning, with the sun shining bright and the birds flying cheerfully in the breeze, it didn't seem nearly as threatening.

Suddenly, Lily realized just how much time she was wasting. She still had to take a shower and go down for breakfast before classes started. Quickly, she grabbed her uniform and made her way to the bathroom. Without thinking, she opened the door, _just_ in time to see James, freshly showered, wrapping a towel around himself.

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed. She instantly threw her hands over her eyes, dropping her clothes in the process. She could feel her face growing hotter as she said, "Sorry! I-I should have knocked." She uncovered her eyes, but made sure to keep them glued to the floor as she bent over and picked up her things. "Erm... I guess I'll just..." But she didn't know what she was trying to say. There was nothing really that she could do, nowhere she could go; she still had to take a shower.

"Relax, Evans," James said, giving her an amused look. "You can look up," he continued. "I assure you, I'm decent."

Lily didn't trust him, but she turned her eyes upward anyway.

She was right not to trust him. "You call this _decent_?" she demanded.

"What?" he said, looking down at himself. "What isn't decent about me?"

Lily looked at him in disbelief. "You're half-naked!"

He gave her a confused look. "And?"

Lily spluttered. "And... and there's nothing decent about that! Didn't you think to bring your clothes in here with you?"

"Well, obviously not," James replied. He gave her a grin then and said, "Does my being half-naked bother you?"

"Of course it bothers me, you... you..." She couldn't think of a strong enough insult.

James ignored her and stepped closer, making her forget what she was trying to say.

"Why?" he asked with a smirk on his face. "You like what you see?"

Before Lily could stop herself, her eyes moved down. She stared at the expanse of his muscular chest and trailed her eyes lower to his abs. She looked to his forearms, where the veins were slightly raised and up to his muscular biceps. Lily's eyes finally found their way back to his, trying to keep any kind of emotion from showing. She noticed how nice his eyes were, an amazing hazel color. The rest of his facial features weren't any worse, either. His nose was somewhat crooked, making it look as if it had been broken before, but it didn't mar his face. If anything, it added to it, giving him a nice rugged appearance. Lily's eyes flicked down to his full lips for only an instant before meeting his gaze again.

Taking care to give it as much bite as she could, she said, "What's there to like?"

The smirk that had slowly disappeared from James's face as he had watched Lily's eyes roam over his body returned, even broader than before.

"Whatever you say, Evans," he said simply, in return.

James took another step toward the door, where Lily was standing, and she turned sideways to let him through. Their eyes met again as he slipped by her, their bodies almost touching. And then, he was out of the doorway and making his way to his bedroom.

Flustered, Lily shut the door to the bathroom and went about taking her shower. She refused to let herself think about what had just happened; no good could come of it.

Thanks to that particular hold-up, though, Lily only had enough time to eat a small breakfast and scan through _The Daily Prophet_ before it was time to pick up her schedule from McGonagall.

A few pages into her quick scan of the paper, though, she saw an article that caught her eye. The title read _Three muggles found dead in Crawley. Ministry suspects "Death Eaters."_ Lily's eyes widened in shock as she read on.

_ Three muggles (Albert and Judy Fenton, age 36, and their son William, age 5) were found dead late last night in their home in Crawley, England. The Ministry suspects that these deaths are the work of so called "Death Eaters," or followers of You-Know-Who. Along with the tell-tale signs of the Killing Curse (no outward manifestations of physical harm, etc.), Ministry officials also found a symbol of a skull with a serpent tongue over the muggle family's home. This symbol is now being referred to as the Dark Mark, the mark associated with You-Know-Who and his followers. It is now believed that this mark is being used as a sort of signature or calling card that is conjured by dark wizards after committing such heinous acts. The muggle Prime Minister has been alerted and the Ministry of Magic is providing extra security as (continued on page 12)._

Lily sat back and stared at the paper, feeling nauseated. Her breakfast lay forgotten on the table in front of her. She couldn't believe the cruelty of these wizards. To murder defenseless muggles was horrible enough, but to kill _children_? It was disgusting. She was also angry, though. Why hadn't this been on the front page? Everyone needed to know about this; did they not realize the danger that this kind of thing posed? Not only to muggles, but to muggle-born witches and wizards as well; perhaps to the entire wizarding world! How could they allow people to ignore this?

Lily was interrupted from her thoughts as students all around her began to make their way to the back of the Great Hall to where Professor McGonagall stood, ready to hand out their schedules. Lily slowly folded up her copy of the _Prophet_ and took it with her as she made her way to where the rest of the students were now milling around.

"If you would all please form two straight lines!" Professor McGonagall said, over the din of the students. "This will go much faster if you all aren't scattered about."

Slowly, the great blob of students transformed into two somewhat crooked lines. Lily looked over to find herself standing next to her good friend Alice Hinton.

"Alice!" she exclaimed, happy to see her. Alice looked away from McGonagall and smiled wide when she saw Lily.

"Lily!" she said back, and came over to Lily's line, giving her a tight hug. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever! Why didn't you write me over the summer?" She gave Lily a reproachful look.

"Alice, you know I don't have an owl at home. My sister hates anything remotely magical," Lily explained.

"That's not a good reason at all, though, not to have an owl. You can't just keep it in your room? It's not like they spend too much time indoors, anyway."

"Well, I could," Lily joked, "but I'm afraid Petunia might sneak in there one night and off it."

Alice shook her head, but laughed. "I don't see why you do everything to please her. If I were you, I'd have told her to shove it by now."

They took a few steps forward as the line progressed, and Lily said, somewhat sheepishly, "Well, I don't like to make things any harder for her than they already are. I know that she's really just jealous of my powers, and I imagine I'd feel the same way if I were her." Lily shrugged.

"Yeah," Alice countered, "but you also would've gotten over it by now."

"Maybe," Lily conceded. She didn't much like talking about her sister with people. They almost always had something negative to say about her, and Lily always felt the need to defend her. She could understand where she was coming from, after all.

"Anyway," Lily said, wanting to change the subject, "how was your summer? I didn't get a chance to ask you since I didn't see you at the feast last night..."

"Oh," Alice said, looking away from Lily. "Right. Yeah, well, I had a bit of a fight with Frank on the train, so I sat away from him last night. We're alright now, though, we worked it out," Alice said, at Lily's concerned look. "But anyway, my summer was alright. Pretty boring for the most part, though. Yours?"

Lily wondered what Alice and Frank could possibly have been fighting about; they were normally a very happy couple. She could tell that Alice didn't want to talk about it, though, so she didn't press the matter. "Same," she answered.

They were silent a moment as the line moved up another few feet.

"So," Lily began, "did you see today's _Prophet_?" She wondered if her friend had seen the disturbing article, as well.

"Yes!" Alice replied, quickly. "Please tell me you saw that article about the muggle family that was killed last night."

"I did," Lily answered, glad she wasn't the only one. "Can you believe something like that wasn't on the front page?"

"I know, it's ridiculous! Honestly, I'm bloody furious about it. You can bet I'll be writing a letter to the editor about that. I mean," Alice continued, as the line moved forward yet again, "I would say that three murders—and one of them of a little boy, too- is pretty damn important!"

"I couldn't have said it better, myself," Lily said with a small smile, poking fun at Alice's word choice.

Alice rolled her eyes.

On a serious note, Lily continued, "All this stuff... it's scary. It makes me wonder whether any of us are as safe as we think we are. I'm worried."

Alice gave her a sad look. "I know, Lily. Me, too." She paused for a moment before continuing: "Actually, that's sort of what Frank and I were fighting about last night."

"Oh?" Lily asked, curious as to how the two things were connected.

Before Alice could respond, they reached the front of the line.

"Good morning, Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall greeted her. "Miss Hinton," she said, addressing Alice with a smile. She then flicked her wand and their two schedules came floating toward them from the many rolls of parchment on the table behind her.

"I look forward to seeing the both of you in Transfiguration this afternoon," she said, with another one of her small smiles, dismissing them and quickly moving on to the next pair of students.

The two looked at their schedules and saw that they both had Defense Against the Dark Arts (which they had with the Slytherins and a few Hufflepuffs who had managed to get NEWTs in the subject) in fifteen minutes.

As they made their way to the classroom, Alice continued what she had been saying. "Anyway, yes, that's sort of why Frank and I fought last night."

"What happened?" Lily asked her.

"Frank got into a fight with Mulciber and Avery on the train last night," Alice told her.

_Oh no_, Lily thought. She couldn't stand those two. They were... evil. There was no other word for it. They found joy in playing cruel "pranks" on others; they enjoyed watching people hurt. "What did they do this time?" she asked.

"They were..." Alice looked reluctant to finish what she was trying to say.

"What did they do?" Lily repeated, trying to prepare herself for whatever was to come.

"They were... torturing... a first year's cat." Alice cringed.

Lily, too, winced at the thought, although she couldn't say she was surprised. She was learning that she couldn't put anything past those two when it came to cruelty. The thought still made her eyes sting and her stomach churn, though.

"Okay," Lily said, not asking for anymore details about what they had done. "But how does that have anything to do with you and Frank fighting.?"

"Frank went and managed to stop them-"

"Good," Lily interjected.

"Yes..." Alice smiled sheepishly. "But he didn't just stop them. He ended up insulting them and getting into a fight right there in the hallway."

"Oh," Lily said. She didn't know quite what to say. Personally, she was glad Frank had stood up to them, and wasn't surprised that it had ended with a fight. She doubted one could simply reason with Mulciber and Avery to get them to cease any of their so-called jokes. Alice, though, didn't look like she felt the same.

Seeing the look on Lily's face, Alice said, "Don't think that I wasn't glad that Frank stopped them, I was. It's just... I hated seeing him fighting with them like that. Those two... they scare me. I can't help it. They're sick and sadistic, and I hate the thought of Frank being anywhere near them. I just..." Alice looked down, as they continued to walk. "I just love him so much, you know?"

Lily nodded. She knew very well how much Alice loved her boyfriend.

"And," she continued, "I worry about him. I worry that something terrible is going to happen to him, especially given everything that's already going on. And I don't trust either Mulciber or Avery to play fair; they'll hurt people any way they can. And the fact that Frank just jumped right into that... Well, I was upset, to say the least."

Finally, Lily understood what her friend was trying to say. She couldn't blame Alice for feeling the way she did. Personally, Lily didn't think that was anything to fight over, but she also didn't know what it was like to be in love. Maybe that changed things. She couldn't even imagine, really.

Lily put her arm around Alice's shoulders as they neared the classroom and gave her a gentle squeeze. "I understand," she said simply, and giving her as comforting a smile as she could muster. She knew that her smile wasn't as reassuring as it should have been, but Alice smiled back at her regardless.

They walked into the classroom together to see that most of the class was already there, and in their seats.

"Ah, so nice of you two to join us," said a man, not unkindly, who looked to be in his mid-thirties. He came up to them, saying, "Please, if you would give me your names so that I may direct you to your seats?"

Lily looked him over for a moment. He was young, for a professor, though his brown hair was already flecked with gray. Despite that, he was quite handsome, Lily noted. He had startlingly blue eyes, and a noticeably strong jaw. Lily glanced around the classroom to see that she wasn't the only girl to have noticed his appearance.

"I'm Lily Evans," she told him.

"And my name's Alice Hinton," Alice said from beside her. Lily saw that she was staring at the professor, and smiling prettily. Lily nudged her friend and tried not to laugh.

The man looked down at a piece of parchment in his hand and said, "Very good. Miss Evans, you will be sitting up front with Mr. Snape, and Miss Hinton, you will sit by Mr. Black in the back corner."

He then gave the two of them a bright smile, which was so handsome that, if he hadn't just said that she was sitting by Snape, she might have blushed a deep red. But as it was, she wanted to slap it right off of his face.

"I'm sorry, Professor," she said, as Alice made her way to her seat, casting back a sympathetic glance, "but that's... not possible. I can't sit next to him."

"Well," the man said, his smile fading a bit, "I'm afraid you're going to have to, Miss Evans."

"But sir-!" Lily said, before calming herself down. She didn't want to seem disrespectful. "Please sir," she continued carefully, "can I be assigned a different partner? I'm sorry, it's just that I know that I won't be able to get any work done with him."

He looked at her for a long moment, and Lily was afraid that he would say no for good. Just when she was about to give up, though, he spoke. "Alright, Miss Evans. Perhaps we can work something out. If you can make it through the rest of this week, I'll see what I can do."

The bubble of hope that had swelled in Lily's chest popped abruptly in disappointment. However, she knew that it was generous, if not exactly ideal. She was sure she could at least survive a few days of sitting by Snape.

"Yes, sir," she said, a bit dejectedly, and made her way over to her desk where Snape was sitting, looking awkward.

"Hi, Lily," he said, looking up at her with a cautious smile.

She did not return it. "Hello," she said, curtly, sitting down on the edge of her seat, as far away from him as she could get.

"Well, I suppose we can get started now," said the professor, rubbing his hands together and looking at the class. "First off, for those of you who don't know, I am Professor Bellamy, and I'm your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

"Lily..." Snape said, trailing off.

Lily knew what he was trying to do: apologize. For about the hundredth time. It was the only thing he ever tried doing when they were within speaking distance of each other. Because of this, she always took great care **not** to be within that distance of him; she didn't want to hear it.

"Don't," she said, simply, making sure not to leave any room in her tone for argument.

"Lily, please," Snape continued, not paying attention to her or Professor Bellamy, "if you would just let me-"

"Mr. Snape," interrupted the Professor. "If you would kindly pay attention, we are trying to have class."

Snape shut his mouth and looked down at his textbook.

"Thank you," said Bellamy. "As I was saying..."

James stared at Lily from where he sat in the middle of the classroom. Or, more accurately, he stared at Snape. The stupid git couldn't keep his eyes off her, could he? James was normally much more attentive, especially in the DADA classes, but having Lily and Snape sit almost directly in front of him was proving to be surprisingly distracting. It really shouldn't bother him as much as it did, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't stand that twat Snivellus and how he mooned after Evans all the time, even now that it was obvious that she hated him (as she well should).

He watched as Snape kept stealing glances at Lily through the entire class period. He watched, too, as Lily seemed to grow more and more uncomfortable; he was sure she knew that Snape was watching her. Just as James knew that his partner, Amelia Bones, was watching him.

He made sure to glance over at her every now and then and smile, to make it less obvious that he was staring at the couple in front of him. It wasn't hard, either. He'd always found Amelia attractive, with her bright red hair and clear blue eyes. And she was nice, as well; she laughed at his jokes, and gave him the occasional compliment. She'd brush his arm when she spoke to him and play with her hair whenever he was around. He recognized all the signs: she was quite taken with him. And, honestly, he fancied her, as well. There wasn't much not to like. He made his mind up then to ask her out on a date soon; nothing too special, really. He knew she'd say yes to whatever he asked.

James looked back to the front, and saw that Lily was now practically half out of her seat, and Snape was staring at her blatantly, looking both pitiful and a bit irritated. James's jaw tensed up; he wanted to knock that look right off of Snivelly's face. He had no right to expect Lily to forgive him. Just as James's fingers were beginning to curl into fists, though, the bell rang and class was over. _Probably for the best_, he thought. He saw Lily jump out of her seat and heard Snape say, "Lily" for about the tenth time that class period. She ignored him like she had all the other times, though, and practically ran out of the classroom. James smiled a little at this, and grabbed up his things and said goodbye to Amelia, giving her a wink.

After that, most of the Gryffindors who had been in the DADA class headed to Transfiguration with McGonagall.

Lily was excited for this class. It was her best subject, by far, and McGonagall was probably her favorite of all the professors she had, including Slughorn. Lily appreciated the way she handled her students. Most people said she was strict, but Lily thought of it more as fair. McGonagall didn't really play favorites, unlike Slughorn (and most other professors, honestly). She was the one professor, above all others, that Lily most wanted to please.

She walked into the classroom with Alice, who was attempting to console her about Professor Bellamy's seating arrangement.

"Alice, honestly, I just want to forget about it now. If I can, that is." Lily shuddered lightly. All Snape had done the entire class period was stare at her with this pitiful look on his face. She couldn't stand it. He had no right to look miserable like that, to try and get her to feel sorry for him.

"Right," Alice said. "Sorry."

"No problem," Lily replied, as they went up to the front of the room to look at the seating chart McGonagall had put on her desk. When she found her name, though, she realized that, actually, there was a problem. A big one.

"You have got to be kidding me," Lily said, dryly.

"What?" asked Alice, looking down at the chart. A moment passed, and she said, "Oh..."

Suddenly, James came up behind her and leaned over her shoulder to look at the chart. He was uncomfortably close to her, and Lily tried to shrink away from him, but before she could, he threw his arm around her shoulders and said quite loudly, in that mocking way that he always spoke to her, "Well, what do you know?"

"Don't touch me," Lily said, ducking under his arm, and watching the smirk on his face broaden.

"Oh, come on now, Evans. After this morning, I thought we would be past this."

Lily could feel herself blushing. "Shut up," she said, forcefully.

"What's this he's talking about, Lily?" Alice asked, smiling over at James. She had always liked him, just like everyone else. She actually thought he was _funny_.

"Oh," said Potter, feigning surprise. "You mean, you didn't tell Alice that you saw me-?"

"I said, shut it, Potter," Lily interrupted, loudly, trying to cover up what he was about to say. Alice was laughing now, and Lily grabbed James's arm and pulled him to their desk on the other side of the room. She let go of him and stared up at him defiantly. "I would appreciate it," she said, as politely as she could, "if you would not broadcast what happened this morning to the entire school."

James crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against their desk, looking amused. "And what, exactly, _did_ happen this morning?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, aggravated beyond belief. "_Nothing,_" she said, firmly.

"Ah," he said. "Then it shouldn't matter who I tell, if nothing happened."

"Ugh!" Lily exclaimed. "Could you _please_ act your age? Just this once? I think you got stuck somewhere around age four."

James looked at her seriously for a moment. Then, he said, "Fine, Evans. You're right. I promise, I won't tell anyone else about what happened this morning."

"Thank you," Lily said, surprised he had given in so easily. And then, she realized: "Wait, what do you mean, you won't tell anyone _else_-?"

At that moment, Professor McGonangall walked into the classroom saying, "Everyone, please take your seats, class is starting!"

James simply looked at Lily and smiled.

* * *

**A/N**: So, this is definitely a longer chapter (as I'm sure you noticed). Hahah. But the tension is starting to build (in more ways than one), so hopefully it wasn't too painful to read. ;) There's a lot of interesting stuff to come in this story, and I can't wait to get it all out! :) But first, you guys have to _**REVIEW! **_Pretty please? :D

Also, I know that I've gotten these first three chapters up really quickly, but I just want to let you guys know that it might take a little longer to get the next chapter up, seeing as how my classes start back up tomorrow. Not to worry, though, you will definitely have a new chapter this week! I'm just not sure exactly when. So, be looking out for that! :)


	4. This is Serious

******Disclaimer**: It's about time I got over the fact that I don't own Harry Potter. ******Also**, I hope you enjoy this chapter, but I will warn you that it's not exactly... happy. :-/

"So, the Head Girl actually took a peek at you, huh?"

James was beginning to regret telling Sirius about what had happened between him and Lily in the bathroom that morning. They were in the Great Hall, eating their dinner, and Sirius wouldn't stop talking about it; every few minutes, he'd bring it back up again. James tried not to let his annoyance show, though; Sirius would never drop it if he did.

"I guess so, yeah," he answered. "Although, I wouldn't really call it a 'peek.'" He piled a second helping of mashed potatoes onto his plate and reached for a buttered roll.

"Oh, yeah?" Sirius said, giving James a nudge and raising his eyebrows suggestively. "What would you call it then?"

James sighed, and said, "I don't know, Padfoot. Just not a peek. She didn't exactly try to hide that she was looking."

"Sounds like she wants you, mate," Peter said from across the table. He looked down to where Lily was sitting with Alice and smirked.

"You really don't know Evans, do you?" James joked. He didn't like the way that Wormtail kept looking at Lily, though; he was just staring at her now, almost leering. James shook off his annoyance and tried to change the subject.

"Anyway," he said, loudly, making Peter look back over to him, "we have more important things to talk about." James dropped his voice to just above a whisper and looked around at his friends, his eyes coming to a stop at Lupin. "Don't forget that the first full moon of the year is next Thursday."

Remus rolled his eyes at James. "That's likely," he said.

"I'm serious!" James said. He had said the reminder more for the benefit of the other two, Sirius and Peter. "I don't want anyone backing out like last year because they 'forgot.'" James cast a glance at Peter, who made a face at him but moved his eyes down to the table. "Just try not to get detention or anything that day, okay?" This time James gave Sirius a look.

Sirius rolled his eyes, but said, "Will do, Prongs." The lot of them were always in detention (except for Remus), but Sirius, especially, seemed prone to get extra detentions right before the full moon, making it almost impossible sometimes for him to go with them to the Shrieking Shack. He almost always had detention from Slughorn, who made sure to either keep Sirius late into the night, or have him show up early in the morning. Either way was no good; it wouldn't happen this year.

Remus spoke up and said, "It's really not a big deal if you guys can't come with me every time."

Sirius looked at Remus like he was crazy. "Save it, Moony. We promised you years ago that we'd help you out with everything. We're not going back on that promise now. Are we?" Sirius gave a hard look at Peter, and then James.

James gave him a small smile and said, "Definitely not."

He looked over at Remus, who gave them all a small, embarrassed smile.

"Well," Sirius said, loudly, "enough with all this touchy-feely bullshit." He turned to James and said, "So, we all know that Evans saw you in nothing but your loin cloth-" James rolled his eyes- "but, the question is, did she return the favor?"

James looked up at the ceiling and groaned.

Lily pushed the remains of her food around her plate, lost in thought. It wasn't pleasant, either. That git Potter had told all of his stupid friends (the _Marauders_, they called themselves) what had happened that morning. It wasn't too hard to figure out; his friend Sirius Black kept nudging him and looking over at her all through dinner. She wanted to go over there and slap the two of them. Hard. She imagined doing it: how her hand would sting and there would be red marks on their faces for the rest of the evening. Lily smiled.

"What're you so happy about?" said Alice, giving her a look from across the table.

Lily snapped out of her thoughts. It was probably for the best, too; Potter was turning her into a sadist. "Nothing," she said, looking back at Alice, who was sitting next to Frank. He was flipping through a textbook in his lap.

"I can't believe I already have so much homework," he said, glancing up at them from his book, a slightly panicked look on his face. "I have an essay for Magical Law due next week- 20 inches! Can you believe that?- and another one for Herbology on the magical properties of Tibetan turnips. Plus, I've got to make stuff up to put in that ridiculous dream journal for Divination. I might need some help with that," he said, looking over at Alice.

"Sure," she said. "That should be easy enough. Just make up some really morbid dreams; Seers love that kind of thing."

"I have to admit," Lily said, addressing Frank, "I'm a little surprised that you're taking Divination this year. It's not very..." Lily didn't know how to put it nicely. Everyone knew that Divination was a ridiculous subject, and probably one of the lowest forms of magic there was. "It just doesn't seem like your thing," Lily finished, tactfully.

"Oh, it's not," he assured her. Lily gave him a confused look, and Alice finished for him.

"He's just taking it as a place-holder, basically," she explained. "He needed one more class, and he didn't feel like doing any actual work," Alice finished, giving Frank a teasing nudge.

Frank glared back at her, but Lily could also see a playful glint in his eyes. She looked back down at her plate as the couple continued to look at each other for a moment.

Finally, Alice looked back over at Lily. She cocked her head to the side and asked, "Wait a minute. If you hate Divination so much, then why are you taking Arithmancy?"

"I never said I hated Divination."

Alice just looked at her.

"Well... not at loud, at least," Lily conceded, and Alice and Frank both laughed. "Besides," Lily continued, "Arithmancy and Divination really aren't as similar as people think. Sure they're both ways of telling the future, but Arithmancy is much more... logical." The truth was, Arithmancy was a way of predicting the future by using numbers, and _that_ was the part she actually cared about. She had always liked maths when she went to the muggle school back home, and this was as close as she could really get to that at Hogwarts. She didn't tell her friends that, though (or anyone else, for that matter). They all considered her weird enough as it was.

Just then, a sudden hush fell over the crowd of students, and Lily looked to the front of the Hall. She wasn't surprised to see that Dumbledore was standing in front of the professors' table. She was, however, surprised to note that, instead of his usual amused smile, he now looked out at the students with a somber expression.

"What an excellent meal," he stated, without enthusiasm. "I'm sorry to cut it a bit short, but I feel this issue cannot be ignored."

The Hall was now dead quiet, as the students waited in anticipation for the Headmaster to continue.

"As some of you know by now, there have been several... incidents, as of late, involving dark witches and wizards who are referring to themselves as 'Death Eaters.'"

Lily's heart picked up its pace, and she glanced over at Alice. She didn't notice Lily looking at her, though, for she was glaring over at the Slytherin table. Lily turned around a bit in her seat and looked over to see that Mulciber and Avery were giving each other satisfied looks. She narrowed her eyes at them in disgust. Snape was sitting next to them, and he was smiling as well, although Lily noted that he also seemed a bit uncomfortable.

Dumbledore continued: "I think it is only fair that you all know that these followers of Lord Voldemort-" Lily noticed several people flinch at the name; it had become taboo to speak his name aloud- "have made it their mission to rid the world of non-magical persons- in other words, muggles. However," he continued gravely, "it is my belief that they are also planning to target muggle-born witches and wizards."

Lily's heart dropped as he said the words. She had suspected as much, herself, but hearing it from the Headmaster himself made it seem official. Lily noticed that his words were getting mixed reactions from the students. Some, like her, seemed frightened, or worried; others, like Mulciber and Avery, looked smug; while others, still, seemed outraged.

"I can't believe he just said that," she heard a girl down the table whisper to a friend. "There's no proof of that; he's just trying to scare everyone. I don't buy it."

Lily glared down the table at the girl until she looked up and saw her. The girl glared back for a moment before turning pink and looking away from her eyes. Lily looked down the rest of the table and caught James's gaze; he seemed worried, like her.

"My wish is not to frighten you," Dumbledore continued, and Lily looked back up at him, "but to inform you; to warn you. The danger is becoming more real by the second, and we all must be prepared for what is coming."

With one last unfathomable glance at the body of students before him, Dumbledore stepped down and walked out of the side door, leaving them.

The Hall suddenly broke out in loud chatter as the students began making their way out and to their dormitories. Lily couldn't speak. She was shocked that the Headmaster had left without saying anything else, but on the other hand, she didn't know what else he could say. She had been hoping, maybe, for some words of encouragement, but she, herself, couldn't think of any.

"Well, that was cheery," Frank said. He sounded like he was trying to make a joke, but his eyes were dead. Alice looked at him sadly and gave his arm a squeeze, before turning to Lily.

"...Are you alright, Lily?" she asked, cautiously.

"I'm fine," Lily replied, but she didn't meet Alice's eyes.

"Are you sure?" she pressed. "If you want to talk-"

"I said, I'm fine, Alice!" Lily snapped. She stood up from the table and walked out of the Great Hall, ignoring the look of concern on Alice's face. She didn't want her pity.

She marched into the Head common room and grabbed her books: Frank wasn't the only one who was loaded down with homework. Lily sat on the floor in front of the fire and got to work on her Transfiguration essay that was due that Friday. She worked vigorously, trying to take her mind off of everything that was going on. Studying had always been her way of coping; she liked having problems put in front of her that she knew she could solve if she just tried hard enough.

Lily had gotten about seven inches of the paper written when she heard the door to the dorm open. She looked up to see James walk in. He stopped when he saw her.

He stood there for a moment before speaking. "I thought you would've gone to bed already."

Lily stared at him. "It's not even ten o'clock, Potter. I'm not _that_ much of a prig."

He looked at her in surprise and laughed. "No, I guess not," he agreed.

Lily gave him a small smile and looked back down at her parchment, trying to get back into the groove of writing. She was having a hard time remembering where she had been going with the topic, though, so she just stared at the parchment.

"What are you working on?" James asked, coming closer, and sitting down next to her on the floor. He leaned over and looked down at the essay in her lap. "Bloody hell," he said, looking at her like she was mad. "You're already starting that?"

"It's due this Friday..." she said. She didn't think she was starting early at all.

"Exactly," he said, smirking at her. She sighed and rolled her eyes at him, looking back down at the parchment and trying to figure out where she had left off.

"So, that stuff Dumbledore was saying..." James trailed off, looking at her. "Pretty crazy, right?"

Lily looked up at him. "Not really," she said. "It makes sense to me."

Now James was the one who rolled his eyes. "Well, yes," he said, "it makes _sense_. But it's crazy that it's happening in the first place. I mean, did you even see that article in _The_ _Daily Prophet_ today? About that muggle family being killed?"

Lily glanced up at him in surprise. "You saw that?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied, matter-of-factly. "_That's_ what I meant by crazy. People thinking that they have the right to kill others just because they have no powers. It's disgusting." James shook his head, looking sick.

Lily just stared at him. He was, after all, a Pure-Blood. And most people like that seemed to agree that muggle-borns were worthless; dirty. Mudbloods.

"I have to admit," she said slowly, "I'm a little surprised that you think that."

James looked up at her, looking shocked. "What?" he said, sharply. "That I think murdering people is wrong?"

"No!" Lily said, scrambling a bit. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what _did_ you mean, Evans?" he asked, his voice cold. She was surprised to see that he actually looked hurt.

"Nothing!" she exclaimed. "I just meant that... well, you _are_ a Pure-Blood... I just thought you might-"

"You thought that I would side with people like Mulciber or Avery? Or Snape?" James looked furious. "You think that I have something against muggle-borns?"

"No!" Lily said. This was all coming out wrong.

"Well, in case you forgot, I'm not the one who called you a... a Mudblood." He didn't even like saying the word. "In fact, as I recall, _I _was the one who defended you."

Lily looked away from his burning hazel eyes and down at her hands in her lap, feeling ashamed. She shouldn't have said anything; she shouldn't have _thought_ anything.

"I know you never liked me, Evans, but _bloody hell_. I can't believe you would think I'm like that."

She still couldn't meet his gaze. "I don't-"

"No," he interrupted. "Listen to me, Evans, and look at me when I say this." He grabbed her chin and pulled her face up to his. She stared at him, forcing herself not to turn away. "Think whatever you like about me. I really don't care. You can call me an idiot, a git, a fucking _twat_ for all I care. But _never_ say that I give a **damn** about blood status."

He glared at her for a moment more, still gripping her chin roughly in his hand. It almost hurt, but Lily was so embarrassed that she didn't care. She tried to force herself to stare him down, but in the end, she couldn't do it. She looked away. Without another word, James looked away from her, his jaw clenched, and stood up and walked to his room.

Lily heard the door close and, without warning, tears began streaming down her face. She was so ashamed of herself. It was true that she didn't like James; he annoyed the hell out of her most of the time. But she knew better than to think that about him. She didn't know what she had been thinking when she said that. For the first time in a long time, she was disappointed in herself.

Not caring if she was seen, Lily sat on the floor, hiding her tear-streaked face in her hands, and let herself cry.

******A/N**: Well. I really don't know what to say. This chapter came out a bit differently than I was expecting it to, but I _think_ I like it. :) I'll know better once I find out what you guys think. So, please **__****REVIEW!** I would especially appreciate it for this chapter, if you could tell me if you liked it or not. Thanks! :)

Also, FFN is being dumb and not letting me save my edits to this chapter, so I can't make the page breaks. Urgh.


	5. New Acquaintances and Amortentia

**Disclaimer**: I'm starting to resent having to repeat over and over that I don't own Harry Potter. How much more pain can I endure?

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Lily paced in front of her bed the next morning. She wasn't sure what to do. She knew she had to leave her room sometime, but James was sitting in the common room (she had made sure to peek through the door before she went out). And the thought of running into him after what had happened the night before was almost too much for her to bear. She knew that she needed to apologize to him, and she wanted to, even; she felt horrible. But she also knew that, once she did apologize, he would never let her live it down. She dreaded seeing that smirk of his as she told him that she was wrong... But, she supposed, she deserved nothing less.

Steeling herself for whatever was about to come, Lily opened the door and walked out into the common room. James had a book in his hands and he glanced up as he heard her enter. He looked back down at it without so much as a nod. _Well, this should be interesting_, Lily thought, dryly. She tried not to let herself get discouraged, though. All she had to do was apologize. If Potter didn't want to forgive her, then that was his problem. But she had to do it, nonetheless.

"Hi," she said, tentatively.

James didn't even look up from his book as he said, "Hi," back. He certainly wasn't going to make this easy on her.

"Erm..." Lily struggled, trying to think of what to say, how to move forward. After a few seconds of extremely awkward silence, she decided that the easiest thing to do would be to just come out with it.

"Listen," she continued, James looking very much like he _wasn't_ listening, "I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it." She took a deep breath and tried not to think about his reaction. "I'm... sorry," she finally got out. "About last night. I shouldn't have implied that you're a purist." James finally looked up at her, and she was relieved to see that he wasn't wearing the condescending smirk on his face. "It was wrong of me," she continued, "and I feel awful about it. I don't actually think that about you. I just wasn't... myself last night. I was upset about everything that Dumbledore said and..." Lily stopped. She couldn't finish; she felt her throat start to close and her eyes start to sting as she thought about the muggle family, about the little boy, and about the countless others who would no doubt meet the same fate. She looked away from James's piercing gaze and down at her hands that were clasped tightly in front of her. "I'm just... sorry," she finally finished.

There was a long moment of silence as Lily continued to stare down at her hands. James regarded her in silence. All of his anger and frustration had melted away when he'd heard the strain in her voice; she sounded as if she were about to cry. He suddenly felt like the world's biggest arse. In his anger the night before, he hadn't stopped to think how this all must be affecting Lily. She was such a naturally talented witch that he often forgot that she, herself, was muggle-born. Not that it mattered to him _what_ she was, but given everything that was going on... Well, he could've been a bit more sympathetic.

James set the book he'd been pretending to read aside and stood up, taking a step closer to Lily. "Don't be sorry," he said, quietly. She finally looked up at him, and he was pained to see that her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "I'm the one who should be apologizing," he continued. "I should've known that... with everything going on..." He stopped, not sure how to finish the thought.

"I don't need your pity, Potter," Lily said, sharply, her expression hardening.

"I know you don't," James replied, unruffled. "You can take care of yourself." He didn't say it in a rude way, though; he meant it. James knew that she was capable of just about anything.

Lily looked at him for a moment, and she relaxed a bit. James did the same.

"So, are you going to accept my apology or not?" he asked her, smiling.

Lily gave a small smile and looked down at the floor, embarrassed by the moisture still in her eyes. "Only if you accept mine," she replied, returning her gaze to his face.

"Done," he said, smiling bigger and, before she could protest, he pulled her into a tight hug.

"Oh," she said, in surprise. She stood still for a moment and then, not quite sure what to do, she gingerly patted her hands against his back.

He pulled away and gave her a lopsided grin. "I hope you don't hug everyone like that, because that was pitiful."

Lily rolled her eyes at him, and suddenly felt back to normal. "You're forgetting one little thing, Potter" she replied. "I can't stand you."

"Oh, yes," he said, sarcastically. "How stupid of me."

Lily shook her head, but smiled, as she left James in the common room and made her way down to breakfast.

There were hardly any other seventh years down at breakfast when Lily made it to the Great Hall. Most of them had free periods in the morning to provide extra time for studying, but she was sure that almost all of them were still sleeping. Lily didn't have a free period that morning, though. Instead, she had decided to take Ancient Runes, a subject which she wasn't particularly fond of, but it was at least better than History of Magic. However, the fact that she didn't know anyone in the class only made it worse. She left with another essay to add to the growing list of coursework she had to finish.

After that, Lily headed to the Arithmancy classroom on the seventh floor. She was surprised by how excited she felt. She entered the classroom and looked around. Almost all the desks were empty, she noted, and the professor wasn't in the classroom yet. Not sure exactly where she should sit, Lily looked at the professor's desk to see if there was some kind of seating chart. There were several sheets of parchment strewn across the desk, all of them having complex number charts scrawled on them. She couldn't see anything that looked close to a seating chart, so she sat at the empty desk nearest her. There were only about six other students in the class so far, most of them Ravenclaws. Again, she didn't know anyone.

After a minute or so of sitting in silence, a woman who looked to be in about her late thirties entered the classroom.

"Good morning, class," she said loudly, without looking at them. She went up to the front of the class and wrote the words "Professor Vector" very neatly on the blackboard. "My name is Septima Vector- Professor Vector to you- and I will be your Arithmancy teacher this year."

She turned around and finally looked at the students sitting in front of her. "Oh," she said, in surprise. "There are so little of you."

Not sure quite what to say, the students just sat there. Lily tried to smile. After a moment of silence, however, a Ravenclaw boy came rushing into the classroom, breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry I'm late, Professor..." he glanced at the blackboard before continuing, "Vector. I... er... got lost."

A couple of Ravenclaw girls behind Lily giggled, and the boy smiled over at them. Lily couldn't help but notice that he was... particularly good-looking. He had dark blonde hair that sat neatly on his head and deep blue eyes. When he smiled at the giggling girls, Lily noticed that he also had a dimple in his right cheek that only enhanced his good looks. His eyes strayed to hers and Lily looked away, quickly, not wanting to be caught staring.

"Yes..." Professor Vector said. "Well, for future reference, know that tardiness is not accepted in my class. However, as this is the first day, I'll be lenient. Please, take a seat," she finished, gesturing to the desk where Lily was sitting. The boy smiled at her and made his way over to her.

He sat down next to her and turned to face her. "Hi," he said, still smiling at her. "Jacob Clearwater," he introduced himself, holding out his hand.

Lily shook his hand gingerly and said, "Lily Evans."

She saw his eyes move over her quickly, and the smile grew on his face, making his dimple more pronounced. "Pleasure to meet you, Lily."

Lily simply nodded and looked back to the front of the room. She could feel that she was redder than usual, and she hoped Jacob didn't notice. She simply sat there through the rest of the class, trying to concentrate as best she could. She'd never felt so... flustered, simply by sitting next to someone. The odd thing, though, was that she wasn't really sure what she thought about him. Sure, he was handsome, but he also seemed like he was acutely aware of the fact. But even so, she still felt tongue-tied every time he made a comment to her about the coursework, or whatever it was that he talked about. She couldn't do anything beyond nod at him and give a small, nervous laugh, embarrassing herself even further. He must have thought she was mental.

Finally (and not a moment too soon, in Lily's opinion), the class ended. "Okay, class," Professor Vector said, over the noise of the students gathering their things. "Your homework tonight is very simple. All you need to do is look over the number charts that I gave you and make a note of any and all numbers that seem significant to you. We will analyze your choices in our next class. I warn you, though," she continued, "this is the only truly easy assignment that you will be given this year, so don't get too comfortable." And with that caveat, Professor Vector exited the classroom.

"Well, that was reassuring," Jacob said from beside Lily, who was gathering her things as quickly as she could. She just wanted to be done with this; she hated feeling so awkward around him.

"Yes, well," she stammered, not knowing what to say to him for about the fifteenth time that day. "I guess I'll see you next class." She gave him a small wave.

"Definitely," he said, smiling at her.

And with that, Lily hurried away to the dungeons for double potions. She had never been so relieved to enter the dark, dank classroom.

"Ah, Lily!" she heard from behind her. She turned around and smiled at Professor Slughorn, who gave her a not-so-gentle pat on the back. "So good to have you back in my class again." He smiled down at her.

"Thank you, sir," she replied. "It's good to be back."

"Always a joy," he said as he steered her up to his desk. "I'm afraid I have a bit of bad news for you, though," he said.

Lily looked at him in concern. "What is it, sir?"

"Oh, nothing too dreadful," he assured her, giving her a sheepish smile. "But I doubt you'll be too happy about it, all the same."

Lily simply looked at him, and waited for him to tell her what was going on. He looked warily at her for a moment, and then gave a sigh.

"I've decided to seat you next to Mr. Potter and Mr. Black this year, Lily. I think you could really be a good influence on them," he said, like he was trying to justify it to her.

Lily braced herself to feel the familiar annoyance, the familiar dread of being anywhere near James. She waited... but it didn't come.

"Oh," she said, in surprise, to Slughorn. "That's okay, sir. I think I can handle them."

Slughorn's expression lifted and he gave her a proud smile. "Ah, I knew you would be alright with this! I need you to keep an eye on them for me," he said, lowering his voice and giving her a conspiratorial wink.

Lily laughed and said, "Of course, sir."

"Very good," he said, jovially. "Off to it, then. We'd better get started."

Lily headed over to the small table where she saw that, not only James and Sirius were sitting, but Alice, as well. Lily smiled at her friend, and felt herself relax. Surely, this couldn't be too bad, then. Alice looked a little uncertain as Lily approached the table, no doubt due to their little argument the night before. But when she saw Lily's smile, she visibly relaxed and smiled back. Lily took her seat next to Alice, who greeted her: "Still Slughorn's favorite, I see."

Lily rolled her eyes at Alice and said, jokingly, "As if that were ever in question."

Alice and James both laughed, and Sirius looked like he was impressed.

"Getting a bit cheeky, eh, Evans?" he said, winking over at her. James rolled his eyes.

Before Lily could respond, they were interrupted by Professor Slughorn.

"Welcome, class, to a new year! As a NEWT level course, I'll warn you that this class will, for most of you, be extremely difficult." Here, Slughorn looked at Lily with a knowing smile. She smiled back, and she saw him extend the same look to Snape, who was sitting across the room with Remus and Avery. Lily felt sorry for Remus, but looked away quickly when Snape met her eyes. "But," Slughorn continued, "for today, we'll start out with something- difficult,yes- but fun, as well. So," he clapped his hands, "with that said, please turn in your books to page twenty-seven and begin working on the amortentia potion shown there." Slughorn looked at the class like he had just given them a treat, and couldn't wait to see their joyful expressions. However, apart from a few giggling Slytherin and Gryffindor girls, the class seemed largely ungrateful.

Lily, herself, was excited, but more because she just loved potions, in general. She didn't particularly have any use for a love potion, but the challenge excited her, nonetheless. Without wasting any time, Lily opened her textbook and began assembling her ingredients. Alice and Sirius both simply stared at their books, reluctant to start. James, too, seemed intimidated by the task, but he went and got his ingredients and began trying to cut up his sopophorus beans.

Lily watched him for a minute, trying not to laugh as he tried hacking away at the beans in any way he could, unable to penetrate the hard shell. Finally, after one of his beans snapped into the air and ricocheted off the ceiling into Edgar Macmillan's head, Lily decided it was time she stepped in.

"Here, let me help with that," she said, moving over to James's side and taking his knife. "You have to crush the bean, not cut it," she told him. She took one of the beans and crushed it with the blade of the knife, making the juice flow out. "Now, you try," she said, handing the knife back to James.

He gave her a strange look, but took the knife back and put the side of the blade to one of the beans. "Like this?" he asked. But he hadn't centered the knife over the bean properly and it shot off the table. Lily laughed and shook her head.

"Not at all, actually," she teased him. "Come here."

James stepped closer to her and she moved the bean in front of him. She took his hands that were holding the knife and situated them over the bean, and pressed on them, signaling for him to apply pressure with the blade. A large amount of juice poured out of the bean, and James looked down at Lily, smiling. She looked back up at him, and noticed, again, how nice his eyes were. In the dim light of the classroom, they looked darker than usual, but no less compelling.

Lily heard Alice clear her throat behind them, and suddenly she realized that her hands were still on James's, and that they were standing awfully close to one another. Lily stepped away from him quickly and placed her hands behind her back, as if to hide the evidence.

"You'd better get started on your own potion, before you run out of time," Alice said, giving her an annoyingly knowing smile.

"I know that," Lily said, sharply, going back to her own place at the table. Sirius looked back and forth between Lily and James, smirking. James and Lily both kept their eyes on their work, James crushing the rest of his beans with ease.

By the end of the class, all four of them had finished their love potions, in varying levels of success. Lily guessed that she had done quite well on her potion, because she was having a hard time concentrating. She felt light-headed and a bit delirious, the scents of parchment and cinnamon wafting up out of her cauldron. There was also a third scent that was very familiar to her, but she couldn't quite place where it was that she had smelled it before.

She looked over at James, who looked the way she felt, so she assumed that his potion had turned out decently, as well. Alice and Sirius, however, seemed relatively unfazed.

Slughorn came around the classroom, surveying all the students' potions, making positive and negative comments as he went along. When he finally got to their table, he examined Sirius's potion first. He gave a small "tsk" and shook his head, before moving onto James and his cauldron. He wafted the fumes from James's potion toward him, and his expression turned a little goofy. After a moment, Slughorn shook his head as if to clear it and said, "Very well done, Mr. Potter. I'm impressed."

"Thank you, sir," James replied dreamily, and went back to hovering over his cauldron, breathing deeply. Slughorn gave James one last look of interest before moving onto Alice's potion, declaring it "passable," and came to a stop at Lily. He barely even looked into her cauldron before he said simply, "Quite perfect, Lily, dear." He gave her a broad smile, which she returned as best she could in her altered, dreamy state. Before he moved on, though, he said, "Might want to put a cover on that one, though. A bit _too_ good, eh?" he finished, with a chuckle.

Lily obliged and put the lid on her cauldron and, instantly, she was pulled out of her foggy haze. She marveled at the effect it had had on her. When Professor Slughorn said that amortentia was one of the most dangerous potions there was, he wasn't lying.

Lily got back to the dorm late that night. She had decided to go to the library after dinner to get a head-start on some of her homework, and by the time she finished with that, it was already almost after curfew. When she stepped into the common room, though, she stopped. The third scent she had smelled from her amortentia hung heavy in the room. She breathed in deeply, loving this smell most of all. She didn't understand, though. It still didn't smell like anything, in particular. It didn't smell like the leather of the chairs or the wood from the fire. It was strange; she couldn't figure it out. Finally, she gave up and went to her room, where the smell abruptly stopped. _What on earth?_ she thought to herself. She stood for another moment, trying to figure out what this meant, but she was too tired to really concentrate. Finally, she dropped her books in the chair next to her bed, and fell, still fully-clothed onto the mattress. She was asleep almost instantly.

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**A/N**: So, there you have it. There's not a _whole_ lot going on in this chapter, I know, but as you read, there are a few... developments. :) I hope you guys liked this chapter alright. Let me know what you think in a **_REVIEW!_** It really would make my day. :)


	6. Weird

**Disclaimer**: Alas, I own not Harry Potter. Aye, me! (Don't ask what's wrong with me right now.) **Warning**: This is an extremely long chapter, with vaguely sexy bits every now and then. The more you know.

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Lily lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She didn't feel like moving; she didn't want to go to her classes. She knew that she would- that she had to- but she allowed herself this brief moment of procrastination nonetheless. The past few weeks had gone by in a blur for Lily. Her main pastime had become tackling the growing pile of coursework that was now a virtual mountain of parchments on her desk. It seemed like the more assignments she completed, the more her professors gave out. Even with spending all of her breaks and evenings in the library, she couldn't make a dent in any of it. Not for long, at least. As a result, her social life had taken a turn for the nonexistent. Lily hardly ever talked to Alice lately for any substantial amount of time; Lily had school to keep her busy, while Alice had Frank. And she was actually still getting along with James, mainly for the fact that they rarely saw each other outside of classes.

With all of this, Lily was exhausted in just about every possible way. However, she would be able to handle it, if that were all that was weighing on her. But, of course, it wasn't. There were now multiple muggles who were either dead or missing, thanks to the Death Eaters. The numbers only grew as more time went by. Lily tried her best not to think about it all, but the knowledge that innocent, helpless people were dying- and that there was nothing she could do about it- haunted her. Her heart grew cold whenever she heard that a different family was murdered. And, for about the past week, there was at least one person turning up dead every day.

Lily lay in her bed for a few more minutes, trying to think about more... pleasant things, before she finally got up and headed toward the bathroom to take a shower. She walked through the common room and noted that James wasn't lurking about. _He must still be asleep_, she observed to herself.

Lily was halfway through her shower when she realized that she had forgotten to bring her school clothes with her into the bathroom. Meaning that she would have to walk back to her room in nothing but- now that she thought of it- a remarkably short towel.

"Bugger!" she exclaimed, out loud.

Lily didn't even scold herself for her language; she felt she was justified. How could she possibly forget her clothes? She wanted to kick herself, she felt so stupid. However, as she stepped out of the shower, she realized that she had more troubling matters to deal with. What if Potter was out there? What if he caught her all... wet? A strange shudder passed through her at the thought.

Feeling a bit panicked, Lily hurried to dry herself off as best she could. She thought maybe that if she could get out quick enough, James would still be in his room. She tucked the towel tightly around herself and examined her reflection in the mirror, making sure that she was as covered up as possible. However, that wasn't saying much, as the towel didn't even reach mid-thigh on her. Lily rolled her eyes and groaned in frustration.

She made her way over to the door of the bathroom and opened it just enough so that she could peek out to try and see if James was out there or not. However, she was so afraid of revealing herself that she couldn't open it more than just a slit, affording her a- very limited- view of a wall of the common room. Lily groaned and stepped away from the door. She was being stupid. She was going to have to come out sooner or later, Potter or no.

Lily scolded herself; she was being childish. Reluctantly, she forced her feet to move back toward the door and, without letting herself think any more about it, she pulled it open... only to have her fears confirmed.

James opened the door at the same time as Lily and, with his head down, he bumped into her and practically knocked her over.

Lily gasped in surprise, nearly jumping out of her skin. Sure, she had figured she would have to face him, but she wasn't expecting him to be right at the bloody door.

"Merlin!" she exclaimed, momentarily forgetting her current state of undress. "You scared the hell out of me." She, once again, forgave herself for her language.

"Sorry!" James apologized quickly, looking flustered. "I... didn't see you." He looked at her, then away, then back at her. He didn't seem to know where to put his eyes.

Lily quickly remembered that she was all but naked in front of him, and she looked away as well, clutching her towel around herself even tighter. She knew she was blushing, and wished there was some way she could stop it. She felt James's eyes on her, and she couldn't help but look back over at him. He was trailing his eyes over her, from her shoulders, down her arms, and then her legs. He didn't seem to realize that she was watching him. It felt like he was burning her skin wherever he looked, and she squirmed a little in embarrassment. James looked back up at her and quickly away again, but not before Lily saw the almost... hungry expression in his dark hazel eyes. Her stomach lurched.

"Sorry," he repeated, reaching up to muss his hair.

"Er..." Lily struggled. "No problem." She felt... strange; dizzy, almost. She needed to get back to her room.

"Well, I'll just... be going, then," she said, awkwardly, motioning toward the door.

"Right," James replied quickly, and moved to the side to let her by.

Lily gave him a small, strained smile before rushing out, her arm brushing against his in the process. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and hurried to her room closing the door quickly behind her. She leaned against it for a moment, suddenly noticing that her heart was pounding and her breath was coming in small, shallow gasps. Lily placed a hand against her chest, trying to calm herself down from whatever was happening to her. She felt dizzy again, and made her way over to the bed.

After a few minutes, Lily's breathing and heart rate finally returned to normal. Thinking a bit more clearly, she got up and changed into her uniform, trying to ready herself for the embarrassment that was to come. She knew she would have to sit by James in Transfiguration and, of course, he would want to make some kind of joke out of this, like he did everything else. But there was nothing she could do.

Resigning herself to that fact, Lily peeked out at the common room and made sure James was still in the bathroom before she hurried down to the Great Hall for breakfast. When she entered the large room, she saw that Alice was sitting by herself at one of the tables, a copy of _The Daily Prophet_ in her hands. Lily hurried over to the table, grateful for an opportunity to maybe talk with her friend without the ever-present pile of homework lurking in the back of her mind.

She sat down across from Alice, but she didn't seem to notice. Her head was down, and she appeared to be reading frantically, her lips mouthing the words on the page.

"Alice?" Lily said, hesitantly, loath to interrupt. She knew how annoying it was for her when someone tried talking to her while she was reading.

Alice started, a hand flying up to her heart, and she looked up at Lily. "Bloody hell," she said, calming down immediately. "You know I hate it when you do that."

"Sorry," Lily said, apologetically. She forgot that Alice was easily startled when she was, to use her words, "in the zone." Lily smiled a little to herself. "What were you reading, anyway?" she asked, curious as to what had grabbed her friend's attention so wholly.

However, she was surprised to see Alice give her a wary look. "What?" Lily asked, a little worried now. "What happened?"

Alice cast her another reluctant glance before sighing. "Another person's been murdered."

Lily's heart sank at the news, but she wasn't altogether surprised. Sadly, this type of bad news was becoming commonplace, which made Lily think that there was something else that Alice wasn't telling her. Clearly, something was different about this case.

"What is it, Alice? What don't you want to tell me?"

Alice looked at Lily for a long moment, before continuing. "It... wasn't a muggle this time. It was a wizard. A muggle-born wizard," she finished, reluctantly.

For a moment, Lily's heart stopped beating. She drew in a shaky breath and tried to compose herself, but she felt cold inside.

"A... muggle-born?" Lily breathed.

Alice gave her a sad look and nodded.

"Right," Lily said, nodding back at her friend. "Well," she continued, trying to be reasonable, "we knew it was only a matter of time. It really shouldn't be surprising that it happened sooner rather than later."

Alice gave her a strange look. "Are you okay, Lily?"

"I'm fine," she replied, too quickly. "Really," she continued, at her friend's doubtful expression. "_Fine_."

"Okay," Alice nodded, still not looking convinced. But, knowing Lily, Alice could tell that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. So, she decided to help her out and change the subject. "So, the first Hogsmeade trip is tomorrow. _Please_ tell me you're planning on going." She gave Lily a reproachful look, like she already knew the answer.

Lily was grateful for the change of subject, but she couldn't help but wish that her friend had chosen a different topic to switch to. "Probably not," she replied, sheepishly. She knew Alice wouldn't be happy with her, but what choice did she have? The Hogsmeade trip was the perfect opportunity for her to get some work done: there weren't any classes that she had to go to, there would be no one around to distract her... She'd be crazy _not_ to stay, she told herself.

As she suspected, Alice did not look happy at all. "And why not?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Lily sighed, trying not to roll her eyes. "Come on, Alice. You know how much homework I have left to do."

Alice narrowed her eyes at Lily. "No, _you_ come on," she said. "All you do is sit around in the library! You can't have that many assignments left."

"Oh, really?" Lily said, starting to get annoyed. "Do you want me to prove it to you? Show you exactly how much work I really have? Alice, my desk is _covered_ with unfinished assignments, most of which are due next week! I'm sorry, but I don't really have a choice, here."

Alice gave her a hard look for a moment, but then looked down and took a breath. When she looked back up, her expression was softer. "I'm sorry," she said. "You're right. I know that you're under a lot of stress right now; you don't need me adding to it." Lily was about to protest, but Alice continued. "I just miss you, you know? I feel like I haven't talked to you in weeks."

Lily looked at her friend, and suddenly felt guilty for losing her temper. All her annoyance vanished when she heard Alice say that she missed her. After all, she felt the same way. She missed being able to just hang out with Alice. And, having no real contact with anyone, she'd been feeling incredibly alone lately.

"Don't be sorry, Alice," she said. "You have a point. As usual," she added, and was happy to see Alice roll her eyes and smile. "We'll hang out more, I promise. Just... not tomorrow, okay? I just want to get in one really good, solid day of work before I start... cutting back."

Lily was surprised when Alice laughed out loud. "You talk about school like it's an addiction, you know that? 'Cutting back,'" she teased, making Lily roll her eyes. "I guess going cold turkey's just too hard, is it?"

"Hush," Lily said, jokingly. It was amazing how much better she already felt just by talking to Alice. It hadn't even been all that pleasant of a conversation, either, but just talking about **anything** with someone made her feel better; less alone.

Her mood only improved in Defense Against the Dark Arts when Professor Bellamy announced that they would be working on conjuring patronuses. Lily couldn't help but smile at the thought. She'd never tried conjuring one before, as she'd never really had any reason to. But now she was excited to try it out. She wondered what form her patronus would take. She didn't even know what to guess, though. She thought maybe an owl, but she really had no idea. Lily practically squirmed in her seat next to her new partner, a quiet Slytherin girl named Amy Rookwood. Lily thought she seemed nice enough, for a Slytherin but, seeing as she never spoke, it was hard to tell.

After Bellamy finished talking the students through the basics, he had them move the desks against the walls and stand where they were and think of a happy thought. But, of course, not just any happy thought. Professor Bellamy was quite clear that it had to be a very powerful thought; they had to relive the happiest moment of their lives and let it fill them up. Lily concentrated as she stood off a bit to herself. She didn't want anyone distracting her.

The happiest Lily could remember ever being was her first night at Hogwarts. Nothing would ever compare to the way she had felt when she first saw the beautiful castle on the hill, reflected back in the dark, glassy water of the lake as she sailed across it that first time. And it had only gotten better from there: her first view of the Great Hall, being sorted into Gryffindor, the way the food just magically appeared on their golden plates. She knew then that she would never get bored or complacent when it came to magic; it would always amaze her.

After a few minutes of thoughtful silence from the students, Bellamy gave the order for them to recite the incantation.

"Expecto patronum!" Lily said, trying to put all the happiness she felt into the words. Her wand twitched a bit in her hand as a bright white light erupted out of its tip. The light ebbed out for a few moments before fading into nothingness. Lily stared, frustrated that the spell hadn't worked for her. She looked around at her classmates, and was slightly mollified to see that many of them had failed to produce _anything_ with their wands. However, as her eyes continued to roam across the class, she saw that there was one student who'd managed to conjure a full-bodied patronus. Lily was more than a little shocked to see that it was James who had done it.

Professor Bellamy was practically in raptures as he made his way over to James. "Merlin's beard!" he exclaimed. "Very impressive, Mr. Potter. I've never even heard of anyone conjuring a full-blown patronus on their first try! Very impressive, indeed." He clapped James on the back, who was looking a bit sheepish at the attention.

"Thank you, sir," he said, with an air of modesty. Lily narrowed her eyes at him. Something wasn't quite right about this. Since when was modesty one of Potter's "virtues"? James looked up and saw her glaring at him. He smirked.

He sent his patronus, an admittedly beautiful stag, over to her and she stared at it. Suddenly, it was speaking to her in Potter's voice.

"Jealous, Evans?"

Lily gaped at the stag in front of her and then over at James. How on earth was he doing that? She knew, of course, that patronuses were often used as messengers, but how was _Potter_ doing it?

Lily composed her expression from amazed to indifferent and walked over to James. She stared up at him for a moment, resenting the smug look on his face, before saying, "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that this isn't the first time you've tried conjuring a patronus."

James gave her a mock-offended look and said, "You doubt me, Evans?"

Lily rolled her eyes at him. "Like I really need to answer that."

James dropped the act and chuckled. "You caught me," he said, holding his hands out.

Her annoyance with Potter began to fade, quickly replaced by curiosity. She wanted to be able to do it, too.

"So... how long have you been able to conjure one?" Lily asked, as nonchalantly as she could. She hated the idea of asking advice from Potter; she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had finally beaten her. But still... she wanted to know.

"Since about third year," he said, with a shrug. Like it was no big deal.

Lily struggled to keep her eyes from widening in shock. That was...

"Impressive," she told him, grudgingly.

The smirk returned to James's face as he looked down at her. "You looking for some tips?" he asked.

Lily glared up at him, not saying anything. She didn't want to admit that he was right.

"Because, you know," he continued, taking a step closer to her, "I'd be happy to help you out. If you want."

Lily bit her lip, feeling torn. On the one hand, she hated the thought of taking any help from Potter. But, on the other hand, there was still that compelling need that she had to succeed in everything she did. She didn't like the idea of being second-best, especially to _him_.

James tried not to stare at her mouth as she nibbled on her bottom lip. He tried not to remember what she'd looked like in nothing but that skimpy bath towel, or how she'd smelled fresh out of the shower. How she'd blushed prettily when she saw him, or the look he saw in her eyes when he realized that she'd seen him looking her over. He _tried_ not to think of all these things. But, Merlin help him, he was a bloke, after all, and these things couldn't simply be ignored. He continued to tell himself that he didn't actually feel anything for her but, even so, he wasn't stupid enough to say that he didn't find her attractive. Who didn't?

He waited patiently for her response, gladly taking the opportunity to examine her generous lips.

Lily finally looked up at James, who had an odd expression on his face. She ignored it, though, and said resolutely, "Yes. I would... appreciate it if you could help me." She hated saying the words, but she wanted to conjure her patronus more.

"Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?" he said, smiling down at her.

"Don't make me change my mind," Lily shot back.

James laughed, but let it go.

"Okay," he said, taking her shoulders and turning her around in front of him. He stepped closer to her, his hands still resting on her shoulders, his chest brushing against her back. Lily shuddered a little, and she could practically hear the satisfied smirk on his face as he said, "Now, just relax. That's the first thing you always need to remember. It's impossible to be completely happy if you're tense- which you are, most of the time."

Lily huffed and rolled her eyes, but tried to loosen her muscles.

James leaned toward her and said in her ear, "It helps if you close your eyes, instead of rolling them."

Lily shuddered again at the feel of his warm breath against her skin. She wanted to yell and curse at him; to hit him, even. She knew he was doing this on purpose, trying to provoke some kind of reaction out of her. And, Merlin help her, he was winning. She was sure he could feel it every time a shiver ran down her spine. She hated the git, but she had to admit he was good. She reluctantly closed her eyes.

"You're not relaxed," he stated, matter-of-factly.

She gave an exasperated sigh, her eyes still closed, and retorted, "I wonder why."

Lily heard- and felt- James chuckle behind her, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he began kneading his fingers into her tense shoulders, coaxing her muscles to unclench. It felt so good that Lily couldn't stop the soft moan that escaped her lips.

Lily's eyes flew open in surprise and, without thinking, she clapped a hand over her mouth. In an instant, her muscles knotted themselves back together, and she jerked away from James's hands. She knew she was overreacting, but she couldn't stop herself.

"Sorry!" James said, quickly, pulling his hands farther away. "Did I hurt you?"

"No," Lily said, without thinking.

"Then... what's the problem?" he asked, looking confused.

_Shit_. She should've just lied; told him he was hurting her. There was no way she was going to explain the truth to him.

Lily looked around for a moment, as if the right explanation hung somewhere in the air around them. Having no such luck, though, she simply said, "Nothing. Sorry. I'm fine," she reassured him. She turned back around in front of him, to let him... relax her. Her face was bright red now, she knew, but she tried her best to hide it.

James brushed her hair off her neck to get a better grip of her shoulders. Her hair now hung over one shoulder, leaving her tender skin exposed. As his fingers brushed against her already fevered skin, Lily shuddered once more, but made no sound as his fingers once again began their kneading.

James hadn't expected this to be so hard for him. He was having a bit of trouble concentrating on what he was doing; the other students and the professor in the room were long forgotten. He stared down at the soft skin of her neck while his fingers continued to dig and press, her muscles loosening with every sweep of his hands. He could smell her hair from where he was standing, and he was strangely reminded of the Potions classroom. That couldn't be right, though. Nothing this sweet-smelling ever came from that place. He felt yet another shudder go through her, and he knew he must be doing something right. However, he had a bit of a growing... problem. That little moan that had come out of her earlier kept replaying in his head, now that he knew it wasn't from pain. And every time he felt her shudder under him, his... problem got a little bigger. He knew he'd only been massaging her for a few minutes, but it seemed like hours to him. He needed to stop.

"Okay," he said, sounding more calm than he actually was, and taking his hands away. "You're relaxed now. Finally," he couldn't help but add, just to feel more like his normal self.

Lily didn't respond to that, which surprised him, but he kept going. "Now, think of your happy thought or memory, or whatever it is. You can even just make something up, if you need to. Whatever it is, just think solely on it. Push all of your other thoughts away for a minute, and concentrate on filling yourself up with that happy feeling. Just... let it take over," he said. "Once you feel like you're ready, just say the incantation. Trust me," he said, walking around so that he was in front of her, "it'll work."

Lily stood there for a moment, eyes still closed, trying to do what he'd said. This time, she concentrated on the feeling more than the thought itself, and she let it fill her up until she somehow felt both giddy and peaceful. A moment later, she felt her fingertips tingling, and she figured that meant she was ready.

"Expecto patronum!" she said, holding out her wand.

Lily's eyes flew open as her wand gave a surprisingly powerful jerk, and a silver doe erupted from the tip. She stared at the doe in awe. She was a little surprised at the form her patronus had taken, but she felt it was perfect all the same.

She looked over at James, a huge smile of accomplishment on her face. She almost wanted to hug him. Never had she expected to conjure a seemingly perfect patronus on her second try. James smiled back at her before staring down at the doe. He cocked his head a little to the side, like he was confused.

"What is it?" Lily asked, disappointed. "Did I do something wrong?"

James looked at her in surprise. "What?" he said. "No, it's perfect. I'm sorry, I was just thinking..." James trailed off for a moment before finishing: "It's nothing."

Lily looked at him skeptically. There was something he wasn't telling her, she knew it. But she didn't have an idea what it might be.

"Anyway," James continued, reaching up to ruffle his already messy hair, "just keep practicing like that and, eventually, you'll be able to do it on a moment's notice; when it really counts."

"Can you?" asked Lily, curious.

"Sure," he replied, with a shrug.

"Can you show me?" It's not that she didn't believe him. She was just curious to see him do it, to see how fast he could pull that happiness out of nowhere.

James hesitated, and looked back down at her doe that was now circling around the pair of them. "Well..." he said, drawing the word out, stalling for some reason. "I don't really-"

"Please?" Lily said, giving him her best smile. She had no clue why he was so reluctant to cast his patronus again, but she was starting to get suspicious.

James looked down at her for a moment, reaching up to muss his hair again. "Fine," he said, after a few seconds.

And with little more than a moment's hesitation, James recited the incantation and the silvery white stag burst forth from his wand.

"Wow," Lily breathed, staring at the creature. She looked back up at James. "You know how much I hate giving you compliments, Potter, but that's incredible."

James scratched his neck and said, "Not really. I've had years to practice that. You're the impressive one. It took me... well, a lot longer to conjure up my full stag."

Lily looked down, a little embarrassed, and said, "Well, I had your help."

She looked back up at him tentatively, and he was smiling down at her. She gave him a small smile in return, feeling inexplicably shy.

Lily looked back down at their patronuses and noticed something strange. Her doe and James's stag were now facing each other; no, _looking_ at each other. After a brief moment, the stag took a small step toward the doe and touched her nose with his own. Lily glanced quickly up at James, not knowing what to make of this. However, he was staring down at the patronuses with an indecipherable expression on his face. She looked back down at the two creatures, and her eyes widened when she saw that the stag and doe were now necking. Lily just stared at the pair; she couldn't take her eyes away.

"Well," said a voice from behind them, finally making Lily and James look up from their patronuses. Professor Bellamy was standing next to them, looking down at the stag and doe. "I must say, this is very interesting." A small smile crept onto his face and he looked up at the two of them with a knowing glance.

"What is?" Lily asked, not knowing what to think. "What's this supposed to mean?"

The professor looked like he was about to say something, when James interrupted. "Nothing," he said, and with a flick of his wand, the stag dissipated.

Lily looked over at him, confused by his reaction, but said nothing. Professor Bellamy gave the two of them one last glance before giving a small shrug and making his way to a couple of other students. Before he left, though, he added with a smile, "Most impressive, Ms. Evans." Lily smiled back at him, glad that he, at least, approved. James, on the other hand, seemed to be a different story.

"What was _that_ about?" she said, turning back to him once Bellamy was out of earshot. She looked around briefly and noticed that Amelia was staring over at the two of them, looking hurt. Lily gave her a concerned look, wondering what was wrong, but Amelia quickly looked away. Lily saw that Severus, too, was glaring over at them. Or, more accurately, he was glaring at James. But that wasn't exactly out of the ordinary, so she ignored him and turned back to James.

"What was _what_ about?" he said, not looking her in the eye.

"Oh, come on, Potter, even you're not that thick," Lily retorted, rolling her eyes. "You're acting weird, that's what. Don't you want to know why our patronuses were acting like that?"

"Not really," he replied.

She huffed. Leave it to Potter to make everything that much more difficult. "Well, I do," she stated. "I've never heard of patronuses actually _interacting_ with one another."

"It doesn't..." James hesitated. "It doesn't bother you, then?"

"Why on earth would it bother me?" she asked, looking at him like he was crazy. "It's fascinating."

"Well," he said, still looking a little wary, "it's just... they were getting kind of cozy, don't you think?"

"Oh," she said, being drawn up short. Then, after a moment: "_Oh_."

James just nodded in response, scratching his neck.

Wow. Lily couldn't believe how clueless she was. She flushed a little in embarrassment. "Well," she said, briskly, "there's actually probably nothing to it. They _are_ only patronuses, after all."

James nodded firmly in agreement. "Right."

Thankfully, at that moment, the bell signaling the end of class rang, saving them from what was sure to be a remarkably awkward silence. Lily knew, of course, that she was merely going from one awkward situation to another. They were, after all, heading to Transfiguration, where she had to share a desk with James. Regardless, she felt like anything would be better if it took their minds off of the weird situation with their patronuses. And, to her mild surprise, Lily was right.

Sitting next to Potter in Transfiguration wasn't nearly as bad as she feared it would be, what with everything that had happened between them that day- first in the bathroom, then in DADA. She was relieved that he hadn't mentioned anything all day about seeing her come out of the shower. She didn't think she could've handled any more weirdness between them than there already was, at the moment. Lily sat and listened to McGonagall, taking notes and, for once, James did, too. He didn't say anything to her the entire class period, which was just fine with her. What was there to say, after all? She still didn't know exactly how she felt about the patronus business.

If Lily were being honest with herself, though, she would know that what had bothered her most about the day was not what happened between her and James's patronuses. What bothered her most was **how** she had conjured her patronus in the first place; what she'd been thinking of when she uttered the spell. In fact, if she were being honest with herself, she would have to admit that she_wasn't_ thinking of her first night at Hogwarts, but of something much closer, and much warmer.

* * *

**A/N**: I will admit that this is kind of a weird place to end the chapter. But it had to end somewhere, right? Lol, I just wanted to keep going, but it's long enough as it is. I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to my readers. I know I took forever updating this time. I'm going to take the easy way out and blame it on the fact that I have finals coming up that I am ridiculously unprepared for, so I've been trying not to kill myself because of that. Hahah. But really, I am sorry. I've been dying to update sooner, but I never had the time. Until now. :) So, think of the extreme length of this chapter as a sort of I'm-sorry-I-fail-at-life peace offering. However, I would like to offer you guys something else as penance, if anyone wants to take me up on it. **If you have an idea for a one-shot you'd like me to write, send me a PM and I'll credit you! It can be ANY pairing (yes, that includes Dramione). Please just nothing slightly creepy, like Snape/Hermione. **I can't even fake that shit. :P No offense to all you Snapmione... Snermione... Hersnape... (?) shippers.


	7. A Day to Remember

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is not mine. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! Sorry it took so long to put up (school is an almost literal pain in my ass right now).

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Lily woke up late the morning of the Hogsmeade trip. She figured she deserved to sleep in a bit, seeing as how she would be devoting the rest of her day to tackling her schoolwork. She decided to go down to the library instead of staying cooped up in the Head dorm. It was her favorite place to study; the smell of all the books, the peaceful silence... It was as close to enjoying doing all of her homework as she would get.

On her way to the library, Lily saw that most everyone had already gone down to the village. She came across the occasional straggler or two as she walked down the halls but, even then, most of them looked like they probably weren't old enough to go on the trip anyway. The realization that she was probably the only upperclassman to willingly forgo the outing made her feel even more isolated. Lily wasn't naturally antisocial, but she was firmly of the belief that her studies came first. She would never give anyone any reason to look down on her. People could call her a Mudblood all they wanted, she couldn't really do anything about that. But she knew that no one could honestly say that she wasn't a capable witch, and she wanted to keep it that way.

Lily made it into the library, and took a seat at a table toward the back of the room. She wasn't surprised to find that she was the only student there. The only person in the library besides her was Madame Pince, who at least trusted Lily enough not to damage any of her precious books. Regardless of the pronounced absence of students in the room, the woman stalked around the bookshelves like she was expecting to find a couple "canoodling" against one. Lily smiled to herself at the woman's intensity, but knew better than to laugh, lest she wanted to be turned out. With a quiet sigh, she reluctantly turned her attention to the great pile of textbooks and parchment before her, and dutifully began to work.

It was a couple of hours later when Lily felt someone nudge her shoulder gently. She opened her eyes, disoriented, and realized that her head was lying a bit uncomfortably on her open potions book. She realized with a shock that she must have somehow dozed off while studying for her upcoming potions exam. Lily quickly picked her head up from the book and rubbed her right cheek, which was red and lined from the pages of the book. She looked to her right and almost jumped out of her chair in fright when she saw Jacob Clearwater standing, books in hand, next to her. She had forgotten for a moment that she hadn't just woken up, she'd _been_ woken.

"Sorry!" he whispered, giving her an apologetic look and placing a calming hand on her shoulder. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, no, it-it's fine," Lily replied, still feeling a bit out of it. "You can sit down if you want," she told him.

Jacob smiled down at her, making her heart beat a bit faster, and took the seat next to her. Over the past few weeks, Lily had gradually gotten used to being around him, and they could now have a fairly normal conversation. But, every now and then, he would smile at her- or simply look at her sometimes- and she would feel that same... frisson that she had the first day she met him that made it a bit difficult to finish her thoughts.

"Thanks," Jacob said to Lily, laying a couple of textbooks out on the desk and scooting his chair a tad closer to hers.

Lily looked down at her books, not knowing exactly what to say. Sure, she considered Jacob somewhat of a casual friend by now, but she still felt slightly tongue-tied around him.

An awkward silence passed between them, before Lily finally was able to find something to say to break it. "So, what exactly are you doing here, Jacob?" she asked. "Not to sound rude, or anything, but I didn't really expect any... erm... company. Did you not go to Hogsmeade?"

"No, I went," he replied. "I just decided to come back a little early and try to get some work done." He gestured down at his books, as if to prove it.

"Really?" Lily said, surprised. "I can't imagine why anyone besides me would do that," she joked, lamely.

Jacob smiled at her regardless. "Well, as hard as you may find it to believe, you're not the only dedicated student at this school." He bumped his shoulder against hers and Lily felt herself blush, and she turned her face down, hiding it behind her hair.

"Although..." Jacob continued, sounding a bit embarrassed, "I will admit that I didn't come here just to study."

Lily looked up from the book in front of her and over at him quizzically. "Oh?" she said. What else was there to do at the library besides study?

"Yeah, I, erm, sort of had an ulterior motive," he replied, looking away from her.

Lily's curiosity was definitely piqued by this point. "Really?" she asked. "An ulterior motive to come to the library..." she mused, teasingly. She tried to think of one for a moment before saying, "Well, I give up. What is it?" She was getting more curious by the second, especially given that Jacob actually seemed to be blushing.

"Well..." he began, looking uncomfortable, "I, erm, couldn't help but notice that you weren't in the village when I was down there."

Lily nodded. "Okay...?" she said, not sure where he was going with this. He obviously wasn't telling her anything she didn't already know. She studied him and almost laughed out loud. She probably would have, too, if she hadn't spotted Madame Pince, who glared over at their table before stalking off. She smiled a little, and turned her attention back to Jacob. It was so strange seeing him so... flustered. That was usually her place, while he was typically confident and laid-back. It was kind of nice to have the roles reversed for a change.

"Yeah," Jacob said, "and I've been meaning to ask you something..." He shifted slightly in his chair and briefly met her eyes before turning away again.

"What is it?" she asked, almost concerned now. She was beginning to think that maybe it was something serious.

Lily watched as Jacob seemed to steel himself. "Well, you know how Slughorn's having one of his 'get-togethers' for Halloween, right?"

"Oh," Lily said, in surprise. She had forgotten all about it. Slughorn often had these so-called "get-togethers" for the students in his Slug Club. Lily really didn't much enjoy going to them, though, and had so far managed to beg off, using her schoolwork as an excuse. "Right," she continued. "That's in... what, a week?"

"Ten days," Jacob corrected her quickly, and then gave her an embarrassed smile.

Lily's heartbeat picked up its pace at the smile, and she began to suspect what he wanted to ask her. She tried to give him an encouraging smile, wanting him to continue.

"Okay," he continued, abruptly. "So, erm, well... I was just wondering if maybe you would want to go with me? Like... a date."

Lily couldn't help the smile that spread across her face, and she felt herself blushing. Her heart stuttered a bit. "I'd love to," she said, simply.

Jacob's face broke into a wide smile of its own and he said, "Really?" in an excited whisper.

Lily smiled bigger and nodded. He looked her in the eyes for a moment before she saw his gaze drop down to her mouth. He wasn't smiling anymore, and she felt her own smile fade as her heart began pounding inside her chest. Jacob leaned forward slightly and Lily's eyes began to drift shut. Suddenly, though, without warning, James's face flashed through her mind, and she pulled back slightly, disturbed.

"Ahem," someone cleared their throat. Lily looked over and, to her horror, there was James himself, standing in front of their table with an almost angry expression on his face.

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed in shock, and jumped back in her chair, away from Jacob, who simply glared over at James.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said, not sounding sorry at all.

"Don't worry about it," Lily said quickly, trying to compose herself and save face. She couldn't look at James. "There, erm, wasn't anything to interrupt." She cast a glance over at Jacob, who continued to glare at James, looking almost hostile.

"Right..." He didn't sound convinced, but he continued. "Whatever, it's not important. You have to come with me," he said, looking at Lily alone.

"She doesn't _have_ to do anything," Jacob said, standing up, his annoyance clear in his voice.

James's eyes flashed and he looked at Jacob disdainfully. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

Jacob stood up taller. "Jacob Clearwater. And yourself?"

James gave him a cold smile. "I'm Head Boy, that's all you need to know."

Jacob visibly faltered for a moment, but regained composure. "Regardless, that doesn't give you the right to boss Lily around. Unless I'm mistaken, she's Head Girl, which makes her your equal."

Lily looked up briefly and saw James's jaw clench. "Look," he bit out, "I don't have time to deal with you right now, Clearwater, or believe me I would-"

"Stop," Lily said, finally speaking up. The boys' fists were clenched and she wasn't eager to see where this would go if she didn't step in. She glared at the side of James's head for a moment- he refused to move his eyes from Jacob- before turning back to Jacob, herself. "Look," she said, "I have to go with him now, but I'll see you later. Okay?" Jacob looked down at her and his expression softened a bit. He shot one last look at James, and then took her hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"Okay," he said, softly, with a small smile just for her. She smiled back before walking over to James, who was looking at Jacob scornfully.

"Well, are we going or not?" she said to James, a bit rudely, folding her arms across her chest. She refused to look at him as she said it.

He rolled his eyes down at her and took her arm, leading her out without another word, despite her protests.

James let go of her when they were halfway down the corridor outside of the library.

"Well?" she asked, annoyed, rubbing her arm as they continued walking. It felt strangely tingly. "What was that all about?"

"Professor McGonagall told me to come get you," he said, vaguely, looking straight ahead as they made their way up a flight of stairs and down another hallway.

"Just... wait a second, will you?" Lily said, frustrated, reaching out and grabbing James's arm, forcing him to stop.

He looked down at her and she finally got a good look at his face. What she saw there took her aback. His expression was hard and cold, but that's not what shocked her. Somehow, she hadn't noticed before that there was a deep cut on his cheek and a bruise that was beginning to form around his right eye. She gasped. All of her anger vanished, and instinct took over. She reached her hand up to his face. James winced slightly as she brushed her fingers lightly against his right temple, where the bruise began.

"James..." Lily said. She was taken aback by the strength of her concern for him. She felt a physical ache in her chest, a longing to make him better. Confused- alarmed, even- by the intensity of her feelings, she struggled to push them aside. "What... what happened?"

When James merely stared down at her, she continued more forcefully. "James, tell me what's going on."

James's expression softened for a moment, and she saw something in his eyes that she couldn't quite define. In that brief moment, he looked so... vulnerable. Lily unconsciously took a step closer to him, wanting to comfort him, somehow. But a moment later, his eyes hardened and his expression turned almost blank. James grabbed her arm again and continued to lead her down the corridor. Without pausing in his steps, he said flatly, "Hogsmeade's been attacked."

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**A/N**: Ooh, cliffhanger! Hahah. :P Well, as you probably noticed, this was a really short chapter; the shortest one so far, in fact. And I feel really bad about that, especially since it took me such a long time to update. I seriously considered going past this point for the chapter, but it's just such a perfect place to stop that I couldn't go on. As I'm sure you also noticed, this chapter was pretty Jacob-heavy. I _almost_ feel bad for that, too, just because I love James so much. But I don't regret it because, when James finally does come in, he totally steals the show. Lol. :) I know that, overall, this chapter was a bit slow but, as you can see, it's not without developments. ;) The main one, of course, being the attack on Hogsmeade. But there's also a somewhat crucial development between Lily/Jacob **as well as **Lily/James. I hope no one's too mad at me for the Lily/Jacob-ness. Jacob plays a big part in bringing James/Lily together, as you'll see later on in the story. So, for now, just be patient. All in good time, dear readers. ;)

Once again, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and if you want to know what happens next, **_REVIEW!_** :D


	8. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is not mine. **Also**: Yay! A long(er) chapter! Or is that more like, "yay?" Lol. I hope you guys enjoy it, either way!

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Lily sat next to James in front of Professor McGonagall's desk in her office. She was speechless. She hadn't been able to say anything since James had spoken those awful words: "Hogsmeade's been attacked." Thinking about it sent a wave of nausea through her, and she tried desperately to control it.

McGonagall stood behind her desk and observed the two of them. Her hair, which was always meticulous, was coming out of its would-be neat bun. There was a smudge of dirt across one of her flushed cheeks and the fire in her eyes seemed barely contained.

"Now," she said, clipping her words in an impatient manner, "I'm sure the two of you are wondering why I'm here talking to you instead of attending to the students who were involved in the attack."

She had a point. As paralyzed with shock and fear as Lily's mind was, she did notice that McGonagall's presence here was a little odd.

"I can assure you," she continued, pacing behind her desk, "that I, too, feel it is my duty to administer to the students. However, Professor Dumbledore has given me strict instructions that I am to address the two of you, first and foremost."

Lily didn't understand what was going on; not any of it. She looked over at James sitting next to her for... she wasn't sure what. Comfort? Reassurance? Whatever it was, he didn't provide it. He sat, stone-faced, looking straight ahead. She noticed, though, that he didn't meet McGonagall's eyes, either.

Lily opened her mouth and, for the first time since James had told her the news, she felt like she might be able to speak. Like she might be able to ask the question that had been pounding against the walls of her mind, eager to escape.

"Professor," she started quietly, her voice sounding strange in her own ears. "Is-is anyone hurt?" Lily looked away in embarrassment as soon as the words left her mouth. What a stupid question. _Of course_ people were hurt. She saw James finally glance at her out of the corner of her eye. "I mean," she continued, lamely, "is everyone alright?"

The impatience in McGonagall's features softened, and she looked at Lily with sympathy. "Yes, Ms. Evans," she said reassuringly, "everyone will be fine. Several students sustained injuries," she conceded. "But nothing that Madam Pomfrey can't correct."

A heady sense of relief swept through her as McGonagall said the words. Her body still hummed uncomfortably with adrenaline and anxiety, but the nausea, at least, subsided. There was one more thing she had to ask, though.

"Is Alice okay?" She gave Professor McGonagall a hopeful look.

However, McGonagall did not return it. She wouldn't meet Lily's eyes. Lily's heart stopped beating. James turned his head toward her and she gave him a pleading look. "What happened?" she demanded.

James looked away from her face and began, "Lily-"

"No!" she cut him off. "Tell me what happened!" Panic seized her and she looked frantically back at McGonagall, who finally gave her a steady gaze in return. Lily tried to find comfort in that.

"Alice is alright, Lily," she told her. "She's going to be fine."

Lily couldn't help the happiness that came over her at the thought, but she quenched it quickly. She had to know. "What happened?" she repeated.

McGonagall looked at her for a moment before saying, "Alice was hit with a Cruciatus curse."

Lily's mind went blank and, for a moment, she felt dead inside. However, that moment passed quickly and suddenly she was standing, ready to leave. She had to see Alice. Her friend needed her, and she would be damned if she was just going to sit around with the two of them and discuss it calmly.

"Ms. Evans," Professor McGonagall said sternly, "We are not finished here."

"I don't care," Lily shot back, making her way to the door. And she didn't. The only thing on her mind now was Alice.

"Wait," McGonagall said, and the tone in her voice made Lily stop and look back at her. "Trust me when I say that I understand what you're feeling right now, Lily. The students of this school, and especially those in Gryffindor house, are my responsibility. I'm just as frustrated as you are that we have to be here, instead, but it is something that must be done. As Head Boy and Girl, it's important that you be one of the first to know when things change at this school. We need to discuss the new safety precautions, and the sooner we get this conversation over with, the sooner we can begin enforcing them."

Lily listened to her, feeling torn. Her desire to find Alice warred with her duty as Head Girl, and she didn't know what to do.

"It will only take a few minutes once we get started," said McGonagall, persuasively. "You can see Ms. Hinton as soon as we're done here."

Lily glanced over at James. He caught her gaze and held it. He'd yet to say a word since he told her what had happened, but the look he gave her now was so full of them that she couldn't begin to understand its meaning. All she knew was that the intensity of his gaze knocked the breath out of her and momentarily made her forget what she was doing, and why she was upset.

Drawing closer, she held his gaze until she sat back down next to him. Finally, she turned her eyes back to Professor McGonagall, who simply looked at the two of them for a moment.

"Thank you," she said softly, addressing Lily. "Now," she continued, "there are just a couple of things that you two need to know."

Lily focused her attention as best she could on McGonagall, reminding herself that the sooner they got through this, the sooner she could go see Alice.

"First," McGonagall began, "a new curfew will be enforced. All students will now be required to be in their houses by 7:00 pm, sharp." Lily saw James shift next to her, like he wanted to protest, but he kept silent. "No exceptions," she added sternly, also noticing James's reaction.

"More importantly, however," she continued seriously, "is that we will be implementing a new partner system."

Lily just stared at her, confused. After a moment of silence, she asked, "I'm sorry, Professor, but... I don't understand, exactly. What do you mean by 'partner system'?"

Professor McGonagall glanced at her and said, "Well, given the state of things, students are no longer allowed to wander about the castle by themselves. From this point on, all students will be assigned a partner, in addition to being escorted to classes by a professor, to ensure that there is never an excuse to be caught around the school alone."

Lily gaped at her in shock.

"You can't be serious," James said indignantly, speaking up for the first time. Lily glanced over and saw that he was giving McGonagall an incredulous look. And, for once, she had to agree with him.

Professor McGonagall gave him a foreboding look, and an uneasy shudder went though Lily. She'd never seen McGonagall look so... fierce. "I can assure you that I take the safety of the students here _very_ seriously, Mr. Potter. You would do well to do the same."

James stared at her for a moment more before looking away, beaten. Lily couldn't help but to admire McGonagall's intensity; she really did care for the students. She still agreed with James, though, about this "partner" thing. There was no way it would work.

"I'm well aware," Professor McGonagall continued, her tone a bit lighter now, "that this plan is unpractical. And, frankly, I find it unrealistic. But _something_ must be done, and this is the easiest, most painless, way to do it. Now, all students will be assigned partners except the seventh years; they will be allowed to choose their own."

Lily breathed a small sigh of relief at that. She didn't want to think about how awful it would be to be paired up with someone she couldn't stand.

"I wouldn't get too comfortable with that thought, however," McGonagall said, warningly. "As a matter of convenience, all Prefects will automatically be paired together. So, the two of you will be each other's partners."

"What?" Lily asked, loudly. It came out more harshly than she meant it to, but she couldn't help it. She was forced to be around James enough as it was just by living with him. But being forced to be in their rooms by 7:00 every night? How did McGonagall expect her to get anything done?

"That's ridiculous!" James said, from beside her. "You can't honestly expect me to spend all my time with her?"

Lily had to admit, she was a little offended by that statement, and she threw a sharp glare his way.

Realizing what he'd said, James gave Lily an apologetic look. He hadn't meant his thoughts to come out as insulting as they had. He just didn't see how McGonagall could think they'd be able to enforce the stupid rule, when he and Lily would no doubt be too busy at each other's throats.

James had to admit that it had been easier, lately, sharing a dorm and classes with Lily, but that was mainly because he was never really around her. For the past few weeks, she had been running off to the library every day, coming back right at curfew and going straight to her room. So, of course they'd been getting along. But if he was going to have to spend all of his time with her... he didn't know how that was supposed to be a pleasant experience. Especially now that there seemed to be a particularly disturbing development between her and that Josh git. He already knew that he couldn't stand the twat and, annoyed, he realized that spending more time around her would probably equal having to spend more time around him, as well.

_If McGonagall really values her students' safety so much, then she had better think twice about this_, James thought to himself.

"No, Mr. Potter," McGonagall said impatiently, "I don't expect either of you to spend all of your time together. To do so would be impractical and inappropriate. But you two _will_ have to spend more time around each other than usual, just like all the other students. It's the easiest way to pair you up, seeing as you are already required, as Heads, to perform numerous duties together."

James sat back and tried not to roll his eyes. He had to admit that what she said was logical and true, but it was still one of the dumbest things he'd ever heard. There was no point going against her, though; he saw that. He looked over at Lily and saw that she wore an exasperated expression. However, he saw worry there, too, as he noticed her eyes flick toward the door every few seconds. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he realized that he was being incredibly inconsiderate. He was drawing out this process by arguing, when he knew that all Lily wanted to do was leave and go see Alice. There were bigger things here than his annoyance at their situation, and the guilt he felt shut him up.

"Now," McGonagall continued, "I just want to go over a couple of last, small details..."

James tried to listen, but he was suddenly finding it hard to concentrate. The screams of his classmates from earlier that day began to echo in his ears, and visions of students and people from the village running through the streets filled his sight. It came upon him so unexpectedly that he couldn't stop it. He didn't know what to do. He tried telling himself that it hadn't been that bad. No one was killed, after all. But no matter what he told himself, he couldn't shake it; the cold feeling in his chest. He tried to take deep breaths and stay calm, but it only seemed to be getting worse.

"James." He heard someone say his name, and he felt a gentle touch on his arm. It was what he needed to snap out of his strange reverie. He looked over and saw Lily staring at him, her forehead wrinkled in concern. She looked like she was about to say something, but he moved his arm away from her touch and looked back at McGonagall, silently cutting her off. He didn't want her feeling sorry for him.

McGonagall gave him the same look as Lily, but he ignored it and composed his expression into indifference. After a moment, she addressed him.

"Mr. Potter, if you would escort Lily to the hospital wing to see Ms. Hinton? I want you two to begin implementing this partner system immediately."

James sighed. Honestly, the last thing he wanted was to be surrounded by all the people who'd been in Hogsmeade that day. He needed to be alone. But he guessed privacy was a luxury he no longer had.

Without another word, he stood up from his seat and walked toward the door. "Er... thanks, Professor," he heard Lily say, before she made her way over to him. He stepped out into the hallway, not looking back, and felt an odd sense of relief come over him. He hadn't realized how cramped he'd felt in McGonagall's office. But the cool air and open space of the corridor calmed him down, and he felt next to normal.

The pair of them walked quickly down the hallway. James glanced over at Lily and noticed the anxious expression on her face. It occurred to him that maybe she might want to... talk, or something. About everything that had happened. Girls usually liked talking, right?

He slowed down slightly and looked over at her. "Do you... erm... you know, want to talk about it?" he asked, awkwardly. He hoped she would say no. Merlin knew he didn't feel like talking about any of it, but he would if it would make her feel better.

Lily gave him a strained smile and shook her head. "M-maybe later. But right now, I just... I can't," she choked out. She felt close to tears, and she knew it was obvious in her voice. To her relief, James didn't press her. He simply nodded and looked back ahead, walking faster.

When they were just outside of the hospital wing, Lily couldn't hold back anymore. She ran ahead of James and searched the room frantically with her eyes for her best friend. Finally, her eyes met with Alice's, and she thought she might faint with happiness. Alice looked completely fine. She was sitting on one of the cots with her legs crossed casually in front of her. A magazine lay open on her lap, seemingly forgotten when she saw Lily had come to see her. A smile broke across Alice's face, and Lily couldn't help but smile in return. She began to make her way over, but was stopped suddenly by Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm sorry," she said, firmly," but only certain patients are allowed visitors right now."

Lily opened her mouth to protest, but before she could say anything, James spoke from behind her. "It's okay, she's here to see Alice Hinton." He nodded over to the cot where Alice sat, and she waved over at them.

"Ah," Madame Pomfrey said knowingly, "Miss Hinton, of course. Well, go on, then, she's fine." She gave the two of them a rare smile before leaving to tend to one of the other students.

Without wasting another moment, Lily rushed over to the cot where Alice was sitting and grabbed her in a tight hug. She reminded herself that Alice was okay to keep herself from crying, but a couple of tears escaped her eyes nonetheless.

Alice chuckled. "You know, I thought you'd be happy that I'm alright. But here you are trying to suffocate me."

Lily laughed in relief and let her friend go. She sat next to her on the cot. "So, you're really okay, then?" She wanted to hear her say it again.

"Yes," Alice smiled. "I'm fine. Bloody knackered and ready to get out of this room, but other than that, I'm brilliant."

"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that," Lily said, slumping next to Alice on the cot in relief. She looked around quickly and saw that all of the other students in the wing looked well off, as well. The worst she saw were a few cuts and bruises. Which reminded her.

"Are you going to get that fixed?" she asked, turning toward James and indicating the bruise darkening around his eye. He was standing, looking a little uncomfortable, at the foot of the cot. Uncomfortable, but more like himself than she had seen him all day.

He shrugged and smirked at the two of them. "Nah, I figured I'd keep it," he said, touching the edge of the bruise. "Girls fancy guys with bruises, right? Supposed to be sexy." He winked at them with his good eye, making both Lily and Alice laugh.

"Oh, you thought I was talking about your bruise?" Lily couldn't help but tease. "No, I meant your face, in general."

Alice snorted beside her, and James gave her the first real smile she'd seen from him all day. It calmed the rest of her nerves, and she felt like herself again; like she was home. Everything was alright.

She smiled back.

"Now, Lily," Alice said, pretending to scold her and breaking her from her thoughts, "is that any way to talk to such a noble hero?"

"Alice-" James began, the smile gone from his eyes.

"Hero?" Lily interrupted. "What do you mean?" She turned toward Alice, curious.

"Nothing," James stated, before Alice could answer her.

Alice looked at him and smiled. "Modesty doesn't suit you, Potter." She turned back to Lily and began: "He was amazing, Lily. No other word for it. He... helped so many people. And Frank..."

For the first time, Lily saw a bit of what the battle had really done to Alice. Sure, she was fine on the outside. But there were other ways to hurt people... At the mention of Frank's name, Lily's heart skipped a beat. In her happiness for Alice's safety, she'd momentarily forgotten about him. She looked quickly around the room, but could see no sign of him.

"Alice, what happened? Is Frank alright? Is he...?" She didn't know what to think. Why wasn't he with them?

"No, no, he's fine," Alice assured, wiping a wayward tear from under her eye. "He's just resting in one of the private rooms. He..." She stopped, briefly, and took in a calming breath. "He got into it pretty bad with a couple of Death Eaters," she continued. Lily's heart clenched in her chest. "They cursed him a few times- I was lucky and only got the one. But he kept going after them; he kept getting up. A stupid thing to do, really," she said, but Lily saw the proud smile she wore. "They were just about to come at him again when James showed up and helped Frank fight them off." She looked at James here, and smiled gratefully, tears in her eyes.

Lily looked at James, herself, in astonishment and admiration. He met her gaze for a brief moment before looking down. He looked truly uncomfortable with the praise.

"Did..." Lily began, feeling things she didn't even know how to _begin_ to describe. "Did you really do those things?"

James shrugged, but didn't meet her eyes.

"And more," Alice said, eagerly. "He helped get the women who didn't want to fight and all of the children of the village to safety, and-"

"That's enough, Alice," James said, sounding more harsh than he meant to. The two of them looked at him in surprise. "Just... please, don't go on." He didn't know how to describe what he was feeling. Embarrassment was definitely at the top of the list. But it was more than that. All that stuff Alice was saying... It wasn't true, somehow. Sure, the facts were there, but she said it like he was some sort of hero. And Lily was looking at him like she actually believed he was. But it wasn't true. He had been scared nearly out of his wits when the village had been attacked. Hell, even now in the hospital wing, seeing all of the students lying on their cots with cuts and bruises all over their bodies... he was scared.

_Some hero I am_, he thought ruefully.

"James..." he heard Lily say, and he looked up at her. He wasn't sure if he liked what he saw. There was an odd mixture of concern and wonder in her expression that made him feel uneasy. He didn't deserve any of it. He knew he was acting strange, but he couldn't help it. He didn't deserve to know that she cared enough to be worried and he _definitely _didn't deserve her admiration. He didn't want any of it. All he wanted at that moment was to leave; to go up to his room and be alone. But he remembered what McGonagall had said, and he staid himself. He didn't want to get either of them into trouble.

Lily stared at James as he continued to stand uncomfortably at the foot of the cot. She had never thought before that modesty was one of James's strong points, but he kept surprising her. It only made her like him more, and she thought that maybe this whole "partner system" wouldn't be so bad after all. She almost laughed to herself at the thought, though; she knew she'd be eating her words soon enough.

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**A/N**: Okay! So, a lot of stuff going on in this chapter. It's not the longest (or the shortest, thank goodness) in this story so far, but it's pretty dense. Just a lot of... stuff, all packed in there. Lol. Well, I hope you guys liked this. I feel like it's probably kind of a weird place to end it, but I'm exhausted/it had to end somewhere/it's sort-of-not-really a cliffhanger. Hahah. This is a more introspective chapter, too. So there's not as much "action," but I hope you guys weren't too bored all the same. :P

**Also, I'm sorry this took forever to update!** My school life got a little crazy there for a bit, and before I knew it, almost a month had gone by between updates. I couldn't believe it! Rest assured, though, that that won't be happening again any time soon. I'm officially out for summer (thank God), so I'll have all the time in the world to work on this story. :D Thank you all for your patience, though, while I've been sorting through all this stuff. You guys are great. :)

**ALSO, I've been getting a lot of reviews/PMs lately asking/telling me to get to the juicy bits between James/Lily.** Lol, _trust me_, I'm just as impatient to get to the good bits as you guys are! But, seeing as this is a full-length fic where the two don't start out as a couple, I want to build the tension just a little bit more. Personally, I hate reading stories like this where the characters don't start out as a couple and they're shagging by the second chapter. I'm always left a little disappointed when that happens, like, "Now there's nothing to look forward to." Personally, I love a healthy dose of sexual tension/frustration while I'm reading stories, so I'm just trying to do the same for you all. Rest assured, though, that it WILL happen. And it won't be too long, now. ;) But I just love teasing you guys (and myself), what can I say? Lol.

**As always, if you want to get the next chapter, _REVIEW! :)_**


	9. Tension

**I'm back! **Whew, and thank goodness for that. :) Well, after much frustration and waiting, the ninth chapter of Our Battles is finally here! For lack of a better excuse, this took so long to update because of a _profound_ lack of inspiration. But rest assured that I am entirely dedicated to this story, and I will never truly abandon it. So, with that said, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! :)

**Disclaimer**: After almost two months of trying (begging and pleading), Harry Potter is still not mine.

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"This really isn't complicated, Potter," Lily said, in unguarded exasperation. "You're making it more difficult than it actually is."

"You know, Evans," James retorted, clearly annoyed as well, "telling me that it's not difficult isn't going to make it any easier for me to understand. Obviously, there's something I'm not getting or, believe me, I wouldn't be asking for your help." James rolled his eyes, and tried to remain calm. But the girl was grating on his last nerve, and her Miss Priss, know-it-all routine was getting old.

"I'm _trying_ to help, Potter, but you're obviously not listening! I already told you what you have to do: add the ingredients into the cauldron in two minute intervals, exactly. Once you've done that, you just stir the potion for exactly ten minutes, alternating every 45 seconds between clockwise and counterclockwise."

James tried not to strangle her in frustration. He glanced across the table at Sirius, whose amused smirk irked James even more than usual. He wanted to throw the potion in his face. "And _I_ already told _you_, Evans, that I did all that, and my potion **still** doesn't have the right consistency." Instead of the smooth, thick texture described in the potion book, the murky substance in his cauldron was thin and chunky, like a foul-smelling green soup.

Lily took a moment and looked inside his cauldron. It was completely wrong, as far as texture goes, but at least the smell and color were correct. Lily thought for a moment, and then rolled her eyes. "Did you cut your mandragora roots into **exact **inch-and-a-half pieces?"

James gave her an affronted look, as if she were crazy to even suggest he'd overlook such a thing. Then, she watched (with some amusement) as his expression turned thoughtful, then a bit confused, until finally settling on surrendered. She could see that he knew she was right, but he didn't want to admit it. She gave him her own little smirk and returned to finishing up her potion. James humphed petulantly, and she had to stop a gloating laugh from escaping her throat.

"I swear, you two bicker like an old married couple," Alice teased from across the table. Lily looked up, and realized that she'd all but forgotten she was there.

She gave Alice a threatening look and said, with more intensity than was strictly called for, "We do **not**." She didn't trust herself to say anything more, lest she go into an entirely unnecessary rage. Alice just gave her a knowing smile in response, and that almost annoyed Lily more than anything. She hated being patronized. She sighed loudly and went back to work, not looking up from her cauldron.

It was true, though. Not that she and James bickered like some cute, old couple. But they _were_ arguing a lot, lately. It had only been a few days since the attack, and since the new partner system had been put into effect. And already, the tension between them was reaching an all-time high. She'd never hated him more, to be perfectly honest, and he seemed to feel the same way about her. Being forced to spend so much time together was really just pushing them even further apart. Lily just wished that the distance between them was of a more literal, physical nature.

Almost without realizing it, the bell tolled to end class, and everyone began storing their potions away in the back closet. Lily had almost finished hers and she hated having to leave with it so close to completion, but she had no choice. She had to have Potter walk down to the Great Hall with her, where they could **finally** part to eat lunch. Lily couldn't wait.

However, just as they were about to leave the classroom, Professor Slughorn came up behind the two of them.

"James, my boy!" he said, jovially, clapping James on the shoulder with such gusto that James nearly tripped forward. Lily smiled, somewhat evilly, at the thought of him falling flat on his face to the cold, hard stones of the dungeon floor. "Just the man I was looking for," Slughorn continued, oblivious. "I wonder if I can inconvenience you for a few moments? I'd like to have a word, or two."

"Erm..." James looked a bit puzzled, but Lily could clearly see the curiosity that was there, as well. "Of course, Professor." He turned to her and quickly said, "I'll be right back," before entering back into the classroom with Slughorn.

Lily sighed with relief. Potter could stay in there for the rest of the day if he wanted to. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her; the exact same weight as one James Potter. She stood out in the hallway and slouched against the wall, closing her eyes for a moment, and relishing one of her few brief moments of freedom.

That is, until someone interrupted her.

"L-Lily?" she heard someone say quietly; cautiously.

She knew that voice, though, and she didn't want to open her eyes. She didn't want to talk to him. Why could he not seem to understand that?

Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, and, there in front of her, stood Severus Snape.

"What do you want?" Lily asked, bluntly, skipping any pleasantries. He was standing closer to her than she would have liked, and she had to tilt her chin up to look at him.

"Nothing," he said, although he looked shocked to hear that she was actually speaking to him. Then, without warning, a rare smile broke out on his face, and he looked happier than she could ever remember seeing him. She felt a pang of pity and guilt as she realized that she was the reason for his happiness. In that moment, she realized how much she had missed her friend; her best friend.

"I'm... glad to see that you're okay," Lily said, feeling a bit awkward, now. It had been so long since they had talked, and even longer since they'd actually been nice to one another. "You know, "she clarified, "with the attack and all..."

The smile on Severus's face quickly faded, and he looked down at the floor. "Yeah," he said, looking uncomfortable. "we, erm, decided to stay at the castle that day."

"We?" Lily asked, curious. He was acting strange, all of a sudden.

"Mulciber, Avery, and I," he replied. "I mean, we weren't the only ones that decided to stay, but you know... That's Slytherin for you." Here, Severus gave a nervous chuckle. "Not too big on Hogsmeade trips."

"Really?" Lily said, a little confused, now. "You've always gone before."

Severus looked even more uncomfortable now. "Yeah, well..." he said, reluctantly. "Avery might have... you know... thought something was going to happen."

And just like that, Lily was back to wondering how the two of them had ever been friends.

"What do you mean?" she asked, although she was pretty sure she knew exactly what he had meant.

"Well," Severus said, looking back up to her, "let's just say that Avery has a certain... intuition for these kind of things."

"Severus," Lily said, in horror, her fears confirmed. She almost couldn't believe her ears. "Are you saying that you _knew_ Hogsmeade was going to be attacked that day?"

"Well... sort of," Severus replied.

Lily reeled in shock. "And you didn't _tell_ anyone?" She was beside herself. How could he have done that? Was he really that... evil?

"Lily, please," Severus said, seeming to realize that she wasn't about to take this piece of news well. "I was going to tell someone, I swear! But then I found out that you were staying at the school that day and I..."

Lily didn't hear the rest of his sentence. She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"What are you saying, Severus?" she asked loudly, interrupting whatever he was trying to tell her. "That you were going to tell someone, but found out that I wasn't going, so you didn't _bother_? How does that make any bloody sense?" The anger she felt toward him at that moment... She **hated** him. How could he have let this happen?

"I... I don't know, Lily," Snape said, stepping away from her, and looking back down at the floor. He looked absolutely pitiful at her anger.

Just then, a disturbing thought entered her head, and it wouldn't leave her alone.

"Am I..." She didn't want to continue. Because the question she was about to ask... she was afraid she already knew the answer. "Am I really all you care about?" Her voice came out hushed and tremulous.

Severus finally looked back up at her. The intensity in his expression, in his eyes, knocked the breath out of her. It was clear what his answer was... and it horrified her. She didn't want that from him, at all. She didn't want to be his everything, not if it meant that nothing else mattered to him. To allow an _entire village_ to be put in danger, just because she wouldn't have come to any harm... The idea was ludicrous. And frightening.

"Get away from me."

The words came out of Lily's mouth unexpectedly, but she didn't take them back.

Snape's face went blank for a moment, but then quickly turned into a hard mask. He gave her an indecipherable look before stalking away, without another word, down the corridor, his robes flowing out angrily behind him.

Lily watched him go for a moment... and then the reality of what had just happened hit her. She clutched her chest, her breath coming in short gasps of horror and disbelief. What had she done...? To make Snape care so much and so little at once? What was she supposed to do about it?

That was how James found her, against the wall, clutching her head in her hands and breathing heavily. A strange tremor passed through him at the sight, and he rushed over to her. Annoying or no, it frightened him to see her like this.

"Lily!" he exclaimed, rushing over to her and taking her shoulders in his hands. "Lily, what's wrong? What happened?" He looked up and down the corridor, but saw nothing. He looked back at the girl he was clutching, and shook her a little when she would not meet his eyes.

"Leave me alone," he heard her say, quietly. But he didn't believe it. She still wouldn't look at him, but he knew that what she needed right now was not simply to be left alone. Whatever had happened had shaken her up pretty badly. Wild scenarios swirled around in his head of what might have happened, and he felt a wild surge of protectiveness. He didn't want to see her like this ever again.

"Let me go," she said, but there was no conviction in her voice. James didn't know what to say or do. He knew he couldn't make her tell him what had happened, but... he had to do _something_.

So, he did the only thing that felt right, at that moment. Slowly, he moved his hands from her shoulders and took her face in between them, bringing her gaze toward his. When their eyes finally met, his heart gave a great thud in his chest, and he almost felt guilty. Because, although he hated to see the tears in her eyes that refused to fall, he had never been more dazzled by them. He found himself drawing closer to her, and he wanted to kiss her, to press his lips against hers, so badly. Just to know what it was like...

But, with more disappointment than made sense to him, he realized that now wasn't the time for that sort of thing. It wasn't what she needed, just what he wanted. He was just curious, though, he told himself. Maybe one day he'd find out if her lips were really as soft as they looked, but for now... he simply stroked his hands over her hair and pulled her into his arms. He hugged her tightly to his body, and he felt her tense up. It only lasted a moment, though, before her muscles relaxed and she clutched on to him tightly.

They stood there like that for a good couple of minutes, neither of them saying a word. Lily wouldn't let herself cry over this, but she was tempted to. With James's arms wrapped around her, she was reluctant to admit that she felt an undeniable safety and protection there. But it was true; which, oddly enough, made her feel even more vulnerable.

Finally, feeling a little bit better, Lily stepped away from their embrace. She could barely look at James after what had just happened, much less speak. Nevertheless, she somehow managed to say, "Come on. We should get up to the Great Hall. I don't know about you," she actually joked, "but I'm starving."

James gave her a gentle smile, and she was surprised by the absence of his usual smirk. He nudged her in the side with his elbow before walking ahead of her down the corridor toward the stairs. She watched him for a moment, and felt a small pull toward him that she couldn't quite explain. She hurried to catch up with him, and she walked at his side, a safe distance away.

Lily didn't know how long this odd camaraderie between the two of them would last, and she knew it didn't fix anything; but, for now, she was okay with that. She would take this moment with her.

* * *

Not surprisingly, their friendliness ended abruptly after dinner, when they had to patrol the fourth floor corridors. Lily was still mentally reeling about what Severus had told her. Just... the fact that she barely even knew him disturbed her. Sure, she'd been holding a bit of a grudge against him for calling her a mudblood. And she knew he was friends with Mulciber and Avery, the two most sadistic and frightening seventeen year-olds she'd ever met. But _never_ would she imagine Snape capable of something like this.

Lily was silent as she and James walked down the halls, looking out for students out and about by themselves or sneaking off to snog in a broom closet. The usual. Lily barely even noticed what was going on, though, as she tried to figure out what she should do. As Head Girl, she knew she had a certain level of power to... what? Give Snape detention? Lily tried not to groan in frustration. She thought about going to Dumbledore and telling him what had happened, but then realized that that wouldn't do any good either. She had no proof. Bloody hell, Severus hadn't even technically said that he, or anyone else, had known for sure that something was going to happen. Besides, she knew he'd never admit to it again.

There was nothing she could do. But she planned to stay far away from him, from that moment on.

"So," James said, briskly, interrupting Lily's melancholic train of thought. "Aren't you going to ask me what Slughorn wanted with me today?"

"No," Lily replied simply, making no effort at civility. She wasn't in the mood.

Of course, James wasn't phased in the least. He was used to her rudeness by now, and he had to get her talking _somehow_. The air between them was a little more awkward now, after what they had shared down in the dungeons, but he was tired of her silence. Plus, he needed to thank her.

"Well, I'll tell you anyway," James said, brightly. He was sure that what Lily would appreciate most right now, after whatever it was that had happened, was normality. So, he would try. "He just wanted to give me an invitation to join his precious Slug Club." He tried to sound arrogant while he said it, though the idea didn't really give him any pride. But that's what Lily expected of him, so he'd play along.

"Really?" Lily asked, a bit of her usual spark coming back into her voice.

"Really," James replied, eagerly, spurred on by this small improvement. "He's practically forcing me to dress up and go to his silly Halloween party. I reckon I have you to thank for that," he teased, nudging her.

Lily gave a short, incredulous laugh. "Oh, really? And how do you figure that?"

"Well," James said, "you're the reason I've been doing so well in there, in the first place. With the exception of today, of course," he added, earning another small laugh. He smiled over at her. "How do you know so much about that stuff, anyway?" he asked, curious. "Most of the stuff you tell me to do is completely different from what's in the book. I mean, no offense, but it doesn't seem much like you to go against that."

Lily tensed up, slightly, at the question. She was forcefully reminded of who had taught her most of what she knew about Potions, and the pleasant memories she had of learning it all. Severus, of course, was the chemical genius, and at the time, he had been a good enough friend to help her out. She didn't dare say this to James, though. She was sure that if he knew that Snape was the real reason he was passing, he'd immediately stop accepting her help. And, well... she liked helping him. On occasion.

So, instead of telling the truth, Lily said vaguely, "Trust me, you don't want to know."

James gave her an odd look, but didn't question her further on the topic. After a moment, he merely shrugged. "So," he continued, "who are you going with?"

Lily slowed her steps and turned toward James, confused. "Going with where?"

"Slughorn's party," he replied.

"Oh," Lily said, surprised. She continued, feeling a little uncomfortable. "Erm... just a friend, I guess. You?"

James sounded annoyed as he said, "You're going with that Josh kid, right?"

Lily couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You know his name as well as I do, James. And yes, I'm going with Jacob." She emphasized his name to make her point. She looked over and saw that James's brow was now furrowed and his jaw seemed to be slightly clenched. What was his problem? "Who are you going with?"

"Amelia Bones," James said, firmly. "I mean, I haven't technically asked her yet, but I know she'll say yes." He wasn't even being arrogant when he said that, he told himself. He was just stating facts; it was obvious to anyone with eyes in their head that she was smitten with him.

Lily rolled her eyes again in disgust. "I can't believe you sometimes, you know that?"

"What?" James asked, confused. "It's the truth."

"Well, doesn't she have any say in the matter?" Lily exclaimed. His vanity astounded her. "You're so sure she'll say yes. Why? Because you're the oh-so-charming James Potter?"

"What?" James wasn't sure where this was coming from, but it was getting to him quick. "Evans, you've got a lot of nerve to say that. First of all, I can't help it that Amelia isn't the most discreet person in the world. I'd be blind not to notice that she fancies me. So what?"

Lily's eyes flashed, and she felt the heat rise inside of her. They were completely stopped in the middle of the hallway now, facing each other, with no regard to who might hear their conversation. She was just about to come back at him when he continued, interrupting her.

"And secondly," he said, taking a step closer to her, "you have no place to talk. You know," he said, laughing sardonically, "you call me shallow and conceited, but the truth is, you're the most judgmental person I've ever met."

"That is not true!" Lily exclaimed, shocked. How dare he say that!

"Oh, really?" James said, getting even closer to her.

"_Yes, _really," Lily bit out. "You know I'm not like that."

"Do I?"

"You **should**."

"Well, you certainly never gave _me_ any second chances." James said, visibly seething.

"Oh, please," Lily derided. "A second chance for what?"

James merely stared at her for a long moment, his jaw clenched tightly. Then he stepped back from her, and Lily realized how close they had gotten while fighting. His face had been mere inches from hers. James shook his head at her, still looking angry, and said, "Forget it. I'm done with this. Let's just get our patrol over so we can go back to our rooms."

_Ugh!_ Lily wanted to scream. She wanted to slap him, and worse. Instead, though, she just said, "Whatever," putting as much venom as she could into the word, and walked ahead of him.

They got the rest of their patrol over quickly, not talking to one another. The walk back to the Heads dorm was filled with so much tension that Lily couldn't think straight. This couldn't last forever. This stupid partner system that the school had thought up was ridiculous, and was making her life miserable. Lily knew that the tension had to break sometime, and she certainly wasn't looking forward to what would happen when it did.

* * *

**A/N**: Okay, first things first. I'm sure there will be a fair bit of you who will hate me now, thanks to my portrayal of Snape. But please read this before you make any snap judgments!** I love Snape**. So very very much (especially after DH2, am I right?). And I don't think I'm completely done with him, in this story. But just to sort of explain why I did what I did in this chapter: I still don't think he's a horrible person after what he did- or, more accurately, what he_ didn't_ do. It's just that, to me, Snape's love for Lily has always seemed a bit obsessive, and it really just consumes him. And _that's_ why he didn't warn anyone about the attack. Not because the lives of all those people meant nothing to him, but Lily's life just means far more, in his mind. He was so happy to find out that she wouldn't be going to Hogsmeade that that news kind of blinded him to the still-very-real danger to all those other people. Obviously not his proudest moment, but I, personally, think it's a canon reaction for him. All he ever cared about was Lily and her safety.

Secondly, forgive me if this was a little strange, as far as writing goes. I'm a bit out of practice. Lol.

And now, to address the _tension_. I don't know exactly how you guys will feel about it, but I imagine there will be some who won't appreciate all the fighting/bickering between James/Lily in this chapter, especially. But trust me when I say that tension is a _very, **very**_ good thing. Because when that tension finally snaps... well, let's just say it might not be quite so unpleasing as Lily thinks. ;)

As always, please _**REVIEW!**_ It is literally _always_ appreciated, and reviews, above anything else, are what keep me motivated to give you guys the best story I possibly can.

**And remember, the next chapter will be Slughorn's party! So, if you want to see that ASAP, reviewing wouldn't be a bad idea. ;)**

**Cheers!** :)


	10. Halloween

**Well, hello again, lovely readers! **Oh, dear, I hope you guys like this chapter. Actually, I'm pretty sure you will because... well... yeah. ;) I think this is the longest chapter I've written so far, so hopefully that'll be a treat for you guys, as well. So, read and enjoy (and review, obviously)! :P

**Disclaimer**: That punk Harry Potter is not mine. And neither is James Potter, sadly. He belongs exclusively to Lily. And JK Rowling, of course.

**Also**: There's a bit more cursing in this chapter than usual (but nothing too bad, in my opinion). Regardless, you have been warned.

* * *

"And then she was like, 'Oh, my God, you did _not _just say that to my face.' And I was like, 'Erm, yeah, I did, actually.' And then she just... James? Are you listening to me?"

"Hmm?" James asked, his attention caught at the mention of his name. He looked over at Amelia and saw the frustration in her stance before quickly saving face. "Yeah, of course, Ames," he told her, giving her a smirk and using the nickname he knew she liked. He noticed her cheeks flush prettily at the sound of her name, and his smile became genuine. She really was a pretty girl. "What happened next?" he encouraged her.

Amelia smiled broadly at his feigned interest in the conversation, and she continued to chatter on about some sort of altercation she'd had with a Slytherin girl the day before. He'd honestly tried to keep up with the story, at first, but kept finding himself distracted by his own thoughts. James had noticed, by now, that she had an odd talent of telling stories that were both complex and tedious, which made them all the more difficult to follow. Besides, he had also noticed that Amelia didn't really need much encouragement when it came to conversation. He simply had to nod every now and then and give the occasional, "Wow, really?" and she would be set.

The two of them were out on the grounds of Hogwarts, enjoying the unseasonably warm autumn air, and James was trying to find the right place in the conversation to interject an invitation to Slughorn's do the next night. However, realizing that simply waiting it out apparently wasn't a viable option, he casually directed their steps toward a large beech tree that stood by the lake.

When the two of them were standing under the tree, James turned to Amelia abruptly and took her hand in his, successfully cutting her off in mid-sentence. "Amelia," he said softly, using her full name, and making her blush even harder than before.

"James," she replied, somewhat playfully, making the corner of his mouth turn up in a smirk. She looked down at their held hands, and her cheeks turned an even more violent shade of crimson. "Sorry," she said, in a soft voice. "I know I talk too much sometimes."

James took a tiny moment to internally agree with her statement before saying, "No! That's not it. I actually just wanted to ask you something."

"Oh?" Amelia asked, looking up at him, intrigued and hopeful. "What is it?"

"I was wondering if you'd go to Slughorn's Halloween party with me tomorrow night?" James asked, shrugging his shoulders with purposeful casualty.

"Oh... wow," Amelia breathed, her eyes growing large. "T-tomorrow?"

"Yeah..." James said, suddenly feeling like a tit. "Sorry it's kind of last-minute. I didn't even know-"

"I'd love to!" Amelia interrupted, giddily, not allowing him to wrap up his poor explanation.

Her excitement at his proposal apparently couldn't be contained, and she threw her arms around his neck and hugged her body close to his, jumping up and down slightly as she did so. James didn't imagine she knew what kind of... friction she was creating in doing so, but he didn't stop her.

With practically her entire body rubbing against his, James couldn't help but to notice and appreciate her... positive attributes. Bloody hell, what could he say? The girl was **fit**.

And so, without preamble, James moved away slightly and kissed her full on the mouth. He noticed Amelia freeze for a moment in surprise, but she quickly loosened up and returned the kiss eagerly. James placed his hands on her waist and pulled her a bit closer. He admitted, without surprise, that kissing Amelia was... a nice experience. Her lips were full and warm, and her body was soft against his. A small frisson of sexual awareness sparked in his stomach and moved slowly downward. However, as the kiss lingered between them, he couldn't seem to keep his thoughts from wandering...

And then, something truly disturbing happened. Without warning, a vision suddenly flashed behind his eyes of Lily and the Ravenclaw twat kissing just like he and Amelia were. He was shocked at how vivid the picture was. He felt a hot flame of intense anger race up his spine and, without realizing it, his hands clenched into fists, balling up Amelia's sweater in his hands.

And then, as soon as it came, the image was gone. James finally noticed that he was kissing Amelia a bit harder than he had meant to, and he pulled away abruptly.

"I'm sorry!" James said, quickly, trying to cover up his frenzied thoughts. "I... I don't know what got into me," he lied.

Amelia merely swayed in front of him, looking dazed and breathing heavily. "Don't... apologize," she said, quickly, between breaths. She took a step closer to him and said, "You can do that anytime you want. That was... wow."

James tried to smile down at her, but he suddenly felt very guilty. And he felt strange... like he was using her, somehow. But at the same time, he **did** genuinely like Amelia. She was beautiful, intelligent, and kind (albeit a bit gossipy, at times). She was almost everything he could ask for in a girl.

And yet... He just couldn't seem to get Evans out of his mind. Which was completely ridiculous, really. Amelia was much more his taste. Lily was fine, he supposed, if you could ever manage to get along with her long enough to see her good side. Really, though, the more he thought about it, the more he came to believe that Jacob really was right for her. He was a know-it-all, just like Evans. James imagined the two of them getting married and having walking dictionaries and encyclopedias for children; he chuckled at the thought.

Coming back to reality, James was slightly embarrassed to notice that Amelia was still waiting for a response from him. Easily, he saved face by smiling down at her and pressing his lips to her forehead.

"Right back at you," he said, with a wink. James told himself that he wasn't even lying when he said that. He was sure that, if it hadn't been for the strange interruption that had taken place in his mind, then kissing Amelia would have been... nice.

"Come on," James said, taking Amelia's hand in his own and watching as she smiled somewhat deliriously up at him. "We should get back up to the castle for dinner."

* * *

"I don't think I'll ever get over how totally _awesome _your dorm is, Lily," Alice said, flopping herself down on Lily's bed, admiring how large and soft it was. "If I had known being Head Girl came with these kind of perks, I'd have made more of an effort to behave."

Lily rolled her eyes good-naturedly, and laughed as Alice buried her face in the mattress. "You did, too, know that Heads got their own dorm, Alice," she countered, as she looked through her closet for something suitable to wear to Slughorn's party that night. "Everyone knows that."

Alice had initially come over to help her get ready, but it now looked as though she was quite content to simply fall asleep in her bed. Lily wished she could do the same.

"Ah," Alice replied, calmly, "but, you see, hearing about something and actually experiencing it are two _very_ different things."

Lily rolled her eyes again and grabbed a small pillow from the armchair by her bed, chucking it at Alice's head.

"Oi!" Alice exclaimed, sitting up and scowling over at her. "What was that for?"

"You're supposed to be helping me, Hinton," Lily said, chuckling, "not lounging about in my bed."

"Oh, alright, alright," Alice grumbled, reluctantly standing up from the bed and walking toward the closet in the corner. "Can you really blame me, though?"

Lily didn't answer her, but simply watched as Alice rifled through her clothes. A minute later, Alice emerged from the depths of the wardrobe and held out a silky, dark green dress toward Lily. She stared at it a bit apprehensively.

The dress was actually somewhat of a hand-me-down from Petunia, who had never technically worn it. Tuney had come back from shopping one day and immediately exclaimed that she must have had a momentary lapse in sanity- because the dress was "hideous"- and had given it to Lily instead. Lily had barely looked at the dress before she'd put it in her trunk for school, knowing that she would need to get a few dresses for Slughorn's parties, anyway. And, since she hated shopping in the first place, she had welcomed the dress as an easy way out; one less thing she'd have to worry about.

But, as Lily took her first _real_ look at the garment, she was filled with anxiety. It was a bit more... revealing than she had thought.

Alice noticed her reluctance to take the dress and said, "Oh, come on, Lily, don't give me that look. You'll look amazing in this, don't even try to deny it."

"I don't know..." Lily said, warily, taking the dress from Alice. The silk felt like liquid in her hands, and she had to stop and marvel at it for a moment. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, after all...

"Come on," Alice said, taking the dress from her hands and laying it gingerly on the bed. "You can put it on later; right now, we've got to do something with that hair."

* * *

James paced around the common room, waiting for Lily to come out of her bedroom so they could make their way down to Slughorn's quarters. Alice had left almost 10 minutes ago, but he'd yet to even hear anything from Lily's room, much less see anything. For about the hundredth time since the thing had been created, James cursed the bloody partner system. He was supposed to be with Amelia right now, who was no doubt already waiting for him with her own partner outside of Slughorn's. Instead, he was stuck waiting like a prat for Evans to decide to come out of her room. He was just about to barge into her room and drag her out himself, when he heard her door click open.

James looked over and saw Lily standing in her doorway, arms crossed in front of her chest, looking embarrassed and uncomfortable. At the sight of her, though, all the breath seemed to leave his body; it was as if he'd been punched in the stomach, and all he could do was stare.

Lily's hair was done up in a loose bun, a few curls escaping to delicately frame her face. The bodice of her dress hugged her body, accentuating her small waist and the subtle swell of her breasts; the skirt flowed loosely around her and hung just above her knees, allowing James a rare glimpse at her creamy, slender legs. The whole look was uncharacteristically girly for Evans, leaving James at a loss for words.

Lily felt incredibly awkward, standing in front of James while he unabashedly ran his eyes along her body. She felt warm under his gaze, and her breath was coming in small gasps. She didn't know what to do, but she knew they couldn't simply stand there all night.

"You look... nice," she said, restraining herself to the one word. It was a lie, of course. James looked much better than "nice," but she didn't trust herself to say anything more. She didn't want James thinking he had finally won her over, somehow. She had to admit, though, that with the way his all-black suit highlighted his strong, tall frame, and the way he self-consciously reached his hand up to muss his hair... Well, she had better just keep her thoughts to herself.

"You, too," James said, returning the compliment, still staring at her. "You look... Yeah. Very nice."

Lily almost laughed out loud at that. "You definitely have a way with words, Potter," she joked. "I see now why you have all the girls here fawning over you."

James smirked at her, coming out of the strange state he had been in and feeling more like himself. "I don't think my language skills have much to do with why girls love me, Evans," he quipped, giving her a knowing wink.

Lily gasped at the outrageous comment, and then had to remind herself not to laugh. "You are a pig, James Potter."

James laughed heartily at that, and she scowled at him. "Shall we go, then?" he said, offering his arm to her. "We wouldn't want to keep our dates waiting."

Lily tilted her chin up in proud defiance and walked past James, effectively refusing the arm he proffered. She somehow didn't think it was the best idea to walk all the way down to Slughorn's place arm-in-arm with Potter. She doubted Jacob would be too pleased with that...

The two of them had barely reached the floor where Slughorn's rooms were when James was practically assaulted by Amelia Bones. Lily watched uncomfortably as Amelia threw her arms around James's neck and kissed him hard on the mouth. Lily looked away abruptly, feeling disgusted. A strange feeling took over her that she didn't quite know how to define. All she knew was that she suddenly felt sick to her stomach, and she had a disturbing urge to grab Amelia by the hair and throw her against the wall.

Lily shook her head fervently at the thought, trying to rattle it out of her mind. She **never** resorted to violence; she never even had the _desire _to do so. She didn't know what was wrong with her. However, as she continued to watch the two of them helplessly, she found herself wanting to hit James almost as much as she did Amelia. _Ugh!_ she almost cried out in frustration.

Luckily, Jacob showed up just in time.

"Wow," he said, looking at her in amazement. "You look absolutely stunning." He smiled and wrapped his arms around her and gave her a brief hug, before taking her hand.

"Thanks," she replied, smiling. She could feel her cheeks growing warm at the way he was looking at her. She had almost forgotten about the snogging couple behind them, until she noticed Jacob's eyes move in their direction.

"Dear God," he said, managing to infuse the two words with intense disapproval.

Lily looked back over at James and Amelia just in time to see the two separate.

James smiled over at her and Jacob mischievously before saying, "Oh, don't let us spoil the fun. Aren't you going to say hello to your boyfriend, Evans?"

Lily's eyes flashed and she said, as calmly as she could manage, "I've already said hello to him, thanks." She didn't even bother addressing the fact that Jacob wasn't technically her boyfriend.

"Oh, surely it wasn't a _proper_ hello, then, if you two are done already." He gave Jacob a smug smile and wink, and that was it. Lily's temper flared over, and she tried to reign it in; but she'd had enough.

"Potter, why don't you do everyone here a favor and mind your own fucking business for once?"

Amelia's eyes widened in her head, and she let out a loud gasp. She heard Jacob make a strange noise behind her, like he was holding back laughter.

James, though, merely gave her that infuriating smirk of his and shrugged his shoulders casually. "Whatever you say, Evans," he said, as if he could care less. But there was something off, something that belied his calm expression. There was a strange light in James's eyes that Lily had never seen before; she couldn't even begin to guess what it meant. "You might want to watch your language, though," he continued, in a strangely friendly tone. "Wouldn't want a professor to hear you, what with you being Head Girl and all."

James took Amelia's hand in his and the two of them left to join the party. "You guys have a good night yeah?" he said, before they disappeared through the doors to Slughorn's chambers.

Lily let out a large breath and rubbed her right temple- which was already aching- with her fingertips.

Jacob came around to stand in front of her, and took her hand in his, leaning down to brush his lips against her temple, instead. Lily could feel herself flush in pleasure as he stepped away.

"Sorry about... all that," she apologized, suddenly feeling very foolish for the way she had handled things. Merlin, she couldn't believe she had used such language in front of so many people. Trust Potter to bring all of her morals crashing down. "It's just been hell between us lately, with the partner system and all."

"Don't worry about it," Jacob said, kindly, taking her hand in his and heading toward the party. "I thought it was pretty brilliant, actually."

Lily gave a startled laugh, and looked up at him. "Really? How so?"

"Well," Jacob said, nonchalantly, not looking down at her as they entered into the party, "you're quite attractive when you're angry. I had fun watching it all."

Lily was so shocked at the sentiment that she was momentarily struck speechless.

Thankfully, she was saved from having to reply by Professor Slughorn.

"Mr. Clearwater, so glad to see you could make it!" Slughorn said, shaking Jacob's hand in his usual jovial manner. "And Lily, dear," he continued, turning to her and smiling broadly, "you look absolutely lovely."

"Thank you, sir," she replied, giving him a genuine smile. She knew there was a reason he was one of her favorite professors.

"Well, don't let me keep you two," he said, graciously, looking over his shoulder toward the other guests. "I just wanted to greet the two of you. There's dancing- although, no one's actually started that just yet. Or there's the hors d'oeuvres table, where I'll be spending most of my night." Slughorn's face screwed up in laughter at his own "joke" and Lily couldn't help but laugh, herself.

"Thank you, sir," Jacob said from beside her, giving Professor Slughorn a polite smile. "I'm sure we'll have a great time."

"Splendid!" he exclaimed. "Just don't have_ too_ much fun, eh?" He laughed again at his joke, before walking away to mingle with some of the other students.

"Crazy old man, isn't he?" Jacob said, looking after Slughorn. Lily was surprised to see the serious expression on his face.

"I like him, actually," she replied, defensively.

"Of course, you do," he said, after a moment. Lily didn't know what he meant by that, but before she could ask, Jacob said, "Care to dance?"

"Sorry?" she asked, hoping she'd misheard him. Lily didn't dance. Or, to be more accurate, she couldn't.

"Do you want to dance?" Jacob repeated, smiling down at her. "_Someone's_ got to start it."

"And it has to be** us**?" she asked, nervously.

Jacob laughed, and dragged her out into the middle of the room. "Come on," he said. "It'll be fun."

He took her in his arms, then, and started swaying with her, on the spot. Thankfully, it was a slower song that was playing on Slughorn's record player, otherwise there would have been no way Lily would have agreed to this. Slow songs were easier; you could get away with not even moving your feet.

Lily placed one of her arms around Jacob's neck, and he took her other hand in his, wrapping his free arm around her waist. This position allowed Lily to simply rest her head against his chest and close her eyes, forgetting the embarrassment of being the only couple dancing so far. Slowly, though, other couples began joining them, entwining their bodies in the same way.

It was nice dancing with Jacob, Lily thought. He was strong and warm against her, and he didn't step on her feet. Not to mention the flattery.

"You look so beautiful tonight, Lily," he whispered in her ear, the sensation giving her goosebumps. Jacob slowly ran his hand up and down her back in a surprisingly sexual manner.

Lily smiled up at him, trying to hide her slight discomfort at the maneuver. As usual, she was feeling awkward and tongue-tied around him. And him calling her beautiful and running his hands down her body definitely didn't help with all of that.

"Thanks," she said, simply, resuming her head's place against his chest.

Jacob continued to smooth his hand down her back for a few more moments, until she felt him lean down and kiss the side of her neck softly. Lily stiffened for a moment, in surprise at the bold move, and then stepped slightly away from him.

"What was that for?" she asked, in shock, not knowing whether to be angry or not.

Before he could answer, however, Lily felt a firm grip encase her elbow and a deep voice say, "Excuse us for a moment, would you, Jared?"

Lily looked up and saw that it was James who had a hold of her arm. Without waiting for a reply from Jacob, James dragged her out into the corridor and directed them toward a small, private alcove along the wall. When they had that bit of privacy, James let go of her arm like she had burned him.

"What on earth is going on, James?" Lily asked, angered and rubbing her elbow, which had begun tingling.

"What were you doing with that twat, Evans?" James asked, fiercely.

Lily didn't know how to respond. "What do you mean, what was I doing? We were dancing, you idiot! I thought that was obvious."

James rolled his eyes and said, "Look, Evans, I may not be the smartest bloke, but I'm not stupid. I saw the two of you rubbing yourselves all over each other." James knew he was exaggerating; and maybe he was overreacting, too, but he couldn't seem to control the words as they came out of his mouth. It was like that stupid picture that he couldn't get out of his head, only now it was worse; it was **real**.

Lily gave a derisive laugh. "Potter, you _know_ that isn't true. We were **not** 'rubbing all over each other.' We were dancing! It's not quite as bad as you're making it out to be. Maybe if you did some actual dancing with your own girlfriend instead of snogging each other all over the place, you'd realize that."

James wanted to yell in frustration. "Lily, _he kissed your bloody neck!_"

Lily felt her face flush, not only in embarrassment, but in anger, as well. Who was **he** to tell her off? "Oh, that's rich, Potter! I can't believe what you're implying. You are the _last_ person to lecture me on this; or anything else, for that matter!" Lily had a flashback of earlier that night when James and Amelia had been all over each other, and it only fueled her anger. Something frighteningly close to jealousy took over and she said, "Do whatever the bloody hell you like with your own _girlfriend_-" she practically spat the word, "I really couldn't care less. But just keep out of my-"

Before she could finish- before he even knew what he was doing- James grabbed Lily's face roughly in his hands and planted his mouth firmly on hers. _Anything to shut her up_, he thought to himself angrily as he groaned and moved his lips powerfully against hers.

Lily's body reacted almost immediately, before her brain could catch up and beat some sense into her. Her hands reached up and tangled in James's messy hair- which was surprisingly soft, she couldn't help but notice- and kissed him back with everything she had. She put all of the anger and frustration she was feeling into the kiss, and her knees went weak when she heard him groan in pleasure.

James pressed her body into the wall behind them, kissing her harder and slipping his tongue inside her mouth. She welcomed him enthusiastically and held onto him tighter, sparring his tongue with her own. He buried his fingers into Lily's hair, making her already loose bun come entirely undone. James couldn't believe what he was doing; he couldn't believe that she hadn't slapped him yet. But it was like his brain had switched off. And everything just felt so good and... _right_ that he couldn't stop- nor did he have the desire to.

Lily stood up on her toes, allowing James to kiss her deeper, and she wondered foggily where all this was coming from. In a daze, she marveled at the way they just seemed to _fit_. She heard a moan escape her lips as James broke away from her mouth to kiss down her neck, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. She had never experienced anything like it.

Lily brought his lips back up to hers, her hands balled up at the neck of his shirt, pulling him closer.

And then, suddenly, it was over. With the power of a brick wall, reality came crashing over Lily and she finally realized what they were doing. She was kissing _James Potter_. Her mind came out of its dizzy haze as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over her.

The hand Lily had used to pull James closer now abruptly pushed him away. He seemed confused for a moment, and acted as if he were going to kiss her again.

Then, James saw the look in her eyes and, almost instantly, he sobered up. "Fucking hell," he cursed. Lily's fingers were pressed to her mouth in shock. "I..." He hardly knew what to say. "I'm sorry. I-I don't know what came over me."

Lily stood there, absolutely speechless. She had no idea what to say, because she had no idea what had just happened. What _was_ that?

"I didn't mean to do that," James said, lamely, not knowing what to say to take it all back. For Merlin's sake, he had a girlfriend! Or, at least, Amelia thought he did. He'd never technically asked her, but... James shook his head, angry with himself. _Of course_ Amelia was his girlfriend. And there was no excuse for what he had just done. He wasn't a cheater.

"Can we..." Lily began, not quite knowing where she was going with the words. What was she supposed to say in this situation? They didn't teach this stuff in classes; there was no proper etiquette. She would feel stupid if she asked if they could just forget this had ever happened. That's what she_ wanted_, but with the way her swollen lips were throbbing and tingling, she didn't imagine simply forgetting that kiss would be an option. Lily just shook her head, at a loss.

"We should get back to the party," she said. She couldn't meet his eyes as she spoke to him.

James took a moment to simply look at her. She looked so... lost, and he instinctively felt the need to comfort her, somehow; to take her in his arms and somehow make everything better. But he knew he couldn't do that; there was no easy answer to this.

Without waiting for an answer, Lily began trying to gather her hair back up into some semblance of a bun, and James took the cue from her to try and bring his hair back to its normal, slightly-less-messy, state. Neither of them did a very good job.

However, neither of them said anything to the other as they walked back into the party, where they both found their angry partners awaiting them. Lily didn't hear the argument between Amelia and James, but neither of them looked too happy with the other. She did, however, see James give her a soft kiss on the lips, which seemed to calm Amelia down a bit. Lily felt sick.

"What was that all about?" Jacob asked her, angrily. "You're a mess! What did he do to you?"

Lily could barely bring herself to look him in the eye as she answered, "Nothing, Jacob. Please don't worry about it. He was just warning me to be a little more... discrete with you. You know, being Head Girl, and all." Lily told herself that it wasn't _exactly_ a lie, but it didn't make her feel any better.

"Are you kidding me?" Jacob asked, in disbelief, sounding even more incensed. Lily winced and readied herself to be called out in front of the entire room. He had to know... "_He_ told _you_ to be discrete? After that display in the hallway earlier?"

Lily felt slightly relieved, but also even more guilty than before. She shrugged noncommittally in response.

"Well," he said, after a moment, sounding a bit more calm. He took her chin in his hand and lifted her face up so that she was looking at him. "I'm glad you're here, now." He smiled down at her, and she tried her best to return it.

The rest of the night passed by in a bit of a blur for Lily. And when Jacob finally kissed her goodnight for the first time, she didn't stop him. She kissed him back as best as she could, in fact. But it was... off. She couldn't help but to compare it to the kiss she and James had shared in that dark alcove. She gave credit where it was due; Jacob was a good kisser, there was no denying that. But it was just... Lily shook her head in frustration. She didn't know what she was thinking. Her mind was still reeling with everything that had happened, and she just wasn't in a right mental state.

Things only became worse as Lily and James walked back up to their dormitory together.

Neither of them spoke to the other, and the silence between them was more tense than James would have thought possible. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. And he wondered what was going on in Lily's mind, what she thought of everything. Because he wasn't sure. His mind seemed to have already developed a pattern of thought, though, when it came to the issue: he relived what had happened, he wondered if Lily was thinking the same thing, he relived it some more, he wondered if it would ever happen again, he became disgusted with himself, reminded himself that he basically had a girlfriend, he wasn't a cheater, he relived what had happened... And so the loop would continue. James hated himself for thinking that way, but he couldn't seem to put a stop to it.

When the two of them reached their common room, they both stopped outside of the doors to their bedrooms. James didn't know what to do. But there was something in the air between them that made him feel like he should _say_ something, at least. They had hardly spoken since their kiss, and it was... well, it was just plain awkward. But what was he supposed to say?

Neither of them knew, so they just stood uncomfortably outside their doors for a moment, looking anywhere but at each other.

Finally, Lily couldn't take it anymore. "I can't do this," she said, simply, and rushed into her room, shutting the door behind her harder than she'd intended.

_What am I supposed to do?_ This was the thought that kept Lily awake all night. She wanted to scream in frustration. Just when she'd thought things couldn't get any worse between them, something like_ this_ happened and ruined any chance she and James had ever had of getting along. She rolled over in her bed, wishing she could just fall asleep and forget the whole thing had ever happened.

James didn't get any sleep that night, either. He tossed and turned, trying to clear his head in any way that he could. But, eventually, he had to simply resign himself to the reality of the situation. He thought about Amelia a lot, trying to figure out what, if anything, he would tell her. The only problem was that there was another distracting, _infuriating_ thought that simply refused to leave him alone: Lily Evans' lips were even softer and sweeter than he had imagined. James groaned and rolled over, futilely trying to think of _anything_ else. He sighed. This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**A/N**: FINALLY! Sort of. Ugh, it's so frustrating, I know! Lol. This chapter was definitely harder for me to write than any of the others, so far. There's just so much James/Amelia and Lily/Jacob that I just can't (I like writing about them even less than you guys like reading about them, trust me). It's _so hard_ for me to write James and Lily with anyone but each other, so this chapter took me quite a bit longer to figure out than the others.

With that said, though, I am thoroughly pleased with this chapter. :D It turned out much better than I expected, so at least there's that. Hahah. I know that James comes off as a bit of a jerk in this chapter, but please give him a break this once. He's jealous and confused. Besides, we all know that one of the many awesome things about James is that his love for Lily really changes him. So, without her, he does turn into kind of an arse, but he's learned to keep most of his thoughts to himself. I'm mainly speaking about the way he treats Amelia, because he really is kind of rude about her in his mind, and he is sort of manipulating her. But he also genuinely likes her, at the same time, so he does have his sweet moments. Like I said, he's just a bit confused.

Jacob also is a bit of a jerk in this chapter, isn't he? But obviously Lily's a bit confused, too, at this point. If Jacob were truly an arse, though, there's no way Lily would stick around with him. But it's just these minor things that sort of bother her about him, even though she_ is_ genuinely attracted to him. Some people are just better for her than others, though (*cough*James*cough*). And, as you can see, she's finally starting to realize that. :)

So, I hope you guys liked this chapter. I know I did! :) I assure you, there are plenty of interesting things to come in this story, but to find out what, you have to _**REVIEW!**_

Cheers! :)


	11. The Fear

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. I am poor, in terms of literature. **I hope you guys... enjoy this chapter. Or at least find it interesting. Lol. :P**

* * *

Lily lay in her bed the morning after the party, staring up at her ceiling and watching as the night gradually went from the color of pitch to a light gray. She hadn't gotten a bit of sleep the entire night, and instead lay awake trying to avoid thoughts of James Potter- a rather difficult task, she was surprised to find. She was sure that he wanted to talk about what had happened, but... she could barely even stand to think about it. She couldn't bring herself to acknowledge what it might mean... what it _did_ mean.

Lily had made up her mind a few hours ago to simply remain in her room for the rest of the day. She couldn't face James; what, with his questions and smirks. He probably thought the whole thing was some kind of a joke. And if it wasn't yet, well he'd damned well turn it into one.

She got so angry just thinking about it that she frantically searched for something else to occupy her, but the only other thing that came to her mind was even worse: How was she ever going to face Jacob again? Granted, he didn't seem to have a clue as to what was going on, but that wasn't the point; Lily, on the other hand, _definitely _knew, and she couldn't seem to forget.

For a moment- just a moment- Lily allowed herself to relive the kiss. The way James's lips had felt moving against hers, so warm and firm; the shiver that had raced down her spine as his fingers tangled in her hair; the low groan that had come from his throat, and the way it had made her stomach lurch and felt like a lightning bolt had suddenly shot through her body, settling between her thighs. Lily felt a less powerful, but similar, sensation sweep through her just thinking about it. Horrified, she tore her thoughts away and opened her eyes, which she hadn't realized she'd closed.

In a rare moment of honesty with herself, Lily realized just how difficult it would be for her to go back to Jacob, when every night she would be sleeping only a few feet away from someone who could do such things to her. She was reluctant to admit it, but the kiss she'd shared with Jacob was just... sad, in comparison. She supposed it was good enough, in its own right, but... Lily sighed in frustration, and rolled over. She had to admit to herself that what she had felt when James kissed her... so _many_ things... she had never felt any of that before. She couldn't even think of how to properly describe it. It was just so much more intense and... somehow more _right_ than anything she had ever experienced.

Lily laughed to herself, suddenly. She wondered if this was what every girl felt and thought who had ever kissed Potter. If so, then she was no longer surprised why they were all so obsessed with him. Granted, he'd have to have gone around kissing half the girls in the school, but she wouldn't put it past him.

Growing serious again, Lily sighed and sat up in bed. She didn't know what she was going to do about James, but she was tired of thinking about it. As far as she could tell, there was no easy solution. However, she _did_ have a desk covered with unfinished assignments, and an entire day she planned on spending alone in her room. Not bothering to change out of her nightgown, Lily went to her desk, sat down, and got to work.

* * *

James stood outside the door to Lily's bedroom. For some reason, he was sure she was awake, and he felt a deep urge- no, _need_- to talk to her. He knew the only way the two of them were going to get past this was to just talk it through and sort it all out.

James nearly laughed out loud at himself, then. For once, _he_ was trying to be the mature one. He sobered up quickly, though, as he continued to simply stare at the door in front of him, straining to hear anything from the room beyond. Nothing happened.

James ran a hand through his hair, and began to pace nervously outside Lily's room. He knew that he needed to talk to her, but how? Would she even let him try?

_Not likely_, he scoffed to himself.

James, steeling himself, suddenly stopped his pacing and faced her door, raising his fist to knock. And then, as if on cue, he heard a small laugh come from her room, making him stop. For whatever reason, the sound filled him with deep, unbidden sadness. He stood frozen for a moment, considering, before lowering his hand with a sigh. He'd talk to her later, he told himself, as he left their common room and headed down to the the Great Hall for breakfast. He had no idea what he'd say, but he was sure he'd come up with something. He was James Potter, after all; and that's what he did best.

The rest of the Marauders were already sitting in their usual spot at the Gryffindor table when he entered the Great Hall. James made his way over to them, feeling happier than usual to see the lot of them; not that he'd ever tell them that.

"Oi, Prongs!" Sirius called out, as he approached them. "What happened to your face?"

Never ones to disappoint, those friends of his. James gave them a mock offended look and said in a hurt voice, "Are you saying I'm ugly, Padfoot?" He sat down next to Sirius and laid his head on his shoulder, giving him a pathetic look.

Sirius shrank away in feigned horror, making James cling to him all the more.

"'Course not, James," Peter interjected. "Your face is as lovely as ever. Right, Moony?"

"Quite lovely, indeed, Wormtail," Remus said in that dry way of his. "I think, however, what my... indelicate friend here," he motioned to Sirius, who was still trying to remove James from his arm, "is trying to say, is that you look a bit peaky."

"Well, thank you very bloody much!" James exclaimed, placing a hand to his chest, looking insulted.

"Haven't been sneaking off to the Shrieking Shack without us, have you, Prongs?" Peter asked, suggestively.

"Staying up all night with that girlfriend of yours, eh?" Sirius said, wagging his eyebrows, and finally managing to escape James's grip. He was suddenly feeling a bit uncomfortable.

"Piss off," he told them, simply.

"Or maybe you haven't been getting _enough_ sugar, is that it?" Sirius continued, elbowing James in the side.

"Oi!" James said, growing irritated. "I said leave it, alright?"

"Alright, alright," Sirius said, unruffled, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Just being my usual annoying self."

James almost laughed out loud, bouncing back from his annoyance in record time. "I never figured you for the type to go fishing for compliments, Padfoot."

"Well, I've never needed to before, have I?" Sirius asked, looking at him with large, baleful eyes.

"Blimey, are you two PMSing, or what?" Wormtail asked, snickering at them from across the table.

"Don't be jealous just because you haven't hit puberty yet," James quipped, putting his arm consolingly around Sirius's shoulders and making Remus laugh out loud.

Peter made a face at the rest of them and said, "I look forward to it."

They continued like that for the rest of breakfast; and the rest of the day, in fact. It was a nice day outside, so the four of them spent most of it on the grounds, experimenting with how long into a conversation with a girl Sirius could go before being either slapped or snogged. It was a nice change for James. He felt as if his life had been consumed by thoughts of Evans and Death Eaters and Amelia lately. It was refreshing to just spend the day with his mates, taking the piss. With everything going on in the world, he didn't know how much longer they would all have to just muck about, but he was going to make the most of it while he could.

* * *

Lily sat back in her chair and surveyed her work. The clutter of parchment and homework assignments was now stacked neatly into a pile in the center of the table. Lily almost couldn't believe that she had actually managed to catch up on all of her assignments, but the intense aching stiffness in her hand reassured her that she had, indeed, managed it.

And no wonder, too. It was almost seven o'clock, and she'd only stepped out of her room twice that day- the first time to take a shower, once she was sure James was no longer there, and the second to turn Alice down for lunch. Lily felt terrible about that last bit, though. It's not that she didn't love her friend, or that she didn't think Alice could help with everything that was going on, but... She sighed. Lily knew she would have to tell Alice soon enough about what had happened with James, but she just simply didn't want to talk about it yet- and she doubted she ever would. Still, though. She could have at least offered Alice a better explanation than, "I'm not feeling well." Lily knew she was a terrible liar, and Alice never had any trouble seeing straight through her...

And to add to the guilt: for once, Lily was incredibly grateful that she and Jacob weren't in the same house. He had no way of trying to come visit her, seeing as he couldn't even make it past the Fat Lady. She felt awful for feeling that way, but she just couldn't imagine having to face him just yet.

Lily almost cried out in frustration. Why was this such a big deal? Honestly, that kiss was ruining her life, and that's all it had been: a kiss. She honestly couldn't figure it out. But whatever the reason, that kiss just... filled her with fear. There were so many questions to it, but what disturbed her most was that there were so many answers in it, as well. Nothing had ever just... consumed Lily, like this was doing. She felt like she was going to rip her hair out.

Just then, however, Lily heard a knock at her bedroom door; which, thankfully, interrupted her internal ranting. The fear overtook her again, though, as she realized that there was only one person who could be knocking at her door. Lily couldn't help but groan, and she put her head in her hands.

"Lily?" she heard James say, his voice muffled through the thick wood of the door. "I'm sure you probably don't want to see me, but we have patrol duty tonight."

_Oh, bloody hell_, Lily thought to herself, throwing her head back and slumping in her chair. _Of course_ they had patrol tonight. It would only be too convenient if they didn't. With a sigh, Lily stood up and walked to the door, throwing it open abruptly and walking out, startling James.

"Let's get to it, then," she said, tonelessly. She knew she was being petulant; childish, even, but she didn't care. She was already doomed to have a bad day, and she was having to face it without any sleep, on top of that. Good manners be damned.

"Oh," James said, looking at her in confusion. She obviously didn't share his good spirits. "Well, okay, then."

It was a bit odd patrolling the hallways with Lily that night. On more than one occasion, James was struck by the notion that they seemed to have switched temperaments. Usually, he was the sulky one during their patrols, but tonight... well, Lily definitely knew how to roll those eyes of hers.

About an hour into their patrol (which had been largely uneventful, so far), James decided that now was probably the right time to bring up the subject of _the kiss._ He knew she was cranky, or whatever, but he was in too good of a mood to care much. If he couldn't broach the topic after the great day he'd had, then he would never do it.

"So," James began, casually, "I've been thinking-"

"Stop right there, James," Lily interjected, coming to a halt in the middle of the hallway.

"What?" he asked, more amused than irritated by the interruption.

"I can imagine where you're going with this," Lily said, looking into his eyes for the first time since the night before. "And let me just say: no. I don't want you thinking about anything, honestly."

James stood up a little taller and said, "Well, I'm flattered by your concern, Evans, really. But there's no need to worry; I won't hurt myself. I actually do a fair bit of thinking with this tiny brain of mine."

Lily rolled her eyes up at him, not in the mood. "Stop being difficult, Potter, you know that's not what I meant."

"Well, we're going to have to talk about it _sometime_, Lily!" James said, throwing his arms out in frustration, his good mood quickly dissolving. Odd, how she seemed to have that effect on him. "Whether you like it or not, it _did_ actually happen. We kissed, big deal!"

"_James!_" Lily exclaimed, instinctively reaching her hand out to clamp it over his mouth, then thinking better of it. She looked around quickly to see if there were any witnesses- which there weren't, thank Merlin- and continued in a hushed voice: "I'm not talking about this with you." She began walking again down the corridor, her eyes focused straight ahead.

James caught up to her quickly and grabbed her arm. "Fine," he said, clipping the sound. "But you **know** this thing between us won't get any better if we ignore it. This isn't over."

Lily simply looked up at James as he stared down at her intensely, all the meaning behind those words written in his eyes. He stared at her for what seemed to her like a very long time; Lily's breathing quickly turned shallow, and she actually thought he might kiss her again...

But no. James just let go of her arm, and the two of them finished out their patrol much like last time: not talking, or even looking at each other. When they got back to their dorm, they both went straight to their bedrooms for some much-needed rest. Even then, it took a while for either of them to actually drift off; but eventually they got there, glad for the reprieve it provided from their racing thoughts.

* * *

A few hours later, Lily woke with a start. Something had woken her up, but she wasn't sure what. She peered around her room, trying to make out a shape in the shadows, but the night was unusually dark. She was practically blind. And then, she heard it, the thing that had woken her up: a voice. But this... this was unlike any voice Lily had ever heard. Just the sound of it felt like a dagger in her back, and it struck fear in her heart like nothing she'd ever experienced.

What made it all the worse was that she couldn't even understand what the voice was saying, or where it was coming from. It was like it was speaking another language, cold and shrill and hissing. Lily peered around frantically, her heart in her throat, her blood pounding; she could barely breathe. And then, with a sudden brightness that frightened Lily more than anything, a bright green light erupted across her vision, and this time, she really was blind. The light seemed to invade her mind, her very soul, and expose all the rawness inside.

Lily cried out in terror, not understanding what was happening to her. What was this horrible light, and why wasn't it fading? What was it doing to her? Her breathing was so ragged that she was sure she was about to suffocate. Oh, God, she was about to die. She was about to die and... and... there were arms around her.

Lily's eyes flew open, and she was in her bedroom. In her bed. But there was no voice, no green light. James was sitting next to her, and he had his arms wrapped tightly around her, rocking her back and forth, stroking her hair. She was clutching onto him as if her life depended on it.

"Shh, shh, it's alright. You're fine, Lily. You're okay now, I've got you. Shh."

Lily suddenly realized that she was crying; sobbing actually. The breath rattled frighteningly in and out of her lungs, and her tears were soaking James's t-shirt. She clutched to him even tighter as she realized it had all been just a dream.

"Oh, God," Lily choked out, terrified. What was happening to her?

"It's okay, honey," she heard James say in her ear, as he continued to rock her in a surprisingly soothing manner. "It's okay. It was just a dream."

James continued with that, feeling helpless. He didn't know what else he could do. He had been awoken just minutes ago when he heard cries coming from Lily's bedroom. They had sounded so awful; like she was dying in here. He had rushed in as quickly as he could, ready to fight off whatever must have been hurting her so terribly, only to find her thrashing about, tangled up in her sheets. The relief he had felt when he saw that she was just dreaming almost knocked him off his feet. Only to be replaced with more sickening worry as it took a few long minutes for her to actually wake up once he had gotten to her. When she finally opened her eyes and looked into his, he honestly could have cried. What had happened in that dream to make her look like that?

James hugged her tightly to him, not caring about anything else. Several more minutes passed before her breathing returned somewhat back to normal and her body stopped shaking so badly.

Finally, James pulled away a bit to look at her. "Lily..." He was finding it hard to say anything else.

Lily gazed at his face through the darkness and couldn't help the feelings that swept through her. James still had his arms around her waist, ready to hug her to him if she should need it. And she felt that familiar feeling that she was beginning to associate with having James's arms around her. It was so strange... He had a way of making her feel so protected, yet vulnerable at the same time. As if she were safe from the world, but she could no longer hide from him. She couldn't wrap her head around it.

"I..." Lily began, her voice cracking a bit. "I don't really know if I can explain..."

"That's alright," James rushed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, or if you just can't. I'll understand."

"No," Lily said, as firmly as she could. "I-I want to."

"Okay," James said, quietly, smoothing his hands along her waist, offering as much comfort as he could.

Lily explained, as best she could, what had happened in the dream, and the overwhelming fear and pain that had engulfed her. She wasn't sure if she really got the point across, but James looked a little sick when she had finished.

James didn't know what to think about the dream. Surely, a dream like that had to mean **something**, but what? He didn't know. He didn't understand it at all, but a chill raced up his spine just hearing Lily describe it.

After a moment of silence, Lily spoke up quietly: "Thank you, James."

He looked over at her, astonished. "For what?"

Lily was quiet another moment, then she gently detached herself from him and lay down on her bed, looking straight up at the ceiling above her.

"For just... being here," she said, still not looking at him. "And for listening."

James didn't really know what to say. It's not as if he'd had a choice. How could he have left her alone in here? Without a word, James cautiously lay down next to Lily, not sure exactly how she would take it. She didn't protest, though, and he gently reached out his hand, grazing the side of hers with his pinky finger. Silently, she opened her hand up in consent, and he intertwined his fingers with hers.

The two of them lay there in companionable silence for several minutes. And then, before either of them knew it had happened, they were asleep.

* * *

**A/N:** Yes. Well. I feel like this is a very strange chapter, indeed. Hahah. I'm sorry if it seems a bit bipolar. I haven't had much time at all lately to set aside for writing, so I've had to just get in a few paragraphs every now and then. Which just is not good for me, as I much prefer doing it all in one sitting. Hopefully, it wasn't too unbearable, though. Lol. :) But... yeah. I don't think I have a whole lot to say about this chapter, at this point. Even now, I'm cramming to do this, as I have very little time. So, this is definitely a very crap author's note, and maybe a crap chapter, altogether. And, if you feel that way, I really do apologize. Plus, I know you guys are dying for more steamy scenes between James/Lily, and I would just like to take this opportunity to assure you that they are coming! And they will be many! Just be patient, lovely readers. ;)

So, anyway, if you liked this chapter,_** REVIEW!**_ If you hated this chapter, _**REVIEW!**_ If you are completely indifferent about this chapter,_** REVIEW!**_ Lol, I just want to know what you guys think, whatever that may be. Feel free to suggest some things you'd like to see in this story, too! _Who knows, I might just listen._ :P

**Cheers! :)**


	12. Awkward

**Okay, so the first thing I want to say before the start of this chapter is, "Thank you!"** I really just want to take this opportunity to thank you guys for all of the amazing reviews you've put in for this story. I was bored earlier this morning, and I read through all of them again, and it just brought the biggest smile to my face. I'm so lucky to have readers as kind, encouraging, and loyal as you. And I'd also like to thank those of you who don't review but who have still added me and this story to your alerts and favorites, and who follow the story faithfully with each update. Whether you review or not, my readers are really what keep me writing, and I just want to thank you all so much. :D

So, with that said, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

Sunlight streamed through the large window of Lily's bedroom, casting its rays across the large bed in the middle of the room. Lily slowly became aware of the light and warmth falling across her eyes, her mind fuzzy and slow with sleep. She buried her face in her pillow, removing the offensive brightness of the sun, and snuggled a bit further under her covers. That's when she noticed something a bit... out of the ordinary. Instead of her mattress and blankets, there was something firm and warm pressed against her back.

Still half-asleep, Lily rubbed her eyes and stretched, giving a light yawn. Whatever was behind her moved and seemed to pull her closer. Her mind was still too muddled with sleep to really be alarmed, but she did manage to be a little confused. Lily craned her neck to see what it was behind her, and her eyes sprang open in shock when she realized that it wasn't a "what," but a "who" that was pressed against her.

James Potter was in her bed. James Potter was in her bed, _spooning_ her. James Potter was in her bed, spooning her, and Lily suddenly realized that there was something prominent and harder than the rest of him pressing against her lower back.

_Oh, God._

Before she could jump out of her bed in horror, James's arm that was curled around her waist tightened and pulled her closer to him. He mumbled something incoherently in his sleep before rocking his hips slightly, causing the stiffness at her back to rub against her bum. Something suddenly stirred inside of Lily at the feeling and, before she could stop herself, a small moan escaped her throat and she arched her back a bit, pressing herself more insistently against him. Unconsciously, James's arm flexed around her waist and he buried his face in her hair.

Lily gasped and finally came back to her senses. What the hell was she doing?

"James," she said, in a hushed voice. He gave no response. "_James_," she repeated, louder this time, and swatting at his arm.

"Mmm...?" James moaned.

"James, wake up. Now! And let go of me," she added.

James picked his head up from the pillow and released his grip around her, rubbing his eyes with his fists. "Was go'n on?" he slurred groggily.

Finally free from him, Lily scrambled out of her bed and looked back at him. He stretched, arching his back off the mattress. Lily bit her lip and tried not to stare as she said, "Would you just wake up, already? Don't you realize what's happened?" She had slept with James Potter. Lily's mind reeled at the thought.

James finally opened his eyes and looked lazily over at Lily. What was she doing here, anyway? _Wait..._ His mind finally started to pull through its haze, and his thoughts began to race. He jumped out of the bed as he realized it wasn't his own. How had that happened? Memories from the night before came back to him quickly, answering the question. He looked over at Lily in concern. She had been in quite a state last night. Was she alright?

James looked her over quickly. She was wearing a tank top and a pair of boxer shorts, her hair sticking up and out in all directions; it was almost as messy as his was on a daily basis. He couldn't help the smile that crossed his face as he looked at her. Even with all that, and a certainly sour expression on her face, Evans was still bloody adorable. Looking at her, James finally became aware of the usual morning discomfort in his groin, and the smile quickly fell off his face.

_Oh, shit_, he thought. There was no way she hadn't felt that. He quickly- and a bit awkwardly- clasped his hands in front of him, trying to hide the evidence of his stiffy.

Lily just stared at him in disbelief as he stood in front of her. "Well?"

James looked around for a moment in confusion before replying, "Well, what?"

"Well, aren't you going to _say_ something?" she practically shouted. She hoped he had something to say, because she certainly didn't know where to start.

He paused for a moment, before his usual smirk returned to his face. "Good morning?" he asked cheerfully.

"Oh, my God," Lily muttered, covering her face with her hand.

"What time is it, anyway?" James asked, lifting his hand to ruffle his already ridiculous hair. If possible, it was even messier than usual from sleeping.

Lily froze for a moment, realizing it was Monday. "Shit," she swore, making her way over to look at the clock on her bedside table. "_Shit_!" she repeated. She quickly reminded herself to work on her language before grabbing James and pushing him toward the door.

"We've missed Defense class," she told him, feeling almost sick. She had never just _missed_ a class. She barely even took days off when she was sick. "We're going to be late for Transfiguration, too, if we don't hurry. Now, go get changed," she said to James, as she pushed him toward his room. "Don't bother with a shower, there's no time."

Lily had just turned to go back into her room when she heard James say from behind her, "Not even if we shower together?" She could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

Lily turned around to face him and, sure enough, he was grinning over at her. He loved to push her buttons.

Instead of starting a whole new argument with him, though, Lily merely gave him a mock-disappointed look and said, "Not even then."

James's smile broadened and he decided to leave it be. "Meet you out here in five minutes," he told her, then turned into his room to get dressed.

Lily looked after him for a moment, and an unexpected smile came to her lips. She had no idea why she was smiling but, after another second, she stepped back into her room, shutting the door behind her.

* * *

"Oh, my God!" Alice exclaimed in hushed excitement. "You actually kissed _James Potter_."

"Shh!" Lily ordered, looking around the table to make sure no one had heard. Thankfully, no one seemed to be paying them any attention. She and Alice were having lunch in the Great Hall, and anyone could hear them if they wanted to. Lily had wanted to wait to tell Alice about everything that had happened in a more private place, but Alice would have none of that.

"I have to admit," Alice continued, in a softer tone, "I'll always be a little jealous of you for that. I mean, I love Frank, of course," she explained, seeing the shocked look on Lily's face. "But before we started dating, I always fancied having a snog with James."

Lily laughed out loud in disbelief. "Really? I didn't know that... Honestly, I thought you had better taste," she teased.

Alice shrugged off the jibe, unruffled. Then, with a wicked glint in her eye, she leaned forward conspiratorially. "Was it good?" she whispered.

Lily was taken aback, and she could feel her face start to turn red. "I-it was... alright, I guess," she stuttered lamely.

Alice's eyes widened and a gleeful grin spread across her face. "You _liked_ it, didn't you?"

Lily blushed harder. "Sod off."

Alice just laughed and said, "I knew it! I knew you really liked him all along."

"I don't like him!" Lily protested, vehemently.

"Sure you don't," Alice said, nodding her head sarcastically, but smiling.

Lily just sighed. How was she going to explain this? "Look," she said, trying to figure out where to begin. "I... don't really know what I think about James anymore. I don't hate him like I used to, but I still can't stand him most of the time. But then there are other times... when I just... when he seems so..." Lily groaned. She was never this inarticulate. "I don't know," she finished.

Alice looked at Lily for a moment. Her face had grown serious again as she'd listened to Lily's halting explanation, and there was now a small smile spread across her lips. "Lily," she began, "James is actually a good guy." Lily looked up at her. "And he's a decent human being," Alice said with more strength.

Lily shook her head in confusion. "What are you trying to say?"

Alice searched for the right words. "Just that... he's changed, you know? A lot. He's not that fifteen year-old boy you used to hate anymore."

Lily rolled her eyes. "I know that."

Alice looked at her carefully for a moment and said, "No offense, Lil, but I don't think you do."

"Oh, really?" Lily said, defensively. "Why not?"

"Honestly, I think you're a little biased," Alice said frankly.

"Excuse me?"

"Now, don't go getting upset, alright?" Alice cajoled. "Just hear me out."

Lily looked around for a moment at the other students in the Hall. Finally, her eyes came back to rest on Alice. "Okay," she said quietly.

Alice gave a small sigh of relief and began: "I think you're judging James now for who he used to be; for the way you knew him to be for so long. But he's not the same, Lily, and he hasn't been for a while. I think if you could just open your eyes and see who he's become, you'd see someone..."

"Someone...?" Lily asked, intrigued.

Alice knew what she wanted to say. And she knew what she meant to say. But she knew Lily was in a fragile place right now, right on the fence, ready to tip one way or the other with just the slightest nudge. She didn't want to frighten her to the wrong side by saying, "Someone you could love."

Alice paused for a moment, coming up with a less intimidating substitute. "Someone you have really great chemistry with." It didn't do the situation justice, but it at least got her point across.

Lily looked at Alice for a moment in surprise. Then, unable to help herself, she burst into laughter. "_Chemistry_?" she asked in disbelief. "Alice, have you _seen_ us together? We don't do anything but fight."

"And snog, apparently," Alice pointed out with a grin.

Lily's laughter cut off short. "Well..."

Lily was saved having to come up with a response when she heard someone behind her say her name. She looked around her shoulder to see who it was and was caught off guard by a swift kiss to the lips.

"Oh," she said, in awkward surprise as she pulled away. "Erm, hello, Jacob."

"'Lo, love," he greeted her with a smile, not waiting for an invitation to sit next to her. "Alice," he said across the table, with a nod.

"Hi, Jacob," Alice said, looking awkward, but also as if she were about to burst into laughter at any moment.

The three of them sat in silence for a few seconds before Alice finally stood up to leave. Lily quickly shot her a look, silently asking her to stay.

Alice merely gave a small shrug of her shoulders in response before saying, "I think I'll just go find Frank. He went to help Professor Sprout with something ages ago and he's probably, erm, missing me," she said, lamely. "Remember what I said, yeah?" she addressed Lily, giving her a significant look.

Helpless to do otherwise, Lily simply nodded as Alice walked away.

"So-" Lily began, not really knowing what she was planning on saying next. Luckily, Jacob interrupted her before she had to go on.

"It's good to see you," he said, smiling over at her and placing his hand on top of hers.

"Oh," she said again. "Erm, it's good to see you, too." She tried to smile over at him, but suddenly all she could think about was James's erection pressing against her arse that morning.

_Bollocks!_ She thought in frustration. And then, after a moment: _Literally_. Lily couldn't help but laugh quietly at herself.

"What's so funny?" Jacob asked, giving her a bemused look.

Lily abruptly quit laughing. "Nothing," she told him. Good grief, what was wrong with her?

"I tried seeing you yesterday," Jacob began, his expression unreadable. "But Alice said you weren't feeling well."

"Yeah, I- erm- wasn't," Lily replied. Had talking to Jacob always been this difficult? It felt so awkward. "I was mostly just tired," she finished, not knowing how to carry on the conversation.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're feeling better," he said, not unkindly, but with that same ambiguous expression.

"Mmm," she murmured, nodding her head in response.

"We should hang out soon, though, don't you think?" he said abruptly.

"Oh," Lily replied, suddenly feeling even more uncomfortable. "Sure."

"How about tonight?" Jacob asked eagerly, the stony expression finally leaving his face, replaced by one of interest.

"Tonight?"She tried to think of a reason as to why she wouldn't be able to see Jacob that night, but there wasn't one. For once, she was completely free. "Er... I can't tonight, actually. I have patrol duty. Sorry," Lily finished, feeling guilty. She just honestly wasn't in a hurry to find out what it would be like to be alone with Jacob. It was awkward enough in a room full of other people.

"Oh," Jacob said, looking down for a moment in disappointment. "Well, I've actually got to go. I've got Divination in ten minutes. But I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" he said, looking over at her. "We'll work something out then."

Lily tried not to feel too much dread at the thought of returning to the subject the next day. "Okay."

Jacob's eyes flicked behind her for a moment, and his expression changed slightly. She was about to look over her shoulder when Jacob suddenly planted his mouth on hers.

Lily stiffened in surprise, and her eyes remained open as Jacob continued to snog her quite thoroughly in the middle of the Great Hall. She might have actually enjoyed it if it hadn't been so public, but she couldn't help but feel incredibly uncomfortable as it seemed to go on forever.

"Evans, please don't make me take points from my own House," she heard a voice say from behind her. Lily broke away from Jacob and turned around to see James standing behind her, Amelia at his side. She had never been so happy to see him.

"James!" she said in surprise. "Amelia. Hi!" She tried to hide the flush of embarrassment on her face by looking down at her plate.

Jacob didn't even acknowledge the two of them. He just got up from his seat and said, "See you, Lily," leaning down to give her another small peck on the lips.

"Bye," she said, turning back to face James and Amelia.

James looked down at her, fighting off his annoyance. The two had basically been going at it in front of the entire school.

"Sorry about that," Lily apologized to the two of them, smoothing her hair back in its bun.

"No worries," Amelia said kindly, smiling down at Lily. "Do you mind if we sit with you?"

James stiffened at this, and Lily looked surprised. "No, of course not," she said, after a moment. She gestured toward the empty seats across from her.

"Amy," James said in a low voice, grabbing her arm lightly. "I thought it was going to be just us today." He didn't really care too much if he and Amelia were alone together or not, but he definitely didn't want to sit down to lunch with her and Lily, of all people. Not after everything that had happened in the past couple of days.

"Oh," Lily said, looking uncomfortable. "I can leave..."

"Don't be daft," Amelia said, cutting Lily off with a smile as she dragged James to sit across from her. "We don't mind. Plus," she added, "we've barely talked all year. How is everything?"

Lily looked at James for a moment, and he gave her a rueful smile and a shrug. There wasn't much else he could do, it seemed, so he just sat there as Lily and his girlfriend chatted each other up. He tried to respond when Amelia gave him cues, but he was having a hard time following along. To be honest, it was probably the most uncomfortable experience of his life.

After both unexpectedly snogging and sleeping with Lily, James was finding it difficult to be around Amelia at all, much less the two girls at once. Lily looked like she was feeling about the same way, a somewhat forced smile on her lips and her body turned toward the doors leading out of the Hall.

Lily couldn't take much more of this. If she thought being around Jacob was weird, this was ten times worse. True, there weren't any awkward silences, thanks to Amelia, but that was the only improvement. She could barely look at either of them. And it certainly didn't help that she could clearly tell that Amelia and James were holding hands under the table, switching positions between his and her lap. On top of everything else, Lily did not want to feel jealous. But, just like before Slughorn's party, she didn't seem to have a choice. She kept having to suppress the urge to leap across the table and rip their hands apart. It was distracting, to say the least.

Just then, James said something, making Amelia laugh. Lily had been too busy feeling sick to listen, but whatever he had said was apparently adorable. Amelia laughed some more before reaching her hand out to touch his face sweetly. The thing that bothered Lily the most, though, was the way James smiled back at Amelia. It was the first genuine smile he'd given either of them since they'd run into each other. Seeing him smile at her like that made Lily's heart sink in her chest and it began to almost hurt to breathe.

Abruptly, she stood up. The two of them looked up at her. James's smile was quickly replaced with a look of concern and he began to rise from his seat.

"Don't get up," Lily said quickly, and more aggressively than she intended. "I, erm, just remembered that I promised McGonagall to help grade papers tonight to make up for being late." Another lie. But she had to get away from the two of them.

They just looked at her for a moment before Amelia asked, "Are you sure you're alright, Lily?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry about it," she replied, trying to sound more confident than she felt. "I'll see you guys around." And, without waiting for a reply, and without looking back, she turned and walked out of the Great Hall as fast as she could without calling attention to herself.

Lily's chest ached terribly as she made her way up to Gryffindor tower. Her eyes stung, and she felt almost hollow. She didn't know what was happening to her, but she thought maybe she finally knew why.

Lily found Alice in the Gryffindor common room, sitting next to Frank on the couch. The two of them looked to be doing homework, and she was loath to interrupt, but she needed her friend. "Alice," she said, approaching the two of them.

Alice looked up and almost gasped when she saw Lily. She looked... well, heartbroken.

"Merlin, Lily, are you alright?" Frank asked, scooting toward her in his seat, concern on his face.

Alice looked at Lily again and said, "Give us a minute will you, Frank?" She squeezed his hand in reassurance.

"Yeah, of course," he said, quickly. He got up from the couch, squeezing Lily's shoulder comfortingly before moving off to talk to Remus, who was also looking over at the pair of girls with a worried expression.

Alice stood up and walked closer to her friend. "Lily, honey, what's wrong?"

"I don't know what to do, Alice," Lily said, running a hand through her hair.

"About what?"

"James," she replied simply. "He's with Amelia and I..." She couldn't bring herself to say it.

"Lily," Alice said in shock, realizing what her friend was getting at.

Lily just looked at her, feeling pathetic. "What am I supposed to do?" She didn't think she'd ever felt so helpless.

Alice looked at her for a moment, as if sizing her up. Then, "Come on," she said, grabbing Lily by the arm and leading her out through the portrait hole and down several flights of stairs, until they reached the portrait leading into the kitchens.

"What are we doing down here?" Lily asked, confused but intrigued.

Alice didn't answer right away, instead reaching out to "tickle" the pear in the painting. The large frame swung open and the two of them walked through the doorway into the kitchens where there were several house elves at work cleaning dishes and preparing food. Alice called out to one of them and whispered in her large, bat-like ear.

Alice pulled away and the house elf gave a deep bow, and said, "Yes, Mistress."

She quickly came back holding two pints of homemade ice cream and two spoons. Alice took the ice cream and spoons, thanking the elf, and turned to Lily, who was staring at her in confusion.

"_This_ is what you're going to do, Lily," she said. "You're going to eat this ice cream, and maybe even cry a little. Then, you're going to stay in my dorm with me and the rest of the girls and we're going to stay up all night complaining about boys." Lily gave a small laugh, and smiled at Alice. "And you'll probably feel like dragon dung in the morning, but you know what?"

"What?" Lily asked, already feeling a bit better.

Alice smiled back at her and put her arm reassuringly around Lily's shoulders. "You'll be alright."

* * *

**A/N**: Aww. Well, I must say, I really do like that last bit with Lily and Alice. I know I've been kind of sparse with their friendship because I'm just so addicted to the James/Lily-ness of it all (lol), but I really enjoyed giving it a little something more this time. I don't know about you guys, but me and my girlfriends... Well, that's pretty much exactly what we do when a guy is getting us down. ;)

Now, I know this was kind of a slow chapter, but there is at least one ridiculously major development toward the end when Lily truly realizes what she's feeling for James. I actually didn't mean for that to happen till a good little bit later, but I was getting a little depressed with the James/Amelia stuff, so the fact that Lily knows how she feels now definitely lends hope to future chapters.

I'm actually starting to like Amelia, too, I'm not going to lie. Let's just say that I have big plans for her (albeit, not exactly happy ones, but big ones nonetheless). And I'm growing less and less fond of Jacob, as time goes on. Lol, can you tell? My plans for him are much less impressive than Amy's.

As for the James/Lily bits... Well, there's the two of them waking up in each other's arms (sigh). Hahah. I was actually cracking up writing some of that. Especially the part where Lily starts thinking about James up against her while she's talking to Jacob. I really had to just take a moment and laugh for that. I just love that almost neurotic part of Lily, and how the moment she's not supposed to think about something, she can't help herself. Of course, I'm running on about three hours of sleep right now, so that might also explain why I found that so funny. Lol. Also, sorry if my use of the word "stiffy" offended anyone. Hahah, sometimes it just can't be avoided. :P

Well, let me know what you guys think in a _**REVIEW**_, as always. I've already told you how much they mean to me. :)

CHEERS! :D


	13. Mood Swings and a Goodnight Kiss

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter is not mine, so stop asking.

* * *

Lily scanned the _Daily Prophet_ for the third time that morning, absently taking a bite out of her muffin. Across from her, Alice was doing the same. The rest of the students in the Great Hall were particularly loud and boisterous that morning, the distinct lines between the Houses blurring momentarily as students traveled to other tables to laugh and chat, reveling in the good news. Lily, however, felt uneasy as she finally set down her paper, resigned to the fact that there was nothing she had missed.

It was the first day, since everything had started, that there were no reports of murder. There weren't even any disappearances to be found mentioned in the _Prophet_. The rest of their classmates were happy and relieved to take the news- or lack, thereof- at face value, but both Lily and Alice sensed that there was more to this brief "peace" than met the eye.

"I don't like this," Alice said warily, putting her paper down, as well.

"Me either," Lily said, looking around at her elated classmates. "Something's not right."

"I mean," Alice began, looking conflicted, "I'm glad that everyone's alright, for once. It's just... strange, that's all." Lily nodded fervently in agreement. "Why would the Death Eaters let up _now_?"

"That's exactly how I feel," Lily said, relieved that she had her friend by her side on this. She had a feeling that most everyone else would think her mad if they knew she couldn't be completely happy about this. "Of course," she continued, "I'm **so** happy and... _relieved_ that no one's been killed, or gone missing. But when I think about it..." Lily trailed off.

"It's almost like it's just as bad," Alice supplied with a frown.

"Exactly!" Lily exclaimed, feeling even more grateful for her friend. "Because, well, if they're not killing people, then what are they up to?"

Alice nodded in agreement, but she looked even more upset at Lily's words.

"It's almost like..." Alice struggled for a moment before they both heard a voice above their bent heads.

"Like the calm before a storm?" Frank was standing behind Alice, his face careworn. He took his seat next to her, pulling his arm around her shoulders and pressing his lips comfortingly to her temple.

"That's it!" Alice said. "Exactly."

"So, you're not buying this 'peace' thing either, eh?" Lily asked, feeling a little jealous as she watched how Alice and Frank were together.

"No," Frank replied calmly, but with an unmistakable vein of strength and fire in his voice. "If the Death Eaters have stopped killing and stealing, there's a reason for it. And I doubt it has anything to do with them wanting 'peace.'"

Lily looked around the Great Hall for a moment, taking in what Frank had said. He was right. Nothing would stop those Death Eaters from doing what they loved most unless it was something even more terrible than they'd already seen. Lily looked at the happy and relaxed faces of all the students in the Great Hall that morning, and felt a dull ache in her chest. _They have no idea_, she couldn't help but think. Even the Slytherins seemed to be in better spirits than usual. Or... most of them, at least.

Lily's eyes were drawn to a small group of students at the end of the Slytherin table, apart from the rest of their House. She could see that Thomas Mulciber and Malum Avery were part of the group, and Snape, too, though his back was to her. There were a few other students; a fifth year Lily thought was called Hester Cartwright, seventh year Gregory Mulligan who was in Potions with her, and another girl whom Lily did not know. She was also somewhat surprised to see that Sirius Black's younger brother, Regulus, was part of the circle.

The set was huddled close together, speaking in low voices in what was, from what Lily could tell from their facial expressions, a heated conversation. She continued to observe them, wondering what they could be talking about. However, with Mulciber and Avery a part of it, Lily wasn't sure she wanted to know.

Just then, Avery glanced up and caught Lily's eye. She looked away quickly, but not before she saw a disturbing smile creep across his face. A deep sense of foreboding overtook Lily as she forced herself to turn back to Alice and Frank sitting in front of her. She didn't like what was going on, the way Avery had looked at her. A chill ran up her spine, and it was obvious that whatever that lot was up to was nothing she wanted to be a part of.

* * *

With dread, Lily made her way to the seventh floor for Arithmancy. Dread caused not only by the mysterious lack of Dark activity, and whatever Mulciber, Avery, and their group were up to, but also because Arithmancy was where she would have to face Jacob. She still didn't know what she was going to do about him, and their... relationship.

A part of Lily desperately wanted to truly like Jacob. He was, after all, the logical choice for her. Or, at least, he made more sense than _Potter_, of all people. He was smart, attractive, nice enough... even funny, on occasion. And best of all, Lily knew for a fact that he liked her. Jacob Clearwater was the safe choice.

But Lily was beginning to realize that maybe she didn't _want_ safe. At least, not that kind of safe. That kind of safe... well, it was honestly just a bit too close to boring. Lily wanted someone who excited her, made her feel alive. Someone who could make her laugh against her will, and who wasn't afraid to challenge her. Someone... James's face materialized in her mind's eye, and she had to admit that what she wanted was _him_. Logically, it made no sense. And yet, there it was.

Lily didn't know how this had happened, or why it had happened so quickly. It was almost too much for her to take, and she was almost frightened of the things she was feeling.

_I like James Potter_, she told herself as she came closer to the classroom on the seventh floor, trying to get used to the idea. Lily shuddered, a little repulsed at the thought. It was just so foreign to her. She repeated it in her head again, like a mantra, and again.

_I like James Potter, I like James Potter, IlikeJamesPotter..._

The more she repeated it, the less offensive the sentiment felt. Lily almost began to smile, but her thoughts came to an abrupt halt as she walked through the door to the classroom and saw Jacob- her... boyfriend?- sitting in the seat next to hers, as he always had done. She felt the corners of her mouth turn down slightly in disappointment and anxiety. She had to do something about Jacob; she had to fix things.

Trying to smile, Lily took her seat beside him.

"Hi," she said, as cheerfully as she could manage.

Unlike her, Jacob seemed genuinely happy to see her. He leaned over and kissed her cheek lightly before returning her greeting.

"Good morning," he said, a broad smile on his face. "How was Ancient Runes?"

If truth be told, Lily could barely remember her Runes lesson; she'd been mentally wrestling with herself too much to really pay attention. "It was good," she replied, not sure if she was lying or not.

"I'm glad," he said, placing his hand on her knee underneath the desk and giving it a gentle squeeze.

Lily raised her eyebrow at him in surprise. Jacob smiled back at her but did not move his hand.

"You look beautiful today, by the way," he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

Before Lily could think of a proper response, Professor Vector entered the classroom and strode purposefully to her desk at the front of the room. "Good morning, class," she greeted them, her tone businesslike, as usual. "Please take out last week's homework- completed, I would hope. If you'll remember, you were to make a reverse predictive chart, thinking of an event and selecting and placing the numbers on your chart to correctly interpret said event."

Lily leaned over to get her chart from her bag, as well as the rest of the class. The sound of ruffling parchment filled the room for a brief moment until all the students had their charts somewhat organized on their desks.

"Now," Professor Vector continued, "if you would please exchange charts with the person sitting next to you. We'll simply being working in pairs today. You will all attempt to analyze your partner's chart and conclude what event they had in mind while making it. If, after a second try, you still have not deduced the correct event, check their chart for mistakes and correct them, if need be. It should be simple enough to do this by the end of class. You have eighty minutes."

_Simple_? Vector had to be joking with that bit. Lily looked warily at Jacob's chart in front of her, trying to figure out how she would do this in less than an hour-and-a-half.

"Don't worry," Jacob said, seeing the look on her face. "We'll have this done in no time." He placed his hand back on her knee, and Lily found that she had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes. She turned her eyes back to his chart and started to work.

Jacob bent his head to look at her chart, as well, and the two of them sat for a few minutes in silence, pausing every now and then to scribble notes in the margins of the page. Lily was having a hard time concentrating, though. Jacob's hand was still on her knee, and she could feel the heat burning through her stockings. She tried to subtly discourage him by crossing her legs under the desk, but his hand merely went with her, traveling a bit higher up her leg. Jacob began massaging her thigh and Lily jerked in surprise.

"Jacob," she hissed, quietly indignant.

"Yeah?" he asked, turning to look at her as his hand continued their ministrations under the table, his eyes lit up with something she didn't like the look of.

"I..." Lily struggled to find a polite way to tell him to stop touching her. She was feeling incredibly uncomfortable. "I... can't concentrate with you doing that." She gave his hand a little shove.

A wide smirk crept across Jacob's face, and Lily realized, too late, what her words would sound like to him. Her eyes widened, and she could have kicked herself for being so stupid. She hastened to explain. "I mean-"

"No, it's alright," Jacob interrupted, taking his hand from her knee, but smirking all the same. "I understand." He winked over at her.

Again, Lily suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. For a Ravenclaw, he really wasn't all that sharp.

"That's not-" she began, annoyed, but was interrupted again when Jacob shushed her.

"Let's just finish up with these charts, yeah?" he told her. "We can talk later."

Lily stared at him for a long moment, insulted. He had actually _shushed_ her. She felt her temper begin to flare, but tamped it down quickly. She needed to think clearly if she was going to be able to finish this assignment by the time class was over, and they'd already wasted six precious minutes with all this nonsense.

By the time the bell rang signaling the end of the period, Lily felt almost completely detached from the situation. She and Jacob handed in their completed charts to Professor Vector before making their way into the hall where Lily said a hasty goodbye. She'd deal with him later, she told herself as she headed directly downstairs and to the dungeons for Potions class.

Lily then remembered that James was in Potions with her; in fact, they even shared a table. She was disturbed to find that her mood improved greatly at the thought, for that had never been the case before. She stepped into the classroom, not knowing what to expect. Unable to stop herself, Lily looked quickly toward her usual table at the back of the room. James was already there, sitting next to her seat, laughing at something Sirius was saying.

As if he could feel her eyes on him, James looked over and saw her staring at him. A smile tugged at her mouth as their eyes connected and she couldn't keep it from spreading slowly across her face. James simply stared at her for a moment before returning her smile with a confused, questioning one of his own. Lily felt her face burn in response and she quickly looked down, running a hand through her hair and making her way toward the table. This was going to be harder than she thought.

James watched as Lily approached the table where he and Sirius were already sitting (they'd arrived five minutes early to class by accident). He tried catching her eye again as she sat down in her seat next to his, but she wouldn't look his way. She had looked so strange when she'd walked in, actually smiling at him for no apparent reason. He tried to gauge her well-being merely by her expression but, as she seemed determined to hide her face from him at present, that clearly wouldn't do.

"How's it going, Evans?" he asked her, turning away from Sirius, who was now shooting pieces of parchment across the room at Moony's head. Lupin shot an annoyed glance at Sirius before rolling his eyes and turning back toward his own table full of Slytherins- which was probably the worst insult he could deliver toward Padfoot from that distance. Sirius, unfazed, simply tore another piece of parchment from the roll in front of him, wadded it up and sent it flying directly into the back of Remus's head.

"I'm fine," Lily replied, somewhat stiffly, sounding a bit more like her usual self. She still wasn't looking at him.

"Is there something up with you?" James asked, deliberately trying to provoke a response from her now. "You seem a little off."

Finally, Lily's eyes shot up to meet his. They flashed with anger, seeming an even deeper and brighter green than usual. James was surprised to see the hurt hidden in their depths as well and, for a moment, he felt as if someone had punched him in the gut.

Before he could catch his breath to try and apologize for whatever he'd done, Alice rushed into the room, hastily falling into the chair beside Lily. She took one look at her friend and quickly leaned in, whispering something with a concerned look on her face. Lily shook her head back at Alice, whispering a fervent reply that James couldn't make out.

"What d'you reckon they're on about?" Sirius whispered dramatically, leaning in toward him, mocking the girls openly.

James gave a small laugh and replied, in a more discrete whisper than his friend's, "Search me."

"Remember," Sirius reminded him after a moment, his voice low now, "full moon tonight. Don't be late, yeah?"

James rolled his eyes. "When am I ever late, Padfoot?"

"Never, you prat of a Head Boy," Sirius said, grinning over at him. "Even your hair's neat and tidy this year."

James's hand twitched, and he just barely managed to stop it from going up to his head. He knew that Sirius was trying to goad him into telling why he'd been such a decent student this year, but he wasn't about to let that happen. He had his own reasons for wanting to be better, he thought to himself. His eyes strayed over to Lily, who still seemed to be arguing with Alice in hushed whispers. James wished she would smile at him again... But no such luck.

Lily treated him with a stiff politeness for the rest of the class. And, as the two of them walked back up to Gryffindor Tower to drop off their books before lunch, she didn't say a word. She even seemed to breathe more quietly, James observed in annoyance. Then, with a suddenness that nearly left him speechless, Lily's demeanor made a complete switch.

"Well, I won't be going down to lunch today, I... have a lot of homework to get caught up on. But I'll see you tonight for patrols, yeah?" she said, rocking back on her heels in such a nonchalant manner that he wondered if he had imagined her behavior up until this point. Or maybe this right now was what he was imagining.

"Er... yeah," James replied, dumbly. His mind was still working to catch up with Lily's sudden mood swing. "I'll see you then."

Lily gave him a small smile before sinking her teeth into her bottom lip. Suddenly, James found himself being bombarded- yet again- by memories of just a few days before when he had kissed her. Touch, taste... It all came back to him with such vivid force that he had to stop himself from reaching out to touch her again. He stared at her mouth as she bit down on her lip, and he remembered what it had felt like between his own teeth, so soft and warm...

"Okay, well, have a nice lunch," Lily said cheerfully, bringing him forcefully out of his thoughts and back to the present. She gave him a wide, dazzling smile before giving the password and entering through the portrait hole into the Gryffindor common room. James stared after her, mystified. His mind worked frantically to try and take in everything that had just happened in those few seconds. After another minute of simply standing outside the entrance, though, he concluded reluctantly that he would never understand Evans.

* * *

"I can't do this, Alice," Lily groaned, taking a bite of one of the rolls Alice had managed to smuggle up to her from the Great Hall for lunch. She hadn't wanted to stay down there and risk accidentally running into Jacob. She had been feeling bad enough after that disaster of a Potions class without having to deal with him again, as well. She knew she would have to tell him eventually that she didn't want to be with him, but she wasn't eager to get to it. She'd never really been in a relationship before, so she'd never had to actually dump anyone- and she didn't know how to go about it without hurting his feelings. She knew she'd have to figure it out soon, though.

"Yes, you can," Alice told her firmly, flopping down next to Lily on the loveseat in the Head common room. "You're nice to everyone else," she continued. "How hard could it be to just be nice to James, too?"

"You're kidding, right?" Lily asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "You just saw what happened when I tried to be nice to him. _He told me I was acting weird_. And, of course, that only made me act even stranger. Ugh," she groaned again in embarrassment, and ran a nervous hand through her hair. "He must think I'm mental."

"I'm sure he doesn't," Alice said, reassuringly, patting her on the shoulder. "It sounds like you actually managed to be friendly there at the end, at least."

Lily let out a loud "Ha!" and countered, "Yeah, right before I practically ran away from him."

"Well, why didn't you stay longer and talk to him?" Alice asked, as if it would have been the simplest thing to do so.

"I don't know," Lily sighed, frustrated with herself. "He had this weird look on his face, and he was just staring at me. I must have sounded so stupid." Lily put a hand up to cover her face. She didn't think she had ever been so embarrassed. Why couldn't she just be nice to James? Or at least _normal_.

"I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as you think," Alice said. "You don't know **what** he was thinking, Lily. Personally, I can think of a few other reasons why he might have been staring at you." She gave Lily a nudge and an over-exaggerated wink. Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"You dork," she said with a smile, pushing Alice's elbow away from her side.

Alice merely shrugged, and Lily paused. Growing serious again, she asked, "Are you sure we should be doing this, Alice?"

"What do you mean?" Alice asked, turning toward her.

"I don't know," Lily replied. "This whole thing with James, I guess. I mean, he's got Amy..."

"Well," Alice began, "first of all, _we're_ not doing anything; **you** are. And second of all, yes, I'm sure you should be doing this. James _likes_ you, Lily; girlfriend or no. I just know it. And plus, you won't really be doing anything besides actually being nice to him for once in your life."

Lily raised her eyebrow at her, unconvinced.

"And... maybe some light flirting here and there," Alice admitted with a small smile. "You just need to show him that you don't hate him anymore, Lily. That's hardly anything to be ashamed of."

After a moment, Lily sighed. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Everything's just so... off, today," she said, the events of the day flashing through her mind; the suspicious lack of Death Eater activity, the unnerving smile Avery had given her- like he knew something she didn't, her **entire** situation with Jacob and, of course, those awful two hours of Potions. "I'm sorry if I'm annoying you with all of this," Lily said, giving Alice an apologetic glance.

"Don't worry about it," Alice said, kindly. "I actually find all of your angst quite riveting."

Lily's jaw dropped in amused surprise. "Alice Hinton!" she exclaimed, lightly hitting Alice's shoulder. Alice laughed and fended her off.

The two spent the rest of their lunch period talking and laughing with each other. It was a nice change to Lily from the rest of the day, and she felt the gratitude swell in her heart for her best friend. She wouldn't be able to get through any of this ridiculous mess without her.

* * *

Lily walked carefully next to James as they made their rounds that night. She was oddly relieved that their patrol wasn't going nearly as peacefully as usual. The two of them had already had to send four students back to their houses, wandering around without their partners for whatever reason. They'd also had to break up two couples huddled together, snogging, in typically deserted corners of the castle. Lily tried not to look at James as she scolded the second couple, two Hufflepuffs who looked to be about in their fifth year. The two looked more than a little put out with her, but they made their way downstairs to their common room nevertheless.

James merely watched as Lily executed her duties like the proper Head Girl she was. Personally, he couldn't give a rip if kids were making out all over the place. He did enjoy watching Lily, though, and hearing her speak. Merlin knew she wouldn't speak to _him_. He smirked after the Hufflepuff couple as they left, and absently wondered why there was so much more activity than usual. _Must be the full moon_, he thought. He looked over and appraised Lily as she walked on beside him. _Maybe that's why she's acting barmy._

"What's that look for?" Lily asked, finally finding it within herself to speak up.

James continued to look at her for a moment before looking away and answering, "Nothing."

"Oh, don't give me that, Potter," Lily scolded without thinking. She looked away quickly, shutting her mouth. She was simultaneously relieved and frustrated that she sounded more like her normal self. She was supposed to be nice, after all.

James was quiet for another moment as they turned a corner and kept walking. He looked back at her, somewhat warily, and said, "I guess I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with you today." Lily looked away, feeling her face burn in embarrassment. "I can never tell what's going on in your head," he continued. "Did I... do something wrong?"

Lily looked over at him, surprise temporarily winning out over her embarrassment. "What?"

"I mean," James explained, reaching a hand up to his hair, "did I do something to make you angry? I'm sorry for whatever it was, I didn't mean-"

"You think I'm _mad_ at you?" Lily asked in shock- although, given her recent behavior, she didn't know what else he was supposed to think.

"Well... yeah," he said. "I mean, that's usually the case, isn't it?" Here, he gave her a cautious smile.

Lily gave a small laugh and smiled shyly over at him. She still didn't know how to act around him, second-guessing everything she did, but at least it seemed to be getting a little easier.

"Well, I'm not mad at you," she told him sincerely. "And I'm sorry if I made you think that. It's just..." she paused, realizing she didn't have an actual reason for her strange behavior toward him. Not one that she could tell him, at least. "It's just... been a weird day," she finished, thinking that should suffice.

"How so?" he asked, taking his wand out of his pocket and twirling it in his fingers absentmindedly.

Lily hesitated for a moment before asking, "Did you read the _Prophet_ today?"

James paused in his wand twirling and looked over at her. "Yeah, I did," he said, seriously. "Is that what this is all about?"

"Sort of..." Lily replied. She was trying not to lie to him any more than necessary.

"So, let me guess," he began. "You're worried that no one's been found dead, or gone missing?"

"Well- when you say it like _that_..." Lily began defensively.

"I didn't say it like anything," James told her calmly.

"Well, doesn't it bother _you_, then?" Lily asked irritably, forgetting to be nice. "At all?"

"Only when I think about it," he replied smoothly.

Lily stared at him in disbelief. "You can't be serious."

"Just hear me out, okay?" James said, stopping in his tracks and turning to her. "I'm thrilled that no one's been hurt."

"Well, so am I-" Lily began hotly.

"Listening, Evans," he interrupted, "does not, as I recall, involve speaking." Her eyes flashed at him, and he almost smiled. "Like I said," he continued, when it was clear that she wasn't going to say anything else, "I'm happy that everyone's safe for now. But that's just it. _For now_. The Death Eaters are obviously up to something. But there's nothing we can do."

"That's not true!" Lily exclaimed. That couldn't be true. If they really couldn't do anything... then what hope did they have?

"Yes, it is," James said, his voice suddenly sad. "What do you think we can do, Lily? We don't know what they're up to, or why, or how, or when, or _where._ We know nothing. How are we supposed to stop that?"

Lily was speechless. She didn't want to admit the truth of what he was saying, but he hadn't left her much choice.

Seeing the helpless look on her face, James repented and took a step closer to Lily, putting a calming hand on her shoulder. "What I mean to say," he told her, giving her shoulder a light squeeze, "is that there's no point in worrying about it right now. We have to accept that, for the time being, there's nothing we can do. But," he continued, his voice suddenly fierce, "sooner or later, one of those bastards is going to slip up and show himself. And then we'll go kick his and the rest of his friends' arses."

Lily couldn't help but smile up at him, almost laughing. She was oddly comforted by his words. "You promise?"

"I promise."

James stared down at her intensely for a moment. Lily looked right into his eyes for the first time in what felt like so long, and she felt like she was about to fall into them. His hand gripped her shoulder tighter, and she noticed that his breathing, as well as hers, had quickened. Lily's mouth went dry, making her lick her lips without thinking. James's gaze flicked down briefly to her mouth.

And then, he was stepping away from her. Lily felt suddenly cold as his hand left her shoulder and he looked away from her face. "W-we should keep going, yeah?" he said, reaching his hand up to muss his hair, his voice rough.

Lily felt oddly hurt by his distance until she remembered that she actually liked him now. So, maybe it wasn't so odd, after all. James made her feel so much more than anyone she knew; it had always been that way. It just wasn't until now that she realized some of what that actually meant.

Lily nodded at him and gave a shaky, "Okay," in reply. It hadn't occurred to her that liking James would be so much more difficult and complicated than it had been hating him.

* * *

_**Midnight**_

Lily woke with a start. She looked around, disoriented; she'd thought she heard something. She sat up in her bed and was still for a moment, straining her ears. Another few seconds of silence passed, and then there was a loud thump from somewhere in the common room, followed by an equally loud curse. Lily felt fear creep up her spine for a moment before she recognized the voice outside as belonging to James. What on earth was he doing out there?

Curious, Lily crept out of bed and tiptoed to her door, opening it and poking her head out. "James?" she asked, not sure why she was whispering. Just then, she heard the door close, and she strained her eyes to see across the room. It was dark, the fire having finally burned out an hour before.

"James?" she repeated, louder this time but, as she suspected, he was leaving the room, not returning. What could he be doing, sneaking around the castle in the middle of the night?

_Maybe he's going to see Amelia_, a voice seemed to whisper in Lily's head.

A shudder went through her at the thought, and she hastily pushed it away. It didn't really matter anyway, she told herself. _Whatever_ it was that he was doing, it was against the rules. He wasn't supposed to be out of bed at all, much less alone. Technically, even if this were an emergency- which she doubted- she was still supposed to be with him. If he got caught wandering around alone in the middle of the night, McGonagall would have his badge for sure.

For a moment, Lily considered going after him, but she quickly decided against it. What if he really _was_ sneaking off to see Amelia? She certainly didn't want to stumble upon them, doing... whatever it was that they did together. Lily shook her head, telling herself to focus. No, she decided; she would stay there in their Common Room and wait for him to get back. Worst case scenario, she told herself, he shouldn't take more than an hour or two.

Lily sank down on the couch in front of the dying embers of the fire, not even thinking to build it up again for more light or warmth. It was almost better this way, with it being dark. That way when he tried to sneak back into the room she could really surprise him. A small smile formed on her face at the thought of his embarrassment at being caught.

However, after about half an hour of sitting in the dark, Lily began to wonder. Maybe he wouldn't come back at all that night. Maybe he would just stay with Amy until morning. The thought would have disgusted her more if she weren't also starting to feel tired again, her small rush of adrenaline having faded twenty minutes ago. She struggled to keep her eyes open for a few minutes before finally letting them fall. She would just rest her eyes for a little bit, she told herself, her breathing growing deeper and deeper. It was only a couple more minutes before she was asleep.

* * *

James crept his way back up to Gryffindor Tower with Remus, Peter, and Sirius. Three of them were crammed under his invisibility cloak, while Sirius strutted along beside them, having volunteered to be the odd one out this time around. As it was, he, Moony, and Wormtail were forced to remain uncomfortably close as they gingerly made their way up the stairs, bumping into each other all the while. Honestly, there wasn't much point in using the cloak anymore with more than two of them under it. James knew that their feet and part of their legs were clearly visible, and the sight was apparently quite amusing, as Sirius couldn't seem to keep from laughing.

"You three nice and cozy under there?" he asked, addressing their feet.

"Yeah, actually," Peter said sarcastically from the back. "It's brilliant under here. It's a shame you can't join in on the fun, Padfoot."

"Oh, really?" Sirius said, sounding as if he were holding back more laughter. He moved as if to duck under the cloak. "Well, then, I'll just-"

"Piss off, you tosser," James hissed, pulling the cloak closer to him. "If we get caught, Moony's going to eat you next full moon."

"He's right, Sirius," Lupin said weakly from behind James, still exhausted from the long night and his transformation.

It was just before dawn now; they had been out all night. James was exhausted, too, but it had been worth it. He always enjoyed full moons, changing into his Animagus form with his friends; but that night it had been even more useful. Simply put, it was nice being an animal. A new part of James always took over, and all those pesky human emotions simply fell away. It was a great way to clear his mind and just _be_ and, after the day he'd had, it couldn't have been more brilliant.

The four of them separated as they climbed through the portrait hole, James turning left while the rest of them snuck back up the staircase to the boys' dorm.

James took out his wand, tapped out the rhythmic password onto the doorknob and opened the door as quietly as he could. He shut it behind him gingerly, shedding his cloak, and began to make his way across the room to his bedroom door. The light in the room was graying now, making it easier for him to see. James avoided the coffee table that he had banged his shin on earlier, turning toward the small couch where he saw Lily.

He froze mid-step, his heart rate speeding up. He knew he must have seemed silly, being so afraid of her; she was a small girl, after all. But he knew what it was like to be on her bad side, and having her catch him sneaking back into their dorm just before dawn was a surefire way to put him across that line. He stood still for another moment before looking back down at her. With a great- but silent- sigh of relief, he realized that she was asleep.

James looked back down at her for a moment, studying her face. Her features were relaxed and peaceful, and he was glad for the opportunity to observe her like this. Her hair fanned out against the arm of the chair where her head rested. It was messy, but still seemed to spark dimly in the gray light. The freckles across her nose were barely visible, and her eyelashes rested on top of her high cheekbones, creating dark, delicate little curves. James saw that her lips were slightly parted, and she breathed deeply, her chest moving faintly under her t-shirt. He stood there for a moment more before moving off to his room.

He came back quietly, a light blanket in his hand. Knowing that he probably shouldn't, James carefully placed it on top of Lily, making sure that her bare feet were covered and pulling it up across her chest. He was leaned over her, his face mere inches from hers, and he found himself looking at her again. Then, before he could talk himself out of it, he gently pressed his lips against her cheek. Except he misjudged slightly, and part of his mouth ended up pressed into the corner of hers. The feeling sent a thrill through his body like electricity, and he took in a deep breath, smelling the sweet, undefinable scent on her skin. A deep sense of longing swept through him, sending his blood pumping, and he wanted to moan. He had to get a hold of himself.

James straightened back up, making to move toward his bedroom, filling his lungs with the clean, boring air around him. He'd taken only a step away from Lily when she stirred slightly on the couch. He stopped, frozen in his tracks, afraid to breathe _anything_ anymore. After a terrifying moment of not knowing whether she was going to wake up and de-bollock him or not, she settled back into the cushions with a small, sleepy sigh.

James gave a sigh of his own, and he finally made it back into his bedroom. If he was lucky, he might be able to fit in a couple hours of sleep before his first class. Exhausted, he shed his clothes until he was down to his boxers and flopped over into his soft bed. He'd deal with all his stupid human emotions, Death Eaters, and whatever it was that Lily was doing to him when he woke up. But for now, he decided, he was perfectly content to black it all out.

* * *

**A/N**: Well, there it is! Finally. Lol. This chapter took me forever to figure out, ugh. That's partly why it took so long for me to update, as well as being kept busy by things like job hunting and community theatre obligations. So, I'm really terribly sorry that it took so long to get up, especially since I'm still in that stage where I'm not really sure how I feel about this chapter.

I'm pretty sure this is the longest chapter so far in the story, but other than that, I can't really say. Dear Merlin, I can't figure out what to do with Jacob. Grr. Feel free to PM me, telling me what you'd like to see happen with him and Lily. For the most part, I really just want to get rid of him. Or his whole "boyfriend" bit, at least. But then another part of me kind of wants to keep stringing him along a little bit for the sake of... I don't know. For the sake of Lily not being left totally alone and pining over James. (Although, I kind of like the idea of that, as well. Like her and James sort of switching places. But not quite.) Ugh, I'm just so conflicted, which is probably why I just really dislike Jacob right now.

**Anyway**, I feel like the whole thing wasn't a total waste, at least. There were actually some nice little Lily/James, Lily/Alice moments in here, I think. And to you Marauders lovers (aka, everyone), don't worry! I'll do a bit more development on Sirius, Remus, and Peter and their relationships with James around Christmas time (by the fic's 'calendar,' that is).

Also, Lily is so bipolar in this chapter, omg. I actually didn't start out thinking that would happen, and then it did, and I was like, "Oh. That actually sort of makes sense." The way I see it, Lily just has no idea how to act around James. Being the honorable witch that she is, she's never really liked any guys who were already in relationships. So, she doesn't really know what she's "allowed" to say, or how to be. Because, even though she likes James, she doesn't want to set out to purposely ruin his relationship with Amelia. She doesn't want them to be together, but she also doesn't really want to be the one to break them up.

So. Long author's note. Yet again. And I'm probably sounding about as bipolar as Lily, so I'll just end it now. Lol. As always, please _**REVIEW**_.

Reviews are better than sex and cookies combined.

**CHEERS! :)**


	14. Hope

Thanks for the reviews! They make my day. :)

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter- along with quite a few other things- is not mine.

* * *

"Come on, Lily," Jacob almost pleaded, grabbing her wrist and tugging her toward a broom closet to their right.

"Jacob, no," Lily replied in a nervous whisper, feeling flustered and uncomfortable. Jacob had shown up seemingly out of nowhere as she and Alice had been heading upstairs for Defense Against the Dark Arts, and had asked if he could speak to her in private for a minute. Lily had reluctantly agreed, for the sake of being polite, and now here she was, practically being wrangled into the nearest unoccupied, semi-private space. "I-I'm Head Girl," she continued, trying to find a good enough reason for him to just leave her alone. "I can't just skive off all of my classes to have a snog with you in a filthy _closet_."

"Sure you can," Jacob replied, smoothly leaning in to whisper it into her ear. "Besides," he continued, stepping back, but pulling her even closer toward him and the door behind him, "what does Bellamy even teach, honestly? Nothing you don't already know, I'm sure."

"That's not true," Lily replied quickly.

A brief moment passed, and then suddenly, Jacob dropped her wrist and stepped back from her. For a moment, he looked genuinely hurt, as he asked, "Why will you never be alone with me?"

"W-what?" Lily faltered, caught off guard at this abrupt display of vulnerability. It was the last thing she'd expected, and she couldn't help but suddenly feel guilty. Jacob was on to her. "That's not true," she told him. She knew she was lying, but she hated thinking that she was the reason for that look on his face.

"It feels like it is," Jacob countered, briefly looking down at his feet. "It feels like you're avoiding me," he finished.

Lily's heart thudded in her chest, and she instantly felt awful. She'd always had an overdeveloped sense of empathy for those around her, and right then, it was as if she were actually feeling Jacob's rejection firsthand. "I'm... sorry." She didn't know what else to say.

Jacob looked even more dejected, and he looked away from her quickly, shoving his hands in his pockets. "It's alright," he replied, but his voice sounded strangely tight in his throat.

"No. Jacob..." Lily trailed off. She felt a desperate need to make him feel better, though she knew she should just leave it. The two of them were alone now in the corridor, the other students already taking their seats in their respective classrooms. She took a step closer toward him, saying, "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel that way. I just..." For a moment, she struggled to find the right words. "I think maybe we should just slow things down a bit, you know?"

Jacob finally looked back over at her, but he didn't seem convinced. "Slow things down," he repeated, flatly.

"Y-yeah," Lily replied, taking another step toward him. She knew she shouldn't be doing any of this, shouldn't be saying any of this. She told herself that she would regret it later, but in that moment, it was hard to deny the opportunity to just make Jacob feel good- if only for a little while longer. "You know, maybe just hold out on the broom closets till... a bit later."

"Oh," Jacob said softly, as if he were finally seeing something for the first time. "Okay," he told her fervently. Then: "Shit," he groaned, running a hand through his hair. "Lily, I... I'm sorry if I ever made you feel uncomfortable. I really don't want to-"

"Don't," Lily interrupted, feeling even worse hearing the guilt that was suddenly apparent in his voice. She took another step toward him, as if she were trying to cut short his apology with her mere proximity.

"I mean it," Jacob continued stubbornly. "I never meant to push-"

But, again, Jacob didn't get the chance to finish his apology. Lily couldn't stand to listen to him blame himself, yet again, for what she knew perfectly well was her own fault. And so, quite unexpectedly, she found that her lips were on his, and she was kissing him with everything that she had. And for the first time since the Halloween party, Lily wasn't thinking of anyone else as, after a shocked moment, his arms pulled tight around her waist. Sweet, safe, relatively uncomplicated Jacob. _How easy it would be..._ she thought, as her fingers dug lightly into his shoulders.

Jacob's hand traveled up her back until it finally tangled in her hair. He surprised Lily by gently massaging her scalp with his his fingertips, and she couldn't contain a sigh as a shiver traveled down her spine.

Remembering that she had just told Jacob that she wanted to "slow down," Lily abruptly realized what she was doing. She gently broke away from him after another moment, and took a small step backward.

"S-sorry," she told him, referring to the mixed signals she was sending. Or was she? Lily's mind was clearing fast, and she realized that she wasn't entirely sure what she was apologizing for. There were so many reasons for her to be sorry, and she found herself more confused than ever.

"Don't be sorry," Jacob told her kindly, placing a hand on her cheek, forcing her to look up at him. "For anything," he clarified, with a smile. Then, after a moment: "I really like you, Lily."

Lily felt almost close to tears at his sweetness; it was a side of him that she had missed over the past few days. It was one of the best things she knew about Jacob, but it only made things that much harder. "I... I like you, too," she told him, honestly.

He smiled down at her again, and placed a kiss on her forehead. "You should get to class," he said gently, and gave her a little nudge.

Lily smiled back at him. "Okay," she replied. "I'll see you later."

And with that, they parted; Jacob walking down the length of the corridor before taking a corner and disappearing from sight, and Lily turning in the opposite direction to rush late into her Defense class three doors down. As she stepped into the room, Lily didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the terrible situation she'd gotten herself into. Because, yes, it was true: she _did_ like Jacob. And yet, somehow, it still wasn't enough.

James tried not to glare at Lily from his seat as she entered the room, but was finding it difficult to take his eyes off her at all. That morning, he had somehow managed to wake up before Lily- exhausted though he was from the night before- and sneak down to the Great Hall for an early breakfast. He had been hoping to avoid her anger at his sneaking out by simply avoiding _her_ for as long as he could, but so far, it was looking like he didn't even need to worry about it. For, as far as he could tell, Lily couldn't care less about what he had been doing last night; she was apparently too busy making out with her twat boyfriend in the middle of the school corridors.

James had been walking down the hall with Amelia to Defense class when they had stumbled upon the couple snogging against the wall a few meters down. James had stopped in his tracks, rooted to the spot as he watched Lily snog the Ravenclaw git, and he felt as if someone had punched him in the chest. _Or stabbed him in the back_, he thought, narrowing his eyes at the back of Lily's head. Suddenly, he realized that Amy's eyes were glancing his way, and he quickly looked away from the Head Girl and back to the front of the class, where Professor Bellamy stood waiting for them to settle and begin the day's lesson.

James had tried his hardest to keep his expression blank after they had walked up on the couple, so that Amelia wouldn't guess what was going on. Still, he hadn't been able to keep his hands from curling into fists and his jaw from clenching as they had walked into the classroom to take their seats, and he had a feeling that it hadn't gone unnoticed by Amelia.

"Okay, class," Professor Bellamy began just after Lily took her seat, raising his voice over the chatter of the other students. "Today, you will be partnering up to practice the use of nonverbal spells." There were a few groans around the class, and he raised his hands to quiet them. "I know you've been working on nonverbal spells since last year, but I'm sure most of you could still use the practice. So, as I said, you will each need to find a partner to practice with. I want each of you to try and disarm your partner, in whatever way you see fit- but please _do not attempt to harm your partner_." He said this very seriously, and with a stern look, as if he had already encountered trouble from previous classes. "Remember," he continued after a moment, "that you will also need to protect yourself from your partner's attacks, as with any duel."

The class merely sat at their desks, unmoving, not sure whether or not Professor Bellamy had finished.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" he asked them, after another moment. "Pip, pip, off to it!" And with a wave of his hands, Lily and the rest of the students stood from their desks as they began to move toward the edges of the room, making room.

Without a thought, Lily looked across the room toward James. Perhaps because they had been partners the last time when they were producing patronuses, she assumed that they would be together again. However, she saw that James had rushed over toward Sirius, leaving Amelia by their desk. That, at least, was definitely odd. Amelia didn't look very offended, though, as she scanned the room for a different partner. Lily, herself, looked to the back of the room, hoping to partner with Alice, but she quickly saw that she, too, was already occupied with Marlene McKinnon.

Lily sighed, searching the room again. For a brief moment, her eyes met with Severus's. He gave her a strange look that she couldn't even begin to decipher before turning his back on her to talk to a fellow Slytherin. She looked at his back for a moment more before shaking her head slightly, brushing off the strange feeling growing inside of her. Finally, her eyes came back to rest on Amelia, who was still standing alone- though, Lily couldn't understand why; Amelia was widely popular, and had friends in most crowds.

Hoping that she could just get through the rest of class without insulting Amy in some way, Lily made her way over to her, trying to smile.

"Hi, Amelia," she said, as she reached her.

Amelia greeted her with a warm smile. "Lily! Hi!"

"Do you, erm, have a partner?" Lily asked, feeling a little stupid as the answer seemed so obvious.

"No, actually," she replied, her eyebrows raised slightly, as if she, too, were a bit surprised by her circumstances. She laughed good-naturedly at herself, though. "Do you wanna...?"

"Sure," Lily replied with a real smile. She had forgotten, lately, that she actually did like Amelia. Sure, she had always been a little vapid and gossipy, but there was also a warmness to her that put people at ease. In fact, Lily remembered that, before James, the two of them had gotten on fairly well. Thinking this, she cast a brief glance toward James and Sirius at the back of the room. They seemed to be having a serious discussion- unusual for the two of them, she thought.

"So, how are you liking it?" Amelia asked as the two took their places opposite each other. "Being Head Girl, I mean."

"Oh," Lily said, in surprise. She hadn't thought that they would talk much while practicing their nonverbal spells. _Silly me_, she thought, wryly. She situated herself in her offensive stance, concentrating on her disarming spell, before giving a nod to Amy, silently asking if she was ready to begin. Amy nodded in return, taking her defensive stance, and Lily finally answered, "It's alright, I guess," before sending her spell towards Amy. She deflected it with apparent ease, and they changed positions.

"Only alright?" she asked. "I would think you'd be a little more enthusiastic about it, seeing as..." Amy quickly stabbed her wand toward Lily.

Lily managed to block whatever spell it was that Amelia had sent toward her, but she paused before changing her position. "Seeing as what?"

Amy sank back into her defensive crouch, signaling Lily to take the offensive again. "Well," she began, "I just thought that, you know, working with James would be..._interesting_, at least."

Taken aback at the mention of James's name and the strained quality of Amelia's voice, Lily's second spell shot off without warning. It caught Amelia by surprise, but it was also weak, as Lily's concentration had been broken, and it did no more than make Amy's wand twitch slightly in her hand.

"Oh, erm..." Lily didn't know what she was supposed to say in reply to that. "I guess that's true. Working with Potter is definitely... different."

Amelia merely nodded at that. She began to take her offensive, but then she paused. Her eyes traveled toward the back of the classroom for a moment before coming back to rest on Lily. "He really admires you, you know."

Lily stood up straight from her crouch in surprise. "I'm sorry?" she asked, but her voice was barely a whisper. Her heart thudded in her chest, and she saw that Amelia's usually cheerful expression now had a smudge of what looked like pain buried just underneath the surface.

"It's true," Amelia replied, her wand now dangling at her side, seemingly forgotten. "He respects you a lot. Your talent, your determination, your intelligence... You should hear the way he talks about you."

"W-what?" Lily asked, in disbelief. She didn't know whether to feel elated or horrified. Was James really talking about her in a positive way? And to his _girlfriend_, of all people? _And what if he were?_ she asked herself. She looked over at Amy again, and couldn't help but feel a little angry. What a stupid, terrible thing for him to do. "He said those things?"

"No, not directly," she replied. Again, Lily didn't know whether or not she felt better at hearing the news. "Actually, he _never_ speaks about you unless I bring you up first. But it's not even the things he says about you so much as they w_ay_ he says them. I can just really tell that he... admires you," she repeated.

"But..." Lily trailed off in confusion. She honestly didn't want to talk about this anymore, but she didn't understand. "Why would you bring me up, though?" She didn't want to be insensitive, but she she had to ask.

Amelia simply looked at her for a long moment. Lily couldn't fathom the meaning behind it, but she suddenly felt as if she should apologize for merely existing. Before she could think of anything to say to break the tense silence, though, Amy did the job for her.

"I think we should stop now," she said, her voice smaller, but harder than usual. "I'm not feeling well." And, without another word, Amelia turned her back to Lily and walked right out of the classroom.

Lily stared after her in shock, but no one else seemed to have noticed. Not even Professor Bellamy looked up from the pair of Slytherins he was coaching.

Lily couldn't help but feel extremely put off by her conversation with Amelia. It was just so... surreal that she could barely believe that it had actually happened. Without thinking, Lily glanced toward James and Sirius where they stood at the back of the classroom. They stood somewhat lazily, talking to each other, occasionally flicking their wands in the other's general direction. She watched them for a few more moments until Sirius glanced over in her direction. Their eyes met briefly, and Lily saw Sirius's gaze flick to James and then back to her, a smirk on his face. Lily realized what he was silently implying from across the room, and she felt her face begin to burn. She looked away quickly, and took her seat facing away from them, hiding her blush from his eyes.

"Hmm..." Sirius mused, looking away from Lily and back to James. "I wonder where Amelia's gone off to."

"What do you mean?" James asked, looking over toward where she and Lily had been practicing just minutes before. There was no one there, though. He quickly scanned the room, and saw that Lily was sitting back at her desk, alone, with her head down, scribbling something on the parchment in front of her. He'd been uneasy when he had seen that the two of them were practicing with each other, but he'd simply shaken it off. However, it now seemed that he was right to be.

"What d'you reckon happened?" Sirius asked, looking back over at the back of Lily's head.

"Dunno," James said, shrugging his shoulders and trying to sound more casual than he felt. He continued to stare at Lily's figure, wondering what was going on. Her hair fell down her back in waves like fire, and he couldn't keep from imagining running his fingers through it and what it would be like to watch the silky strands slide over his hands.

The look on James's face as he watched Lily did not go unnoticed by Sirius, who suddenly said, "You know what I don't understand?"

James was abruptly pulled out of his imaginings and back to the present. He looked over at his friend. "You know, I really think the question should be, 'What _do_ you understand, Padfoot?'"

"Oh, touché," Sirius said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Bellamy glanced their way and Sirius quickly flicked his wand toward James, who flicked back. They weren't even bothering to send spells at each other anymore, but the Professor didn't need to know that. "I'm serious, though," he continued. "What I don't understand is why you're with Amelia in the first place."

James groaned and rolled his eyes. "We're not really getting into this again, are we?" Sirius was always asking this same question, it seemed.

"I just want one solid reason," Sirius told him sternly. "Because honestly, mate, I think she's starting to fancy you a bit." He twitched his head in Lily's direction, who was still working at her desk.

"Who, Evans?" James asked in disbelief. He almost laughed at the idea. "You're joking."

"Well," Sirius conceded, "maybe she doesn't_ fancy_ you, but she definitely doesn't hate you anymore."

James scoffed at his friend. "And you would know this _how_, Padfoot?"

"I've seen the way she's been looking at you lately, Prongs," he replied, his eyebrows raised suggestively, making James laugh in earnest.

"You've lost it, mate." Sure, maybe Lily had been acting a little differently toward him all year, but he honestly couldn't tell if it was for the better. James glanced back over at her, and realized with frustration that he still had no bloody idea what was going on with her.

"I'm just saying, James," Sirius said. "This whole thing with Amy might actually be working."

James gaze snapped back to Sirius in front of him, and he glared at him for a moment; he had gone too far in an already sensitive topic. "It's not like that," he said, through clenched teeth.

"Then-" he began, but James didn't let him finish.

"I'm not talking about this anymore, Padfoot," he said harshly, gripping his wand tighter in his hand. He and Sirius stood staring at each other for a moment. Both of their tempers had been short all morning thanks to their lack of sleep from the night before, and the air between them seemed to spark with tension.

"Okay, class," Professor Bellamy called, returning to the front of the room, "that will be all for today. Gather up your things! I want you all to read the next chapter in your textbooks, and continue practicing your nonverbal spells before our next class. Until Friday!" he finished, and the class was dismissed.

James and Sirius stood still for another moment, before Sirius finally turned to walk back toward his desk. After a couple of steps, though, he turned back to James, looking more like his normal self. "I'm gonna skive off Transfiguration and go see Moony," he told him calmly, his hands in his pockets. "You coming?"

James turned away for a moment to look back at where Lily had been sitting, only to find that she had already left the classroom. He turned back to Sirius and said, "No, I should go to class. I have some time later, I'll go see him then." Sirius nodded and turned back to his desk to gather up his things. James did the same and left the classroom, heading to Transfiguration.

He felt bad for the way he had acted toward Sirius, but he could only handle so much talk of Lily with him. He'd had the feeling for a while now that Sirius didn't really... approve of Amelia. He was always asking James why he was with her, but it wasn't until today that he had brought Lily into the conversation. The things he had said... that Lily might actually like him... it was more than he could handle. James didn't want to think about that possibility, no matter how small it was. He didn't want to keep hoping for Evans. In all honesty, _that_ was why he was with Amy; not to try and make Lily jealous, like Sirius had implied. James wasn't _that_ much of an arse.

But it was true: what he was doing with Amy wasn't right. It wasn't fair to her. James had told himself for nearly two years now that he hated Lily Evans, couldn't stand the sight of her. He had even managed to convince himself for a while that he had always felt that way about her. But, slowly, he was starting to remember that that wasn't true. The truth was... he was in love with her; he'd loved her practically from the moment he met her. James loved Lily more than he could even understand, but it scared him.

Because Lily hated him. She always had, and she always would. _And for good reason_, James pointed out to himself, as he climbed another flight of stairs, getting closer and closer to where she was. It was like he could feel her... But he didn't deserve her. He had tried this year more than he ever had to change, but it just wasn't enough.

So, now... he had to get over her. That's where Amelia came in. James felt terrible using her like this. He felt even worse, though, now that he finally had to admit that it wasn't working.

* * *

Lily had been sitting in her seat for six minutes when James finally arrived to take his spot beside her. She still felt shaken from her conversation with Amy but, as he sat down next to her, she could feel the warmth radiating from his body, and it comforted her.

"Hi," she said, turning to smile at him.

"Hello," he said, softly, returning her smile but not quite meeting her eyes.

Lily studied his profile for a moment, in concern. "Are you alright?" she asked. He didn't seem quite like himself.

The corner of James's mouth turned up slightly, and she couldn't help but smile. _Ah, there he is_, she thought.

"Oh, you know," he began, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, "just waiting for you to hex my bollocks off for sneaking out last night, but other than that I'm great." James didn't know why he had brought up the subject of the night before, seeing as part of him really was worried that hexing his bollocks off was_ exactly_ what she would do. But another part of him wanted to see her get riled up like that, just to know that he could still get under her skin; that he had any effect on her at all.

Lily's smile slowly faded from her face, as she recalled waiting for him to show up the night before. He hadn't come back, though, and she couldn't help but imagine him staying the night in Amelia's dorm. "Oh. Well," she replied stiffly looking away from him, "it's not really any of my business. So." She wanted to say something about Amelia to see how he would react, but she held herself back.

James studied her for a moment, his heart sinking in his chest just a little bit. "Yeah, I guess not." He turned back to the front of the classroom, and pretended like he was listening to what McGonagall was saying, but soon he found himself asking, "So, what happened to Amelia earlier? I noticed she left early."

Lily sat still in her seat, her chest feeling like it was full of ice. He was worried about Amelia. Of course. "She wasn't feeling well," she said simply, taking out her quill to write down some notes on the parchment in front of her. "She had some interesting things to say before she left, though." The words were out of Lily's mouth before she even knew she was saying them and she froze, her hand hovering over the parchment.

"Really," James said with disinterest, as if she had just remarked on the weather patterns.

Lily nodded, realizing that she may as well go all out and tell him what Amy had said, now that she had started the whole mess. Besides, she wanted to see how he would react; she wanted to know what Amelia had meant. "Yes. She said you... _admired_ me."

Lily watched in satisfaction as James's face turned red. It was the first time she could ever remember seeing him blush, and it melted the ice from her chest, making her heart pump a bit louder and faster.

"Sh-she did?" he stammered.

"Yeah," Lily said, her voice barely more than a whisper. She was staring at him outright, now, forgetting about Professor McGonagall and the rest of the students all around her. There was only James and his red face, and his refusal to look at her. "Is... is it true?" she asked, barely knowing what she was saying anymore.

James merely stared toward the front of the class. He sat like that for so long that Lily thought perhaps he hadn't heard her, or simply wasn't going to answer. Just as she gave up on him, though, he turned toward her, looking her right in the eye.

"Yes," he said, seriously. "I admire you."

Lily's heart skipped a beat in her chest, almost painfully. "Oh," she breathed, not knowing what else to say. She didn't really know what it meant if James admired her. After all, "admiring" wasn't "liking," was it? Whatever it meant, Lily thought that, with the way James was looking at her now, she had to at least be on the right track.

"Alright, class!" McGonagall called out, breaking whatever spell James had been under, and he looked away from those deep green eyes. "Pair up and get to work."

"Erm..." Lily mumbled, making him look back over to her. He saw that, like him, she was a little short of breath, and a faint flush tinted her cheeks. An overwhelming wave of yearning crashed over him, almost drowning him, but he managed to beat it down. "Do you think you could help me with this? I know Transfiguration's kind of your thing." She gave him a small smile.

"Sure," he told her, smiling back. He had no clue what it was that they were supposed to be doing in the first place, but he'd damn well try his best to help her.

James couldn't help but sneak tiny glances at Lily for the rest of the class as the two of them worked together. He found himself using any and every excuse he could to touch her, whether it be to show her a more effective wand movement, or under the pretense of getting a piece of fluff out of her hair. He studied her responses intently, only to see a small, private smile appear on her face after every brief contact. James tried to stop himself; he really did. But, despite his best efforts, he could feel himself slowly beginning to hope.

* * *

**A/N**: Aww. Well, I like that last bit, at least. I don't have too much to say about this chapter, other than that it did not turn out anything like I thought it would- as usual.

I went in expecting Jacob and Amelia to act a certain way, and then they did the exact opposite. I swear, it's like these characters are real, because they never do what I tell them to. Lol. I did like getting a peek into their vulnerable sides, though, so it's not an unwelcome change from what I had planned. In fact, it really makes them much more three-dimensional, and I love that. :)

I really enjoyed getting more in touch with James's vulnerability, too (this is just a vulnerable chapter, all around). So, while his reasons for being with Amy make me feel bad for her, they also make me feel really good about James/Lily. From now on, things will begin to develop more quickly (or at least, that's what I'm planning. Who knows what will actually happen, lol).

**Also, it looks like I need to address a certain issue.** I've been getting a few PMs lately telling me that my story is "exactly" like Twilight. I've been alerted to some similarities- most of it seems to be about Jacob's name. First of all, I just want to say that I've never actually read Twilight (so I'm really kind of fascinated by these coincidences). I saw the first movie when it came out, but I didn't really like it too much, so... no offense to those of you who do. I actually chose Jacob's name, though, because it means "deceiver." Not that I ever thought he would be some terrible person, or anything, just that he's not entirely what he seems. And it's also just been pointed out to me that there is another character, apparently, in the books named Seth Clearwater. Lol, I've actually never heard of him, and I don't really know where he comes in to the Twilight story. Regardless, Jacob's last name is Clearwater in this story because he is meant to be the future uncle of Penelope Clearwater (in my mind, he has a brother who's about 7-8 years older, who eventually marries a muggle woman.) I realize that this probably seems like an unlikely coincidence, but as you can see, I at least have actual reasons and a backstory for giving Jacob his name. Any other similarities between this story and Twilight are entirely coincidental, and hopefully there won't be too many more. Anyway, just thought I'd put that out there. :) I'd really prefer not having to put another disclaimer on this story, lol.

Anyway, as always, please _**REVIEW**_. Reviews are the main thing that are keeping me motivated during this- let's be honest- kind of boring middle/filler part of the story.

Reviews are thunderstorms and snuggling up with hot chocolate and a good book.

**Cheers! :)**


	15. Touch Me

**Thanks so much for the reviews! **I hope you guys like this chapter! It's the longest one so far, I'm pretty sure, and... yeah. It has its moments. ;)

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter n'est pas le mien. (A little French there, for you. Culture: it's a beautiful thing. Lol.)

* * *

James stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom as he lazed in his bed. He took care to notice each small crack in the paint and the woodwork, trying to concentrate on his breathing- _in, out, in, out_. Anything to keep his thoughts from wandering back to her. He could feel himself slipping, though, slowly, inch by inch. A quick flash of dark red or bright green across his mind's eye. A nose with light freckles scattered across it that wrinkled as a full, pink pair of lips stretched and opened in a compelling smile. James nearly groaned, but caught himself at the last moment, the sound morphing into a brief cough instead. He threw his arm over his eyes, trying to block out the images, but of course that only made it worse.

"What are you thinking about?"

Amelia lay beside him on his bed, and he could feel her turn to look at him. At her insistence, James had finally brought her up to Gryffindor tower to see the Head dorm and his room. And, as he had expected, it had ended in a mid-afternoon snogging session. And, as he had dreaded, he now felt particularly awful. That was the second time Amy had asked that question since they had separated ten minutes earlier, and he felt bad now that he was starting to get a bit annoyed.

"Quidditch," he answered, letting his arm fall from his eyes and to his side as he glanced over at her with a small smirk on his lips. Which wasn't a complete fabrication, he thought. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, the sport lurked in anticipation of the last match of the semester coming up that Friday against Hufflepuff. Exams were there in his mind, too, which would take place the following week. But both of those couldn't seem to compare to what he had been constantly fighting against since he'd felt that small glimmer of hope in Transfiguration class three weeks ago. James had thought that maybe finally admitting to himself the feelings he still had for Lily- the feelings, he was realizing, that had never really left in the first place- would somehow free him of them; free him of _her_.

Bloody hell, was he wrong.

"Afraid that Hufflepuff will beat your sorry Gryffindor arses?" Amy cheeked, propping her chin up on her hand and casting him a playful look.

"You wish, Bones," James retorted, feeling simultaneously relieved and even more annoyed that he had been able to fool her so easily. He pushed his feelings of irritation away, though; he knew she wasn't the real reason he was upset.

"Nah," Amy said cockily, "we're going to mop the floor with you guys. Just watch."

A genuine smile tugged slightly at the corners of James's mouth and he turned his head to gaze at his girlfriend. She really did have her moments.

"What?" she asked, after a moment, her face going red.

"Nothing," he replied, looking back up at the ceiling. Another moment passed before Amy, too, turned away, laying back and staring straight up.

"Cheers to us on the 'monthiversary,' by the way," she remarked flippantly.

James's stomach dropped when he heard the term, but he held back further comment. He had no idea what to say to that, after all. He knew that Amy was deliberately trying to make it seem as if she couldn't care less about the fact that they'd now been together an entire month, but it was clear to him that the small milestone meant a great deal to her. Much more than it meant to him, certainly.

"I suppose so," he said lamely, after a just-long-enough-to-be-noticed pause. He felt like a tit for not coming up with something better- after all, _anything_ was better than 'I suppose so'- but he couldn't do anything about it now.

Amy didn't say anything or even look at James for the next few minutes, keeping her eyes trained vigilantly on the ceiling above them. James took the time to appreciate the rare silence; however, after the first minute or so, his thoughts began to wander back into dangerous territory, and he started to wish that she would keep talking, after all. Then, seemingly out of nowhere: "Do you fancy a late lunch? I'm starving."

Almost laughing at the randomness of her request, James smiled over at her gratefully. "You know I never turn down food."

James sat up, and offered a hand back to Amy to help her out of his bed. She took his hand but, instead of pulling herself up, she swiftly brought him down to her, with more strength than he had imagined she possessed. She pressed her mouth firmly to his, and he froze for a moment; he wasn't sure what was going on or what had gotten into her. She moved her lips against his, and he finally returned the favor before she abruptly pulled away.

"Okay," she said a moment later, cheerfully, as if she weren't acting completely barmy. "Let's go." Amy took his hand in hers and, bewildered, he exited his room after her. Just as the door clicked shut behind them, though, the entry door to the dormitory opened, and in walked Alice Hinton and, of course-

"Lily," he said, in surprise. The two girls had been laughing at something as they entered the Common Room, but as Lily looked up at her name and saw James standing awkwardly outside his bedroom door with Amelia by his side, their hair a mess and clothes wrinkled, the smile slipped off of her face.

"James," she said back, somewhat stiffly.

"Oh, sorry," Alice said, tersely . She glared at James' and Amelia's clasped hands. "We didn't mean to interrupt."

"Oh, no!" James said, a little too quickly and altogether much louder than he intended. "You weren't interrupting anything." He felt Amy shoot him a look and backtracked quickly, feeling like a twat. "I mean, we were just going down to lunch." His eyes fell reluctantly back to Lily, and he felt his heart speed up in his chest.

"Would you care to join us?" Amy asked politely from beside him. He glanced over at her, though, and, while she was wearing a smile, it looked obviously forced and was enough to ward off any potential guests.

James frowned at her profile before turning back to look at Lily as she said, "No, thank you." Her words were polite, but her voice was like ice. Things had definitely been more tense between her and Amy for the past few weeks, although James didn't really know where it was coming from. As far as he'd known, the two had always been friends, although admittedly never terribly close.

A strained silence fell between the two groups and, feeling uncomfortable- not to mention, outnumbered; contrary to popular belief, James wasn't particularly skilled in the art of handling a roomful of angry women- he pulled on Amy's hand gently and said, "Come on. I'm starving." As he led her out of the room, James cast an apologetic look back at Lily, who was still glaring after them. He didn't know exactly what he was trying to apologize for, but as she met his gaze, her features seemed to soften for a moment. After a brief pause, she nodded her head slightly.

Sometimes, it was the simplest things about Lily that got to James. The flash of her bright green eyes as she looked at him in frustration, the way her nose crinkled just slightly when he actually managed to make her laugh. And right then, it was that nod. That small signal of reassurance and encouragement that reminded him to believe that... maybe things could really be different for them; maybe things could be better.

* * *

"Ugh, that bitch!" Alice exclaimed, as soon as the door closed and James and Amelia were gone from the room.

"_Alice_," Lily hissed in surprise.

"What?" she asked, in frustration. "It's true!"

"Well, that's a little unfair, don't you think?" Lily observed. She didn't know what had gotten into her friend.

"It's accurate, that's what it is," Alice grumbled. "Admit it!"

"Well..." Lily trailed off. She tried to be objective, but her mind was still clouded with envy and jealousy. Logically, she knew that Amy didn't deserve this, but she couldn't bring herself to say it at the moment.

Alice merely rolled her eyes at her lack of response and went to one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace. "I'm sorry," she said, but her words came out clipped. "I'm just frustrated with this whole mess."

Lily actually laughed at that and sat down on the couch next to her. "_You're _frustrated? How do you think I feel?"

"Then why don't you do anything about it?" she snapped, staring into the fire.

Lily sat back in shock. Where was this coming from? After a moment of tense silence, she ventured, "Alice, is there a reason you're so upset about this? What's going on?"

Alice stared off for another moment, everything about her features tense. Her eyebrows were furrowed, and she was biting her lip. Lily balked when she noticed that there were actual tears in her eyes.

When she continued in silence, refusing to meet Lily's eyes, she asked gently, "Alice, what is it?" She scooted to the edge of the couch cushion, getting as close to her friend as she could, short of kneeling in front of her.

After another worried moment, Alice's face softened, and she finally looked back to Lily. "I'm sorry," she said, genuinely this time, her voice a bit tight and shaky. Lily's eyebrows came together in concern, but she remained silent. "I'm acting mental, I know. It's just..." she trailed off.

"It's just what?" She couldn't imagine what was causing her friend so much distress as all this.

"It's just hard for me to sit back and watch you be unhappy, Lily," Alice replied softly. "You're my best friend."

Lily's eyebrows shot up in surprise. She didn't know what she had been expecting, but it hadn't been this. "I'm not unhappy," she tried to assure her.

"Yes, you are," Alice replied. "I know you, Lily; I know what sadness looks like on you." She stared intently into Lily's eyes as if daring her to contradict the statement.

After a moment, Lily had to look away.

Alice's eyes softened. "I just want to see you happy," she assured her. "And it hurts me to see you like this; especially when it's completely unnecessary. I'm sorry I'm being like this," she continued, her voice fading almost to a whisper. "It's just... after what happened in Hogsmeade... with Frank, I just..." She trailed off again, apparently at a loss for words.

"Alice," Lily said quietly. She had a feeling she knew what her friend was thinking of, and it made her heart ache.

"You can't waste any time with him, Lily," she said, her voice suddenly fierce, an abrupt change from just moments before. "When you love someone, you have to make the most of every moment. Because you just... You just don't know how long..." Alice didn't finish, instead putting a slightly trembling hand to her chest and biting her lower lip.

And with that, Lily felt her heart break in her chest. She reached out and grabbed her friend's hand, holding it tightly in hers. For several moments, she was at a loss for words or actions. But, somehow, she found the strength to begin. "Alice, I don't want you to worry about this any more. There's no point. You and Frank have all the time in the world; nothing's going to happen to you two." Her voice was strong and sure, and she added reassuringly, "I promise."

Alice just shook her head, slowly, squeezing Lily's hand in hers. "You can't be sure of that," she said. Lily was just about to protest when she interrupted, "And besides, Frank's not the only one I'm worried about. What about you, Lily? What are you going to do? You love James, whether you're ready to admit it or not; you can't just throw that away. You can't waste one second of your time with him."

It was Lily's turn to shake her head. "I don't plan to," she said. "But it's also not that simple. James and I aren't together like you and Frank are; that takes time, and I'm doing the best I can right now."

"No, you're not," Alice interjected, pulling her hand away. Her eyes flashed. "You're still with Jacob. That says it all."

Lily sighed and brought her hand up to rub at her eyes. She had a point. Lily had been meaning to officially break things off with Jacob for weeks now, but every time she got close, she just froze up. She couldn't bear the thought of hurting his feelings. However, that night was their one-month marker, and she could feel him starting to grow impatient with her. He was ready to move on to the next step in their relationship, whatever that was, but Lily just couldn't bring herself to do it.

On the other hand, over the past few weeks, she and James had grown even closer, resulting in even _more_ distance between her and her boyfriend, and increased tension with Amy. Lily could barely bring herself to care, though; she was so happy that things with James were developing. They were almost like friends, now; actual friends. Sure, things were much further off in their relationship than she wanted them to be, but she was getting closer, at least.

"Alice," she said, purposefully not addressing her current relationship status with Jacob, "there's nothing to worry about. Yes, I want to be with James," she said, silently marveling at how the confession felt on her lips- odd and foreign, but comfortable and right all the same. "But there's no rush. Please don't worry about James and me," she pleaded. She didn't like seeing her friend like this. "Nothing's going to happen to _anyone_, okay? There's no hurry. We have ages, and I... I'll wait as long as it takes." She finished on a shaky note; she was just starting to realize how deep her feelings for James actually ran, and it caught her a bit off guard.

Alice rolled her eyes, obviously still frustrated. "There's no point in waiting if you know what you want."

She sighed. "Yes, but there is when I don't know what _he_ wants. James does actually have a say in this, you know," she cheeked, attempting to lighten the mood a bit.

Alice was having none of it. "He wants _you_, Lily," she said, bluntly.

She froze for a moment, taking in the words. Hearing them made Lily's stomach lurch with hope and desire, and she felt her heart pound in her chest. "I don't know that," she countered softly.

Alice looked at her for a long moment, then let out a deep breath. "Well, it won't be long until you find out," she said. "And when you do, both of you will be kicking yourselves for not seeing it sooner." With that, Alice stood up and calmly walked out of the Common Room, leaving Lily alone with her thoughts.

* * *

Lily hiked her book bag further up on her shoulder as she entered the library later that day. Exams were coming up the next week, and she felt almost completely unprepared. Not only did she have a massive amount of studying to do, but there was yet another pile of homework that had built up over the last week that her teachers had given out, no doubt trying to help acquaint the students with everything that could and would be found on the exams. At the moment, though, Lily felt very little gratitude toward her Professors, as the homework made for about three times more work than she thought strictly necessary. However, she knew that she would do it all; somehow. She was fully prepared to stay in the library through dinner, and stay up in her dorm for the rest of that night, if that's what it came to.

Lily didn't appear to be the only one with this idea; the library was twice as crowded as usual. Students sat scattered across the large room. She couldn't see any empty tables, or any others that she might want to join. Lily sighed and considered just going back up to her room and locking herself in there for the rest of the night. However, as she did one final scan of the tables, her eyes came to rest on Remus Lupin, sitting by himself at one in the back corner of the library. Relieved, she made her way over.

"Do you mind if I join you?" Lily asked in a hushed whisper, as she approached. Remus's head was bent over a Potions book as his hand scribbled notes on the parchment beside him. At the sound of her voice, though, he looked up briefly, and smiled.

"Hey, Lily," he greeted her kindly. "No, I don't mind. Sit down." He gestured to the seat across from him.

"Cheers," Lily said, with a smile, as she settled in the seat and began taking out her own textbooks. She studied Remus surreptitiously for a moment before she ducked her head down to her work. He looked a bit better than normal, more color to his face, and more energy and strength in the way he held himself. Lily remarked to herself that the next full moon was in about two weeks- right at the beginning of winter hols- and she supposed it made sense for him to be at his best during this halfway mark.

Remus looked up for a moment and saw her studying him, and he gave her a curious glance. Lily could feel her face flush slightly at being caught, and she quickly looked back down at the textbook in front of her; she didn't want to seem rude. Lily had known that Remus was a werewolf since about fourth year. She'd stumbled across the realization quite by accident one night, while writing an essay on the topic. It hadn't changed the way she'd thought or felt about him, as a friend, but she also had never told him that she knew; she didn't want him to feel embarrassed or ashamed, like she quickly realized he would.

The two of them worked together in companionable silence for the next couple of hours until they were both somewhat satisfied with the work they had managed to get done. As strange or silly as it might sound, Lily had always enjoyed studying and doing homework with Remus; he was one of the few people she knew who shared her work ethic, and could actually challenge her intellectually.

"Cor," Remus breathed as he sat back for a moment, finally dropping his quill to flex his hand. Lily did the same and began to pack up her things; they had both ended up working through dinner, and she could feel her stomach beginning to clench in protest.

"Tell me about it," Lily replied, stopping for a moment to stretch in her chair. "Ugh, I can't believe exams are next week already." A familiar sense of panic swept through her at the thought. She was always more stressed around this time of year, as were the other students- apart from James and Sirius, of course, who annoyingly didn't seem to need to study at all in order to be brilliant.

"I know," Remus groaned, putting a hand to his face and rubbing his eyes. "And, of course, they would schedule Quidditch the Friday before exam week. Smart move, that." He took his hand away from his face and looked back over at her. "You going to watch the match?"

Lily felt herself blush slightly at the question. As much as she wanted and needed that day to study, the opportunity to watch James fly around in his Quidditch gear was something that she just couldn't quite bring herself to pass up. "I think so," she replied. "You?"

"Oh, I've never had a choice," he cheeked. "With James _and_ Sirius on the team, it'd be a safety hazard for me or Peter to ever miss a game."

Lily chuckled, then realized that Remus probably wasn't exaggerating. Her eyebrows came together in concern, but before she could verbally rebuke either of the two Quidditch players to their friend, someone else was calling her name, getting closer to their table.

"Lily!" a male voice spoke from right behind her. She turned around only to see, with a vague sense of annoyance and disappointment, that it was Jacob. Her _boyfriend_, she reminded herself.

"Hi, Jacob," she said, with strained politeness. Things had only gotten worse between them over the last few weeks, but she couldn't even tell if Jacob had noticed.

"Is _this _what you've been doing all day?" he asked, his voice growing louder, and he threw a contemptuous glare at Remus- who, for his part, was now done packing up his books and standing to leave.

"Jacob, please," Lily said disdainfully, rising from her own chair to shoot him an annoyed glance. It bothered her that she wasn't even surprised by his behavior now. While most of the time, he was his old, basically sweet, smart self, there were other times when his jealousy would show up and make a fool out of him. And he seemed to be making a fool of himself a lot more, recently.

"Have you forgotten what tonight is, Lily?" he said, a bit quieter now, but no less heatedly. She knew without having to ask that he was referring to their "anniversary."

Lily sighed in frustration. She turned back and said, "I'll see you later, Remus." He nodded at her, looking Jacob over appraisingly. She slung her bag over her shoulder, taking Jacob's wrist in her hand and leading him out of the library into the corridor outside. She didn't stop until they were a good few paces away, and then she turned on him.

"What was that all about?" she asked fiercely, and she dropped his hand.

"I could ask you the same thing," Jacob said petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest. "What were you doing hanging around Lupin?"

Lily rolled her eyes at the implication, and it churned the angry fire in her stomach, bringing her blood to a boil. "_Studying_," she snapped. "Some of us actually want to do well on our exams next week."

"Well, I don't want you studying with him," he told her bluntly.

Lily raised her eyebrows in shock and outrage. "Excuse me?" Her hands went to her hips, but they itched to slap that look off his face.

"You heard me," he scoffed, taking a step closer to her. "I don't like you hanging around with him; he's weird."

Lily's eyes flashed, and she stood taller. "He's my _friend_. So, you're just going to have to get over yourself."

"He's a freak, Lily!" Jacob snapped. "There's something... off about him, and I don't want you being friends with him."

Lily stood frozen for a moment. _Freak_. The word rang in her ears, and she felt angry tears prick behind her eyes. That was it; the last straw. She knew what it was like to be called a freak, time and time again, and neither she nor Remus deserved to be treated like that. Alice's words from earlier that day echoed in her head, and she knew with utter conviction that she had been right. What was she doing wasting her time with Jacob? Cool and charming on the outside, but something foul just beneath the surface. Lily knew what she deserved, and it was a hell of a lot better than Jacob Clearwater.

Lily's entire body shook with rage as she stepped back into the moment. If felt like forever, but she realized that only a second had gone by and, before she made any conscious decision to do so, her hand was flying through the air, connecting to Jacob's face with a sharp _smack_. She was done.

* * *

James was sitting in the Common Room of the Head dorm, absentmindedly playing with his "honorary snitch"- which he'd nicked years ago, of course- and thinking about Quidditch plays when Lily came storming into the room. He was startled from his thoughts when he heard the door slam, and he looked up to see the Head Girl.

Lily's face was red, her hair was wild, and her expression was set in a scowl; and James thought, perhaps, that he had never seen her more attractive than she was at that moment. Still, he knew to be cautious around her when she was like this.

"Hey," he said, standing up from his seat, and hastily pocketing the snitch. "What's going-?" he began to ask, but before he could finish, Lily was walking quickly across the room, not even looking over at him. She went into her bedroom and slammed that door behind her, as well.

James stood still in the middle of the Common Room for a moment, not sure what he should- or could- do. He may have loved Lily, he mused- a thrill of excitement and longing shot through him instantly, at the thought- but he didn't want to be hexed into the next century for prying.

Finally, he decided to just go for it. He was trying to be friends with her, after all, and talking about things seemed like something that girls usually wanted to do. Gathering up all of his supposed Gryffindor courage, James reluctantly went up to her bedroom door and knocked.

A moment passed where nothing happened, and he was almost relieved. But then, the door in front of him swung open, and Lily stood before him, still fuming.

"What?" she said, her voice flat.

James usually prided himself on being fearless, but he thought, at that moment, that maybe it was wise of him to be just a bit wary of Lily.

"Er... is something wrong?" he asked stupidly. He almost kicked himself right there.

Lily looked him over. She was still almost too furious to speak, but she realized that maybe she should get a grip. James looked as if he genuinely thought she might take her wand out and hex him where he stood. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. "No," she said, her voice still coming out more harsh than she meant it to. She didn't want to talk to him about what had just happened; she didn't know how. Sure, the two of them had gotten a bit closer over the past few weeks, and she was getting better at being nice to him, in general, but this was different.

"Are you sure?" James asked, feeling a bit more confident that she wasn't going to try and harm him. Her eyes had softened a bit, and her posture was slightly less rigid. "I mean," he couldn't help but wonder aloud, rubbing his neck, "did I do something?" He couldn't think of anything that he had done recently to merit this kind of response from her, but he couldn't completely rule out the possibility.

"What?" Lily asked, surprised. She felt her frown disappear for a moment, then return; this time from confusion. "No. What would make you think that?"

"Well," he explained, shoving his hands deep in his pockets, "I'm normally the only person you ever get this upset with."

Lily sighed, putting a hand to her head and massaging her temple. "You always think I'm angry at you, James," she said, finally going to take a seat on her bed, "but that's not true. To be honest, I can hardly remember the last time I was actually upset with you."

James's stomach lurched at her words; he'd never thought he would hear her say anything like that to him.

"I'm sorry if I take it out on you, though," she continued, feeling a little guilty. There was no "if" about it; she _knew_ that she always took her anger out on James, but she couldn't always help it.

James came to sit down beside her on the bed, and her heart sped up at his closeness. Their thighs were almost touching, and she stared at the space between their bodies, feeling the heat radiating off his skin.

"So, if it's not me," James said, forcing her to pull her gaze back up to his face, "then what is it? Why are you so upset?"

Lily stared at him for a moment, and she knew she couldn't lie to him. Plus... she wanted him to know. She wanted him to see that she and Jacob were over.

So, on a breath, she said, "Jacob."

"O-oh?" James stammered, terrible hope rising in him at the name.

Lily nodded. "We broke up." She looked right into his eyes.

James's breath hitched in his chest, and he tried to cover it up by lamely clearing his throat. He was suddenly hyper-aware of her body, and how close it was to his own, and it began to fog his mind. He tried to regain his composure, but he felt as if he'd been hit over the head with a bludger.

"You did?" he practically wheezed.

Again, she nodded.

"Why?"

Lily finally tore herself away from his gaze, and gave a light gasp, suddenly realizing that she hadn't taken a breath in a while. She had been caught in the warmth of James's eyes, and the thought to breathe hadn't even occurred to her.

She tried to formulate the words in her mind to explain why she had finally broken things off with her boyfriend, but her brain felt broken. "I... Well, he was... Remus... and I just..." she sputtered, embarrassing herself.

"You broke up with Jacob because of Lupin?" James suddenly asked. His heart ached in his chest, and his stomach dropped. He had never felt any real ill will toward his werewolf friend, but in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to hunt him down and punch him square in the face.

"What? No," Lily said, finally managing to regain some small amount of coherency. "Or, I mean... not like _that_."

James's heart finally started beating again, and the tightness in his chest faded a bit. He was still confused, though. "Well, what does he have to do with this, then? If not for... that." He couldn't even bring himself to say it.

"Jacob found us studying together in the library," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Is... is that it?" James asked. He had to admit, with the way she had been acting, he'd thought it'd be a little more dramatic than _studying_.

"Well... no, not exactly." Lily could feel her face redden under his gaze, and she almost didn't want to tell him what came next. She wasn't ashamed of what she had done- Jacob had deserved a good slap, and more- but it just felt so unlike her. She didn't really consider herself a violent person, even in the most trying of circumstances.

"Well, what then?" James asked, his curiosity piqued even more by the blush he saw on her face.

"Jacob," she began, and then paused. "Well, h-he called Remus a freak, and I... Well, I slapped him."

James sat beside her for a moment in shock. And then, a wide smile broke out across his face. He couldn't help it. He felt his love and pride for Lily Evans grow and expand inside his chest until it almost hurt, and he looked over at her. She was looking at her hands which were folded in her lap, seeming embarrassed.

"You actually _slapped_ the twat?" he asked in amazement.

Lily looked up and couldn't help but smile when she saw the look on his face. It erased all doubt from her mind, and she felt proud of herself. "Yeah," she replied, simply. She felt so good with his eyes on her that she didn't quite trust herself to say anything more. She watched as James reached a hand up to muss his hair, and the smile grew on her face.

"That's... bloody brilliant." He clapped a hand to her shoulder and said, "I didn't know you had it in you, Evans."

Lily blushed. "Oh, shove off," she said, trying her best to sound irritated. She bumped her shoulder against his side, thrilling at the physical contact. And, instead of immediately moving away from him, Lily stayed there, pressed against him, pushing herself to the limit of her self-control. James's arm was around her shoulders, and their thighs were now flush against each other, warming her entire body.

James squeezed her shoulder in his hand and tried to steady his breathing. Things between them had suddenly turned serious, and he didn't understand what was going on. He hadn't been this close to her since the night they'd accidentally slept together. He didn't even remember most of that, but he had a vague recollection of her back against his front, and her soft arse pushing into his groin. A choked sigh escaped his throat at the thought, as he fought a groan. He tried thinking of Amy or Quidditch or _something_ to bring him out of the haze, but he felt as if his head had practically caved in and all he could think of was the way Lily's body felt against his, and how she smelled so good sitting there next to him. She was driving him mad.

Lily shook under James's hand as he squeezed her shoulder and began running his fingers up and down her arm. She couldn't understand how such a simple touch could affect her so, but what they were doing felt far from innocent to her body. She heard a strangled breath escape James and she put her hand on his thigh next to her, closing her eyes and giving him a gentle squeeze. She bit her lip and felt a familiar ache between her legs. What they were doing was already too much, and she didn't know if she could stop.

"Lily," James breathed from beside her. She finally turned to look him in the eyes, and his gaze felt like the most pleasurable fire on her skin.

Without really knowing what he was doing, James brought his hand from her shoulder to her face. He gently placed his palm against her cheek, rubbing his thumb over the incredibly soft, smooth skin. He was already hard as a rock in his trousers, and the feeling of Lily's hot, tender flesh under his hand only made the sensation seem that much more intense.

Lily couldn't believe how amazing his hand felt on her. His fingers were rough and calloused; strong, yet incredibly gentle. She pressed her face further into his hand and couldn't stop the moan that escaped her, squeezing his thigh again.

James jerked and took in a sharp breath. One more move like that, and he'd toss right there in his jeans. He stared down at Lily as his hand traveled back from her face, tangling in her hair. He marveled at how soft and silky it was between his fingers, even better than he remembered, or had ever imagined. She stared right back at him, her green eyes dark and filled with something that he couldn't even begin to fathom.

"James," Lily whimpered, shuddering at the sensations his hand was sending throughout her body. No other words came to her, and her center ached and throbbed terribly. She didn't know how everything was suddenly so powerful and consuming between them, but she dug her nails into his leg, overwhelmed and trying to get a grip on something. She didn't ever want to stop whatever it was that they were doing, but somewhere, deep in the back of her mind, she knew that they had to.

Finally, digging her nails into the palm of her own hand, Lily's mind cleared just enough for her to regain some of her sanity. Not without difficulty, she tore her gaze away from James, and jerked her hand back from his thigh.

As if being shocked, James, too, resurfaced from the haze of need and lust that was clouding his mind. He quickly took his hand away from Lily's face, and rubbed his palms on his thighs, trying to rid them of the itch to touch her again, and in new places.

Barely a moment passed before James spoke; he needed to get away, before he did something truly stupid. "I-I should leave," he stammered, rising quickly from the bed. They shouldn't have done this. _Whatever "this" was_, he thought bitterly.

"Yes," Lily said, her voice little more than a whisper. She couldn't bring herself to look at him. She didn't know what she might do if she did.

Without another word, or even a glance in her direction, James hurried from her room and into his own. He paced the floor back and forth in front of his bed, not knowing what to do with himself. He was still so hot, and bloody horny. He wanted nothing more than to barge back into Lily's room, lay her out on the bed, and snog her until he passed out.

However, with a sigh, James stopped pacing and ran a shaky hand through his hair, trying to calm himself. He couldn't think about kissing Lily; she didn't want that from him. She never would, he reminded himself. He didn't know what just happened, but there was no way that it had affected her the way it did him...

Lily sat motionless on her bed. She strained to hear what was going on outside of her room, what James was doing, but there was only silence. She let out a broken breath, and held her head in her hands. _What the hell was that?_ One moment, they had been actually joking around somewhat, and the next, they were all over each other.

Well, she amended, not _technically_ "all over each other." Or, at least, she didn't suppose so. Though, mere moments before, it had certainly _felt_ like they'd been doing some pretty serious stuff.

Lily sat back up and bit her lip. She crossed her legs as another powerful ache overtook her. She wanted James to come back to her and do everything all over again, and then some. _But no_, she thought. _He won't come back._

The horrible reality of what had happened finally came over her, and she felt like she was being torn in two. Because really, _nothing_ had happened, she realized. Nothing of any significance, at least.

Lily cursed herself for being so naïve, and fell back in her bed. What had she been thinking? He'd touched her face. She'd touched his leg. That's what she was so worked up over? She almost laughed at herself, cruelly. Surely, it would take a bit more than that to interest_ James Potter_. She couldn't be sure, but Lily suspected that he had... _been_ with several girls. No, to him, it had probably felt platonic and uninteresting, if not worse.

Within a matter of seconds, Lily managed to convince herself that, in fact, James had felt nothing at all. She felt as if any small bit of progress she had made by dumping Jacob was now rendered pointless by what had just happened. Lily's heart stuttered in her chest, and she again remembered back to her conversation with Alice, and wondered achingly whether it was any use waiting for James at all.

* * *

**A/N**: Alrighty, then! Lol, where to start, where to start... Well, I guess I'll first just say that this chapter was meant to go up much sooner than it did, but Halloween came around, and my Jily feelings just could not be handled. I was practically sobbing the entire night. In case you don't know, this Halloween was the 30th anniversary of James and Lily's deaths. :( So... that depression that I was feeling definitely came through during Alice's talk with Lily. I think what Alice was saying is basically what all of you readers, and myself, have been thinking for a while now. I wish they didn't have to wait another second to be together, but sadly, that's just not how things are in real life, or fiction.

On a brighter note, Jacob is finally gone! I will admit that I got rid of him a bit earlier than I originally intended because of all the Twilight confusion, but I've also just been wanting to get rid of him for a while. At least, in a boyfriend capacity. I don't think I'm completely through with him yet, though. About the Twilight business, by the way, I want to thank all who reviewed and PM'd for being so nice about it. Especially the few of you who had real issues with it and had the courtesy to tell me your feelings in a PM, as opposed to a review. I hope this move of getting rid of Jacob is generally pleasing to everyone. :)

And now! Of course, the heat, finally! Mmm. Lol. I had fun writing that, let me just say, so I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. The chapter title just kind of came to me; it's the title of a song that's been stuck in my head all day now. Plus, there are a lot of different kinds of touches in this chapter, I feel. With James/Amy's lying kisses and touches at the beginning, to the comforting touch of a friend with Lily/Alice, the angry touch of a hard slap across the face for Jacob, and the amazing, burning, loving touches between James/Lily. *Sigh* I know most, if not all, of you are getting antsy for the entire reason this story is rated M. Hahah. But, since I can't give you guys the full thing just yet, hopefully you won't mind being teased. ;)

So. I just want to thank you guys again for reviewing! It's so ridiculously appreciated. So, remember to **REVIEW** this chapter, as well! I will love you forever. :)

**P.S. If you have the time, please visit my author profile and vote in the poll at the top of the page!** I'm asking all my readers what they'd like to see more of in this story, and the top two things will be featured more heavily through the story, starting with the holiday chapters (which will be the three or four chapters after this next one).

**P.P.S.** Remus Lupin rocks my socks off.

Reviews are steamy James/Lily scenes.

**Cheers! :)**


	16. Gryffindors Always Win

**Alas, I am back!** Sorry this took absolutely forever to update! I finally managed to find a job, and it's just kind of taken over my schedule for the past few weeks. Things are finally starting to even out a bit, though, with that, so it should be alright from now on. Anyway, you've got a very Jily-centric chapter ahead of you, so I hope you guys enjoy! :)

**Disclaimer**: Wait, why do I still not own Harry Potter?

* * *

Lily stood outside the Gryffindor Quidditch tent, not quite sure what she was doing. The rest of the students were either making their way up to their seats in the stands, or suiting up and getting ready in their team's tent. The final Quidditch match of the semester was due to start in just a bit, but Lily was on a bit of a mission. Alice and Frank were both already in the stands, and were saving her a seat as she stood a bit awkwardly outside the structure.

Lily tentatively opened the flap of the tent and peeked inside. This sort of behavior was normally reserved for the boyfriends and girlfriends of the players, but she reminded herself that she and James were sort of like friends, now. Plus, she felt she had to do _something_ to try and clear things up between them. Ever since she'd broken up with Jacob a few days before, things had been... different between them. They didn't necessarily treat each other any differently, and it wasn't any more awkward than usual. But there was a certain... spark and tension in the air between them that hadn't been there before. She wasn't sure what it meant, but she needed to make sure everything was still okay between them.

Lily's eyes scanned quickly through the players, searching for James's face. They were all there, strapping on their wrist guards, or giving their brooms a last-minute polishing. There were a few other students inside without uniforms, as well, chatting with the team members, or giving their special player a good luck kiss. When Lily finally spotted James standing off to the side, she saw that he, too, was not being left out. Amelia was standing in front of him with a broad smile on her face and, as Lily watched, she stood up on her toes and flung her arms around his neck, bringing his lips down to hers. Lily's stomach dropped almost painfully, and her heart gave a great thud in her chest. She didn't think she'd ever get used to the sight of James kissing another girl, but she hoped she'd never have to.

James finally broke away from his girlfriend's embrace and smiled down at her. Lily continued to watch helplessly as he bent down and whispered something in her ear. Amy rolled her eyes and smiled up at him, shaking her head. After another painful moment, she finally made her way out of the tent through one of the side flaps, releasing Lily from where she had stood, frozen and transfixed. She knew she couldn't possibly follow that... _performance_, so she quickly turned away from the tent and started making her way up to Frank and Alice, who were sitting somewhere high above. She lightly clutched her stomach, feeling sick.

"Lily?" she heard someone call from a few paces behind her. She froze, yet again, for she knew that voice. She hadn't even realized she'd wanted him to see her until it had already happened. Lily turned around.

Her jaw gaped slightly as she watched James make his way toward her in his Quidditch uniform. His eyes were bright as they connected with hers, and a wide smile stretched slowly across his mouth, growing bigger with each step he took toward her. The wind picked up for a moment, ruffling his already messy hair, and Lily thought she'd never seen him look so... well... _sexy._ She quickly shut her mouth, realizing that she was staring.

"What are you still doing down here?" he asked, stopping just a couple of feet away from her.

Lily tried- a bit frantically- to pull herself together. She didn't want to behave like one of James's desperate groupies, but his stunning appearance had hit her like a slap in the face, and she found herself somewhat helpless to fight against it.

"Oh, I-I just wanted to... wish you luck," she finally managed to put together.

"Thanks," James replied, his smile growing a bit. He seemed completely at ease, and she found herself almost hating him for it. "It's really not necessary, though," he continued. He leaned down toward her and whispered, "It _is_ Hufflepuff, after all."

Lily couldn't help but narrow her eyes up at him, as she did whenever he said something particularly arrogant. "Well, you never know," she told him. "They might surprise you."

"What's this now?" he said, looking down at her in subdued amusement. "Switching sides already?" (James would never admit it, but he'd always enjoyed annoying her just a bit too much.) "I thought you came here to wish me luck."

Lily rolled her eyes, but couldn't help slowly smiling up at him. "Well, I guess we'll see if you actually need it, yeah?"

James merely shrugged. "Well, whether I need it or not, I'll take it." He took a step closer to her, and Lily had to tilt her head back to look up at him. She had almost forgotten how tall he was.

"Well, you didn't hear this from me," she began in an undertone, unable to stop herself from inching forward just a bit more, "but I'm pretty sure you guys are going to kick some Hufflepuff arse out there today." She smirked as she watched his eyes widen.

James gave an astonished chuckle and glanced briefly down at her mouth. After a moment, she saw him lick his lips. In a matter of seconds, his expression changed from surprise to... something she couldn't quite define. Whatever it was, it made her heart pick up its pace. "Thanks," he finally said, his voice suddenly soft and quiet.

Lily's breath hitched lightly in her throat, and she stood in awe. Just when she thought she'd finally gotten one over on him, James went and did something like this. She glanced down at his mouth in return, and had to bite her lip to stop herself from moving forward.

"Well," she breathed, "I guess I'll, erm, see you back in the Common Room, yeah?" She finally looked back up to his eyes only to realize that he was still watching her mouth as she spoke. She felt her skin flush in an odd mixture of embarrassment and satisfaction.

When James's eyes came back up to meet hers, they were dark and almost hungry. It made Lily's blood burn and race pleasurably in her veins, but she knew it couldn't last.

"Okay," he said, his voice a bit rough. He took a step back, and Lily felt a bit of pressure leave her. She took another step back, giving him a feeble wave, and her skin cooled down a bit. She reluctantly made the rest of her way up into the Gryffindor stands until she finally found Alice and Frank and took her seat beside them.

Yes, things had definitely changed between her and James over the past few days, alone. And, judging by what had just happened between them, things were only getting worse. Or better. Lily wasn't sure. At that moment, all she really knew with absolute certainty was that she couldn't wait to watch James Potter fly.

* * *

"You have no idea how much it pains me to say this, but... congratulations. I guess."

James chuckled and shrugged his shoulders. "I told you Gryffindor would win," he told Amy, not even trying to hide his smugness. They were standing outside the portrait of the Fat Lady, and most of the celebrations were already taking place inside the Gryffindor Common Room. Amy couldn't join in due to the fact that it was nearly curfew. The Hufflepuff Quidditch team may not have been much to worry about, but James would admit that they had done better than he'd expected. Their players may have been slow, but they were bloody patient, and had drawn the game out until almost dusk.

Amy rolled her eyes and gave his shoulder a shove. "Yeah, yeah," she said wearily. "Don't get too comfortable, though. We 'Puffs have a way of creeping up on our successes."

"Whatever you say," James cheeked. The two stood in silence for a moment, and he glanced over at Amy's partner standing a few feet away with another Hufflepuff. He tried to remember her name for a moment- Abigail, he thought. Or was it Patricia?- but quickly gave up on the endeavor.

"Well, have fun tonight," Amelia said, bringing his attention back to her. "Just not _too_ much fun, yeah?"

James almost laughed as he was reminded of Lily. Apparently, she wasn't the only one who thought there should be a limit on how much one enjoyed oneself.

"I'll try to restrain myself," he told her jokingly. "But I won't make any promises."

Amy was silent for a moment; she looked like she was actually worried about what he might do.

"Oh, relax," he scolded gently, pulling her into a hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, alright?" He pulled away from her and kissed her dispassionately on the cheek.

Amy gave him a faint smile. "Alright..." She reached down and squeezed his hand for a moment before turning and walking down the corridor with her two friends.

Without much more than a moment's pause, James turned and stepped through the portrait hole and into the Common Room. The noise hit him as soon as the Fat Lady swung aside, and it filled him with a familiar excitement. He entered the great room, and a loud cheer went through the students gathered there.

"Excellent, Potter!" a few people called out to him. "Brilliant! You beat those Hufflepuffs' sorry arses!" Other praises seemed to come at James in waves- or, that's how it felt to him, at least. He may have been cocky and arrogant, but he always felt a strange discomfort when others built him up like this. It was an odd thing, he knew, but if anyone were going to say great things about him, James preferred it to be himself.

Regardless, he couldn't help but take a smug bow, making the other students cheer louder. Playful "boo"s suddenly emanated from the back of the room, and James looked over, seeing Sirius, Remus and Peter standing on one of the tables. He grinned and made his way through the press of students, and they all continued on with the party.

"Sorry about the 'boo's, mate," Wormtail said consolingly, as James finally found his way over to them. "Sirius made us do it."

James quirked an eyebrow over at the culprit, who was now sitting back down in his chair, looking uninterestedly at the rest of the crowd.

"Oh, come on, Prongs," he said coolly- but James saw the mischievous spark in his eyes. "As if we need your head getting any bigger. Besides, it was _Hufflepuff_. It's not exactly the greatest achievement to beat them at anything."

"You know," Remus interjected, moving to sit on the floor, "you might want to give the whole Hufflepuff thing a rest. What, with James dating one, and all."

"Right," James said, a bit guiltily. He hadn't even thought to defend Amelia.

Sirius dismissed the suggestion with a casual wave of his hand. "Nah, he doesn't mind." James shot him a look, but didn't say anything more on the subject.

"Who's got the firewhiskey?" he asked, feeling his excitement begin to return.

"Right here," Peter said, taking two large bottles of the amber liquid out from underneath the table they'd all just been standing on. He brandished the bottles before them and they all stared in admiration.

Even Remus sounded reluctant to ask his usual, "Must we _always_ be drunk in order to have fun?" James knew that his heart wasn't really in the admonishment, though, and he accordingly ignored it, as did the others.

Sirius broke out the glasses, and the four of them gathered close while James poured the liquor. They were all about to drink when Sirius dramatically held his arms out, saying, "Wait, wait! We have to have a toast. On this... _festive_ occasion, it only seems right."

"You're taking the piss, right?" James asked in astonishment. Sirius was definitely one for grand gestures, but they weren't usually of the toasting variety.

He rolled his eyes, but otherwise did not acknowledge that James had even spoken. "A toast!" he called out, and James had to wonder if perhaps Sirius had gotten a bit of a head-start on the drinking that night. "To Quidditch!" The other three raised their glasses and were about to drink when he continued: "And to life! To life, and love, and freedom, and-"

"Oh, bloody hell, Padfoot, shut it," Remus said, making James and Peter snicker. "As if we even _need_ a reason to drink." Sirius cast them all one last disparaging look, before finally cracking a smile.

"Bugger it, you're right," he conceded, and raised his glass again. "Cheers!"

* * *

Lily sat awkwardly as Alice and Frank snogged each other enthusiastically on one of the armchairs near the fireplace of the Gryffindor Common Room. The party had been going on for a short while now, and the couple was already fairly intoxicated not only with the "thrill of victory," but also with a rather copious amount of firewhiskey.

Lily looked over, yet again, to the corner where James and the rest of his group sat, toasting each other and laughing raucously. She felt the familiar pull toward James, of course. But the draw to join in with the rest of his mates was there, as well, and it was entirely new to her. She loved Alice, too, obviously. But as she looked back over at her best friend, it was quite clear to Lily that she was not needed and- for a time, at least- would not be missed.

And so, carefully, she stood up from her seat, trying not to disturb the couple, and made her way over to where the Marauders sat.

"All I'm saying," Sirius slurred, "is... I mean, what's the big deal, you know? It was just some girl's knickers. Doesn't mean an-... anything."

Lily stopped in her tracks, shocked. Perhaps, she thought, she should just turn around now and leave while she still could. She wasn't sure what she'd be getting herself into if she stayed. However, before she could sneak away, Remus looked up and spotted her.

"Lily!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms out with uncharacteristic gusto.

At the mention of her name, James turned around and looked over at her. The grin already on his face grew even broader and he stood up. "Evans!" he said, her last name feeling like an old friend as it passed over his lips. "What are you doing over here? Come to drink with us?" He was already feeling warm and light from the firewhiskey, and her presence only amplified the sensation. A new energy raced through his mind and body as he examined her face and hair and chest and hips and just... everything. Most of his common sense had already left him, and he couldn't stop himself from staring at her now.

"No," Lily replied quickly. "I actually came over to congratulate you and Sirius-" she glanced over at the latter, and his head lolled onto his shoulder as he grinned up at her- "but I can see that you're doing a rather good enough job of that, yourselves." She looked back up at James, and couldn't help but smile just a bit. His own grin was wide and goofy as he stared at her and, despite herself, she found it completely endearing.

"Oh, come on," Peter piped up. "It's just one drink, don't be a prig."

James's smile slipped off his face, and he shot a glare over at the boy. "Don't call her a prig, Pete," he said, suddenly wishing he could just leave and be alone with her. "She doesn't have to drink if she doesn't want to."

Lily felt her skin heat up in gratitude, but she said, "No, it's alright. I... I want to."

James shook his head over at her, saying, "No, Lily, you really don't have to-"

"Don't think that you and your friends can _make_ me do anything, Potter," she snapped, feeling embarrassment settle in her stomach. He probably **did** think she was a prig, after all, but she didn't want him to. True, she was usually a bit rigid when it came to following the rules, but there had always been something about James that made her want to take him along with her when she actually decided to break them. "I want to drink with you all," she told them. "I mean... you know, if you don't mind."

"_Mind_?" Sirius exclaimed, sounding shocked. He stood up and put his hands on her shoulders, and Lily noticed that his legs wobbled just a bit. "Why, we'd be del-... -lighted, Lilykins!"

Lily couldn't help but giggle at his slurred speech, and the way he wiggled over to the table to pour her first glass.

James watched as she laughed good-naturedly at his inebriated friend, and she looked... alright. Still, he couldn't help but wonder. He took her by the wrist quickly and pulled her a little aside from the rest of the group.

"Lily, are you sure you're okay with this?" he asked. Of course, most of him wanted her to say yes, that she wanted nothing more than to hang out with him and his friends and get pissed. But there was also a small part of him that wanted her to reconsider; after all, it went against everything he thought he knew about Lily for her to do this. But then again, he supposed she was always surprising him.

She answered him without a moment's hesitation. "I really shouldn't, I know. I'm Head Girl- and need I remind you that you're Head Boy? We're supposed to be the ones to set good examples for the rest of the school. But... I don't know," she said, a curious smile beginning to form on her face. "I just don't really care about any of that right now."

James couldn't keep the corner of his mouth from lifting in a smirk. He knew exactly how she felt. "Okay," he told her, taking the opportunity to lean even closer toward her. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

* * *

"Oh, my God!" Lily gasped, laughing and trying to catch her breath. She was also (unsuccessfully) trying to keep quiet. The party had died out long ago, and most of the students were either passed out in their beds, or on the floor of the Gryffindor Common Room. She and James, however, were still awake, and huddled together in their own corner of the room. "A-and does he always do that, erm, _dance_ thing when he gets drunk?" she asked through her gasps, referring to Remus, of all people.

"Oh, bloody hell," James said, doubling over for a moment in silent laughter. There were tears in his eyes when he looked back up at her. "Believe it or not, yes, he does."

Lily snickered some more as the infamous dance flashed again through her mind, and the rest of the events of that night moving in a hazy blur after. Remus's dance, Sirius stripping of his sweater and swinging it around above his head, Peter being the first to pass out; and her and James, just laughing through it all. Lily had been surprised to find that she rather enjoyed drinking and joking and laughing with the Marauders. But things were slowing down now, and she and James were finally alone, for all intents and purposes.

James's breathing finally evened out as his laughter died down. He gazed over at Lily, and she looked right back into his eyes. He felt a new heaviness settle over him that had nothing to do with the firewhiskey they had been drinking all night. As he studied her face, James once again found himself resisting the strong desire to lean forward and press his lips to hers; they just looked so soft. Granted, he was always a bit more- as Sirius liked to say- "frisky" when he drank, but this was different. Lily had actually agreed to hang out and drink with him and his friends. Never had he thought that anything close to this would ever happen, and yet there she was, looking directly at him as he continued to stare at her.

James glanced down at her mouth again, and felt his already weakened resolve crumble. His breath came in shallow bursts to his lungs and he leaned even closer to her. "C'mere," he muttered.

Lily heard his soft request, and she closed her eyes; she tried not to give in, she really did. She knew that James was with Amelia. He had a girlfriend. He seemed to like her. Not to mention the fact that he was drunk now, and probably wouldn't even remember most of this in the morning. And even if he did, who was to say that this meant anything to him? That _she_ meant anything to him. _He's drunk_, she tried telling herself again. _This isn't right_.

But Lily's own protests did little to stop her from moving forward. Maybe under normal circumstances, she would've been able to control herself, but now... Everything was always just so intense between the two of them, and her mind was even more muddled and fuzzy than usual, and she just quite simply didn't _care _anymore. She was tired of telling herself "no."

Their lips had just barely brushed against each other when a loud snore suddenly erupted from Peter, who was sprawled out a few feet away.

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed in surprise, and quickly pulled away. The whisper-faint touch of James's lips against hers sent a current of electricity through her body, and she yearned desperately for more.

"Fucking hell," James muttered under his breath, sending a glare Peter's way, and resisting the temptation to go wake him up by strangling him. His body hummed with longing, and his lips were tingling from the brief contact. He looked over at Lily and saw that her face was red, but there was a smile that she was trying to hide by biting her lower lip.

"We should probably go to bed, don't you think?" she said, looking up at him through her thick eyelashes. James was nearly stunned into speechlessness at the coy glance, but a moment later, he nearly groaned in frustration.

_No!_ he wanted to yell at her. _No, we _shouldn't _be going back to bed- unless it's together._ He didn't want to leave things the way they were between the two of them; he had no idea where he stood with Lily, or what was going on. All he really knew, at that moment, was that he simply didn't want to be away from her.

However, against his every wish and desire, James found himself nodding and standing up from the floor. He reached a hand down to help Lily up but, after a moment, when she was finally standing steadily, he found that he couldn't let go of her hand. He just couldn't do it, and he didn't really even want to try.

Lily's breath quickened as she realized that James wasn't going to let go of her hand. As he led the way to their own Common Room in the Head dorm, she marveled at how big his hand was in hers. His skin was so warm and rough against hers, too, and she reveled in the feel of it. As they drew closer to their bedroom doors, Lily couldn't help but hope that perhaps James would lead her into his room instead of simply leaving her outside her own. All kinds of scenarios that could follow flashed through her mind- most of them consisting of their limbs tangling and entwining under the sheets of his bed. She felt her face burn in shame and arousal, and she hoped that James wouldn't be able to somehow tell what she was thinking.

She was disappointed- if not altogether surprised- to find that James did, indeed, stop outside the entrances to their separate bedrooms. They stood in silence for a few moments before he finally spoke.

"Well," he began, feeling oddly as if he were dropping Lily off after a first date, "I'm glad you decided to spend the night with us, Evans."

"I'm glad you decided to let me, Potter" she replied, with a smirk. Then, a bit more seriously: "I really had a lot of fun tonight."

James felt his heart stutter in his chest as her voice softened. He had to try and keep things light, otherwise, he'd try and snog her again. "I hope they didn't traumatize you too badly." He suddenly realized that he was still holding her hand, but he wasn't ready to let go just yet.

"I think I'll survive," Lily cheeked, squeezing his hand tightly in hers. She didn't want him to leave.

They stood still for a few moments, simply gazing at one another, neither making a move to leave. Finally, unable to take it anymore, Lily let go of James's hand only to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him into a tight hug. She sighed as their bodies connected, and she finally felt at peace.

James tightened his arms around her waist and buried his nose into her hair, breathing deeply. She smelled so good, and her body felt so soft against his. It was all almost more than he could handle. He held onto her as tightly as he could and, for a moment, it was as though everything else just slipped away.

Lily finally found the courage within herself to turn her head slightly and place her lips gently against James's cheek. They were holding on to each other so tightly that she actually thought she could feel his heartbeat quicken against her own chest. She just barely managed to hold back a moan, and somehow found herself stepping away from him.

"Goodnight, James," she said, taking one last look at his face before she turned and entered her room, closing the door softly behind her.

James merely stood outside her room for several moments, unable to move. The witch had left him completely dazed. In disbelief, he reached a hand up to his cheek, touching the spot where her lips had met his skin. After another moment, he brought his fingers down to his own lips, heat and desire filling him yet again.

James finally managed to stumble his way into bed where he suffered yet another sleepless night, thanks to Lily. There was that special energy only she could give him, and she always left him with it, making it near impossible for him to rest comfortably. And now, as he stared into the dark, feeling alert and entirely sober for the first time that night, he realized that he couldn't bring himself to regret a single moment of it.

* * *

**A/N**: Well, okay! Not entirely sure that I have a whole lot to say about this chapter. Sorry Alice and Frank were just kind of background noise in this- especially sorry about Alice. I mainly just wanted to take the time to really get in a decent Jily fix, and develop things a bit more there- I _told_ you things would start happening a bit more quickly. ;) Also, I just wanted to get that little bit in with Lily and the Marauders, as a whole, because I think that's another important relationship for the Jily ship. I'll really hope to expand on that more in the Christmas chapters- which start with the next update! :)

**Again, if you have have an extra minute, please go to my author profile and vote in the poll at the top of the page! The poll will close when I post the next chapter.**

As always, please _**REVIEW!**_ And I know you guys are out there, because you were kind enough to help this story get over 100 reviews, so far. I can't begin to tell you all how grateful I am to you for reading. :D

Reviews are sex (basically).

**Cheers! :)**


	17. Christmas

**And after yet another month of no inspiration, the 17th chapter of Our Battles came to me in a rush.** Sorry about the wait, my lovely readers!

**To recap**: Jacob and Lily broke up in a somewhat violent fight, after which she and James share a rather intimate moment. James feels guilty for how much he likes Lily because he's still dating Amelia, and tries to simply put aside his feelings but that doesn't really cut it. James and Lily nearly kiss again after the final Quidditch match of the semester, both of them being drunk and not making the best decisions. Luckily- or unluckily- they are interrupted by Peter's well-timed snore, and share a platonic hug and kiss outside the doors to their bedrooms. And now, for the beginning of the "holiday chapters"! :)

**Disclaimer**: Harry Potter took out a restraining order against me, and I've been told that he is not mine.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to come stay with me over break, Lily?" Alice asked as they walked down the hall together. They had just finished their last final, and were now fixated on the two weeks of no classes that seemed to stretch out before them. "My parents won't mind. I swear, they love you more than they do me, anyway."

Lily rolled her eyes over at her friend and continued walking. "Yes, I'm sure," she told her. "All my bloody professors were kind enough to give me a pile of work to keep myself busy over the holidays, after all."

"Oh, come on," Alice said, pushing her shoulder. "We've all got a load of coursework to do before school starts back up. The rest of us are just taking the normal route of procrastination."

"Yes, and that's why I'm Head Girl and you're not," Lily teased good-naturedly, earning her a sharp jab to the ribs.

"So, what are you going to do, then?" Alice asked huffily. "Just sit around the castle for two weeks doing schoolwork?"

"No," Lily said sharply, a little embarrassed at the way Alice was making it all sound. However, she didn't have any other ideas as to what she would do with her time over the winter hols, so she was left to simply shut her mouth and feel foolish.

"Lily!" A different voice called out from further down the hall. She and Alice both turned to look, and saw that Jacob was hurrying down the corridor toward them.

Lily felt a quick jab of panic, followed by a flare of anger and resentment. She was torn between wanting to flee the scene, and sticking around so she could slap the controlling git again.

However, realizing that it would probably be best just to ignore him- especially given the fact that she had just been bragging about her title as Head Girl mere seconds before- she murmured, "Come on, Alice," and the two resumed walking down the hall at a slightly quicker pace than before. However, ignoring Jacob was to no avail, as she had suspected.

"Lily," he said again, catching up and standing in front of them, trying to block their way. Her eyes narrowed in annoyance and she tried to step around him, but he was even more persistent than she had originally given him credit for.

Finally, unable to see a way out of the situation, Lily said- with as much venom as she could put into the one word- "_What_?"

Jacob merely blinked at her for a moment, as if taken aback by her hostility. "I-I just wanted to talk to you."

Alice stood at her side, glaring at the Ravenclaw. "Well, go on then," Lily spat out, folding her arms across her chest.

Jacob looked warily at the two of them for a moment, and then sighed. "Look," he said, taking a small step forward. "I know you're still angry with me, but I was hoping maybe we could talk in private?"

"Jacob," Lily said, her hands itching toward her wand, wishing she could just hex him away. "You're already wasting my time. Whatever you have to say, you can either say it here in front of Alice or not at all. I'm not going to go out of my way to be alone with you."

Jacob rolled his eyes, but sighed again, saying, "Fine." There was a brief pause while she and Alice waited for him to continue. Finally, he did. "I'm sorry," he said.

Lily merely stood, unfazed by his flimsy apology. "Alright," she said stiffly, beginning to walk around him, Alice following close behind.

"Wait!" he said quickly, stepping back in front of them. Lily rolled her eyes, growing more annoyed by the second. "I just mean... yeah. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that about Lupin. I don't really know him very well, and I'm sure he's a decent bloke. I just..." He trailed off for a moment, casting a wary glance over at Alice, obviously wishing she weren't there. "I was just so... insecure, I guess. And jealous. I deserved that slap, and I understand that we can't be together. I just needed to apologize. For everything," he finished.

For a moment, Lily felt her heart squeeze with something similar to sympathy- or maybe it was pity. Either way, she studied Jacob for a moment, trying to remember what she ever saw in him that made her agree to date him. He was attractive, she supposed, but other than that...

"Alright," she finally said again, a bit more kindly. "Thank you for apologizing; it means a lot."

Jacob smiled over at her. "So, you forgive me then?"

Lily couldn't help the sad smile that touched her features. Forgiveness... What a strange thing, she thought. So subjective. She didn't really know if she was ready to fully forgive Jacob yet, or if she even wanted to. It wouldn't really make a difference either way, quite frankly. Instead of answering his question, she simply said, "Goodbye, Jacob," and walked away, Alice following quietly behind.

* * *

"James?"

"Hmm?"

"I was thinking that... maybe we should take a break."

James looked up from his lunch for a moment and over at Amelia. "We _are_ taking a break," he said in confusion. What was she talking about? The whole _school_ was taking a break. Finals week was finally at an end, and most of the students were getting ready to leave on the train the next day for the remainder of the holidays.

"That's not what I meant, James," Amy said, her voice quiet.

"Well, what _did_ you mean, then?" he asked, a little absentmindedly. He was scanning the _Daily Prophet_ for anything of note, but there was apparently nothing worse than a small robbery to be reported. James looked up from the paper and over at Amy to see that she was looking at him with an unfathomable expression on her face.

"Wait," he began, the paper drooping in his hands, forgotten. The realization of what she was saying finally hit him, and he didn't know what to think. "You mean... you think we should take a break... from _us_?" He felt so stupid for not being able to find a better way to ask the question, but he was shocked, to say the least.

"Yes," she replied, looking away from him for a moment. "I think it might be... good for us. You know, just for the holidays." She finally looked back over at him.

"But... why?" James asked. "Is it something I did?" The guilt was already starting to sink in, and he wanted to kick himself for being such an arse. His feelings for Amy had always been a little... complicated. But he'd never wanted or meant to actually hurt her. He'd wanted to make her happy, and to be happy with her in return. And he probably would've been, he thought ruefully, if it hadn't been for Lily.

James suddenly felt angry. Because of Evans, he apparently couldn't have a successful relationship with anyone else. She had ruined him- probably without even meaning to- and in that moment, he resented her for it. After all, what was he waiting for? Lily would never give in, she'd never feel anything for him like he did for her. He had started dating Amy as a means of trying to get over her, and had failed miserably.

And now, James had the sinking feeling that both his and Amy's hearts would be left broken.

"I'm sorry," he said, with utmost sincerity. He didn't know what else to say. "I'm sorry."

"No," Amy said, shaking her head quickly, her eyes concerned. She reached her hand out and placed it over his own. "No, don't be. You haven't done anything, James. Really. It's just..." She sighed. "I don't know. I feel like there's just so much going on, and I've let it all distract me from... certain things; things I didn't really want to let myself see. But lately, everything's started to become really obvious, and I just need a little time to think it all through."

James listened, feeling worse with every word she said. He had ruined everything. "Are you sure, Amy?" he asked, feeling defeated. He didn't even really know what she meant by "taking a break," but it sounded an awful lot like a breakup, and he was more hurt by it than he would have imagined.

Amy nodded. "Let's just see where we are when the new term starts, yeah?" She leaned over across the table and placed a light kiss on his cheek, standing to go. Before she walked away, she turned back toward him. "I still expect you to send me my Christmas present." She smiled over at him playfully, and James nodded in return.

"Of course," he told her with a small smile. And, still trying to figure out what the strange feeling in his chest meant, he watched as she walked away.

* * *

Lily walked into the Gryffindor Common Room, not quite ready to return to the emptiness of her own room just yet. To her surprise, she saw that Alice and Frank were sitting with James and Sirius. Though, logically, Lily knew that she shouldn't be surprised by the scene; the couple had never had the problems with the Marauders that she'd had. She couldn't quite keep the smile from her face as she walked over toward the group, thinking back to how much she used to loathe James and his best friend. Funny, how things changed.

"Hi, guys," she said cheerfully, not having much choice but to sit between James and Sirius on the couch.

"And girl," Alice amended, with a crook of her brow.

Lily rolled her eyes in mock exasperation and said, "Fine. Hello, best friend. Hello, everyone else." She looked over at Alice with raised eyebrows. "Better?" she asked.

"Exponentially," she said, casting them all a smug smile.

"Shouldn't you be in the library, or something, Evans?" Sirius asked from beside her. "I was under the impression that you were planning on using your holiday to further scale the ever-growing mountain of coursework that the rest of us are accordingly going to ignore."

Lily merely glared at him wearily for a moment before answering. Suddenly, she was beginning to remember why he had always annoyed her so much. "Not quite yet, no," she replied simply. She looked around the group for a moment- Alice and Frank were snuggled into a loveseat across from her and the "twins" on the couch. "Where's Remus?" she asked. "And Peter?" She looked over to James who was sitting beside her, and realized that he had yet to say a word since she'd joined them. In fact, he didn't appear to even be paying attention to the conversation, instead looking into the blank space in front of him, seeming distracted.

"Lupin actually_ is_ in the library," Frank said, and Lily finally looked away from James. "I ran into him earlier, and he was working on his homework already, too. Said he wouldn't have much of a chance to finish it over break."

His eyebrows came together slightly in confusion on this last point, and Sirius rushed to say, "That's because we're not planning on giving him time for bloody _homework_." He scoffed as if that should be obvious, and Lily studied him curiously. Of course, under normal circumstances, she would have no trouble believing that Sirius and the rest of the Marauders would indeed devote a great amount of time to the sole purpose of trying to distract Remus from his studies. And she had no doubt that they would probably succeed. But the way Sirius had said it seemed just a tad conspicuous, and she couldn't help but wonder if he were hiding something.

"And as for Peter," he continued, his voice sounding a bit more like its usual detached-yet-mischievous self, "he's actually managed to get a last-minute detention from McGonagall. We're not quite sure of the details of what he did, but we think he might have accidentally- or on purpose- transfigured her hat into a newt. We taught him well, eh, Jamesie?" He finished, nearly glowing with what seemed to be sincere pride.

James merely gave a noncommittal grunt, and Lily turned to study him yet again. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him behaving quite like this, and she found herself trying to imagine possible scenarios as to why he was so off. Unfortunately, nothing remotely probable- or realistic at all- came to mind.

"Sirius," Alice said suddenly, "do you fancy coming down to the library with me and Frank? We're going to try and rescue Remus from himself."

Sirius looked as though he was about to decline, but Frank said, "Honestly, I think you're probably the only person he'll listen to. I swear, I tried talking to him earlier, and you'd think I was Moaning Myrtle for all the attention he paid me."

Sirius finally sighed and reluctantly stood from the couch. "Oh, alright."

"Great," Alice said, pulling Frank up with her. She looked over to Lily, subtly nudging her head toward James, silently prodding her to find out what was wrong with him.

Lily nodded her head back almost imperceptibly before saying, "See you, guys. And good luck."

When they were gone, she turned back to face James. He still sat, staring at the same spot in front of him as he had been before. "James?" she asked tentatively.

"Mmm?" he murmured, looking straight ahead.

"James," she repeated, placing a hand on his arm to try and actually get his attention. Finally, he looked over at her, but she couldn't begin to read his eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," James said, looking away from her again. Truth be told, he could barely stand to look at her. He felt like complete shit at the way things had gone with Amy, and looking at Lily only reminded him that he was basically single now. And the worst part was that, when he looked over at her, he couldn't help but feel happy and... excited about that. He was free to openly pursue her now, if he wanted- just like old times. But, ironically, the mere fact that he felt better with Lily by his side just made him feel even worse about himself.

"Are you sure?" Lily asked, entirely unconvinced. "Did something happen?"

"I said I'm fine," James snapped, his voice coming out much more harshly than he meant it to. "I'm sorry," he said with a sigh, after a moment. He looked briefly over at her before looking away again. "I didn't mean to say it like that."

"No," Lily said quickly. "I'm sorry; it's none of my business."

"Lily-" he began, but she interrupted.

"No," she repeated. "It's fine, really. It's not my place. Just... know that if you need to talk, or anything, I'm here." Lily tried to smile over at him and sound supportive, but frankly, she was starting to get annoyed at the way he seemed determined not to look at her.

She stood to leave, not much in the mood to get into some kind of fight, but James reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him.

"No, wait," he said, trying to figure out how he was supposed to do any of this. "I'm sorry; I'm being an arse." He let go of her arm to rub at his eyes for a moment, trying to work up the courage to tell her that he and Amy had basically broken up. Now that he was about to do it, though, James found himself a little afraid of telling her the news. For whatever reason, telling Lily that he was single now felt tantamount to telling her that he was in love with her. Which was ridiculous, of course, but he was afraid that his guilt-stained happiness would be all too obvious to the redhead.

"Amy and I kind of... broke up," he began, still not daring to look over at her. "Or something," he added, as an afterthought. Now that he thought about it, he still wasn't really sure what "taking a break" actually meant. _Were_ they broken up?

"O-oh," Lily breathed, her heart beating an erratic tattoo against her chest. _This is it_, she thought. She could finally tell him how she felt; that she thought she was maybe sort of falling in love with him. She was so happy, that she almost didn't notice James's apparent uncertainty. Almost.

"Wait," she said, her excitement solidifying in her stomach. "What do you mean 'or something'?"

"She said she thought we should 'take a break,'" James clarified.

"Oh," Lily said, a little surprised that Amelia had been the one to suggest it. "Well, that's... unfortunate." She really did try to feel sadness or sympathy or whatever over their breakup, like a good friend should, but she just couldn't do it. However, as she looked at James again, she did see that he seemed genuinely upset over the whole thing. He really must have cared for her, after all, Lily thought. Suddenly, she wasn't feeling so happy. "I'm sorry. Are you... going to be alright?" It killed her inside to ask the question- she didn't think she could bear to have to comfort him as he grieved over another girl. But, at the same time, she didn't want him to be upset if it was in her power to make him feel otherwise.

James merely shrugged his shoulders, not knowing what to say. Would he be _alright_? Hell, he already was! He was completely content with the fact that he and Amy weren't together, but that was the problem. He was upset that he wasn't upset, so he really couldn't say if he was alright or not.

Lily nodded, trying not to feel hurt by his non-response. She had known, of course, that James had liked Amelia. Why else would he be with her, after all? But she had never really thought it was anything serious. However, the way he was behaving now seemed to indicate that she had been wrong.

Lily couldn't bear it. For a moment, she had thought she'd be able to comfort him over the breakup, for the sake of their friendship, but her throat felt like it was closing over and her eyes were beginning to sting. All this time, she had thought that maybe... Maybe there was something _more_ between her and James. But it seemed that she had misinterpreted everything, and she just couldn't bear it. She had to get away from him.

"Well," she said, standing again. She could hear the strain in her own voice. "I think I'm going to get a head start on some of my assignments." She turned to leave without waiting for a reply, but something stopped her. Much as she wanted to at that moment, she couldn't just leave James with nothing. She turned back around. "If you ever need anything..." It hurt her terribly to say it; she knew now that they really were just friends, and somehow that was the worst thing of all. "Well, you know where to find me," she finished, turning away from him again and practically fleeing the room.

James watched Lily run out through the portrait hole, and his heart seemed to follow her. He didn't know what he had done, but it was obvious that he had somehow managed to hurt her, as well. He sighed, frustrated with himself, and rubbed his face with his hands. He had ruined everything, and for a moment, he felt truly helpless to fix any of it.

And then, suddenly, he snapped out of it. _What was he doing?_ He had never been one to just sit around and sulk. No. For better or for worse, James had never been much of a thinker, but a doer. He didn't let what obstacles stood in his way remain there for long. He would break things off officially with Amy as soon as she got back from break, and then he'd make Lily Evans fall in love with him. He didn't know how he was going to do it, but he'd make it happen one way or another. He would make everything right.

* * *

Three days later, it was Christmas.

Lily woke up that morning, feeling the same excitement she always did for the holiday. Though, admittedly, her anticipation was a bit tainted now that she was still at Hogwarts. She had only stayed at school one other time over the holidays, in her third year. She had merely been curious as to what Christmas at Hogwarts was like, only to find that she much preferred spending it with her family. That's why it was her favorite holiday. Not for the presents, but for the loving way it presented itself through every smile, every hug.

Lily found herself wishing she were back home, unwrapping her presents on the floor, with Tuney doing the same beside her, a rare smile on her face. Instead, she would be spending most of her holiday in the library trying to reach that elusive point where she had no more assignments left to ruin things. However, she had already decided to give herself the day off in order to open presents and send letters back to her family and Alice.

With a small sigh, Lily got out of bed, pausing to look out at the grounds through the large window in her room. It really was beautiful, she marveled, as she gazed out at the sparkling white expanse of lawn, and the bright, bare forest beyond. The view filled her with a renewed energy, and she longed to run out into the snow or skate across the lake.

She was a little confused to see that her presents weren't waiting at the foot of her bed as they had been when she had stayed at the school the last time. Deciding that they must be under the large tree that had graced the Head Common Room for the past two weeks, she stepped outside her room to see a grinning James Potter tearing into a pile of brightly wrapped presents.

"Lily!" he exclaimed, as she began to walk closer. He stood up from where he was sitting on the floor and pulled her into a tight hug. A little taken aback, Lily tried her best to return the hug- though she was a bit distracted by the warmth of his body pressed against hers. She could spend the rest of her life with his arms around her, and be perfectly content.

"Come on," he said, pulling away, but taking her hand and leading her to the pile of gifts. "Open your presents!"

Lily laughed at his excitement, and felt a bubble of happiness form in her chest. She was glad to see that he was still feeling okay. He had pulled a one-eighty from mere days before when he had been acting so strange after breaking up with Amelia. She didn't know what exactly had changed, but she couldn't get enough of seeing him like this.

"Alright, alright," she said, grinning over at him. "Presents." Two sweaters, a scarf, some perfume, and a huge amount of sugar quills later (courtesy of Alice, who knew how much she loved them), Lily was down to her last present.

"From me," James said, smiling over at her. She took the box in her hands, and he moved closer, both eager and a bit frightened to see her reaction.

Lily ran her fingers over the small wooden box in her hand, surprised. "You got me a present?" she asked dumbly, looking over at him for reassurance. "You really didn't have to." It's not as if she hadn't gotten him something, as well. But it was a pathetic gift: cologne. She had wracked her brain for days, trying to think of something both meaningful and subtle, but she just couldn't come up with anything. She'd decided to simply get him the cologne, but keep it out of sight in case he didn't get her anything in return. It was a whole complicated... thing.

James shrugged. "I wanted to," he told her. And it was true. He wanted to say something sweet and meaningful and romantic to her, but the truth was he had put a decent amount of work and thought into her gift and the anticipation was really starting to get to him. "Well, go on and open it," he told her impatiently.

"Okay, okay," Lily said, shooting him a look. "Don't get your wand in a knot." She looked back down to the box in her hands and lifted the lid.

At first, she didn't know exactly what it was that she was looking at. From the top, it looked like... well, she didn't know. Taking it out, however, she saw that it was a white water lily, its petals closed. She continued to look at it in confusion for a moment before she noticed that there was what looked to be a winding key near the base of the flower. Curiously, she twisted the key a few times and released it.

Lily watched in amazement as the petals unfurled, revealing a bright pink center, and music began to play from inside it. The petals rotated slowly as the music played on for a moment, before they slowly began to fold inward again, bringing the sweet, sad melody to a close. For a full minute, Lily merely stared at the incredible gift in her hands; she had never seen anything like it.

"Oh, James," she breathed, at a loss for words. She finally looked up at him, and saw that he was watching with concern.

"Do you like it?" he asked, not knowing what to make of her reaction. "I mean, I know it's a little corny, but I thought maybe... I don't know. It's stupid, isn't it?" Of course it was stupid, he thought. Why _would_ she like it? Oh, he had gotten her a _lily_, how original.

"What?' Lily asked in surprise. "No! What are you talking about? It's... it's beautiful," she told him. Though that didn't seem like a strong enough word. "No one's ever given me anything like this. Where did you get it?"

"Oh," James said, running a hand through his hair. "I, er, made it." He was a little embarrassed, to say the least, to admit to making _musical flowers_ in his spare time, of all things. But she seemed to like it, and he guessed that's what really mattered.

"...You made this?" Lily asked, her breath hitching in her throat. James Potter had actually _made_ her something for Christmas, and it was incredible. She stared into his eyes as he nodded over at her with a somewhat bashful smile, and she knew in that moment that she loved him.

"I... I guess you really were paying attention in Transfiguration all along," she joked, trying to keep herself from blurting out her feelings.

"You doubted me?" James asked sternly, teasing her. He moved a little closer to where she sat, feeling more comfortable now knowing that she didn't think he was a prat for the flower.

"Not for a single moment," Lily replied.

"Why don't I believe you?"

"Because I happen to be an exceptionally bad liar."

James grinned at her, their faces now only inches apart. He wondered if he was allowed to kiss her.

"Thank you, again, for this," Lily said, indicating the flower she was still cradling in her hand. Trying to contain herself to the one gesture, she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him into another hug.

"You're welcome," James murmured, breathing in the smell of her hair before she pulled away.

"I- erm- didn't get you anything," she told him. "Sorry." She was lying, of course, but there was no way she was going to give him _cologne_ after all that. Talk about stupid gifts; he already smelled incredible.

"Don't worry about it," James told her quickly. "You don't need to get me anything." He'd already gotten to hug her twice that morning, after all.

"Yeah, but... Wait," she said, the proverbial light bulb switching on. "Actually, there_ is_ something I want to show you. Hold on just a second." And with that, she jumped up and practically ran into her room, leaving James on the floor of the Common Room. She wasn't gone for more than a minute when she came racing back into the room, a tattered shoebox in her hands.

She handed it to him, and he took it gingerly in his hands. "Oh... shoes," he said, trying to feign excitement.

Lily rolled her eyes over at him. "Oh, please. Just open it," she ordered.

His curiosity piqued, James lifted the lid from the box and saw that it was full of old, folded up bits of parchment. He cast Lily a skeptical look before reaching in and pulling out a scrap of paper.

Unfolding it, he saw that there were words scribbled across the page:

_Dear Lily,_

_ I think you're really pretty, and I like you._

_ Love, James_

James felt his face turn red as he stared down in horror at the parchment. He looked up and over at Lily, who was grinning over at him. "What is this?" he asked in mortification.

"It's... Well, I'm not actually sure what that one is," she said, moving to sit beside him and reading the short letter. "Ah, well, I'd imagine that's from first year when you were still cute and sweet," she told him.

"No," James said, sifting through the rest of the papers. "I mean, what is _this_?" He gestured to the box, as a whole, and took out another letter.

_Evans,_

_ Just thought I'd give you another chance to say that you'll go with me to Macmillan's party tonight. I know how you like to keep me guessing. Let me know when you want to meet up._

_ -James_

Lily had been reading over his shoulder and now said, "And that's from fifth year when you were an arrogant, bullying toerag." He looked over and was shocked to see that she was actually smiling down at the stupid note he had written her.

"Yeah, sorry about that," he said quickly, getting back to the issue at hand. "But what is all this? Did you just keep all the annoying things I ever wrote to you?"

"Well..." Lily trailed off. "Yeah, I guess."

"But... why?" he asked in utter bewilderment. He couldn't imagine why anyone would keep all this, unless she was just trying to embarrass him now. He picked up another scrap and read:

_Roses are red_

_ Violets are blue_

_ You're really nice_

_ I like you_

Obviously written before he'd realized that Lily hated him, James mused. So, she had actually kept all of his little "love notes" over the years. He couldn't believe how many there were.

"To tell you the truth," she said, "I don't really know why I've kept them all this time. Since you gave me the first note in first year, I've just kind of... I don't know. I'd always mean to throw them away, but I'd end up just shoving them in my bag or in my desk and, finally, in this shoebox. I kept bringing it every year so that I could put all your new letters in it and eventually throw them all away." James was staring at her now, a strange sensation humming through him as he realized what she was saying. "But then the letters stopped," she continued, a sad smile gracing her features. "Near the end of fifth year, I remember. You just... stopped writing to me. But- I don't know. I brought the box back last year, just in case, and again this year. I don't know why."

James sat, still staring at the girl beside him in astonishment. She wasn't looking at him, though; instead tracing a finger along the edge of the box in his lap. "Why _did_ you stop writing?" she suddenly asked, looking straight into his eyes. He couldn't read her expression, but it made the humming sensation grow even more powerful.

He was going to kiss her. Again. He knew that he would kiss her like he knew the sun would rise again the next day. But he wouldn't kiss her just yet. He realized that he needed to finalize things with Amy before he tried to start anything new with Lily. They both deserved that much.

So, instead of moving his head the few inches that it would take to press his lips against hers like he so desperately wanted to, he tried to joke, "Well, judging by the state of these notes, I was doing the writing community a service. Bowing out gracefully, you know."

Lily chuckled and looked down, her eyelashes sweeping against her cheekbones. God, she was beautiful. "So, do I get to keep these, then?" he asked, shaking the box lightly.

"Definitely not," she said, glancing back up at him with a scolding look. "I said I would _show_ them to you, not _give_ them to you. Honestly." She tutted and shook her head, but couldn't keep the smile from playing out across her face.

James grinned back at her, secretly thrilled that she wanted to keep his letters. He couldn't find any words to say, so he simply continued to stare at her unabashedly until the silence between them began to spark and shimmer with intensity. He didn't know how he was going to wait two more weeks before kissing her again.

Just as it was about to be too much for him to handle, a knock sounded at the door. And, judging by the way the knocking refused to cease until he went to open the door, James already knew that it was Sirius on the other side.

Lily watched as James rolled his eyes and went to let Sirius in, who begged them to go down to breakfast with him, seeing as he was starving.

"You coming?" James asked her, and the two of them shared a secret smile.

"Five minutes," she said, darting into her room to change out of her pajamas.

This might be the best Christmas ever, she mused as she pulled her hair back into an elastic. She didn't know why she had felt compelled to show James that she had kept all of his crazy notes through all these years, but she didn't regret it. She hadn't been lying when she'd told him that she didn't know why she had, in fact, kept them all. However, as she walked back out into the Common Room and down with James and Sirius to the Great Hall, she questioned whether she had ever really hated him in the first place.

* * *

**A/N**: Lily is single, yay! James is (sort of) single, yay! Amelia is feeling kind of crappy, yay! Hahah, jk. :P Alright then! Erm, let's see... Very fluffy toward the end there, but I had fun writing it. :) Kind of an annoying reappearance from Jacob, and I didn't have fun writing that. Lol.

Sorry, I'm a bit scatterbrained. I wrote most of this chapter just now, so my brain is somewhat fried. Anyway, this is just the beginning of the holiday chapters! And, as promised, the top two results in the poll will be featured more heavily. Which means mucho James/Lily flirtation and maybe even a bit of smutty goodness. ;) I must say, I was not at all surprised by the poll results. Lol. So, just a quick look at what you all can look forward to in the rest of the holiday chapters: ice skating, snowball fights, midnight pilgrimages to the kitchens, maybe an illegal visit down to Hogsmeade, and a really stinking huge Jily development at the end. Oh, this is going to be such fun. ;D

As always, review Review _**REVIEW!**_ I love you guys so much, and I can't tell you what it means to hear from you all. :)

Reviews are cute/clumsy James in ice skates.

**Cheers! :D**

**P.S. I've been getting a decent amount of feedback saying that James is a jerk for the way he's "two-timing" both Amy and Lily.** Let me just assure you that that is not the case. The way I- and James- see it is that this whole time, he's just been trying to get over Lily. It might not be coming though very well, but he's very insecure when it comes to the way he thinks Lily sees him. He doesn't_ want_ to be in love with someone who will seemingly never return his feelings, so his dating Amy has been all geared toward his trying to move on. I see James/Amy very similarly to the way I see Ron/Lavender. Ron was insecure in himself, and couldn't see why anyone would choose him over Harry. So, when someone finally did choose him, he went for it, trying to ignore the fact that he was still in love with Hermione, and that Lavender was just plain wrong for him. Lol, okay, so the situations aren't entirely the same, but I don't blame James any more than I blamed Ron. I hope you all will understand his motivations, too. :)


	18. Friends

**Hello, dear readers! Just when you think I've forgotten about this story, here I am.** Lol. :) This is my longest chapter so far (and, erm... "smuttiest"?), so hopefully that makes up for some of the wait. ;) Enjoy!

**Disclaimer**: This is where I'm supposed to act really serious and professional and tell you that Harry Potter belongs, not to me, but to JK Rowling.

**To Recap**: Jacob ambushed Lily and apologized for being a prat; she didn't exactly forgive him. Amy kind-of-sort-of broke up with James. He felt bad that he didn't feel bad. James made and gave Lily a crazy awesome flower/music box hybrid, and Lily told him that she had kept every single one of his "love letters."

* * *

"Come on, James, it's really not that difficult."

"Easy for you to say, little miss twinkle toes."

"James, that doesn't even make sen-"

"Shh! I'm trying to concentrate."

"What's there to concentrate on?" Lily huffed. "Here, take my hand; let's just try and make it to the other side, okay?"

James's scowl vanished almost immediately as he reached out and shakily took her hand. He didn't know how she had managed to convince them all into doing this, but there was apparently no turning back now.

"Now, just put one foot in front of the other," she was saying, leading him along the frozen surface of the Black Lake as she skated along gracefully beside him. "That's the main thing."

"Oh, really?" James said, his voice thick with sarcasm. Some of his frustration returned as he wobbled along on his skates, desperately trying not to fall- again. "Yes, well, that sounds easy enough in theory," he snipped, "but my feet aren't exactly cooperating."

"Alright there, James?" Remus called out smugly, skating a small circle around the two of them. He and Peter were both gliding along the ice effortlessly; James and Sirius, on the other hand... not so much. James, at least, recognized that he was rubbish on the ice and took the necessary precautions. Sirius, however, merely flung himself around the lake, falling frequently- and even more often flying into several other students who had made the somewhat ill-fated decision to venture out onto the lake today.

James glared at Remus as he began to skate backwards in front of them. "Sod off, Lupin, or I swear I'll take these skates and shove them straight up your-"

"AAAAARRRGGGGHHH!"

The smug look on Remus's face was wiped off rather forcefully as- much to James and Peter's amusement- Sirius appeared seemingly out of nowhere and crashed right into him, sending the two of them sliding along the ice in a tangled, cursing heap.

Beside him, Lily tried desperately not to laugh at the spectacle, but was finding it nearly impossible.

"Sirius!" Remus shouted, as he tried to disentangle himself from his friend. He seemed more annoyed than angry, as he continued: "Honestly, mate, have a care! You're going to kill somebody out here!"

"_Remus_," Sirius replied wearily, attempting to stand up again in his skates and failing. "It's not as if I've never been skating before. I haven't _killed_ anyone."

"Not yet," Remus grumbled, standing easily from the ice and looking down at the other Gryffindor.

"Oi!" Sirius said, trying to seem formidable, but falling back on his bum instead. "Just you shut it!"

"You know," Lily said, skating over to the pair and holding out a hand to Sirius, "as an outside observer, I can honestly say that you two really do bicker like an old, married couple."

"Well, you're one to talk," Sirius said, taking her hand and heaving himself up, nearly bringing her down to the ice instead.

Lily knew instantly what he was trying to imply, and her eyes flitted self-consciously over to James. "I don't know what you mean," she said, trying to sound casual.

"Of course not," Remus said knowingly.

"I don't!" she exclaimed.

"Come on, guys," James said, wobbling over on his skates. "Leave it."

"No, really," Sirius continued, the familiar mischievous glint in his eyes. "I mean, are you two daft, or can you honestly not see that you're both in l- Oof!"

At that moment, Sirius had made the rather poor decision of trying to take a step forward- for emphasis, Lily presumed- and had landed himself right back on his bottom.

"Really?" Remus said, with a sigh. After a moment of Sirius glaring up at him with his hand outstretched, he finally reached down and- a bit messily- helped him to his feet.

"Come on," Lily heard James say from behind her. He took her hand in his for a second time, and she was amazed at how warm he was. He moved unsteadily away from his friends and toward the edge of the lake, and she couldn't help but find his clumsiness, well... adorable. James was always accomplished and capable with whatever he did, so she found seeing him practically undone by a pair of ice skates to be particularly enjoyable.

Somehow, the two of them managed to make it safely off the ice and over to a bench nestled under a beech tree nearby. During the summer months, the spot would be ideal for a bit of shade, but now Lily eyed it warily and couldn't help but worry that it would dump its several layers of snow and ice on them at any moment.

"So," James said, falling down on the bench and beginning to unlace his skates, "how'd I do?"

Lily sat next to him and tried to keep the amused smile from showing on her face. "Not too bad, actually, for your first time," she told him.

"...That wasn't my first time ice skating."

She looked over and saw that James was glaring at her, his face almost entirely serious. Almost. Apparently, she knew him well enough now that she also recognized the look of mischief and amusement in his eyes that he was trying to hide. The realization made the corners of her mouth turn upward, but she quickly concealed the smile.

"Oh," she said instead, looking over at him with as straight a face as she could muster. "Well, never mind then."

James made a face over at her, but then grinned. She smiled back at him, unable to help herself. They sat looking at each other for another moment before she finally had to look away. It was too much to look right into his eyes and know that she might never have him.

Another moment of silence passed while they both finished taking off their skates and pulling their boots back on. She could feel James eyeing her as she nervously readjusted the wool knit cap on her head.

"What?" she finally asked, turning to him.

After a few more seconds of simply looking at her, James found his voice. "You really don't hate me anymore, do you?"

Lily blinked at him in surprise. "Of course not, James," she told him, moving a bit closer toward him. "I mean, I never really _hated_ you, exactly, anyway."

James smirked over at her. "Oh, really?" he said sarcastically. "And what would you call it, _exactly_?"

"You just..." she searched for the right word, "_annoyed_ me, that's all. Still do, actually." She returned his smirk with one of her own.

"You just find me a little sexy now too, though, is that it?" he said, his casual smirk transforming into a broad grin.

Lily stared at him, her eyes wide, and tried not to look as shocked as she felt. She couldn't believe he had actually said that out loud. _Just like old times_, she thought. Instead of telling him the truth, though- that, yes, she did find him more than a little sexy, as well as a few other things- she simply said, "You arse," and bent to shove a handful of snow in his face.

"Argh!" he grunted, quickly wiping the cold slush from his front. He shook his hair out of his eyes and glared over at her in disbelief. "Evans... I'm warning you: If you ever do that again, don't expect any kind of special treatment from m-"

He was cut off, however, as Lily gleefully threw another ball of snow in his direction. She stood up quickly and took a few steps away from James, who sat frozen (almost literally) on the bench. She prepared herself to flee at any moment, a broad smile stuck on her face.

"Alright," he said, more calmly than she had expected. He stood up and took a step toward her. Lily instinctively took another step away, half-turning her body, ready to run. "Just remember, Lily; I warned you."

Lily laughed out loud at James's melodramatic attitude, and she saw a quick smile gleam in his eyes. And then, he was running toward her. She let out a little yelp and took off as fast as she could away from him. She didn't dare look back, lest she slow down- or worse, trip. But she knew that he was fast and she could hear his snow-laden footsteps drawing nearer to her own. Hoping to throw him off a bit, Lily veered to the left and into a small copse of trees. However, it was to no avail. She felt James's arm circle around her waist, effectively slowing her to a near crawl as he attempted to drag her back toward him.

They were both laughing now, and Lily was still struggling to get away. James finally managed to trap her against the trunk of a nearby tree. He bracketed his hands against the smooth bark on either side of her head, and smirked down at her. They were so close now and, for a moment, he thought he saw something other than amusement flash through Lily's eyes; something more serious and exciting.

"Do you give up?" he asked, a little out of breath.

"Never" she replied, the corner of her mouth turning up in a smirk that rivaled his own. For a moment, James allowed himself to lament the fact that he hadn't just completely broken things off with Amy long ago. Anything was better than this limbo he was in now; so close to having what he wanted, yet unable to even try for it. He wasn't good at waiting, and the effort it took him not to kiss Lily right there caused him to dig his fingernails almost painfully into the bark of the tree.

"I don't think you have much of a choice," he said quietly, moving his face closer to hers. He was just torturing himself now.

Lily stared up at him and felt her breath momentarily leave her. His eyes were dark with something that made her heart leap pleasurably in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak, but then realized that she couldn't even remember what he had just said. She struggled for a moment before his words finally came back to her.

"Well, that shows how much you know," she told him, but the shakiness in her voice somewhat ruined the playful effect she had been aiming for.

Unable to stand their proximity for a moment longer, Lily craftily managed to duck down under James's arm and squirm out from behind him. "Catch me now, Potter!" she taunted, relieved at the new space around her and turning to run again. She'd taken all of three steps when James caught her hand and pulled her back. However, as she spun back toward him, her foot hit a patch of ice and the two of them were sent tumbling to the ground, making a large, misshapen imprint in the snow.

Lily rubbed her forehead, where she had obviously smacked it against something. Underneath her, James shifted and groaned.

She froze. _Underneath_ her?

Lily looked down and, sure enough, there he was. Dear Merlin, she was _on top_ of him. She'd barely been able to _stand_ near to him mere seconds before, and now she felt as if she might implode with her frustration. She'd never really been sexually frustrated until this school year, and now it seemed like a constant ache; to be honest, it wasn't something she was terribly fond of. Attempting to untangle herself from the boy beneath her, Lily shifted her weight and knew immediately that she had made a mistake. She finally noticed that her thigh was nestled right between his own, and she could feel, well... everything.

James took a sharp breath as he felt Lily's thigh shift against him, and he saw her face turn scarlet. Her red hair hung between them like a curtain blocking out the rest of the world, and he stared up at her, powerless to do otherwise. He was trying desperately to think of hopelessly dull things like muggle sports, in an attempt to distract himself from thinking about how his own thigh was between her legs, and how she felt so warm against him, and how her soft chest was pressed against his, and... _No!_ he scolded himself. Muggle sports... muggle sports... Wasn't one of them called baseball?

"Erm... sorry," Lily said above him, and all feeble attempts to distract himself dissipated. He was entirely focused on her now.

"No problem," he managed to wheeze out, feeling even more blood leave his head in favor of a less intelligent body part as she simply stared down at him, making no further moves to extricate herself from their situation.

Another minute passed with neither of them speaking and, without letting himself think too much about what he was doing, James reached up and tucked a piece of Lily's hair behind her ear. He could feel her body shudder on top of his, and he didn't know whether it was from the cold or something else entirely. He reached his other arm around her waist and pulled her more firmly against him as he began stroking her cheek with the tips of his fingers.

"Mmm," Lily sighed, reveling in the powerful sensations overtaking her. Amazing, she thought, how it only took a simple touch of his fingertips to almost completely unravel her. Reaching a hand up, she tentatively moved a lock of hair from his eyes. Then, unable to stop herself, she buried her hand in the mess of his hair, tugging lightly on the strands. She was amazed at how soft it was. James made an indistinct sound from underneath her, and she looked down into his eyes, feeling the hardness against her thigh grow even stiffer. Her face burned, and the ache between her own legs intensified.

James focused all of his attention now on merely stroking Lily's face, hair, and waist. He couldn't let himself give in to the need to thrust his hips up against her. No, that was the one thing he definitely could not do. Or kiss her, he reminded himself. Though that didn't mean he couldn't think about it... He stared up at her mouth and squeezed her waist, nearly undone as she squirmed lightly against him. No, he most certainly wasn't allowed to kiss her... on the lips, that is. But maybe...

Before James even realized that his thoughts were transforming themselves into actions, he was lifting his face up and pressing his lips against Lily's cheek- dangerously close to her tempting mouth. He felt her body tremble in his arms, and he moved his mouth further away from her lips, close to her ear.

"O-oh," Lily gasped, totally unprepared for the wave of pleasure that hit her when James's teeth grazed against her earlobe. For a moment, it was like a clear spot opened up in the haze clouding her mind, and she wondered exactly what they were doing. This definitely wasn't just-friends behavior. Friends didn't kiss each other like this, did they? She couldn't understand why he didn't just kiss her outright, if that's what he really wanted, but she knew that that's what would happen if she didn't do something to stop it. She didn't think anyone could see them, buried as they were in the snow- meaning that there'd be no one to interrupt them. Lily knew she should stop whatever it was that they were doing right then, but it all just felt so good... And as James's lips trailed their way down the curve of her neck, an entirely new feeling overtook her, and she clenched her hand in his hair, losing all ability to care about right or wrong.

James pressed his face into Lily's neck and tried to ignore everything rising up within him, but it was no use. With a bravery he didn't know he had when it came to Lily, he opened his mouth wider and traced his tongue along her soft skin. She whimpered above him, and he groaned, kissing her with more meaning. She was so _good_.

Lily felt dizzy as James kissed her skin, his hands in her hair. She was completely lost now, and she knew that she wouldn't be the one to stop what they were doing- not when her body was calling out so desperately for more. Gently pushing his shoulders back to the ground, she leaned down and placed her lips a bit tentatively against the tender skin just under James's ear. A long, low moan emanated from his throat on contact, and it made her heart pound more insistently against her ribcage.

James's head was spinning now with her lips finally touching him. He could handle kissing her face and neck, and whatever else- even if only just barely. But for her to kiss him... that was another story. He wouldn't be able to control himself if he let her continue, and he knew he couldn't be allowed to lose himself in her, much as he might want. And so, reluctantly, James somehow finally found the strength to pull Lily slightly away from him. He suddenly realized how heavily he was breathing, and struggled to control it.

"What is it?" Lily asked in confusion. She was completely dazed, and couldn't comprehend why they had stopped. Their faces were still very close, their noses almost touching, and she stared down at his mouth. She wondered what would happen if she were to kiss him right now; would it be different than their first time? Would it be better?

She was just about to find out when James suddenly said, "We should be getting back."

"What?" she asked.

"To the castle," he said, as if she actually needed the clarification. "It'll... erm... be dinner soon." He wouldn't look at her.

Lily was still a bit out of it, but his words were sobering her up quickly. She could feel the rejection, embarrassment, and anger already beginning to simmer in her stomach. She sat up quickly, then remembered that she was straddling him where he still lay pinned to the ground, and she could feel his hardness pressing into her. Face burning, she hastily rolled away from him and stood up, only barely managing not to fall over from the last vestiges of passion still weakening her knees.

"Right," she said, her voice coming out a bit harsh and clipped, and she was glad for it. She didn't want him to see how completely undone she was.

Lily watched James as he stood up from the snow, and she couldn't help but hate him for being so bloody casual. The anger quickly won out against her embarrassment, and she turned away from him. Without another word- what was there to say, anyway?- she marched off toward the castle, wanting to put as much distance between her and James as possible.

He watched as she walked away, wanting to call out to her and tell her that he was sorry. He didn't know exactly why she seemed so upset with him, but he had a sinking feeling that it was because he had kissed her again. He knew he should run up and apologize to her, but what was he supposed to say? To be honest, he really wasn't all too sorry that he had kissed her in the first place. And just moments before, he had thought that maybe she had... enjoyed it, or...

James shook his head, ridding himself of the ridiculous thought. Maintaining a respectable distance, he walked after Lily, not speaking a word. He should know better by now, he scolded himself. What was he thinking, trying something like that? He'd had his moments of doubt and discouragement before, but this was different. He'd only kissed her once before, and already there seemed to be a pattern emerging. All feelings aside, it looked as if the two of them just couldn't be close in that way; everything always just ended up breaking after. And that was the last thing he wanted.

Trudging through the snow, James came to the reluctant conclusion that maybe he and Lily weren't actually "meant to be." Maybe their just-friends relationship wasn't as much a matter of choice as necessity. Maybe it just didn't matter how he felt.

And maybe, he thought, a sharp pain searing inside his chest, it was time for him to finally, and truly, give in.

* * *

Dinner was, not surprisingly, an awkward affair. Lily had debated over whether to come down to the Great Hall at all. But seeing as how she would rather jump in a tub full of Blast-Ended Skrewts than let James know how upset she was over his rejection, she realized she didn't have much choice. However, showing up had been the easy part, she soon saw; the real difficulty lay in playing indifferent. She just couldn't bring herself to laugh and smile as usual, though she noticed that James didn't seem to be having any trouble at all on that front. She tried not to hate him for it.

"I'm telling you, I'm never going skating again," Remus said, rubbing an ache in his neck. "At least," he amended, turning an accusatory glance over to Sirius, "not with _you_."

"Steady on!" Sirius exclaimed, looking indignant. "It's not my fault you couldn't keep off your arse out there."

Lupin merely glared at him.

"Don't bother with him, mate," James said, offering Sirius a conciliatory pat on the shoulder. "He's just jealous of your gracefulness." He was trying desperately to appear normal and goad his friends on, but he had a feeling everyone could see straight through his act; he couldn't help but glance over at Lily every ten seconds, trying to figure out why she still looked so irritated. After all, if she were that upset, why was she even bothering to sit with them?

Lily accidentally met his gaze for a moment, and he tried smiling over at her, but she hastily looked away down the table. Her eyes landed on a group of Slytherins about fifteen feet down, as far away as they could get from the Gryffindors. She hadn't noticed them before, but it looked like it was about that same group as had made her so uneasy a couple of weeks before. She had forgotten about the incident since then, but studying the group now brought it back to her memory with full force. She could see the back of Avery's head, and was glad that she hadn't gotten the chance to look into his face.

Looking around the rest of the group, Lily saw that, like the last time, almost all of them were sitting with their heads close together, whispering about... well, whatever it was they talked about. In fact, only one of them had noticed her gaze and was actively trying to get her to meet his own. Finally, she looked up at Snape and acknowledged his presence. His eyes looked so dark from where she sat, and she saw them narrow as he glanced over toward James. He brought his eyes back to hers, but she quickly looked down at her hands. She and Snape might not be friends anymore, but she could still guess what he was thinking.

The rest of dinner went by in somewhat of a blur. Lily tried to join in the conversation without making her underlying concerns about James and Snape too obvious. She successfully managed to ignore the Slytherin and his posse for the remainder of the meal, though she did notice that when the others left the Great Hall, Severus stayed behind.

Vaguely, she registered that the Marauders around her were discussing something about Quidditch. James's face was animated with excitement, and suddenly it was all just too much. She couldn't stay there any longer and watch as he got along just fine while she sat there, feeling further torn apart with each second that ticked by. She had barely eaten anything on the plate in front of her, but she didn't think she could force down another mouthful.

Standing up, Lily hastily moved to extricate herself from the group of Gryffindors around her.

"Off to the library so soon, Red?" Sirius piped up, interrupting the flow of the other three boys' conversation. She glanced briefly over at James, who was watching her intently, and looked away again.

"No," she said defiantly, raising her chin a notch. "I'm just a little tired." She was lying, of course; she felt so keyed up now that she wondered whether she'd ever get to sleep. "I was planning on going up to bed, if that's all right with you," she snipped. Her eyes involuntarily flickered toward the exit, and she caught a glimpse of Snape moving to collect his things, as well. She had to get out of there.

"Well, hold on," James said, standing halfway out of his seat. "Give me a minute, and I'll come with you."

"W-what?" Lily felt her face flush, and she was momentarily distracted from her goal of escaping up to her room. An image of a half-naked James climbing into bed with her blazed through her mind before she realized what he'd meant.

"We're not supposed to be walking around the castle by ourselves...?" he reminded her.

"Oh," she replied, stupidly disappointed. Then, remembering her haste, she pulled herself together and said in as casual a manner as she could pull off: "Well, that's alright. I don't want to interrupt your, erm, meal. And I think I can handle being on my own for five minutes."

James merely stared at her for a moment, as if he no longer recognized her. "Well," he said after a moment, "I'll admit I'm not much for abiding by the rules, but I think I should come with you anyway. Just give me a second," he repeated, bending down and hastily finishing the last bit of his pudding.

"No, really," Lily insisted, her voice much higher than it had been just moments before. She was already backing away from them. She looked warily over at Snape, where he stood dawdling, and wondered if it were at all possible to avoid an encounter with him. "I'll just meet you up there."

Without waiting for a reply, she began walking off at a brisk pace, still futilely trying to maintain the facade that she was perfectly fine and normal. "Lily!" she heard James call from behind her, but she did not stop. Snape had already made his way through the large doors into the Entrance Hall, and now stood at the foot of the staircase, blocking her path.

"Let me by, Snape," she said, her teeth clenched. At that moment, she didn't know who she was more eager to get away from- the sallow Slytherin in front of her, or the perfectly peachy-and-content Gryffindor behind.

Ignoring her request, Snape stood his ground even more firmly. With an intensity that surprised even her, he snapped, "What are you doing with Potter?"

"Sorry?" she replied in an overly innocent tone. She knew what he was really asking, but she wasn't going to give in so easily.

"Potter!" he said irritably. She continued to stare at him blankly. With a frustrated sigh, he clarified: "What's the status of your... relationship?" A look of acute pain crossed his face for a split second, taking Lily aback, and then it was gone. "Are you two together?" His expression was cold and smooth now, but she could hear the slight strain in his voice.

Lily could feel her face growing hot, but she narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't believe that's any of your business, Snape."

"You know nothing," he said in a strangely earnest tone. "Whatever is going on with you and... _Potter_-" he practically spat the name- "end it now, or else-"

"Or else, what?" Lily turned her head and was surprised at the strong wave of relief she felt at the sight of James. He didn't look very happy, at the moment, though. His jaw was clenched and his hazel eyes were like fire. He stepped forward when Snape didn't answer, choosing instead to merely glare at him. James stood a little in front of her, between her and the Slytherin. "Or else, _what?_" he repeated, his fingers curling into fists.

Seeing this, Snape reached for his wand, but was stopped by another voice. "Are you really sure you want to do that, Snivellus?" Looking around, Lily saw that Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all standing in the entryway now, their wands pointed lazily at Snape's chest.

The Slytherin took in the group in front of him, his eyes narrowed and his fingers still clutching the wand at his side. Then, apparently thinking better of it, he unclenched his fingers, leaving the wand in his pocket. "Have it your way, then," he said coldly. "I tried to warn you-" here, he looked directly at Lily- "and you wouldn't listen. Remember that." Without another word, he stepped away from the staircase and swiftly walked away from them, his boots thudding along on the stone.

The rest of them stood in tense silence for a moment, watching Snape until he turned a corner and vanished from sight. There was a collective breath through the group, and Lily saw James loosen his fists.

"Bloody hell," Sirius said, always the one to break the silence. "I can't believe I forgot how big a twat Snivelly is."

Remus chuckled, and James finally turned around. "Yeah, well... he's gone now," Peter said, putting away his wand with a shaky hand and looking relieved.

"What was that all about, anyway?" Remus asked.

They all looked to Lily.

"Er," she said, feeling put on the spot. She didn't want to say what it had really been about, and she glanced over at James, wondering how much he had actually overheard before he'd stepped in. "You know," she began vaguely, "just... the usual. Snape being Snape, and all." She knew she wasn't giving anywhere near a convincing performance, but Sirius and Peter both shrugged their shoulders, looking satisfied. Remus, however, simply gave a skeptical nod while James scrutinized her features.

Squirming under their obvious disbelief, Lily cast around for a change of subject. She almost cringed when she finally came up with one. "Well, James" she finally said, her voice brisk and her hands moving unnecessarily to straighten her jumper, "are you coming up to bed with me, or not?"

That seemed to do the trick. James blinked in surprise and his eyes widened slightly. The rest of the Marauders snickered helplessly behind them, and Lily could feel the heated blush creeping up her neck. It wasn't ideal, but they were all sufficiently distracted now from the topic of her brief conversation with Snape. Although, truthfully, it was almost worth it just to see James rub his neck and give a rare blush, himself.

* * *

"Ugh," James groaned, rolling onto his side. He had been laying in bed for at least two hours now, and had yet to even doze off. In fact, he didn't feel tired at all. It seemed as though, once again, he had Lily to thank for yet another sleepless night. Throwing an arm over his face, he tried to stop his thoughts from racing, but it was no use. He'd tried his best not to let it show at dinner, but he couldn't get the redhead off his mind.

He couldn't believe what they had done. He had kissed her... sort of. And she had... surely, he hadn't imagined that she had kissed him back? No, he thought. He distinctly remembered hearing her moan and sigh above him; just the thought of it made him hot and stiff. No, he definitely hadn't imagined that. She had enjoyed it probably almost as much as he had.

But then why had she seemed so upset with him after? She had barely spoken to him at all after that, except to invite him to bed- something that had sent his mind racing even faster with possibilities. She kept running hot and cold on him, and he couldn't even begin to keep up.

"Bloody hell," James groaned again in frustration, and sat up. If he wasn't going to be able to sleep anyway, maybe he'd at least be able to clear his mind. Getting out of bed, he decided he may as well get to work on some of his assignments that were due at the end of holidays. If nothing else, he told himself, doing homework was a surefire way to put himself to sleep. Realizing he'd left his school bag in the common room, he grabbed a quill and ink bottle and opened his bedroom door.

The light from the roaring fire took him aback, and for a moment he was left squinting, waiting for his eyes to adjust. When they did, James was surprised to see Lily on the couch, her legs spread out across its length and a small pile of parchment in her lap.

"Oh. Sorry," he said, suddenly very aware of the fact that he had no shirt on. Not that he really cared, but he didn't want to annoy the Head Girl anymore than necessary. "I didn't think you were awake."

Lily looked up at the sound of his voice, and her mouth immediately went dry. James was standing in the doorway to his room wearing nothing more than a pair of sweatpants. His hair was sticking out at odd angles, even messier than usual, and his chest was completely- and deliciously- bare. She didn't even hear what he said to her for there was suddenly a strong buzzing in her ears.

"H-hi," she breathed.

"Hi," he chuckled and came over to sit down next to her. She moved her legs out of the way, and they settled with just a few inches of space between them. "You just can't stay away, can you?" He leaned forward, indicating another stack of parchment on the table in front of them.

Lily's breathing hitched sharply as she watched him rifle through the papers, the muscles in his back smoothly gliding back and forth with the movement. _Oh, God_, she thought. She wanted to touch him so badly it hurt. Sitting on her hands, she replied, "Guess not." It was only two words, but still- she was impressed at how casual her voice sounded.

He looked back at her, a grin on his face, and Lily's heart gave a great thump in her chest. She didn't think she'd ever seen him so handsome, the firelight highlighting each of his features and making them look all the better for it.

"So, have you been out here all night, or what?" James asked, trying not to let his eyes rake over her body. She was just wearing a baggy t-shirt and shorts, and yet she was stunning. Something about the way the firelight played out in her hair and eyes was sending his mind into a haze. He looked down and saw that her legs looked especially soft and smooth as she sat cross-legged next to him, and his mouth watered. What he wouldn't give just to trace his fingertips along her creamy skin and... James blinked and shook his head. No. He wasn't allowed to think like that anymore. He was supposed to resign himself to the two of them just being friends.

_Friends_. Right.

James abruptly realized that he hadn't even heard her reply, and he floundered, trying to pull himself back into the moment. "Can't sleep?" he asked, trying not to make it too obvious that he was burning inside.

Lily shook her head. He leaned back against the couch, and she bit her lip. There was a trail of dark hair that lead down from his navel and disappeared under the waistband of his pants. Her eyes were glued to the spot, and she fought a moan. She didn't know what was coming over her, but she couldn't let herself give in.

"No," she finally managed to choke out. "I was, erm, too hungry to sleep."

"Hungry?" he replied, his eyes suddenly lighting up.

"...Yeah," Lily said, confused by the excitement in his voice. "I didn't really eat much at dinner, and I don't have any food up here, so I thought I'd just work on some of these-"

"Are you still hungry?" he interrupted, the mischievous gleam now obvious in his eyes.

She studied him for a moment. "You have something in mind?"

James grinned.

* * *

"_Oh, my God_," Lily moaned loudly.

"Good?" James whispered.

"Mmm..."

"Careful," he murmured, reminding her to be quiet.

"Sorry," she replied, trying to tone it down. "This is amazing."

"I know," he said with a grin.

"What's that elf's name again?" Lily asked, taking another bite of the most delicious Apple Crumble she had ever tasted.

"Tweek," he replied, taking in a generous mouthful, himself.

Lily took another look around the great kitchen. She couldn't believe she didn't come down here more often. The house elves were all in their beds still, but apparently this one elf, Tweek, somewhat fancied James and always left him something special in case he should come poking around. This time, it had been a pan of Apple Crumble.

"How often do you come down here, anyway?" she asked curiously. "For her to go to this trouble?"

"Oh, at least once a week," he replied easily.

"You're joking."

"What? Is that a lot?"

Lily just shook her head in amusement.

The kitchen, like their common room, was dimly lit by a small fire, shadows casting themselves on every surface. Looking at James, she wanted to run her fingers through his ridiculous hair; however, with his shirt now covering his top half, she found it much easier to master her urges. Even so, she was having quite a time of it, trying not to close the distance between them. She couldn't believe that they had kissed all over each other's skin only hours before, and now they could just act as if it had never happened.

"I've been wanting to ask you something," James said, looking over at her seriously.

"Yeah?" she asked, curious.

"What did Snape want earlier?"

She blinked. "Snape?" She had almost forgotten about him.

"Yeah," he replied, rubbing his neck. He could probably guess what it had been about, but he wanted to know for sure.

"Oh, he just... you know." Lily's stomach felt heavy with dread at the prospect of having to tell James what they had talked about. Not that it was a big deal- it really _was_ just Snape being Snape- but introducing the question of the status of her and James's relationship very nearly terrified her.

However, James was still looking at her questioningly, and she knew he wouldn't settle for less than the full truth. So, reluctantly, she began, "He just... he asked about you and me."

James nodded. This was what he'd expected. "What about us?" he asked, wanting her to clarify.

"About our... erm... relationship." She blushed. "You know, if we're... together, or whatever." She stared down at her feet rather than look at him.

"Right," James said, taking a step closer to her, his heart pumping fast in his chest. "And... what did you say?"

Lily looked up and into his eyes, warming his insides. She opened her mouth to speak.

_MEOW._

James blinked, and Lily snapped her mouth shut. Casting his eyes around, James could just barely make out the figure of a cat leaving the room.

"Dammit," he swore under his breath. "Mrs. Norris," he said, turning to Lily in explanation. Her eyes widened.

"James," she said, panic suddenly coursing through her, "w-we can't get caught down here in the middle of the night. McGonagall will have our badges for sure."

"Don't worry," he said, a familiar calm settling over him. He'd gotten himself out of too many scrapes for something this simple to bother him. "Quick," he told her, getting rid of the dessert pan and picking up his invisibility cloak, "under here."

Hurrying to cover themselves, the two fled the kitchen and made their way back up the stairs. They nearly ran into Filch and Mrs. Norris on the way, but managed to duck into an alcove at the last minute. Thankfully, the cat didn't notice them there.

Finally, when the door to their dormitory was shut behind them, Lily let out her breath. She was surprised to find that it came out in a giggle. James looked over at her and laughed, as well.

"That was..." Lily didn't know what to say. Exhilarating, nerve-wracking, dangerous... _fun_.

"Close, I know," James finished for her, smirking. She smiled over at him.

"I think it might have been worth it, though" she admitted, as she moved with him to sit on the couch in front of the slowly dying fire.

"You think so?" he asked, turning a surprised gaze toward her. He hadn't expected her to react quite so calmly.

"Well," she said earnestly, "Tweek's cooking would be worth just about anything."

James laughed out loud and settled closer to her on the couch, making himself comfortable. "You have a point, there," he conceded.

Lily couldn't contain her grin as she settled into James's side. She didn't know if it was from the adrenaline still pumping through her body, or if she just felt more comfortable around him, in general, but she had no qualms whatsoever in snuggling up next to him, resting her head against his shoulder. Without a moment's hesitation, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her even closer to him. Impossibly, her smile grew even broader, and she was glad he couldn't see her face. She was sure she must look positively goofy.

James rested his cheek on the top of Lily's head and smiled to himself. Her body felt so warm and soft against him, and he felt as if she could never be close enough. There were so many things he wished he could do in that moment, but he felt himself oddly content to simply sit with his arm around her waist. If things continued in this way, this was shaping up to be the best holiday of his life.

They continued on in silence for a few more peaceful moments, staring into the fire. Then, Lily stirred. "You know," she said, "since we're awake, anyway... We could..."

"What?" he asked eagerly, all sorts of off-limits alternatives popping into his head at once.

"Well, we could get some of these assignments done."

James's racing thoughts came to an abrupt halt. "You want to do _homework_?" he asked in astonishment. He looked down at her face, trying to see any signs of sarcasm, but he could detect none.

"Yeah," she said innocently. "I mean, like I said, we're up anyway. And we'll get things done in half the time if we do it together. Then we'll have the rest of the break to do whatever we want!"

James noticed that Lily only seemed to get more excited at the prospect of doing schoolwork the more she talked about it. And, despite his extreme reluctance to do anything but passionately snog her right there on the couch, he had to admit that it was a good idea. Probably.

"Er... alright," he said, finally, detaching his arm from around her waist.

"Really?" she asked happily. He nodded. "Great! Okay, so I was thinking that we could start with Transfiguration, since that'll be the hardest. Well- for me, at least. Anyway, what did you think about number one?"

They spent the rest of the night getting through almost all of their holiday assignments. James couldn't believe how cheerfully Lily was going about it all. After all, he'd heard her grumble about schoolwork almost as often as anyone else. Whatever it was, he was glad for it. One of them, at least, had to remain motivated. And by the time the morning light began creeping its way across the sky, James was exhausted, yes- but surprised to find that he was still smiling.

* * *

**A/N**: Oh, wow, does it feel good to have finally finished this chap. This may very well end up being one of my personal favorites, though it's still too soon to tell. I'll have a better idea of how it is once I hear from you all. :)

Erm... Not a whole lot I want/need to address with this chapter. It's all pretty straight-forward, I think. Sorry that I just couldn't stay away from the angsty bits, guys! I tried to make it happy and whatnot, but I just don't do too well with fluff. At least, not while James and Lily are still at this stage in their relationship. ;)

This is also the chapter where I really began to introduce you guys to what you can expect in later chapters, erm... sexually speaking. Lol. I practically live for smut, so I'm not planning on just glossing over the "good bits" as they start coming up in the story. I know not everyone likes lemony goodness, so this is a pre-warning warning. I'd advise you guys to go read some of my one-shots (**proceed with caution**) so that you'll have a more detailed idea of what to expect once James and Lily reach that point in their relationship. You can decide from there whether you want to continue on with the story. :)

As always, please _**REVIEW!**_ You guys have been so amazing in letting me know what you all think and feel, and it is so ridiculously appreciated. :D

Reviews are forbidden trips to Hogsmeade.

**Cheers! :D**


	19. Hogsmeade

**Well, hello there, strangers!** Lol. Wow. Okay, so, first of all, I have to make the biggest apology of my life to all of you amazing readers. You guys have been so awesome and understanding over this (unintentional) hiatus, and I just want to thank you so much. I feel like an arse having made you wait this long with little to no explanation, but let's just say that I've been suffering from a protracted dearth of inspiration. But finally, _finally_, I'm starting to get some of it back, and the next update will definitely not take as long to post. I do want to warn you all, though, that originally I planned on combining this chapter with the next one, so this update may feel a bit sparse. I'm saving all the goodies for the next chapter (New Year's party, anyone?). But in the end, I just wanted to post _something_, at least, to get you back into the story a bit. So, with that said, I hope you can forgive any lack of pizzazz in this update. The next chapter (which I've already started working on) will more than make up for it, I promise. ;)

**Disclaimer**: Yeah, HP still isn't mine.

**To Recap**: Way back when, Lily broke up with Jacob (with a nice, satisfying slap, might I add). After which, her and James's physical relationship took on a new level of intensity. Since then, things have been building between them, culminating in an almost-full-on outdoor snog session in the last chapter. But James still hasn't officially broken things off with Amy, so he's trying not to do anything too crazy with Lily- though sometimes he just can't help himself. The two of them had an interesting altercation with Snape, when he asked Lily what the status of her relationship was with James. Later that night, James takes her down to the kitchens for a midnight snack after strutting around in nothing more than a pair of sweatpants. The two spend the rest of the night doing homework together before finally passing out.

* * *

"You know what really sucks?"

"What?"

"This whole 'Head Boy' thing."

James took a moment to glance up from his plate of food and across the table at Peter, who sat slouched in his seat absentmindedly scattering his lunch around with his fork. "Really," he replied flatly. His friends had been taking the piss about him being Head Boy ever since they found out, and it was starting to get a bit old.

"Oh no, not like that," Peter hurried to assure him, seeing the look on his face. Sirius cast James an amused glance before taking a huge mouthful of his turkey sandwich. "I just meant... Well, Remus is staying in the hospital wing this week for... well, _you know_. It just makes it feel even more strange now that you're not there in the dorm with us."

"Oh," James said simply, a little taken aback by the unprecedented display of half-veiled affection.

"Now, Petey," Sirius chimed in with a sickly sweet voice, "we've talked about this. Prongs is all grown up now; we have to let him fly free. Or whatever it is that stags do," he added, as an afterthought.

"Prance?" Wormtail suggested with a laugh.

"Right! We have to let him prance free," Sirius finished, turning to give James a smug grin.

He glared over at the two of them- even though the thought of changing his nickname to Prancer did secretly amuse him. "Are you two finished?"

"For now," Padfoot replied.

James rolled his eyes. "How is Moony doing, anyway? I haven't gotten a chance to see him yet."

Peter shrugged. "Well, it's just the beginning, so it's kind of hard to say. He's been better, though," he said. Then added, "But then again, he's also been worse."

"Yeah, we tried getting you to come with us to see him this morning, but no one answered your door," Sirius said, giving him a look of reproach that reminded him of Remus.

"I was asleep," he answered, with a shrug.

"Long night?" Wormtail asked, with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Yes, actually."

Peter exchanged a gleefully mischievous glance with Sirius, who prodded, "Oh, yeah? What were you doing?"

"Homework," he replied flatly. For once, he was glad he had nothing more interesting to report.

"Oh, that's got Evans written all over it," Sirius chuckled. "Is that what people are calling it these days?"

James sighed. "What else would I call it?" He didn't feel like playing this game, at the moment- not when last night he had felt so close to... something. Once again, he could feel his relationship with Lily shifting, growing; but into what, he still wasn't sure. The only thing he knew was that he'd woken up this morning to the disappointing feeling of her absence.

"Whatever," Wormtail said, apparently giving up on the subject. "Where is Lily anyway?" He looked around the Great Hall, as though she would turn up if he merely looked closely enough.

James simply shrugged and took another bite of his chicken. "How should I know?" he said, though he actually thought he had a decent idea oof where she might be.

"Well, you guys are partners, aren't you?" Sirius reminded him. "School rules say you have to be attached at the hip, or something...?"

"Nah," he replied. "McGonagall said we could go ahead and take a bit of a break from that over hols."

"Really?" Peter asked excitedly. "Because we've actually been thinking lately that maybe we could-"

Apparently lacking the patience for him to finish, Sirius broke in: "How'd you feel about a private Hogsmeade visit?"

James blinked. "Hogsmeade?" After the attack on the village, all remaining student trips had been canceled. They were barely allowed outside of the castle as it was, never mind leaving campus entirely.

"You know," Padfoot began with a condescending air, "that little town with all the little shops that we used to go to?"

"Yeah, before those Death Eaters had to come along and ruin everything," Peter chimed in.

He stared at the two of them. "I don't know, guys," he began. "Even for us, this seems a bit, well... stupid."

"But it's been weeks since we've heard anything about those twats," Sirius argued. "One little trip isn't going to hurt anything."

"And you know," Wormtail suddenly mused, "I think we should probably bring Lily along."

"What? No," James replied immediately, his voice coming out harsher than he meant it to. "I'm not going to put her in danger just so we can get out of the castle."

"Think about it, though, Prongs," Peter implored. "Is she really that much better off wandering around the castle by herself? At least if she's with us, we can protect her if we need to."

That pulled him up a little short. "Why wouldn't she be better off staying here?" he asked uncertainly.

"I'm surprised you don't already know," Sirius told him. "Snivellus? He's always staring at her, mate; lurking about everywhere. And last night's little reunion wasn't the last of it."

James scoffed at his friends, acting as though they were simply exaggerating the situation- but he couldn't keep his niggling suspicions about Snape from getting to him. It wasn't as simple as him just not liking the prat. Snape was friends with Mulciber and Avery, known sympathizers to Voldemort's cause- which targeted muggles and muggle-borns alike. The thought of leaving her alone in the castle with the likes of them didn't appeal to him.

"I reckon that's true," James finally said, though a bit grudgingly.

"Great!" Sirius exclaimed, standing from the table. "Let's get her and go, then. We're wasting time stuck up in this place."

"Okay, so where would she be?" Peter mused.

James rolled his eyes. "Take a wild guess."

* * *

Lily reached the library with a feeling of dread weighing heavy in her stomach. Yet again, she was the only person inside the great room- apart from the ever-present Madame Pince- and she took a seat at a table near a tall window, gazing out longingly at the dazzling, sunlit snow. Quite frankly, she'd rather be doing anything besides writing about Flobberworm mucus. How much could one really say about it, after all? Definitely not enough to fill up ten inches of parchment. With that in mind, she chose to start with finishing the rest of her Arithmancy paper first- which was no less tedious, but at least the thought of it didn't nauseate her.

About an hour and a half later, she finally managed to finish the essay. Normally, it wouldn't have taken her so long, but seeing as she'd spent half her time staring out the window and remembering the look on James's face as he'd slept next to her this morning, she supposed it shouldn't come as a surprise. Still, she didn't want to spend all day in the library. Spotting a secluded, windowless table near the back of the room, she gathered her things and made a beeline for it in the hopes that she'd somehow be less prone to distraction in the dark corner. Just as she stood up, though, a voice stopped her.

"I **knew** it!"

Lily halted in her steps and turned toward the voice, warm relief spreading through her at the sight of James, Sirius, and Peter. Surely, they had come to save her- or distract her, at least, from the prospect of having to write about mucus.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked, trying to seem irritated- she was Head Girl, after all; she was supposed to _want_ to write all these stupid essays, right?- but she couldn't keep the wide smile off her face. She tried her best not to stare at James, who looked as if he'd simply rolled off the couch this morning, his hair messy almost to the point of ridiculousness. And yet somehow, she still found him irresistible.

"I _knew_ you'd be down here!" Sirius continued, ignoring her question.

Lily glanced questioningly at James and Peter, hoping they'd clarify what he was on about, but the latter merely shrugged, saying somewhat less enthusiastically, "He knew it."

"Well... congratulations?" she said, trying to get Sirius to move on from the discovery that she was, in fact, in the library.

He merely rolled his eyes. "Enough about that," he said with a dismissive tone, as if _she_ were the one who was dragging out the subject. She narrowed her eyes at him, and he continued. "Look, we need you to come down to Hogsmeade with us."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "I'm sorry?" He couldn't possibly be serious. After the attack a couple months back, all Hogsmeade trips had been discontinued indefinitely. Surely, they didn't expect to be able to stroll out the gates unchallenged.

"Please, Evans, you have to," he pleaded. Putting an arm around Peter's shoulders, he continued dramatically: "We're _dying_."

"Of boredom," James finally interjected in amusement, seeing Lily's raised eyebrows.

She looked from him to the other two, at a loss. "I don't know what to tell you guys," she said with a shrug. "Even if I approved of you lot going- _which I don't_- the point is moot. The gates are locked, and no one can apparate within school grounds."

"Oh, we have our ways, Lilykins, you'll see." Sirius's eyes now held that bright, mischievous gleam that always made her a bit wary.

"Well, why don't you just go on your own, then?" she asked. "Why do you need me to go with you?" As much as she would prefer a trip down to Hogsmeade to finishing the rest of her schoolwork, she didn't understand why it was so necessary that she go with them. Plus, successfully sneaking off school grounds was just unheard of.

"Well... because you're our mate," Peter told her, a slight flush creeping up his neck. She took a moment to let the words sink in, feeling touched. Then, he continued: "Plus, James won't go without you, so- _Ow_!"

At his words, Sirius had trod sharply on his foot, causing him to yelp in pain.

"What?" Lily breathed, as she met James's gaze. He shrugged slightly and opened his mouth as if to speak, when he suddenly looked over her shoulder.

It was at that moment that she heard Madame Pince's voice from behind her. "What are you three doing in my library?!" she shrieked, addressing the boys in front of her.

James and Sirius were already beginning to edge their way out while Peter stammered a hasty explanation. However, the librarian didn't give him a chance to compose himself.

"Out!" she cried, pulling her wand from her robes and waving it toward them. James grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her along as a band of books levitated from the shelves and began whipping at their heads and torsos mercilessly, driving them inexorably toward the exit."OUT!"

And with that, the four of them were thrown out of the library.

"Ouch," Lily complained, rubbing at the back of her head as the library doors slammed shut behind them. "Bloody hell," she said, looking over at the others as they, too, rubbed various body parts that had been assaulted. "What did you guys _do_ to her?"

The boys looked at each other before turning back to her gaze and giving unconvincing shrugs. James was the first to speak: "So, are you coming or not?"

* * *

When James took the invisibility cloak out from the bottom of the trunk at the foot of his bed and pulled it over his head, he watched Lily's eyes widen in amazement. "I don't ever think I'll get used to that," she told him before ducking underneath the folds of fabric, herself.

"Where'd you get this thing, anyway?" she asked, as they made their way down to the third floor corridor where Sirius and Peter were meeting them.

James paused a moment before answering. The question was bigger, no doubt, than she realized, and would most likely lead to a discussion that he didn't know if he was quite ready to have. But he answered, nonetheless. "It was my dad's," he finally said, taking a quick glance back at her. "Kind of a family tradition, father passing it down to son. He left it to me in his will."

For what seemed like a long time, neither of them said a word, the only sounds that of their footsteps on the cold, stone floor. Just as he was beginning to regret going down this particular road, though, Lily spoke up. "When did it happen, exactly?" she asked shyly. "I mean, I knew your father was, well..."

"Dead," he supplied bluntly. He was sure the entire school knew it, but no one ever thought about it. Not that he blamed them- it wasn't terribly often that he thought about it, himself. "It was a long time ago," he explained. "I was only four when he died. He was getting on- my mum is too, now, actually- and I guess he just didn't happen to last as long."

"Do you remember him?" she asked quietly, as they descended a flight of stairs.

James paused, almost embarrassed, or ashamed even, to admit it: "Not really." His footsteps slowed until he eventually came to a halt. She came up to stand beside him; she didn't say anything.

"Actually, there is one thing," he finally continued, feeling the need to fill the silence. "He loved to tell stories. Or at least, that's what mum says." He stopped for a moment, thinking. "I remember sitting with him on the floor of the den and watching him smoke his pipe and listen to him tell me stories about... I don't even know what. It's probably wrong, but I remember that bloody pipe better than I do my own father's face. I always wanted to touch it or play with it, but he would never let me. And this... well, this might sound weird, but I didn't even remember any of this until that day we made Amortentia in Potions class. I smelled that damned pipe smoke in there, and it all came rushing back to me. ...And now, it's about all I have left."

For a long moment, the silence stretched between them, until it almost seemed a tangible thing. But then Lily turned and wrapped her arms around him, standing on her toes to nestle her head into the crook of his neck. A little caught off guard, he encircled her waist in his arms in turn and waited a moment before pulling her as close to him as he could without crushing her. Under the privacy of the cloak, he felt an intense vulnerability that he'd never experienced before, and he only just managed to blink back the threatening sting of tears.

Pulling away, he said a bit gruffly, "We should get going."

They were quiet as they continued to make their way down to the third floor corridor. The silence wasn't uncomfortable, though, James was surprised to find. He hadn't expected to feel so... normal after opening up to Lily like that, and yet there he was.

When they came into sight of the statue of the One-Eyed Witch, Peter and Sirius were leaning nonchalantly against the hump of her back. The latter looked down at the map in his hands and over in their direction. "It's about time you two showed up. I was just about to pop off for a nap."

"How'd you know where we were?" Lily asked in astonishment, still hidden under the cloak behind him.

James rolled his eyes at his friend's thoughtlessness, and before Sirius could answer, he said, "You were supposed to wait _inside_."

"Well, no offense mate, but it does get a bit uncomfortable waiting inside that thing for as long as we did," Peter explained.

He sighed. "Fine. Just get in quick."

"Get in what?" Lily asked, curiously.

"I hope you're not too fond of this old bird," Sirius told her, patting the Witch's hump affectionately. "'Cause we're about to crack her open."

"What?" she gasped.

James took out his wand, tapping the Witch's back and muttering the spell as Sirius continued: "Oh, and Slughorn stopped by while we were waiting. He's having a do on New Year's and, in what seems to be a fit of holiday spirit, he's decided to invite all the upperclassmen still on campus; not just his precious Sluggies this time."

"We're not his-" Lily began, but then stopped abruptly when the statue opened up before them.

"Hurry up and get in," James told Sirius and Peter. With a certain kind of grace that only came with frequent practice, the two of them vaulted themselves into the gaping hole in the statue's back.

"What...?" Lily began, coming up beside him. He looked over and saw the sheer astonishment and bewilderment on her face. "What's going on? Where does this lead?"

James took her hand in his and gave a gentle squeeze, excitement filling him at the prospect of finally taking her along with him. "You'll see."

* * *

The inky black darkness seemed to stretch before her and close in around her all at once. No wonder the boys hadn't wanted to wait in here for a moment longer than was necessary; Lily didn't think she'd ever experienced darkness like this. Then, suddenly, blessedly, she heard James mutter _lumos _and the light from the tip of his wand illuminated the small tunnel she now saw they were in.

"What _is_ this place?" she asked, in a mixture of awe and fear. She wasn't terribly keen on the fact that, wherever they were going, it appeared they were going to have to crawl there.

"Like Sirius said," James told her, with a wink, "we have our ways; and this is just one of them."

As they made their way along the tunnel, Lily couldn't help but feel like the walls were closing in more and more around her. She'd never considered herself to be claustrophobic before, but this trip was doing her head in. Just when she was sure that she'd have to turn back, James stopped in front of her.

"This is it," he told her, pointing his wand upward to reveal what appeared to be some kind of door above their heads.

"Where does it go?"

"Ugh, have you learned nothing, Evans?" Sirius exclaimed in exasperation. "Go up and see for yourself!"

And suddenly, James opened the door and thrust her upward, making her yelp in surprise. Then, letting her eyes adjust to the brilliant above-ground light, she looked around. "It's a cellar," she finally said, a little disappointed, watching the boys climb out of the tunnel after her.

"Well, what did you expect?" Peter asked, not unkindly.

"I... I don't know," she admitted, feeling a little embarrassed.

James finally took pity on her and said, "It's Honeyduke's," as he took her hand in his and led her up a somewhat rickety staircase and out into the sweetshop.

Sirius gave a bawdy wave to the owner behind the counter, and the man gave them all a look of tolerant amusement before waving them out of the store. "You have an arrangement with the owner of Honeyduke's?" Lily didn't know whether to laugh at them or scold them.

"Well," Sirius began, "when we first found the tunnel, we didn't know what it led to either. So, we popped out into the cellar, bold as you please, and were caught. But the bloke was so excited to find out that he had a secret passage hidden under his shop, that he let us come through."

In the end, she decided to laugh.

As they made their way down the main street of the village, Lily marveled at the thick layer of snow blanketing the buildings. It was her first time visiting Hogsmeade all year, and the fact that she was there against school rules only heightened her excitement. She was relieved to see that there were no signs left from the attack a couple months before.

"So, how often do you guys actually do this?" she asked.

"This is our first time all year, actually," James replied, his voice tinged with regret.

"Yeah," Sirius teased, "because you've turned into a right, law-abiding git." He gave James's shoulder a shove. "Reckon we have you to thank for that, Evans."

"In case you haven't noticed," she cheeked, "I snuck off campus just like you did."

James laughed. "She's got a point, there," he told Sirius, smiling over at her. Lily's heart sped up a bit in her chest as she noticed the way his hazel eyes looked even brighter and deeper in the winter light. Snow drifted down, landing in his hair and, without thinking, she reached a hand out and brushed the snowflakes away. She let her fingers linger for a moment as she once again marveled at the softness of the messy strands. Something changed in his eyes as she slowly pulled her hand away, and a smile spread across her lips.

"Oi, lovebirds!" Sirius exclaimed, making Lily jump and glare over at him. "We're here."

"Here" turned out to be The Three Broomsticks. There wasn't much of a crowd at two in the afternoon, but the few people who were there glared at the group as they entered, shielding their eyes from the light that came through the open door.

Sirius ordered a firewhiskey while the rest of them stuck with their usual butterbeers. They made their way over to a booth and sat, Sirius and Peter on one side, James and Lily on the other. Their thighs touched as she sat down next to him, and she felt her entire body heat over. Everything was always so intense between them, even when they weren't talking. She remembered the night he had come to her after she'd broken up with Jacob. He had touched her face and hair, and moaned when she squeezed his thigh. A frustratingly familiar ache started up between her own thighs as she remembered how he'd sounded, and she felt her face flush. Shaking her head slightly, she tried bringing herself back to the present.

"...got a new shipment," James was saying, his voice filled with excitement.

"Wicked," Sirius said eagerly, standing up and tossing back the rest of his firewhiskey. He coughed a little as he finished the last of it, and Lily held back a laugh. His voice was hoarse when he spoke again. "Let's go."

"Go?" she asked, incredulous. "We just got here." The three of them stared at her for a long moment until she cracked. "What?"

"Lils, we come here for the drinks and dim lighting," Sirius told her, as if she were missing something that should have been painfully obvious. "Not the welcoming atmosphere."

"You don't really want to stay here, do you?" Peter asked.

Suddenly, Lily was aware of the way the other patrons were still glowering over at them, obviously waiting for them to leave. "Well," she began, "I have to admit, this isn't exactly what I imagined when I agreed to come down here."

"What did you have in mind?" James asked.

* * *

The Shrieking Shack stood before them, austere and forbidding in the cold winter wind. It wasn't exactly what Lily had meant when she had told the boys she'd thought sneaking off campus would be more exciting. However, they'd promptly taken her to the building- right after a quick trip to the quidditch shop, which had just received a shipment of new merchandise.

"I wonder what it's like inside," she mused to herself.

"Want to find out?" Sirius asked excitedly.

"No," James interrupted, his voice harsh. Lily glanced over at him in surprise.

"Yeah, that-that's not a good idea, Sirius," Peter squeaked in fear.

"Why not?" he asked.

James said nothing, but gave him a sharp glare. The two of them seemed to have some sort of silent conversation that she couldn't understand.

"It's not safe," James finally said, turning back toward her.

Honestly, she hadn't actually wanted to go inside- she doubted there was anything in there to interest her. But now, with the way they were acting, she took a closer look at the decrepit building.

"You guys can't actually think that place is haunted," she told them skeptically.

"Well, why not?" Sirius said, haughtily. "I know you were raised up with muggles and told that ghosts don't exist. But now you know better. Why shouldn't it be haunted?"

That brought her up short. "Well..." she began, trying to think of something to say.

"While that was an impressive comeback," James cheeked, "I was actually referring to the physical state of the building. I mean, bloody hell, you can see that the roof's caved in from here!"

"Alright, alright," Lily said, giving in. "We won't go inside. But let the record show that you lot were the chickens who wouldn't let me go inside the big, scary building."

"That's it! We're going in!"

"Sirius, shut up," James said, pulling his friend back with a laugh.

After that, the four of them spent the rest of the afternoon wandering about the village. A considerable amount of time was spent in the joke shop, where Lily watched and laughed as the boys tested out the products on each other. However, soon the sun began to make its descent across the horizon, and they made their way back to Honeyduke's.

As the others dropped down into the tunnel once more, Lily felt a sudden thrill of panic course through her. By now, the sun had set over the small village, and when she thought of returning to the dark, cold ground, she froze in her tracks.

"What is it?" James asked, pausing in his climb down to the tunnel after Sirius and Peter. He looked at her in confusion and, she was embarrassed to note, concern. She didn't know why it frightened her so much; she was sure she'd been through worse things than crawling through a hole in the ground, after all. But that didn't make it any easier.

Trying not to let on what was really going through her mind, she asked lamely, "Are... are you sure we won't get caught?"

He continued to stare at her for a moment, as if evaluating her for something, before he climbed out of the tunnel and came to stand in front of her. "Yes," he told her simply.

He was standing closer to her than strictly necessary, and even in the dim light, she could make out the hazel of his eyes. It pulled at her heart, and she felt some of her panic dissipate. Nevertheless, she pressed, "But _how_ can you be sure? For all you know, the entire staff will be waiting outside that ugly statue when we climb out of it."

James focused his gaze on her more intently. "Are you sure that's what you're worried about, Lily?"

She didn't respond, too embarrassed that he could see through to her fear so easily. "You know," he continued, "we've been using this passage since third year, and it looks the same as it did the first time we used it. I'm surprised it never caved in on us- we're not exactly the most careful of blokes, after all. But it's still holding strong, and I imagine it will for a long time."

"You think so?" Lily asked, but she was hardly paying attention to what he was saying anymore. She didn't know if he was the one who had moved closer to her during their conversation, or vice versa, but either way she could now feel the heat radiating off his body.

"Sure," he replied with a smile, reaching up and ruffling his hair. If she didn't know better, she might have thought he actually seemed nervous.

"Erm... hello?" A voice suddenly came from the depths of the tunnel. It was Peter. "Are we going back up to the castle or...?"

"Yeah, be right down," James replied quickly. He turned to her again and offered her his hand. "Ladies first?" he asked, and she was glad he'd given her a choice.

Taking his hand in hers, Lily found that she couldn't speak. She did manage a smile, though, as she slowly rubbed her thumb against the smooth skin of his hand. He grinned back at her, and she descended into the dark, cramped passageway. Somehow, she wasn't quite so afraid anymore.

* * *

When they finally returned to their common room after dinner, James was exhausted. He'd barely gotten any sleep since the night before last. At the time, he'd thought that staying up all night with Lily had been worth it- and somewhere in the back of his mind, he still couldn't bring himself to completely regret it- but at that moment, he wasn't sure if he'd even make it to his bed before he passed out. Instead, he sat on the couch where'd he'd spent the majority of last night and closed his eyes. Like the night before, Lily was sitting next to him, but now she seemed just as worn out as he felt.

She gave a great yawn, and he looked over at her in weary amusement. "Mmm, I promised myself I wouldn't do this again," she said groggily, as she stretched next to him. Her back arched off the couch, accentuating the tantalizing curves of her breasts, and James felt more alert as arousal began to stir in the pit of his stomach.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Fall asleep on this bloody couch," she replied, turning her face toward his and giving him a sleepy smile. He doubted she knew how irresistible it made her to him. He chuckled, trying to shake it off.

"I forgot to thank you, by the way," she told him after a moment, leaning a bit closer.

"For what?"

"For last night," she told him, still smiling. "For taking me down to the kitchens, and helping me with my coursework. You didn't have to do any of that."

James smirked. "I think you helped me do my homework more than I helped you."

Lily laughed, and it made his stomach flip. "Even so. You didn't have to do any of it, so thanks. And for today, too," she added. "For... including me."

He frowned a little at that. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you know," she told him, swatting his arm lightly with her hand. "It was nice of you guys to think of bringing me along, even though you probably would've had more fun without me."

"Lily," he said incredulously, "what are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on," she said. "You can't honestly tell me that-"

"Yes," he interrupted, sitting up straighter. "Yes, I can. Look, I'm sorry if we made you feel unwelcome or anything; that's not how any of us felt." After a pause, he added, "Well, I'll admit that I wasn't sure about you going at first, because of the attack and the fact that I didn't think it'd be safe. But it was fine. And... well... I really wanted you there." She was staring at him now, her bright green eyes widening at his last confession, and he looked away quickly. "I mean, we all did," he told her, trying to play it off.

She smiled slightly and asked, "Really?"

"Yeah," he told her, not trusting himself to look her in the eyes.

Lily reached a hand to his face, though, forcing him to look at her. He could feel her fingers shaking slightly as they caressed his skin, and he heard his own breath catch in his throat. He couldn't handle the way she was looking at him. Her eyes were large, and her lips were parted, and he felt completely lost in her. His vision narrowed until all he could see was her face before him, and he stared down at her mouth as he leaned closer toward her.

But then Amy's face flashed through his mind, and he froze. Lily was still staring at him, but now her eyebrows came together in confusion. "What is it?"

"We should get some sleep," he told her, offering up a weak smile. The physical exertion it cost him not to kiss her was more than he'd ever thought he was capable of.

Her expression changed slightly, and her features hardened. "Right," she said curtly, standing up from the couch. "Well, good night."

As he watched her disappear into her room, James rubbed a hand roughly over his face. He could already feel the physical ache of her absence, and the place where her fingers had touched him burned. The room somehow felt colder without her in it, though, and he knew this was the way it had to be. For now. But as soon as the other students came back for the start of term, he would track Amelia down and break things off with her as painlessly as he could. And then he'd make Lily his.

* * *

**A/N**: Terrible place to end it, I know, but it was the only place that somewhat made sense. Not too much to say about this chapter. Sorry if I'm a bit (or very) rusty. This was a bit of a filler chapter, I'll admit, but I still enjoyed writing it. Sorry for not elaborating more on the Hogsmeade bits, but as I said, this was originally just supposed to be the first half of a rather long chapter, so I tried not to dwell too long on the bits that weren't actually the main focus of the update. However, this chapter (as well as the previous one) does help sort of set up this idea that will become very important, and a focal point of the next update. But as for that, you'll just have to wait. :P Like I said, I've already begun working on the next chapter, and am putting a tentative(!) release date for next weekend sometime.

As always, please _**REVIEW! **_Reading through this story's reviews is actually what gave me that extra surge of inspiration I needed to start writing again. So, that should tell you how much of a difference your feedback really makes. :D

Reviews are James and Lily finally being honest with each other and themselves.


	20. New Year's

**Well, howdy! **Obviously this update took quite a bit longer than I originally stated. That's typically what seems to happen when I overestimate my abilities. Lol.

So, before the start of this chapter, I just have a couple things from some of the reviews that I want to address.

1. I'm sincerely sorry if the storyline has grown a bit "stagnant" (too much buildup, etc.). But I think one of the main reasons for that is mainly the sheer amount of time that's been spent on this story to get it up to this point. It's been well over a year since I first started this fic, and they're STILL NOT TOGETHER. I know. It's frustrating for me, as well, though I feel especially bad for my readers who've stuck with me since the very beginning. I'd like to propose that the reason the story may seem stagnant is because it's just taken such a long time for me to get these chapters up- which I take full responsibility for. However, if you're of the opinion that the story's stagnant just because, well, it's stagnant, then... I don't quite know what to tell you. I'm sorry? This is, however, my story and I have to do things the way I see fit and when I see fit. You are most free to stop reading if you feel so inclined (though I'd love it if you stayed- especially for this chapter).

2. Just to really clear something up right now: Lily thinks that James and Amy are broken up. Period. I know it hasn't been made explicitly clear that that's how she sees their "taking a break" status, but let me assure you, it is. She wouldn't be doing all these things with James if she knew that he still saw them as being in a relationship. Or at least, she wouldn't get upset with him for backing off. In her mind, "taking a break" is just Amy's way of breaking up with James in a nice-ish way. Not that it's good or okay for her to assume that, by any means. It's just, the way I see Lily is that she can sometimes have a hard time seeing past her own thoughts and reasons to how others might justify their actions. She's considerate and empathetic, but sometimes it just takes someone explaining their reasons outright for her to understand. Hopefully, that makes at least a little sense. The main point here is, don't hate Lily; she doesn't know what the hell is going on.

**With all that said, on with the show!**

**Recap: The boys shanghai Lily off to Hogsmeade while Remus is in the hospital wing dealing with his furry little problem. On the way, James opens up to Lily and gives her a small look at the relationship he had with his father while he was still alive, making her feel closer to him than ever. When they do make it down to the village, not a whole lot happens because it was a filler chapter (whoops). But the group has a nice visit to The Three Broomsticks and the Shrieking Shack (with a small cameo at the joke shop). James and Lily can't help but be just a bit lovey-dovey the entire time, making it Sirius and Peter's job to bring them back to reality every now and then. When they get back to their dorm, it looks as though Lily is about to kiss James, but he pulls away at the last minute, making her feel hurt, angry, and confused.**

* * *

James stood outside the door to Lily's bedroom, not quite sure what he was doing there. He hadn't seen her all morning; in fact, he hadn't spoken to her at all since the night before when she'd angrily left him in the common room. He hadn't even known she was in her room until he'd come up after lunch and heard her moving around inside.

He wasn't sure what he was going to say to her. Whatever had happened last night, he knew that it was probably his fault. James wasn't completely sure what he'd done, but he had a feeling that it was because he'd almost kissed her.

But it didn't make sense to him. _Lily_ didn't make sense to him. When he didn't kiss her, she got angry. But then when he did kiss her, she'd stop talking to him altogether. He didn't know which was worse.

With the New Year's party coming up that night, he found himself thinking more and more about his and Lily's first kiss. It had happened at one of Slughorn's parties, too, and he couldn't help but wish that it could somehow happen again. James remembered the way she'd run her fingers through his hair, sending shivers down his spine. He groaned at the thought before roughly shaking off the sensation. Before he could get carried away, he raised a fist and knocked on her bedroom door.

When Lily appeared on the other side, James was surprised to see that her hair was wet, as though she'd just stepped out of the shower. She held a towel in her hands and began to dry the deep auburn strands as she greeted him: "Hey."

For reasons he couldn't fathom, the sight of Lily and her wet hair sent his body into a frenzy. He thought back to the beginning of the year when she'd come out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, and almost moaned, his pulse picking up.

"James?" she asked, pausing in her ministrations to give him a curious look.

"Yeah?" he replied quickly, snapping himself back into the present.

She paused and raised her eyebrows at him. "Is there something you wanted?"

"Oh! Right!" James rubbed hard at his neck and gave an embarrassed laugh. He was acting like a knob. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine," she told him easily, but for whatever reason, he wasn't entirely convinced.

"Are you sure?" he asked, taking a step closer and leaning a shoulder against the door frame. She didn't back away. "Because, after last night... well, I haven't seen you, and I don't know, I just wondered-"

"James, look at me," Lily said, interrupting him with a hand to his wrist. He hadn't realized he'd been avoiding making eye contact until he finally looked at her. "I'm fine," she told him, more firmly this time. "Really. I just have a couple more small assignments that I want to get done before we leave for Slughorn's tonight."

Looking down at her, he could see that she was telling the truth. He couldn't make out any traces of anger lingering in her eyes, and it made him wonder if he hadn't simply misinterpreted her reaction the night before.

James almost groaned in frustration. He hated not knowing what Lily was thinking or what she wanted. One moment, it seemed as if she wanted him to do something, and the next it was as if she couldn't care less. The uncertainty was really starting to get to him, and it made him feel weak, almost helpless. He hated it, but he didn't know how to change things.

"Okay," he finally replied. "Well, I'm going to go down to the hospital wing for a bit, if you need me."

"How's he doing?" Lily asked with a look of concern, setting the towel in her hands aside. He couldn't help but smile at the fact that she automatically knew he'd been referring to Remus.

He paused a moment before replying. "He's alright, from what I've heard. Poor guy, gets sick so often he's pretty much used to it by now." Over the years, lying about his friend's condition had become such an automatic thing, he almost believed, himself, that he was just particularly susceptible to colds.

Lily gave a small smile, and for a moment James almost thought she somehow knew he wasn't telling the whole truth. Before he could think too much of it, she said, "Well, tell him that I hope he gets better soon. I actually keep thinking maybe I should go down and see him, but I don't know."

"I'm sure he'd like seeing you," he told her sincerely. She'd always been closer to Remus than she was to any of the rest of them. James had always been just a little bit jealous of his friend for that, though he never let it show and tried not to let it get to him. "Do you want to come with me?"

"Oh," she replied, blushing slightly. "That's fine. I mean, I wouldn't want to interrupt or-"

"Lily," he said firmly, leaning toward her. "Stop saying that. I told you last night, and I'm telling you now- you're not bothering any of us by hanging out; especially not me or Lupin."

Her cheeks turned an even deeper shade of red, and he felt a sudden itch to reach out and touch her. He restrained himself, though, remembering the way her eyes had hardened toward him last night.

"Well... alright," she said. "Just give me a minute, yeah?"

"Okay," he said, and Lily gave him a small smile before closing the door.

* * *

When they got to the hospital wing, Remus was asleep.

"He's been having a rough time," Madame Pomfrey told them, looking back toward his cot. "Perhaps you two should come back another time."

Just as she said the words, however, Lupin stirred under his covers and looked over at the three of them groggily. "Hey," he said, and James felt a strange tug in his chest when he heard the way his voice cracked.

As Madame Pomfrey moved reluctantly aside, James walked forward, Lily following behind. "Hey, Moony," he said, forgetting that he wasn't supposed to use their nicknames- and especially not Lupin's- in front of other people. Lily hadn't seemed to notice, though, thankfully.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, moving to sit beside him on the cot.

"Oh, brilliant," Remus replied, managing half a smile. His face was pale, throwing the few scars there into relief.

"You look horrible, mate," James told him, smirking. Lily threw a glare his way, but he ignored it. She didn't understand that this was just how he and his friends _were_ together.

"No worse than you look on your best day, _mate_," he replied cheekily. James laughed.

"Well, it's nice to see you've acquired a rude sense of humor, at least," Lily scolded, though her mouth twitched slightly, as if to hide a smile.

"I'm sick," Lupin said simply. "I can say what I like."

"It's true," James told her. "You know that every other day, he's practically a saint. But he gets a little feisty every time he comes down ill."

Remus looked at him in weary annoyance. "I resent your use of the term 'feisty' as if I'm just some small, angry kitten."

"Well no, I don't think a kitten really quite fits what you are, does it?" James replied with a wink, unable to help himself.

Remus's eyes widened briefly before he let out a laugh; James joined in.

"You two are mad," Lily said, looking at them askance. But the smile that she'd tried to hide before was beginning to show.

Suddenly, Remus's laugh transformed into a sudden hiss of pain, making him clutch at his side; the smile slipped from James's mouth, and Lily reached her hand out to Lupin, resting it on his forearm. When the fit subsided, he gave them both a weak smile.

"I heard Slughorn's having another party tonight," he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence which had followed his outburst.

Lily scooted closer to him on the cot. If she was trying to hide the worry in her eyes, she was doing a poor job of it, James reflected as she said, "Yeah. I wish you could come with us."

"Why?" he asked wryly. "I don't."

James allowed himself a small smile as he stepped closer to the two of them, though he couldn't totally ignore the sinking weight of concern in his stomach. Even after all these years, all the countless times he'd seen his friend in a similar state, it still didn't sit well with him. "Yeah," he said, reminding himself to keep things light, "I have to admit, I'm almost jealous that you have an excuse not to go."

"'Almost' being the key word, there," Moony replied with a smirk. "Trust me, you don't want what I have."

Not sure what he could say to that without giving anything away, James merely shrugged.

"Wait," Lily said, pointedly turning to face him from where she sat. "Why don't _you_ want to go to the party?"

She sounded put out, and he quickly realized his mistake. Reaching a hand up to nervously muss his hair, he tried to explain: "It's just... I mean, I wouldn't even be invited to those parties in the first place if it weren't for you. And Slughorn- well, it's all just a bit pretentious, isn't it?"

"Maybe," she conceded, after a moment. "I'll admit that it bothers me some, too. But even so," she added, looking at him with more meaning, "I've always managed to enjoy myself."

His mind instantly went to the night of the Halloween party and everything that had happened between them. As he looked at her, he wondered if she were somehow thinking the same thing, for a slight blush had crept up her chest and into her cheeks. The thought that she might be remembering their kiss just as he was made him breathe a little quicker.

"Erm..."

James quickly snapped back to the present situation, and saw that Remus was watching them curiously. Things suddenly became awkward between the three of them and, clearly unsure what to say, Remus offered to Lily, "Well, that's good, I guess."

"Right," James was quick to agree. "You're right. I'm sure we'll all have a good time."

Lily looked away for a moment, seeming embarrassed. "Right. Well, I guess I'll leave you two. I didn't mean to intrude-"

"Lily," James said quickly, but she interrupted him.

"It's fine," she assured him. "I need to go post some letters, anyway." She stood up and gave him a small smile. "Try and get better soon, okay?" she told Remus. Then, she quickly leaned down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. James knew it was stupid and ridiculous, but he found himself having to tamp down a sudden surge of jealousy as he watched Remus's eyes widen in mild surprise. Then she was gone.

"Well," Remus said with amusement as they watched Lily disappear through the Hospital Wing doors, "maybe she should come visit me here more often."

Remus looked at him with a smug, teasing grin. A moment later, he yelped in pain as James punched him none-too-gently in the shoulder. "Ouch! You're not supposed to hit me; I'm sick!"

"Yeah, but you're still an arse."

* * *

Lily stood in front of the mirror in her room, staring at herself. The dress she wore was simple, unlike the one she'd used for the Halloween party. The deep blue of the fabric somehow made her hair look even more red than usual; she wasn't sure how she felt about that. She stared for a minute longer. She thought she looked different, somehow, not quite like herself- not necessarily in a bad way, but it was strange, all the same. Finally satisfied that there was nothing else she could or would do to improve her appearance, she grabbed the purse where she'd stashed her wand earlier and made her way out of Gryffindor Tower.

The corridor outside was cold and dim, the flaming torches on the walls doing little to alleviate either discomfort. Half an hour before, she'd told James that she'd meet him and the rest of the group down at the party. Regardless of whether or not she now actually enjoyed his company, it was nice to take advantage of McGonagall's slackening of the partner rules over holiday. But as she made the long trek down to the unused classroom where the party was being held, she couldn't help but think perhaps she should have gone with James and the others, after all.

It was some time before Lily finally began to hear the sounds of a record playing and people talking and laughing, the occasional clink of glasses coming together filling the night air. A few students were still milling around outside, and to her distaste, she saw that Mulciber and Avery were two of them. They were the one drawback to Professor Slughorn's generosity, as far as she could tell; if it weren't for his rare, open invitation, the two creeps wouldn't even be here. She really didn't feel like dealing with them, at the moment, but as they were situated right near the door to the party, she saw no way around it. With a sigh, she walked toward them.

"Well, look what we have here," Mulciber leered when he looked up and saw her coming their way. "Ickle Evans has come to join the party."

Avery scowled at her from beside him. "Slughorn must be off his head, letting filth like this in."

Lily clenched her teeth in annoyance. "I completely agree. He has started letting _filth_ into his parties- otherwise you two would be back in your common room."

Avery's eyes hardened into steel, and Mulciber took a step closer to her. Her hand itched for her wand. "Who asked you to speak, mudblood?"

"I wasn't aware I needed permission from peons like you," she spat. Then she reminded them: "You do remember I'm Head Girl, right? Or are your brain cells so few that you've already forgotten?"

She saw Mulciber's fingers curl into fists, and he glowered at her. "No one wants you here."

Lily was seriously beginning to consider reaching for her wand and hexing his bollocks off when a small voice interrupted them. "I-I do."

The three of them looked over to where the voice had come from, only to see Peter standing nearby. He looked to be trembling slightly, and it was clear that he didn't want to get too close. "What?" Mulciber asked, clearly confused by Peter's presence.

"I... I said, _I_ want her here."

"Get lost, rat-face, no one's talking to you."

"Well, I'm t-talking to you," he blurted, looking terrified. Lily stared at him in unveiled shock. She'd never seen him do anything even close to this before.

"_What_ did you say?" Avery asked menacingly.

The young Gryffindor swallowed hard in fear, and Lily tried stepping in. "Peter-"

"You l-leave her alone," he suddenly told them, balling up his fists- though the gesture seemed more anxious than intimidating.

"And if we don't?" Mulciber sneered. "What's your fat arse going to do about it?" Avery laughed cruelly, and she saw Peter's face grow pale.

Regardless, he stood a little taller and said, "You know exactly what I'll do about it."

For some reason, that seemed to bring the two Slytherins up short, and Lily stared at them in confusion. What was Peter talking about? Before she could ask, Mulciber gave her a sickly sweet grin. "See you around, Evans." Then he stepped away from them and began walking away down the corridor. Before following after, Avery took a lock of her hair between his fingers. She slapped his hand away in disgust, but he merely smirked at her. "Have a _swell_ evening," he told her, his voice threatening. And then the two of them rounded a corner and disappeared.

When the adrenaline was finally pumping less insistently through her veins, Lily suddenly remembered everything that had just happened. There was a long moment of astonished silence on her part before she turned back to Peter. "Thanks," she told him quickly, not understanding any part of what had occurred, but impressed all the same.

The color came rushing back to his face all at once, and he said sheepishly, "No problem." Through the door ahead of them waited the party and all its guests, but at the moment she couldn't care less.

"What was all of that?" she asked him. "How'd you get them to just... _leave_ like that?"

Peter flushed an even deeper shade of pink. "Er, well... that wasn't the first time that's happened."

"What do you mean?" she asked, confused.

"Just... well, if I'd tried to threaten those jerks, they would've just laughed in my face. I'm not too great with spells, or anything-" he stared at the ground as he said it- "but James and the other guys are, and Mulciber and Avery know that. And when it comes to you, they..."

"They what?" Lily pressed when he didn't continue.

"They know not to mess with you."

She frowned at that. If one of them had threatened the Slytherins to keep them away from her, they could get into a decent amount of trouble. Not to mention the fact that it was completely unnecessary; she could take care of herself.

Looking over at Peter, though, Lily didn't let herself say any of that. For now, she chose to simply be grateful. The less she had to deal with the likes of Mulciber and Avery, the happier she'd be. So, instead of scolding him, or defending her own abilities, she took a step closer and repeated: "Well, thanks all the same. That was really brave and sweet of you." She smiled at the look of embarrassment on his features and leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. She'd never seen his face turn so red.

"Oh, er... y-yeah, okay," he stammered clumsily, with a nervous laugh. He rubbed at his cheek uncertainly.

Turning her gaze to the doorway in front of them and the party waiting within, Lily finally felt her nerves calm for what seemed the first time that night. "Should we go in?" she asked, turning to smile over at Peter. He was staring down at the stone floor as if waiting for- and perhaps even _wanting_- it to swallow him whole.

"Yeah, alright," he said, not meeting her gaze. She wondered how long it'd take him to finally look at her again- she could feel herself about to laugh at the prospect but quickly quelled the urge, for his sake.

She had barely taken two steps into the room when she felt someone grab her from behind and twirl her around. "Wha-?" she began, as her hair whipped rather ungracefully into her face.

"Blimey, Evans, what took you so long? I've been saving you a dance this whole time- which, I might add, seems to have deeply upset some of the other girls." She barely had time to get a word in edgewise before Sirius dramatically whirled her to the dance floor.

"Sirius, what are you talking about?" She looked around quickly and flushed in embarrassment. "There's only one other couple dancing, you prat. And I'm sure all the other girls will manage just fine without you." Though, to be truthful, she wasn't entirely sure of that last statement. She couldn't say for sure- the way Sirius was dancing with her turned everyone's face into somewhat of a blur- but quite a few of the girls in question did seem to be put out that she was dancing with him.

"Don't act like you're not impressed," he told her, twirling her away from him in a manner she could only describe as violent.

"Ouch!" she exclaimed when he brought her crashing back to him, their foreheads almost smacking together. "Trust me," she assured him, "acting unimpressed isn't much of a stretch." He might've been a good enough dancer, if only he weren't so bloody... _enthusiastic_ all the time. "Just... calm down." She knew that Sirius's liveliness was one of the main things that drew girls to him. If he were dancing with any of them right now, she had no doubt the girl would be giggling and batting her eyelashes at the handsome Gryffindor. But for Lily, Sirius had always just reminded her of an overeager puppy- cute enough, but better when taken in small doses.

"Alright, alright," he conceded, slowing down a bit. "You don't need to remind me, though. Being around you too long has a sluggish effect on me anyw- Ow!" Lily grinned, having given him a satisfying pinch to the arm. "So, this is the thanks I get for saving you a dance!"

"Like it's some great favor," she cheeked in reply, making a rather unladylike face at him.

"You know what?" Sirius said, abruptly halting in the middle of a dance step. She suddenly felt a little dizzy, and quickly realized that he'd basically just been spinning them around in circles. "I don't even know why I'm still dancing with you."

"Oh, come on," she said, reaching out to him with a laugh as he began to back away.

"No, no. I need to go find some ice for my wounds."

She rolled her eyes. "What do you mean, 'wounds'? Sirius, I only _pinched_ you. And just the one time."

"You don't know pain, Evans," he told her simply, before looking off to the side nearby. "She's all yours," he said irritably to someone before disappearing somewhere into the crowd with a comical scowl on his face.

"Don't mind him," she heard someone say from beside her. Turning toward the voice, she saw that her suspicions were confirmed. Her entire body seemed to warm over at the sight of him, as it always did now. James looked off toward his friend in amusement. "I think the sparkling cider affects him more than he'd like to admit." When he finally looked down at her, Lily saw that his eyes were filled with unvoiced laughter.

She had to take a quick moment to try and adjust to the transition from Sirius to James. While the former was something close to what she imagined a brother would feel like, James himself was something else entirely.

"No problem," she replied, with a smile. "I never take anything he says or does seriously."

He laughed at that. "Good."

The two of them stood together in a somewhat awkward silence for a few moments, watching as more and more couples around them made their way to the dance floor as the music took a slow turn. She was trying to work up the courage to take his hand and lead him onto the floor when he beat her to it.

"You wouldn't want to dance, would you?" he asked, looking at her a little uncertainly.

It suddenly struck her that, up until this year, she would never have thought to see that look on James Potter's face. Ever since she'd first met him, he had been all about displays of skill and overbearing self-assurance. But over the past months, it was obvious that something had changed. Not that he wasn't prone to his old arrogance every now and then, but the added moments of unexpected vulnerability were what drew her in the most.

"I'd love to," she told him sincerely, hoping her expression didn't give away the fact that her stomach had begun to feel nervous and fluttery.

Smiling and taking her waist in his hands, James drew her body close to his and began to lead her in a soft, swaying dance. She tried to resist the urge to bury her face in his chest and forget about all the people surrounding them. She just felt so safe in his arms; it made it hard for her to remember how she'd ever felt comfortable without him near.

"I haven't gotten a chance to tell you," he said, leaning a little closer so as to be heard, "but you really look very beautiful."

Lily heard her own breathing hitch and felt her entire body burn at his softly spoken words; he was so _close_. Turning her eyes up to his, she felt a heavy wave of yearning break over her. "Thanks," she breathed, unable to take her eyes from his. "So do you."

He gave her a quick look of surprise before laughing in embarrassment, momentarily breaking her out of whatever spell she was currently under. "Well, I don't know about 'beautiful,' exactly."

She laughed, feeling herself relax a bit. "There's nothing wrong with being beautiful, James," she teased. "But if you'd prefer, I can call you 'handsome,' instead."

"That'll do nicely," he replied with a smirk. "Honestly, though, getting a compliment of any kind from you is hard enough, so I'll take what I can get."

"Oh, come on," she retorted with a swat to his arm. "I'm not that bad." He gave a dubious look before she finally cracked a small smile. "Well, alright, maybe I am. I'm working on it."

James laughed and pulled her closer. "Don't worry, I don't mind. It gives me something to work for."

For whatever reason, his words suddenly made Lily aware of just how close they were. Their bodies were practically flush against one another, and at some point during their dance, his hands had moved from her waist down to her hips, fingers unconsciously tightening every now and then to squeeze at them. The realization made her feel a little lightheaded, and she sagged slightly into his arms.

"Are you alright?" he asked in concern, completely unaware of the effect he was having on her. She didn't know why it was suddenly so strong, why she was reacting this way. Things had been building between them for so long now that she guessed her defenses were simply weakening.

"Yes," she told him, forcing herself to stand up straight and get a hold of herself. But it was pointless. Their faces were only inches away and her hands were on his shoulders and his hands were gripping her hips so deliciously. Despite her better judgment, her eyes began to drift shut and she leaned forward.

And just as he'd done the night before, James pulled away at the last moment.

Her eyes shot open as he cleared his throat. "The, er, song's about done," he told her, letting go of her and shoving his hands into his pockets.

"What?" Lily asked, feeling that unique yet familiar feeling beginning to rise up inside of her- that unpleasant mixture of embarrassment, anger, and worst of all, rejection.

"The song," he repeated, not looking at her. "It's over."

For what felt like the longest time, she could do nothing but stare at him. She didn't understand what he was doing; why he had to be like this. She knew she hadn't imagined the way he'd been smiling and flirting with her ever since he and Amy had broken up. For Merlin's sake, they'd almost had a full-on snog session out by the lake not even a week before. And yet he kept pushing her away. She had no idea what he was trying to do, but it was starting to feel a lot like he was just toying with her. The thought made her so angry that she couldn't speak. Finally, she turned away from him and, before he could even try to stop her, she made her way out of the room, intent on getting as far away from the party as she possibly could.

* * *

_Oh, buggering hell._

James stood frozen for a moment as he watched Lily practically run from the room, wrestling with whether he should follow after her or not. It only took a moment. He couldn't let the night end like this, before it had even begun. She couldn't just leave every time he upset her in some way, and he couldn't go on pretending that he was fine with everything the way it was. Something had to change.

"Lily!" he called when he finally caught up to her two floors above where the party was still taking place. She didn't stop when she heard him- if anything, her pace quickened. It wasn't until he caught her wrist in his fingers that she finally turned to face him. He felt as if he'd taken a blow straight to the chest when he saw that there were tears in her eyes.

"Let go of me," she told him angrily, yanking her arm free.

"Lily," he said, thrown off by the sight of her unshed tears and feeling like a complete arse. "What's going on? What'd I do?" He genuinely wanted to know; he never wanted to be the one responsible for her tears again.

"Oh, don't give me that rubbish," she spat, hastily wiping away a stray tear from her cheek.

"What rubbish?" he insisted, taking a step closer. "What are you talking about?"

Lily simply stared at him for a long moment, looking even more hurt and angry than before. "Just leave me alone, James," she told him before turning to leave again.

But before she could take two steps, he cut in front of her. "No," he said, feeling his own anger begin to rise in his chest. "Stop that. You don't get to just walk away this time."

"James-"

"No," he repeated more forcefully, speaking over her. "Obviously, you have a problem with me, so why don't you do the decent thing and just **tell** me for once."

"'The decent thing'?" she scoffed, in apparent disbelief. "_You're_ going to lecture _me_ about the 'decent' thing to do?"

James was surprised at how much the comment stung. "As if you're some saint." She looked like she was about to retort, but he quickly cut her off. "And yes, I'm going to lecture you about the decent thing to do until you damn well **do** it."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him before running an agitated hand through her hair. "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, now you don't know," he said sarcastically, his anger at its peak. "How bloody _convenient_. Well, since I'm apparently the only one who can be straight-forward, I'll tell you." He quickly looked around the corridor to find that they were still alone before he continued: "I'm talking about the fact that you don't know what you want."

Her eyes flashed. "Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like," he snapped, pulling at his hair in frustration. He steeled himself for what he was going to say next: "It's all good fun for us to try and get closer, but when it actually starts to happen, you go barmy and storm off."

Lily's eyes widened and her face flushed a deep red. But when she spoke, she was even angrier than before. "What?! _I'm_ the one who turns barmy?"

"Yes!" he replied, not sure he could believe that they were actually talking about this. "Whenever we get close to something more than just friendship, you get angry or upset and just leave me there wondering what the fuck just happened."

She gave a sharp laugh of disbelief. "You can't be serious! _You're_ the one who stops right in the middle of whatever's going on and says stuff like 'We're gonna be late for dinner,' or 'The song is over.' So, don't even try to put that on me, James, because **you're **the one who doesn't want to get close."

"Because I don't know what you want!" he exclaimed, in a mixture of frustration and nervousness. The two of them hadn't actually talked about any of this all year. And now that they were, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. How could they have misunderstood each other so completely? He took another step closer to Lily and lowered his voice. He sounded almost pleading as he said, "We kissed, Lily. We _kissed_ on Halloween, and you would barely speak to me afterward. So, I've tried not to do it again. And you..." He swallowed hard as her eyes began to widen at his words. "You don't know how hard it is for me not to kiss you sometimes. _All_ the time. But then, when I'm trying not to do it- saying we should head to dinner, or whatever else- you get angry anyway."

He looked to find her staring. Her eyes were still wide, but the tears were gone. His heart was pounding in his chest at his confession, and he could see her chest rising and falling rapidly with her shallow breathing. Without thinking, he leaned his forehead against hers and closed his eyes tight, taking in the light, subtle smell of her. He heard her breath hitch in surprise at their sudden proximity, and he was almost shaking with need when he said, "Just... tell me what you want, Lily. I want to give you what you want, but I just don't know. Please, just_ tell me_."

James waited in almost painful apprehension. He'd never felt more vulnerable in his entire life; it terrified him. He closed his eyes tighter, bracing himself for her anger, her mocking, her rejection.

Instead, he heard her say in a small voice: "I want you."

He took in a sharp breath.

He felt as though he'd waited his whole life just to hear those words come out of her mouth. And now that she'd finally said them, he felt frozen. His heart was pumping erratically inside his chest, he could hardly breathe. He was almost afraid to open his eyes just to find that none of this had actually happened, and that he was still lying in his bed dreaming for something _more, more, more._

Then he heard her speak again. "James, please," she breathed, placing her hands on his neck and urging him closer. "I-I want you so much."

And then he lost all control.

With a shuddering breath and a groan, James took her waist roughly in his hands and hauled her body as close to his as he could get it. He licked his lips in hungry anticipation before finally- _finally_- bringing them down over hers.

Lily whimpered, immediately opening her mouth to him, and he eagerly explored her with his tongue. Everything was even better than he remembered. She tasted sweeter, her skin felt softer, warmer, her hair felt silkier.

Their fingers traced each other's faces, as if trying to memorize every line and plane, every perfection and every flaw. James couldn't comprehend how he'd waited this long to kiss her again. He'd often relived the night of their first kiss, and how it had felt to finally have his lips on hers. And as amazing as that had been, he knew that this was so much better. The physical need between them was no less urgent or commanding, but now there was an added element of understanding, patience. There was no rush.

They kissed slowly for what felt like hours. Lily nibbled at his lower lip and began sucking lightly on his tongue, making him groan and kiss her harder as more blood flowed to his groin. She gave a low moan in return, making him wish nothing more than to carry her up to his bed.

She was the first to pull away. "James..." she began, then trailed off, smiling up at him more beautifully than he'd ever seen.

He found himself in a similar state. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but he just couldn't find the words. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how he would do anything for her. He wanted to tell her that she was the most beautiful, kind, irritating... _insufferable_ person he'd ever met, and how he never wanted her to change. But before he could fathom any of his thoughts into actual words and sentences, she spoke.

"So... should we go back to the party?"

He looked at her skeptically. "Do you want to?"

"No," she grinned.

They headed back up to Gryffindor Tower hand-in-hand. Holding Lily's hand like this was a new experience for James, and he was surprised at how much he enjoyed it. However, by the time they made it to their common room, he'd come down from his high enough to realize that there was something he needed to tell her.

"Lily, I-" He stopped, unsure how to put it. "You should know that I wasn't exactly completely honest earlier."

She turned to him, and the smile she'd been wearing since their kiss faded slightly. "What do you mean?"

He took a deep breath and cursed himself. "When I told you before that the reason I pulled away all those times was because I didn't know what you wanted... Well, that wasn't the only reason."

Lily said nothing.

"The other part of it..." He forced himself to say it. "Well, it's Amy."

James saw the flash of anger in her eyes even before she spoke. "_Amy_?"

"It's not what you think!" he rushed to explain, taking her hand in his. "It's just... well, we're still sort of together-"

The color suddenly drained from Lily's face, and she breathed, "What?"

Realizing his stupidity, James swore. "Oh. Fucking hell. Not like that. I just mean we're not officially broken up yet."

"I don't understand," she said, taking her hand away. "You told me she broke up with you."

"Well," he clarified, "she said she thought we should take a break."

She narrowed her eyes at him in confusion. "Is there a difference?"

He paused, not quite expecting that reaction. "I don't know," he told her truthfully. "But I think maybe we should... hold off until I can find out for sure." She sank down onto the couch behind them, and he sat next to her, feeling like he'd well and truly fucked everything up now. "I'm so sorry, Lily. I-I understand if you don't want to... well..." _If you don't want to be with me._ James couldn't bring himself to say it.

They sat quietly together for what felt, to him, like an eternity. He was just about to leave to his room, deciding that she probably didn't want him around, when she finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, James."

He stared at her for a long moment, dumbfounded. "What?"

She finally looked at him. "I'm sorry."

He couldn't see any hint of anger or sarcasm in her expression, but he couldn't imagine why else she'd say such a thing. "You don't have anything to be sorry for," he told her simply.

"No," she insisted. "I think I do. I had no idea you've been dealing with this since the start of holiday. I should've asked how things were between you two after you told me she'd... well, I thought she'd just tried to be nice about it. But I didn't want to make things hard or uncomfortable between us, when it was so nice to finally be getting along." She turned more fully toward him. "James, I never would have gotten angry with you if I'd known... I thought you were toying with me or something because you were bored with Amy gone."

Indignation suddenly sparked within him. "What? You actually thought I would do something like that?"

"I'm sorry, James," she pleaded, placing a hand on his knee. "It was stupid for me to think that, but... I just had no idea what was going on."

His anger faded as quickly as it had come. "Well, that's my own fault," he told her, rubbing roughly at his eyes. "If I'd just been honest from the start, none of this rubbish would have happened in the first place."

Lily gave him a look that he couldn't quite define. "It doesn't matter now," she said firmly. "I... I like you a lot, James. More than makes sense to me." His heart lifted almost immediately at the sincerity in her voice. "You waited for me for seven years. The least I can do is wait a few more days for you."

He couldn't believe how understanding she was being. He couldn't help but grin over at her, feeling his chest ache with the depth of his emotion. "You're amazing, you are."

She smiled back at him and he automatically felt reassured. "I know," she told him simply.

They spent the rest of that night staring at each other, then giggling like little kids when they got caught. They talked about school, home, friends, and what seemed like everything else. James found that he couldn't bring himself to not touch her in some way, so he kept his hand in hers the entire night. When they finally tired themselves out, he walked with Lily to the door of her bedroom, right next to his own. Being able to hold her hand and trace the lines on her palms had been incredible, but he knew that if he didn't get something a bit more substantial to hold him over, he'd implode.

"So, I'm guessing a goodnight kiss is entirely out of the question," he casually teased, leaning in close to her.

"Entirely," she assured him, the corner of her mouth twitching to hold back what he instinctively knew was a smile.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," he said, nodding gravely.

Lily gave him a skeptical look, but when his expression remained serious, she said, "Well... good night." She turned slightly and began to open the door to her room.

The kiss caught her by surprise and only lasted a moment. But it was enough to get his heart pumping faster and make her blush a deep crimson. "James!" she scolded.

"Good night," he told her cheerfully, before heading into his own room.

James lay on his bed unable to sleep and reflected that, for the first time in years, he was happy to wait. He'd wait the rest of his life for Lily Evans if he had to- thankfully, he only had a few more days to go. What was different now was that he'd finally experienced the pay-off first-hand. And he knew without a doubt that, however long, the wait would be worth it.

* * *

**A/N: **chnkjvzhJEHGVUHRBUIFBjkzbhud ht

Okay, so I'm basically going to be totally incomprehensible for this entire A/N because I'm flailing with feelings. FINALLY. I _told_ you it would happen, and now it has, so celebrate! Granted, everything's not completely peachy just yet, but I feel like I definitely went above and beyond on my personal fluff quota for this chapter.

(I'm not even going to mention what tomorrow is in the Jily fandom, but I hope that you all can read this and be happy.)

So, yeah, not really any notes, because of reasons. I must say, I particularly liked the bit between Peter/Mulciber/Avery. I feel like too often, fic writers let their hatred of Adult!Peter cloud their judgement when it comes to writing Teenage!Peter. I include myself in this, but I must say I found it really refreshing to write him in a different light. :)

Also, laughing to myself at the fact that poor Sirius is the only one who didn't get a kiss from lovely Lily in this chapter (or at all... yet).

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Actually, my biggest hope is that ~The Moment~ wasn't a disappointment for anyone- or if it was, that you'll stick with me for what's to come. Because yes, I have a lot of lemony Jily goodies that I've been keeping to myself up till now that I can't wait to share with you guys. ;)

So, keep reading and _**REVIEW**_, and know that every single bit of feedback I get only fuels me to write more. :)

Reviews are Jily love, pure and simple.

**Cheers! :D**


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